Tag: about the author

Wait… If you never gave clearance on the creation of this book, and you’ve never heard of it’s existence before Lillie showed it to you, then how does it have so much information on your life? Did you see the author’s name on the title? If not, well, you should probably figure that out. For all you know, you could have an evil stalker that sneaks into your house at night, uses your toothbrush, steals your research notes, and takes photos of you while you sleep! Or whatever stalkers do, IDK.

Fortunately, my fans understand that my work is highly sensitive, and I encrypt practically everything anyway. Unfortunately, however, enthusiastic fans are nothing new, and the reason why they respect the secrecy of my work is because they’re often more interested in the intimate and personal details of my life. For example, there was a gentleman—Brent, I believe his name was—who often lurked about my home until he went off to Johto. I only know that he left because a good friend of mine informed me that he would often call her to share random but highly mundane information about my personal life and family. I don’t entirely know how he found out that my younger sister can’t wink, but apparently, half of Johto knows that now. (She doesn’t seem to mind. If anything, my little sister is pleased one of my fans paid attention to her.) Also luckily, the rest of my family consists of extremely talented trainers, so I’m not particularly worried about whether or not they can look after themselves.

As for the book, I do indeed know who wrote it, and he, as I’ve recently found out, is the president of my fan club. He’s also the one in charge of the Sevii Islands system, which is why I’m quite torn between being flustered over the fact that the Clefairy Incident is apparently not a secret and saying this is absolutely not a problem, no.

…especially considering the fact that I gave him permission to write and publish the book without actually reading what he was putting into it.

And congratulations on losing your privilege to complain about it. —LH

I’m not complaining! I just find it baffling that people know about that! —Bill

You wrote a paper on it. Also, you tried and failed to bribe one of the champions of Kanto into secrecy with a ticket to the SS Anne. —LH

How was I supposed to know “selectively mute” means “will tell Professor Oak’s highly talkative grandson literally everything”? —Bill

Follow up question about the sexy custom since I feel like some rewording is needed now. Have you ever brought a sexy pokemon custom on purpose? Or has anyone that you know bought one for you? And if so what custom was it? #AMA

No, of course not.

Edit: My editor has reminded me that for this month, I’m obligated to answer these sorts of questions honestly, so for that reason, allow me to give you the full answer:

It was a “sexy magikarp” costume. I was young, stupid, and under the impression that it would be the best way to get Bebe to stop inviting me to her Halloween parties.

It didn’t work.

Hey, Bill. A bit of an odd question but its something I was wondering about. You know how every Halloween there are those weird why is there a sexy custom of this? I was wondering if you ever accidentally bought one when trying to dress up as a Pokemon to get into their head and didn’t realize until it was too late? #AMA

Goodness no! All of my costumes for research are handmade. Accuracy is essential to my methods. Even the texture of simulated chitin needs to be exact, as otherwise, it wouldn’t be very effective.

Besides, the fishnet stockings for many of those costumes are ill-fitting and ride up in a most uncomfortable fashion.

And you would know this because…? —LH

…science? —Bill

#AMA Bill, has a girl named Lillie come to visit you regarding a person who was once fused with a pokemon? I heard she was on her way to see you and I am curious to whether she arrived safely yet.

She has indeed, anonymous, and thank you for your concern for her!

I must say, it’s always quite refreshing to come across such an eager student, and I certainly can’t turn down a request for someone in genuine need for help. It may be some time before I find a solution to her predicament—less because it’s a difficult one (it isn’t at all) and more because the solution would require essentially rebuilding and calibrating a teleporter system in a completely different region. On the other hand, I know of quite a few mechanical engineers who owe me a favor or few, so I doubt the parts will be all that difficult to procure.

What bothers me more, though, is the book that brought Lillie to me. As I’ve said, I’m delighted to be in the company of both an intelligent and polite student—particularly one with as much passion as she does for as just a cause as hers. Likewise, I have no qualms about the existence of an “authorized biography” of my life (although it’s rather embarrassing to see).

My question about this biography, though, is why is there an entire chapter dedicated to the Clefairy Incident? That was quite literally only a week! Once! And out of all the things said in it, why would you leave out the part that it was an accident?!

I don’t know, Bill. Why would you write an entire paper on it? —LH

It was scientifically curious! It’s different when it’s for science! —Bill

And therein lies your motto. —LH

how do i become a pokemon researcher like you or oak or any of the other professors?

Well, regarding the specific details of it, generally speaking, becoming a researcher requires years of academic work, sometimes in conjunction with an internship or an abundance of lab work under a professor. From there, it really depends on the specific type of pokémon researcher you wish to be. For example, Professor Oak is strictly an academic researcher, meaning he’s associated with Celadon University and thus the world of academia, not with the industry. By contrast, my partner and the editor of this blog, Lanette Hamilton, works strictly as an industry researcher, meaning she’s employed by commercial laboratories (the Pokémon Cutting-Edge Technology Research Center and Devon Co., specifically) to come up with new ideas that can be marketed and sold to trainers. I work as a bit of both: my behavior research is done in a more academic realm (through Celadon University, specifically), but my technological research is supported through the PCETRC. (No, there is not an easier acronym … much to our dismay.)

And as one can expect, each of these paths were vastly different, as the specific way academic research works is different compared to working in the industry. Think of it as the difference between becoming a novelist and a journalist. Both are essentially jobs that require many of the same skills and the same academic foundations, but where those paths end are entirely different. As such, whereas journalists tend to have steady work and structure to their daily lives (and thus security to pursue their work), novelists may have the freedom to write what they want, when they wish to write it. In a similar fashion, being an industry researcher means you’re employed by a lab, and thus, you may use your skills on very specific projects. On the other hand, you also get all the funding and equipment you need (generally speaking) to pursue that work. By contrast, academic pokémon researchers have their own personal labs where they may carry out whatever research they wish when they wish to do so; they simply need to report to the university every so often (or, well, teach) in order to maintain their sources of funding.

Then, of course, it depends on the specific field you wish to research. Pokémon researchers who focus on pokémon medicine may find themselves doing quite a bit of lab work. Those who focus on paleontology or ethology, meanwhile, may find themselves doing quite a bit of supervised fieldwork.

At its root, though, the path to becoming a pokémon researcher starts with self-reflection and finding the right mentor. Once you’ve decided that you wish to become a researcher, pay attention to what about pokémon catches your interest the most. Follow your heart, not your skills. I know that seems a bit unusual considering the fact that pokémon research requires more intellect than any other pokémon-centered field, but a good researcher is nothing without passion.

Also, forge a relationship with your professors, especially those who specialize in the fields you wish to pursue. Find a mentor and let them help you decide what path to take. (Never be afraid to ask for guidance! A good mentor will be eager to help you on your path.)

Most importantly, be prepared to work hard. Every step of the way, especially if you work in academia, you will always be asked to show your work, as it were. In the world of academia, if you don’t have tenure (as Professor Oak has with Celadon University), it may be tricky to secure funding and equipment for your work. Industry researchers, meanwhile, are required to provide results according to a schedule. Either way, it’s not easy to be a researcher, but of course, if it was easy, it wouldn’t nearly be fun, would it?

Hey Lanette, let’s have the most embarrassing story you’ve got about Bill. Whatever it is, I’m sure it deserves to be immortalized on the Internet.

I’m afraid I value my friendship with my partner too much to tell you his actual most embarrassing story, anonymous. Instead, you’ll have to be content with his second most embarrassing story.

Or at least the vague details about it, anyway.

Namely that he’s tried and failed to seduce the girl in the Goldenrod Flower Shop a grand total of thirty-nine times.

All thirty-nine of those attempts are individual embarrassing stories, so I can’t possibly choose just one.

For the record, I was not trying to seduce her. —Bill

Well, you weren’t actually seducing her, either. —LH

Would you ever be interested in taking on an apprentice? After all, new pokemon are being discovered all the time, and it couldn’t hurt to know your work will continue! (I’m not calling you old, please don’t be mad.)

Absolutely, anonymous! I’m quite fond of taking on new students. Many of the other storage system administrators, in fact, were former students of mine—namely Cassius of Kalos, Bebe of Sinnoh, and Celio of the Sevii Islands. Of course, all of these cases were specifically for training related to the box system, but I would be more than happy to take anyone under my wing and train them in any of the fields I specialize in.

He’s … incredibly eager about taking on new students, anonymous. Notoriously so, even. There’s a reason why Bebe and Cassius jokingly call the storage system “St. William’s Home for Wayward Orphans.” —LH