I run a ranch in Sinnoh where I care for everyone’s pokémon, but over the past few years it seems like fewer and fewer people are coming back to claim them. Some people have as many as 1500 pokémon here! It’s troublesome, and I don’t know what to do. And when someone does come back, a lot of the pokémon consider the ranch home now, and have trouble adjusting to their trainers. What sort of advice would you have that I can pass on to them?

To clarify, anonymous, are you a temporary ranch or a storage ranch? If you’re a temporary ranch (that is, a facility designed to care for pokémon on a short-term basis), it’s unfortunate that this is a thing that could happen, but it’s best to keep in mind that you’re only meant to be a temporary care facility. That having been said, it may be a good idea to create and enforce a time limit—say, thirty days maximum stay, for example. Gently notify or remind clients of this time period when they drop off pokémon, and include it in any paperwork they may sign. This may push them to come back for their pokémon in a timely manner, but for those who don’t, consider partnering with a shelter in order to rehome pokémon with foster trainers.

Additionally, it may be a good idea to remind clients approaching that time limit that a pokémon receives no better care from anyone but their trainer. That is, while you can provide care and shelter for them, only their trainers have bonded with them enough to know their specific long-term needs. Hence, it’s better and more humane for the pokémon to be back with their trainers, rather than permanently in your care.

If, however, you’re meant to be a storage ranch—that is, a facility designed to be the designated “home base” for trainers—as unfortunate as this may be, pokémon may be better off in your care, as part of a trainer’s job is to travel the world and bond with pokémon in regions that may not have access to the Bank yet. Be patient, though, anonymous, and consider taking fewer clients. It may be heartbreaking to see a pokémon spend time with you for months or years at a time, but what you’re really doing is giving a trainer’s team a home until the trainer returns from their journey, in much the same way that the storage system gives pokémon a home when a trainer reaches their six-pokémon limit.

So, is the use of pokéballs ethical?

LH: You’ll have to excuse my partner. As administrators for and co-creators of the pokémon storage system, we both get this question a lot. Below is the standard response Bill typically offers … when he’s not exasperated, anyway:

Q. Are poké balls ethical?

A. Yes. Given that pokémon typically give their consent through battle before capture—as the poké ball’s safety mechanism will engage and release a pokémon that isn’t willing to be caught, and the act of battling is our way of gaining a baseline level of respect with a wild pokémon—it’s quite impossible to force a pokémon to join one’s team.

Furthermore, continued use of a poké ball is oftentimes necessary. Within its ball, a pokémon enters a semi-suspended state: they don’t need food, water, space, sleep, or thorough enrichment, and their health is by and large preserved in the same state it had been shortly before entering its ball, with the exception of poisoning, which continues to leech health from a pokémon’s data state and should thus be treated. In other words, a poké ball allows for not only compact travel but also the utmost safety, as once recalled, a pokémon is sheltered from the hazards of the outside world. Trainers often use this feature to draw their partners out of dangerous situations—or, at least, they’re encouraged to do so. Likewise, the recall feature allows trainers to withdraw their pokémon if said pokémon themselves present dangerous situations, such as in this case of rampaging pokémon, fire-types in flammable environments, and so forth.

As with all technology, there are unethical ways to use poké balls, and I can’t rightly claim that no one has ever figured out what those ways are. However, the technology itself is not only safe but also improves the lives of both trainers and their pokémon by offering portable shelter and easy transportation for each of a trainer’s team members. The fact that the poké ball also serves as concrete proof of a bond between trainer and pokémon is just an added bonus.

So do the devs ever get together to play Dungeons and Dragonites?

We do it over Discord, actually.

Bill’s created so many intentionally terrible characters it’s become a competition among the rest of us to see how quickly we can kill him off when it’s our turn to DM. The record-holder is currently Bebe, who killed off his bidoof bard within five minutes of the campaign’s start. —LH

You, on the other hand, consistently play fighters prone to bouts of violence so ornately detailed that it worries me a little. —Bill

Hey Bill, can you get me Cassius’s contact info? I was hoping to employ his services for… a thing. You’re less culpable if you don’t know any more than that, but suffice to say it’s technically legal in international waters via an esoteric loophole in maritime law, and also it’s pretty cool.

I’m neither going to inquire any further about your upcoming project, nor inform you that you may reach Cassius at [REDACTED]@[REDACTED].com so long as you tell him that I did not send you and that you are perfectly willing to pay in Bitpyen, as that would be irresponsible of me, and as I’ve said to my partner, I am in no way going to use this blog to encourage anyone or Cassius to engage in business that is frankly none of my concern.

In honor of pride month, are there any pokemon who are more prone to chosing same sex mates? Or do you know of any gym leaders/professors/champions/pc managers who are lgbt?

Regarding the latter, I must say quite a few of the figures you’ve mentioned are either closeted or straight, so I’m either not at liberty to out them or can’t include them here for obvious reasons.

At the very least, though, my colleagues on the storage system’s staff and I are quite happily open. Among the core developers (that is, the administrators of Kanto/Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh, Unova, Kalos, and Alola), Lanette is the only one who’s both straight and cisgendered. Her sister and Molayne are aroace, Bebe is bisexual, Celio is gay, Cassius is pansexual and polyamorous at that, and I am an unfortunate cross between panromantic and asexual. Amanita is excluded here because she hasn’t really explored her sexuality or gender yet. Neither our circle nor her sister are putting any pressure on her to do so, though, but we’ll fully support her when she’s ready. In addition, Molayne is genderfluid (their pronouns are he/him and they/them, incidentally), but we also have a number of trans and nonbinary administrators among the non-core developers. Ingrid of London, for example, who seems to be a fan favorite, is trans.

Among the gym leaders and Elite Four, as I’ve said, a number of them are either straight or closeted. When it comes to outed members, there is quite an extensive list. For the sake of ease, allow me to only give a few examples. For one, Valerie of Kalos is trans and also aroace, but Jasmine and Will, likewise trans, identify as bisexual and straight, respectively. Burgh, meanwhile, identifies as genderfluid (pronouns are also he/him and they/them). Erika and Sabrina both identify as wlw, although Sabrina is asexual as well. On the other hand, Morty is openly gay, as are Brawly, Wallace, and Grant.

As for Elite Four and Champions, I admit I can’t say for the vast majority of them (they keep their identities rather secret due to our unfortunately backwards media, as you may be aware). However, Steven Stone is openly asexual which … is perhaps because of some rather fascinating rumors about him. Quite honestly, he’s a man after my own heart—far more interested in science than more human pursuits. Of course, his main interests lie in geology rather than in pokémonology, but I don’t judge him for it. I just lament that it’s simply never meant to be.

(Bill, is that really necessary? The media has a field day with you on the daily as it is… —LH

It is 100% necessary. —Bill)

As for pokémon, few of them share our concepts of gender and sexuality, so mated pairs of all possible orientations are not at all unusual in the pokémon world. Wild jynx populations, for example, are known to form same-sex couples and use nearby pokémon (sometimes found well outside the jynx’s home cave systems) to fertilize their smoochum eggs. Even when healthy populations of compatible male pokémon are presented to jynx, they often prefer the company of their own species or female representatives of the male’s. The tyrogue family, sawk, throh, and the bounsweet line seem to be the same way, and froslass, upon evolution, also gravitate towards other froslass and female glalie, even if they displayed a preference towards either gender as snorunt. (Researchers aren’t entirely sure why froslass do that, unfortunately.)

In short, I suppose one can say that should you be LGBT, readers, rest assured you are far, far from alone.

When I think about it, ‘accidentally’ turning yourself into a pokemon via a teleporter related accident seems like a great way to get out of watching Binaclebob Trapezoidpants.

You would think so, anonymous, but unfortunately, the way my partner administers Binaclebob Trapezoidpants makes it unfortunately difficult to get out of watching it.

For those curious, my account has a rather … unique feature due to a few prior incidents in which I may or may not have been found staring at a certain meowth-themed website for hours on end after late-night coding sessions. To put it as simply as possible, this feature is essentially a failsafe or an emergency button: whenever the other administrators agree that I may need a break, they lock my administrator’s panel until I fulfill certain requirements to prove I’m rested enough to resume work.

Or at least that’s what it’s supposed to do. In practice, the other administrators mostly use it to make me watch children’s cartoons of questionable taste whenever I make somewhat equally questionable decisions.

This, of course, is a tangent, but that’s just to say that if anything, being trapped in the body of something too short to reach the mouse (and thus control when the videos begin and end) actually makes things worse.

Again … not that I have any experience with this whatsoever.

Bill, what would you say if someone told you Celio might one day build a religion around you?

I’d say it’s not the first time someone’s insinuated that Celio’s loyalty is anything other than simple friendship (and perhaps a little misplaced admiration). Most people have Celio all wrong, in my opinion. Certainly, he’s a bit excitable whenever I’m around, but that’s perfectly normal whenever a person looks up to someone else, right? In any case, we’re just friends; I doubt it would escalate into anything else on either side. Celio is, after all, ultimately a rather down-to-earth, rational human being. Sometimes, he’s even more grounded than the rest of us.

But for the sake of covering everything (as it were), should anyone in the administrator community even think about forming a religion based on me, I would like them to know that they can do so over my dead body.

Does kangakhans baby need a separate pokeball?

No. As strange and uncomfortable as it may seem, think of a baby kangaskhan as a living hold item. Because of how close (physically speaking) a baby kangaskhan is to its mother and because of the near genetic match, a poké ball is capable of storing both mother and child in the same poké ball at the same time.

And before anyone asks, no, this does not result in the fusion of the two, nor does transporting this poké ball. Fusion occurs due to entirely different circumstances, none of which I will happily talk about on a public blog, regardless of what certain individuals may have you believe.

Any opinions on the Alolan pokemon storage system? It’s rather more streamlined than the other regions. Who administers it?

Ah, this is a rather complicated story. You see, originally, I had been working with Sophocles on setting up a storage system in Alola because he was interested in running one. Meanwhile, the current administrator, Sophocles’s cousin, Molayne, had been a trial captain at the time with dreams of becoming Ula’Ula’s kahuna. Unfortunately, due to some rather odd circumstances (I’m told, anyway), Molayne never was able to achieve that position and instead neared the age when he would be forced to retire, as per the terms of being a captain. I admit I don’t entirely know the circumstances behind the decision, but suffice to say, Molayne and Sophocles decided that it would be important to keep the position of captain within their family, which in turn meant that Molayne had to name Sophocles as his successor. In return, Sophocles allowed Molayne to take over some of his duties at the Hokulani Observatory, including that of the regional administrator.

This, incidentally, is why the Alolan storage system doesn’t have the usual startup screen. Normally, when the storage system is booted up, you’re presented with a login screen that identifies your regional administrator. (Mine is “Bill’s PC,” for example, whereas my colleagues’ are Lanette’s PC, Bebe’s PC, and so forth.) However, out of respect for Sophocles, Molayne elected to leave his name off of the storage system, thereby streamlining the login process (in a way I may wish to consider implementing for future updates). Nonetheless, even if Molayne feels he hadn’t done much to develop the Alolan storage system, it’s my firm belief that he’s done wonders to manage it after launch. Alola is such a remote region, and he’s essentially in charge of four mini regions. This means his job is a bit more complex than usual, and he’s doing it largely on his own. It’s no easy task, and I’m proud of him for having handled it without a problem thus far, especially in light of the fact that he’s also assisting Sophocles with other research projects at the same time.

About the only point of criticism I have towards either of them is their penchant for playing games instead of working, yet frustratingly enough, they manage to get everything done, despite spending literal hours on one MMORPG or another. I honestly don’t understand it. He and Sophocles have created a beautiful extension of the storage system, and they did it in half the time most other administrators take to set their systems up because the other half was spent gaming…

You seem to have an ongoing issue with people who play games but still manage to somehow do their work regardless. —LH

It has nothing to do with my personal life, if that’s what you’re implying … even if Molayne looks a little like my father. —Bill

Hey Bill, I was wondering if you would do dex entries of the PC Developers? You should probably not do your own entry since biases might occur.

Seeing as many of the other developers are close friends of mine with whom I speak on a near-daily basis, I feel like this could become a terrible idea very quickly. However, many of the other developers have also consented and submitted encouragement for me to do this, and my editor kindly pointed out that the threat of physical harm or public embarrassment did not stop me from doing an entry on one of the Elite Four rosters. So for those reasons, I present to you my fellow developers.

Lanette
The Technical Expert
Type: Normal
Region: Hoenn
Entry: A brilliant graphics designer, mechanical engineer, digital physicist, computer technician, pokémon biologist, and all-around genius. There is absolutely nothing funny whatsoever about her, and the author does not say this because he knows she has full access to his administration panel. Also, the author would like to go on to state that she is quite possibly the rock that holds all of us together and that this statement is being made of his own free will.

Brigette
The Kind-Hearted Administrator
Type: Normal/Fairy
Region: Bank
Entry: The older sister of Lanette and administrator of the Pokémon Bank. Although actually rather quiet and reserved in real life, Brigette enjoys immense popularity on the internet, where she’s known for two things. First, she’s popular among collectors for her penchant for giving away rare and valuable pokémon (even legendaries, much to both the author’s confusion and his chagrin). Second, she’s popular among those attracted to female-identifying people, due to her rather physically attractive appearance (much to both her and the editor’s chagrin).

Celio
The Star Student
Type: Grass
Region: Sevii Islands
Entry: A brilliant rising computer technician responsible for the network machine that links Kanto’s storage system to Hoenn’s. In addition to being brilliant, Celio is also sweet but rather easily excitable and eager to please. Strangely, both the excitability and the eagerness to please are, apparently, traits Celio only displays around the author. While the author’s theorizes this is because Celio is also the president of his fan club, the Sinnohan administrator had once tried to explain that it’s because Celio “is thirsty” and “wishes to deposit a palkia in the storage system” and “for Mesprit’s sake, Bill, wants to jump you” … whatever those mean.

Bebe
The World’s Greatest Party Girl
Type: Fighting/Normal
Region: Sinnoh
Entry: To understand the personality and entire character of the Sinnohan administrator, one only needs to be aware of the fact that the author did not give her the title “world’s greatest party girl”; that was entirely the subject’s own creation.

Amanita
The Adorable Administrator
Type: Psychic/Normal
Region: Unova
Entry: Amanita is the fully capable, extremely creative, and fantastically shrewd eight-year-old administrator of the Unovan storage system. Of course, it should be noted that because many of her fellow administrators were themselves former child prodigies, few of them take into account her age when dealing with her … except when her older sister and research partner, Professor Plutea Fennel, is within earshot and fully capable of reprimanding us severely for inadvertently teaching Amanita about adult subjects such as sex, drugs, or how to hot wire a car.

Cassius
The Lovable Ruffian
Type: Ghost/Grass
Region: Kalos
Entry: As the Kalosean administrator and a punk rocker with a slightly checkered past, Cassius is, as this social media platform would put it, someone who “looks like he could kill you but is actually a cinnamon roll.” Easily swayed by eight-year-old system administrators from Unova.

Molayne
The Battle-Ready Administrator
Type: Steel
Region: Alola
Entry: Due to unusual circumstances regarding the tapu, Molayne is the newly appointed administrator of the Alolan storage system, despite being a strong enough trainer to become a kahuna. Although the responsibilities of a storage system administrator should keep him busy, Molayne nonetheless still finds time to exercise his skills as a trainer by routinely taking on Alola’s first champion and maintaining his level 100 warlock in the MMORPG Realm of Rivalries. The author is both impressed and a little annoyed that he can do this.