My Cubchoo is a pain! He has this disgusting habit of slathering his mucus, gnawing and leaving freezing saliva on things that he likes. Including me for some reason. It is not a pleasant experience, I’ll tell you that. Why is he doing this? There are moments where he taps me with his paw and looks up with this blank, vacant stare before he whacks me on the shin with his hardened snot like a club. And then he runs away. Yet he keeps stalking me too (he caught himself). What is wrong with him?

Nothing, really. A lot of base-level bear pokémon (such as teddiursa, pancham, and—yes—cubchoo) are mischievous in nature and enjoy displaying affection through bizarre acts designed to catch their trainers off-guard. It sounds as if your cubchoo is particularly affectionate towards you, which is a good thing! Cubchoo can be difficult to get close to compared to their ursine cousins.

However, if you’d like for this behavior to stop (especially if it’s physically painful for you), it may be best to train him not to do this. Use positive reinforcement to teach him acceptable ways of showing affection, and avoid responding (even through shock) when he reverts to using this method instead.