Kanto Legendaries, Part II

bills-pokedex:

Mewtwo
The Genetic Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 150
Entry: According to conspiracy theorists, a shady organization attempted to create the ultimate weapon by combining the DNA of Mew with several other pokémon and subjecting the result to torturous training methods. The writer, of course, cannot confirm nor deny that this is true, as technically, he is not supposed to know all of this. The only reason why he does is because he gave a certain amount of bitcoin to certain people who own certain deep web websites for the sake of science, and the only reason why he is publishing all of this is, frankly, because being targeted by shady underground organizations sounds like a far better way to spend a weekend than by going to the Pokémon League’s annual formal gala aboard the S.S. Anne.

Mew
The New Species Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 151
Entry: A godlike feline pokémon said to inhabit the mountains of South America. According to legend, Mew wields incredible powers, including psychokinesis, invisiblity, and the ability to learn hundreds of moves. Scientists, in an attempt to explain the latter, have mapped out Mew’s genetic code based on a sample taken from a fossil, and in doing so, they have found that Mew shares a varying percentage of DNA with every pokémon in existence. This last fact becomes less impressive, however, when one stops to realize first that this in no way explains how Mew can learn hundreds of different moves … and second that humans share 50% of their DNA with nanab berries, so it seems rather moot anyway.

Mega Mewtwo X
The Genetic Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Fighting
Official Registration #: 150+
Entry: The advanced form of mewtwo, via mewtwonite x. Upon mega evolution using the experimental mewtwonite X, this pokémon gains a considerable boost in its physically offensive capabilities, along with an affinity for the fighting type. Because the exact thing a pokémon genetically engineered to be a super soldier needs is the ability to switch from being proficient at distance attacks to being proficient at punching things through walls at a moment’s notice. Not that the author knows anything about this because he certainly didn’t hear about the exploits of the eleven-year-old children who managed to wrestle this pokémon away from a criminal organization or anything.

Mega Mewtwo Y
The Genetic Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Fighting
Official Registration #: 150+
Entry: The advanced form of mewtwo, via mewtwonite Y. Upon mega evolution using the experimental mewtwonite Y, this pokémon gains a considerable boost in its psychic and elemental channeling abilities. The trade-off, of course, is an absolutely ridiculous physiology, including the movement of its tail from its proper place at the base of its spine to the crown of its head. The author certainly does not have any theories as to why this happened, as he’s certainly never been privy to the finer details of this pokémon, nor has he ever sat back with a glass of sparkling leppa juice while listening with utter delight to news reports of the defeat of certain crime lords at the hands of an eleven-year-old armed with this pokémon.