Bill, I’ve been hearing certain rumors from one of my more…. ‘creative’ friends about the Unova government doing something to the Tympole line and similar Pokémon. Do you know anything abiut that?

There are several different conspiracy theories about Unova being completely unable to leave its species of frog-like pokémon alone. Could you be more specific?

(Is it the one about chemical testing affecting tympole sexuality? The one in which Unova is attempting to synthesize hallucinogens from tympole’s poisonous mucus again? Or something else?)

Bill, what exactly is the deal with lop-eared Eevees? In particular, I’ve heard that you shouldn’t evolve them into Vaporeon because the ear structure will cause issues. Is this true?

Actually, no. A lop-ear vaporeon’s ear can still drain just as a normal vaporeon’s ear will.

However, that doesn’t mean that lop-ear in eevee isn’t a cause for concern. While water can drain rather easily from a vaporeon’s ear (Note: It might not for eevee, however, so please be careful about letting your lop-eared eevee swim), bacteria is an entirely different story, and lop-ear is a prime breeding ground for microorganisms due to the fact that the opening is held against the head (thus providing warm, moist shelter). This means that all members of the eevee family except flareon are highly susceptible to ear infections, so eevee with lop-ear must be checked regularly for any issues.

As a note, the reason why flareon is exempt here is because it possesses the capability of raising its body temperature (and withstanding higher temperatures) than is viable for most strains of bacteria that would cause infection in its cousins and preevolution. For this reason, flareon is actually resistant to most ailments, simply by virtue of simulating an intensely high fever for a short period of time.

For all others, especially the fragile leafeon and the normally aquatic vaporeon, it’s important to keep your pokémon’s ears clean, check inside their ears regularly for any signs of dirt or pus, and keep an eye on your eevee or eeveelution for signs of infection (lack of coordination or balance, fever, pain, difficulty hearing, and so forth).

Hi Bill! Is shedding skin painful for Pokémon? My Arbok is usually chill, but lately he seems rather uncomfortable and a bit snappy. I’ve noticed him rubbing his body against anything from my desk, door frames, walls and even trees outside. I’m worried that something might be wrong with him… How can I help?

Not entirely painful, no. It’s simply uncomfortable because the skin beneath is tender, and the displeasure is meant to encourage an arbok to shed. Still, the vulnerability that a pokémon experiences as they shed their skin, as well as the tenderness of their new skin, is very much liable to make them irritable and defensive. However, rest assured this is perfectly natural. All you need to do is keep an eye on your arbok and make sure he’s in a comfortable environment (that is, his normal requirements, plus perhaps a rock or rough surface to rub against). Pay particular attention to how much water he has; it’s vital that an arbok remain hydrated throughout the shedding process.

Also, check in with him regularly to see how his shedding is going. If it seems like he’s struggling to remove some part of his skin, you may help him by gently rubbing that skin towards the tail with a damp paper towel until it falls off. Just be sure that your arbok will allow you to do this first, of course. You may wish to communicate clearly (by telling him) what you intend on doing, just to avoid startling him.

Best of luck!

Ok hear me out… Service Ultra Beasts

These would be a bit difficult to have, considering the fact that Ultra Beasts aren’t supposed to exist in this world to begin with and are often captured to be sent back to their home dimensions to avoid disrupting the balance of our universe and therefore unraveling all existence.

But yes, a service poipole or kartana would be quite cute.

If you had to, or could, rename any Pokémon, what would it/they be?

Either dragalge or dhelmise. The both of them would get far, far simpler names like “inchor” or some sort of ghost and anchor pun for the latter and, I’m not sure, perhaps “algon” or some other portmanteau of “dragon” and “kelp” or “algae” for the former. Regardless, they both have ridiculously difficult names to spell, and I’m not simply saying this because spelling is not my strong suit. I’m saying this especially because spelling is not my strong suit, and thank the gods I have someone who’s willing to read my papers before they’re published, else I wouldn’t have much of a career.

I heard that the Bulbasaur population is bouncing back in Kanto! That’s great! I love the little guys!

It is, in part thanks to more aggressive anti-poaching practices in the region. Remember, everyone: if you must obtain a bulbasaur from a person, be sure to do so only from a certified breeder, shelter, or pokémon professor.

That having been said, I quite agree with you on the subject of bulbasaur, but perhaps I’m a little biased. Other than eevee, I maintain that bulbasaur is the best starter, and anyone who disagrees would be welcome to meet the fully evolved starter with the best disposition I’ve ever met.

Bill, your venusaur is that well-behaved because it’s unconscious for half the day and eating for the other half. —LH

Resting, Lanette. He’s just resting. It’s not easy being a guard pokémon. —Bill

Considering you live in a remote corner of Kanto? I’m sure it isn’t. —LH

Bill, in the course of doing some research, I realized there are naturally occurring populations of the Magnemite line in every known region. To the best of my knowledge, they’re the only species to have this. So I had two questions, a) do you know why this is? And b) why Magnemite of all things? Magnemite’s ecological niche is so narrow, I’m surprised that more adaptive pokemon wouldn’t have spread farther afield.

You’d be surprised. In truth, magnemite breed anywhere there’s human settlement. They feed off of electricity and trash, so anywhere there is urban development—especially abandoned urban development—magnemite and/or its evolutions will be there. A bit like cockroaches, actually, only if cockroaches were larger, made of steel, and liable to electrocute you. They might not seem all that likely to adapt, but then again, they don’t exactly need to. Their specific food sources are plentiful enough that they quite simply don’t have to struggle for survival. All they have to do is breed enough in their chosen environments and perhaps resist most things that try to kill them.

In other words, to answer both of your questions at once, magnemite aren’t entirely numerous or adaptive; they’re more likely to form small communities in urban areas, as they’re attracted to high concentrations of electricity. Of course, it’s impossible to say for certain how every single magnemite population came to be, although the going theory is that they simply come attached to heavy construction equipment or other shipments from foreign areas, then detach, seek out an appropriate nesting area, and begin developing a population.

So … once again, very much like cockroaches, only if cockroaches were larger, made of steel, and liable to electrocute you.

(As for why few other species are quite as successful … that is a bit of a mystery too, admittedly, although it may have something to do with how excellent magnemite are at stowing away and allowing humans to carry them, even inadvertently, from one habitat to another.