Lanette! I was wondering, what’s your favorite contest category?

It’s a tie between tough and cute, actually! I’ve always loved watching cute contests, even now, as an adult. Who can say no to a parade of adorable pokémon, right? Every single cute contest is just a whole hoard of cute pokémon like skitty or clefairy doing their absolute best to show off through tricks and a lot of pink, and who can say no to any of that? Imagine a solid afternoon of nothing but cat videos, and you’ll have a cute contest.

As for tough contests, that comes more from my background as a coordinator. I have a lot of fond memories preparing for those because they’re not just a bunch of musclebound pokémon flexing for the judges, contrary to popular belief. No, there’s a certain level of creativity and skill to it: you need to know how to use the stage, your pokémon’s strength, and your entire arsenal of moves in the perfect combination to show off your pokémon’s physical abilities. What that means varies from pokémon to pokémon too. While some may excel in showing off fighting techniques and breaking entire slabs of concrete with precision strikes, others may be better suited to lifting boulders and tossing them across the stage with ease. You needed to incorporate everything into your contest strategy, and once you get on stage and face opponents who also have come armed with brilliant contest strategies … let’s just say it’s like being in a well-choreographed kung-fu movie. (Of course, kung-fu movies aren’t really my favorites, and I can’t say I enjoy watching a tough contest as much as I enjoy participating in one, but at least being in them was a lot of fun.)

In case anyone’s wondering, I can also answer what my least favorite contest is: smart. You may think that’s odd, given that I’m, well, of a certain subculture that enjoys things generally associated with intellectuals, but really, proving that your pokémon is smart is neither fun to do nor exciting to watch. What’s more, the participants in such contests can be … more than a little obnoxious, especially the male coordinators towards female competitors. I’m sorry, gentlemen, but I know what I’m talking about when it comes to pokémon. And anyway, I only have enough room in my life for one passionate and intelligent gentleman who won’t shut up if you paid him once you got him started, and I make an exception with him because he also respects me, treats me like an equal, and hits my soft spot for cute things by having the innocence and enthusiasm of an overexcited eevee.

Well, I hope to meet this gentleman someday. —Bill

I live in a pretty isolated area and we don’t often see Pokemon, much less crossbreeds, around but I recently came across Watt’s handbook on crossbreeds and the pictures are beautiful! Are hybrids more common as products of human intervention, or do they appear often in the wild as well? All the people living in my city have purebred (wild-caught or not) Pokemon; I’ve really only seen pictures of crossbreeds!

I’m afraid that the crossbreeds you’re referring to are purely hypothetical, anonymous. The truth of the matter is that all pokémon end up as one species or the other when two pokémon of different species mate. Additionally, traits of the species that isn’t presented are usually too subtle to be noticeable and typically don’t affect the pokémon in question. For example, if you have a pikachu mother and a clefairy father, the hatchling would be undeniably a pikachu—one that would look nearly indistinguishable from any other pikachu. If any of its clefairy heritage presented, it might do so in the form of slightly paler fur, pinker cheeks, or fur that tended to curl if allowed to grow out. It wouldn’t present itself as something as drastic as star-shaped cheeks or a clefairy body type.

Still, this isn’t to say the concept of hybrid pokémon isn’t fascinating. The idea of merging two pokémon together to get something new and different, with the abilities of both (or more) sources has captured the imaginations of human beings ever since we first encountered pokémon. And now with social media, it’s possible to share those ideas and what-ifs with a wider audience, which means the concept has, in my opinion at least, gotten far more creative than it has ever been.

Also, I quite agree that the art is quite lovely.

I’ve heard of books being written by pokemon. I know most of these are really written by humans but are any really written by pokemon?

Although there are rumors concerning a Common-speaking meowth writing his memoirs, the truth of the matter is that no book we know of was written by pokémon, I’m afraid, and it’s unlikely that there will ever be such a book. For one thing, pokémon communicate in an entirely different language to our own, one that has yet to be translated by humans, and we as a species aren’t yet at the point where we can coax pokémon that can communicate across that barrier (either by speaking Common or by using telepathy) to work on a long-term basis as translators.

Yes. Yes, that’s why there are no books written by pokémon. Not the fact that it’s physically difficult for pokémon to write long-form in the first place. —LH

You think I’m joking, but I’m really not this time. —Bill

I was tending to my garden recently and found out that my patch of radishes had been replaced by a patch of Oddishes, right under my nose! It seems a pair of wild Bellossum found my soil right for nurturing their young. Should I just let them be, try to catch them and assist in raising them, or should I call my local Pokemon Breeder for assistance?

Unless they’re posing a danger to you, your pokémon, or your crops (as they might do, given that young oddish sometimes use Absorb on anything they can touch as a means of exploring), it would actually be best to leave them alone. Oddish parents know what’s best when it comes to raising their hatchlings, and attempting to interfere with wild pokémon parents could place yourself at risk.

Still, I must congratulate you: the oddish family normally makes their beds in secluded parts of the forest where they’re less likely to be picked off by predators. If they’re making a bed in a garden very close to a human, that must mean they feel safe in your presence. Excellent work at keeping a pokémon-friendly yard!

{Heads up, but mun is currently on break and posting during some spare downtime. However, the queue’s stocked, and this will likely be the last live post in a while. Sorry, folks! Taking care of some personal business.

But in the meantime, to Diabetic Gardevoir anon, sorry, but to clarify, the most Bill can cover in a single post if you’re looking for as much detail as the Goldenrod entry is just one town or city. x_x That’s what he means by “tall order.” Anything more than that would likely make for an ungodly long post, and it would take some time either way because a lot of research into the actual places these cities are based on go into those posts—or at least a lot did for Goldenrod. If you could narrow it down to one at a time, that’d be cool. Thanks!

On that note, though, if folks want Bill/the other storage system admins to tackle guides to different cities, that could be a thing the blog could do as we wait for the next regional dex to be introduced. Something like that would start next year and happen at a rate of one town/city every few days (with asks filling in the gaps). If this sounds interesting, send an ask to suggest a place. 😉 Don’t flood the inbox of course, as this is actually more to gauge interest.

Also, pretty much everywhere is fair game, with the following notes/restrictions in place:

* Bill has been to every canon region except Orre and Alola, but he will most likely cover Kanto, Johto, Sinnoh, and Kalos, as well as the Sevii and Orange Islands. He can cover Unova as well, but given his opinion of Unova (read: he’s like those non-Americans on Tumblr who adore making fun of Americans on posts about American patrotism), it’s probably not a good idea to ask him unless you want a fantastically sarcastic tourism guide.

* Lanette will cover Hoenn because Bill will simply defer to her for all matters concerning her native region. She can also be asked to cover Unova if you don’t want a guide that includes the Castelia sewers as Castelia City’s only noteworthy attraction.

* She cannot, however, cover anything with Mirage in the name (Kingdom, Island, etc.) for obvious reasons.

* Molayne may be asked to cover Alola, but probably he’d pass the job off to someone more willing to write guides. Like a trial captain. Or Hau. Actually probably Hau.

* Everyone agrees that Orre is a terrible place to visit and will likely refuse to answer questions about it.

* The Ranger regions are not thought to be tourist destinations, but Bill may cover those if folks really want him to.

* Ransei, as noted in previous posts, is just Japan (the first four main game regions, plus a few fan ones). Mun ignores the fact that it’s shaped like Arceus because she can.

* Landmarks between cities will often be addressed in posts about the closest city to them. For example, Mt. Moon would be covered in a post about Pewter City.

* Remember: One city/town per ask, please! Thank you!

That said, see you soon, everyone!}

Hey Bill and Lanette, Diabteic Gardevoir Anon here again. She and I LOVE Goldenrod City! We’re thinking of taking a proper Vacation next, in Hoenn! I was Wondering if i could get a few Recommendations on where to stay and what to see over a 1 week period? and Could someone put me in contact with Bebe for Sinnoh Recommendations, or Cassius in Kalos, Amanita in Unova or Molayne in Alola? I’m so excited to go globtrotting further than Johto! We started a Change Jug to help with some of th expenses!

Excellent to hear from you again, anonymous! I’m afraid that’s quite a tall order for one post, though, especially given the fact that each region is a large place with many cities and landmarks to visit. My advice would be to do some cursory research into each city and pick out which ones would interest you the most based on your preferences. Each city and town has its own atmosphere, after all, with places like Lilycove City appealing to entirely different people than Fortree or Mauville. If we knew more about you, we may be able to narrow down the list and talk about one city at a time, as I had with Goldenrod.

Also, I must admit certain developers might perhaps not be the best people to ask. Cassius, for example, is a wonderful person, but the places he typically frequents are a bit more … intense and underground than most people would enjoy. Amanita, meanwhile, is a bit too young to have a diverse set of experiences with her home region (and she hasn’t lived in Castelia for that long). Finally, Bebe … well. She’s enthusiastic, but there are times when she, too, comes up with suggestions that … perhaps should not be followed. Molayne is quite possibly the only one I can imagine would give sound advice on the matter (aside from Lanette, of course); I would have to see if he’s willing, should you be interested in any of the Alolan islands in particular.

Re: anon who is concerned about their local guardian: for legendary pokémon, the grieving process can last considerably longer than what seems healthy to us. keep in mind that they often live for hundreds (or thousands!) of years, so their perception of time is different from ours. That said, it probably wouldn’t hurt to remind her that the people of her city are happy to lend their support should she want it! Do be very careful to follow the traditional customs if you plan to contact her though

Excellent suggestion as well—thank you, anonymous!

Dear LH, Are there any Certified Pokemon Psychiatrists? I live in the town of Alto Mare. I’m sure you’ve heard of the disaster brought upon us by Team Rocket? Can you recommend anyone or give advice for consoling a Grieving Pokemon? I and the rest of the town Worry for our Guardian.

LH: I’m sorry, anonymous, but the truth is … trainers are therapists for most pokémon. We’re supposed to be the ones to help pokémon heal from their past traumas through a combination of emotional support and raw love and patience. When it happens to a wild pokémon, there isn’t much help. This all is because although pokémon are largely sentient, they’re still in many ways animals, so the resources available to take care of them are very similar if not the same as the resources available to take care of our animal pets.

There is one option you might try, though: Nurse Joy. Unlike a vet for animals, Nurse Joys receive training in a pretty wide variety of fields, including some emotional therapy, and they’re open to making house visits to wild pokémon too. If someone hasn’t already, maybe ask your local Nurse Joy to go out to your guardian and give them a check-up and maybe a consultation.

Hoping the best for your guardian!

Wait, what’s with Ho-oh’s wings?

Excellent question. It’s an oath, anonymous. Those who identify as Johtonian (that is, a member of the religion, not simply someone from Johto) consider oaths such as swearing on Ho-oh or Lugia’s wings—whichever of the two you place at the center of your beliefs—to be equivalent to, say, “as God as my witness” or similar statements the more human-centric followings would make. In other words, it’s perhaps the most serious oath one could make, reserved for promises a person intends on keeping or die trying. Personally, while I do believe that Ho-oh exists, that the story of the Tower is true, that one day, Ho-oh will return to Johto, and that after we die, our souls may be reincarnated, I don’t consider myself a religious fanatic but rather an agnostic open to all possibilities. Still, as much as I don’t believe swearing on Ho-oh’s wings would actually result in my burning should I fail to fulfill my promise (as the story goes), I do like how it adds a certain dramatic flair to vows I actually do intend on at least trying my hardest to keep.

Incidentally, for those who might have wondered about the other Johtonian phrase I’m rather fond of, “blazes” is similar. It’s short for “oh Ho-oh’s blazes” or simply “Ho-oh’s blazes,” which is either an expression of shock or exasperation, depending on context. That one, I admit, is more of a force of habit—not only for myself but many Johtonians as well. The phrase originally began as a sort of prayer, invocation of Ho-oh’s protection (by asking for its sacred flames, rather than Ho-oh itself), plea for purification (by asking Ho-oh and its sacred flames to show you mercy for your sins), or some combination of all three, and it disseminated into our regional vernacular over time, to the point where even the nonreligious say it. There is even a popular rumor that says you can tell whether or not someone was from certain parts of Johto if you surprise them, and they say this. (The truth: No.)

There is also “Ho-oh burn you” or “Lugia take you,” which are both expressions of anger that you say to sworn enemies, but I avoid using either. For one thing, I find such intense negativity towards another living being rather counterproductive, not to mention counter to my own personal beliefs. For another, it’s a bit of a taboo to ask either legendary to do anything serious on your behalf, even if it is simply an expression.

In case you’re wondering, there are no expressions for the legendary beasts, as they’re often seen as messengers of Ho-oh and thus don’t offer blessings or curses themselves. Celebi, on the other hand, gets “Celebi’s blessings,” which is said on holidays as a greeting … or after one sneezes. The latter has to do with the highly outdated belief that your soul escapes when you sneeze, so asking for Celebi’s blessings is meant to stop time and allow you to catch your soul so you don’t die.