Tag: about the author

bill, is there a fandom schism between pokemon furries and animal furries or do they somehow get along

Well, I heard from a friend that for the most part, they get along just fine, but there are very small circles of both sides that consider their style of “furry” to be “authentic furry.” Which my friend thinks is rather silly because ultimately, furries are already judged so harshly by the rest of the internet that it just doesn’t make sense to judge each other more, and in any case, if one is having fun and not harming anyone (actively or passively), then what does it matter if one identifies as a dragonite while the other identifies as a house cat?

Bill … would this friend of yours be H.N. Eon, the dragonite? —LH

No. —Bill

And is that last part referring to anon hate H.N. Eon got on his secret furry sideblog? —LH

No. —Bill

Bill. Buddy. Isn’t the moonblast thing is illegal?

Technically, yes. Also technically, so is what the suitor in question tried to do.

image

That was pretty much the entire story. He was a terrible human being; I used Moonblast to politely ask him to keep his hands to himself, get off my property, and honor Misty’s wish to not be contacted again unless he would like me to track him down and throw him into the sea.

Fun fact: “Throw one into the sea” is Goldenrod slang for ruining a person’s future prospects.

And also literally throwing a person into the sea.

I meant both.

Hey bill, there’s rumors that your front yard is a famous date spot for local teens from cerulean city, some even say that gym leader misty was seen there with someone, have you noticed this or has it caused any problems for you?

I’ve noticed.

Much of the time, I really try to ignore the happy couples. Luckily, they tend to stay away from my home and garden, likely to avoid being watched, and those ones often quickly realize that the beach is full of krabby that are rather intolerant to any human who isn’t me. However, yes, there are a few instances now and then of bolder teens who seem to think I care about their exploits, and only then is it really a bother. (I’ve had to put a fence around said garden to safeguard my, er, collection of herbs. It and my venusaur have been highly effective of keeping trespassers off my property for the most part.)

Just about the only case I actually do look out for is Misty herself, partly to discourage her from advertising my front yard as a romantic getaway and partly because she has the absolute worst taste in men, and I frankly worry about her sometimes. (To make a very long story short, it’s made our friendship quite fascinating. We meet for coffee once a month to talk about men and complain about our respective sisters. All because I had my clefairy use Moonblast on a particularly terrible suitor.)

What’s your opinion on Professor Kukui? I’m not sure if you’d consider someone who gets research grants to play with his dog to be shameful or a genius.

Professor Kukui is absolutely a genius. Why can’t I get research grants to play with a dog?

In case you’ve forgotten, you got one to summon a mythical pokémon with strobe lights. —LH

And another one to “study the behaviors of extinct pokémon through the application of full-scale tactile immersion techniques.” —LH

Then the Pokémon Cutting-Edge Technology Research Center gave you one to “study the calming effects of slowpoke,” which is to say they literally gave you a grant to sleep on the job, and they’re a tech company. —LH

I am thoroughly convinced that if you walked up to anyone and asked for a grant, there is a very good chance that you’d get it. Not that I’m encouraging you to do what Kukui does, as he is also known for encouraging his dog to use him as a punching bag for reasons that I’ve once asked Burnet about but still didn’t fully understand. I mean, yes, Kukui’s methods may be questionable at best, but they actually do produce valuable results concerning the power of pokémon attacks. Sure, your research is valuable too; don’t get me wrong. But the point is, given Kukui’s methods, I don’t think you need the encouragement to use yourself as a test subject (again) as Kukui often does. —LH

Actually, the first one was paid for entirely with my own funds. —Bill

That’s what you object to? —LH

Bill, which Pokemon Professor other than Oak is your favorite to work with? Not asking for anyone.

Strangely enough, I haven’t had the opportunity to work with many of them, if you’ll believe that! The truth is that many of the regional professors (if we limit it to just that) specialize in entirely different fields than my own, and thus, we don’t really have any reason to work together on a project. Professor Oak just happened to be my mentor in college, so I was lucky in that regard.

Out of the ones I have worked with, I must say Dr. Fennel was a delight to work with on the storage system before we mutually agreed that Amanita would be a better fit for an administrative role. Professor Sycamore was also a fascinating man, and his thoughts on mega evolution and pokémon physiology in general have helped me considerably in my work towards studying pokémon behavior. (Incidentally, no, I can’t respond to any of the rumors concerning Professor Sycamore. He’s actually more professional than said rumors would have you believe, not that I had any inclination to believe otherwise, of course.)

Still, I would love to work with Professor Birch someday. He practically wrote the book on pokémon communication, and I feel like working with him would be a fantastic opportunity to learn more about how pokémon live(d), both now and in ancient times. Likewise, although I’ve met and had conversations with Professor Juniper, it would be thrilling to work with her on uncovering where pokémon came from and how new species come to be.

And then! Then of course there’s Professor Burnet. Who can resist the opportunity to discover worlds beyond our own?

Someday, perhaps.

Bill, nobody has an aftertaste when they eat dairy products. Are you allergic?

What? Surely I’m not the only one who notices that strange, cardboard aftertaste whenever they drink milk!

Granted, I haven’t touched dairy since I was very young because I am severely lactose intolerant, but nonetheless, I distinctly remember that it always left an uncomfortable taste in my mouth. That’s half the reason I stopped eating dairy products!

…other than the crippling pain and nausea, but that aside…