I’ve been doing some intense training out in the mountains for the past few months and I’m trying to re-acclimate to the pop culture I missed while I was gone. What new bands are hot right now?

My good anonymous.

Let me enlighten you.

Not a new band but noteworthy: Everyone is talking about the Slakingz, who are dropping singles from their upcoming album Here and Now, but the only single worth mentioning so far is “Pride,” which is, as they say in Goldenrod, a right banger. Also, as it turns out, their bassist Murphy is in jail for undisclosed reasons (but we all know exactly why he’s there, right?), and the Slakingz have temporarily replaced him with Spade—as in, the guy from Jigglypuff Girls, that children’s television show that came out in the 90s. I would say this is the strangest mash-up of talent that has emerged these past six months, but Miki Mirage just did a collab with the pop princess porygon, Pika Hachune. It’s not half bad, honestly.

Also, with the upcoming Vespiquen/Freddie Mercury biopic, literally everyone is attempting covers of of Vespiquen songs, but in my personal opinion, the only one worth noting is, of all things, Carly Luxray Johnson’s cover of “Kalos Rhapsody.”

In terms of chart-toppers, everyone is still on about Drake Meteor, who if I recall correctly was still at the top of the Castelia Top 100 six months ago, so you may not be missing much in terms of what’s considered the best of the industry. (To be fair, it’s Drake Meteor. Let’s be honest with ourselves.) However, if you’re not much for rap, Florence + The Klingklang is still up there, as are Imagine Dragonite, Cinnabar 5, and for some Ho-oh-burnt reason given popular opinion of her, Taylor Feint. (Speaking off people with odd reputations on the internet somehow still being on the Castelia Top 100, did you know Danielle the Breloom Girl, made infamous for the “battle me outside” meme, is a rapper now? Because she is.)

Uproar! At the Gym has a new album out and a new bassist, but no, sorry, My Chemical Cute Charm is still not back together, despite rumors. (Readers, I’m pretty sure they’re never coming back together. Just let it go.)

As for new hits and artists, people have high hopes for Amy Sharpedo (who sounds very much like Ariana Evergrande, in my opinion—who is, incidentally, also worth a listen if you haven’t yet somehow), Tish Kingler, lovelykisstheband, Moonstone Taxi, and the Aerial Aces (the latter of whom actually has appeared on the Castelia Top 100). This all of course is pop and alternative, with a touch of synth. (Vaporeonwave is finally out, by the way.) If you were looking for something a little heavier (metal, that is), there’s always Gastly or Legend of the Wingullmen, and Paralysis finally came back after a fifteen-year hiatus, strangely enough. On the other hand, Bone Rush is no more, which is a sentence I never thought I would construct. But if it makes anyone feel any better, Judas Sage is evidently still going and just put out a new album, as it will be a sad, bleak day in the depths of Lugia’s domain before Judas Sage disbands.

Also, neither a new hit (technically) nor chart-topping (at the moment), but there’s a new hot meme centered around Luis Phantump’s “Amable.” It’s actually not half bad.