Vulpix and Ninetales

bills-pokedex:

Vulpix
The Fox Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 37
Entry: A small, fox-like pokémon known for its beautiful tails, of which it has six when fully grown. While young, this pokémon’s fire abilities are mediocre at best, and its strongest move, Fire Blast, is roughly as potent as a charmeleon’s Flamethrower. However, in rare cases, vulpix may be born with the passive ability Drought, which allows it to subconsciously call down intense sunlight to strengthen any fire-type move used in its presence. Incidentally, this small, fox-like creature shares the aforementioned ability with the legendary behemoth of the earth, Groudon, a beast known for nearly destroying the world beneath the unrelenting sunlight it called forth. …Which is to say that the pokémon world is a bizarre and terrifying thing sometimes.

Ninetales
The Fox Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 38
Entry: The evolved form of vulpix, via exposure to fire stone. The legend that a ninetales will lay a thousand-year curse on you if you touch one of its tails is exactly that: a legend and therefore not true. What is true, however, is the fact that ninetales are generally sensitive about their tails and will set you on fire if you so much as accidentally brush up against one.

Vulpix (Alola form)
The Fox Pokémon
Type: Ice
Official Registration #: 37
Entry: This adorable cousin to the common vulpix, known by native Alolans as keokeo, is popular in the region not only for its cute appearance but also its practicality. When the weather is warmer than it likes, Alolan vulpix will fan its cloud-like tails and create ice crystals from them, effectively serving as a living air conditioner for its immediate surroundings. However, although it may be tempting to venture into its native habitat on the slopes of Mount Lanakila to catch one, a trainer should be warned that this is a dangerous idea, largely because of the vulpix themselves. Attempting to catch an Alolan vulpix may incur the wrath of other vulpix (which typically freeze intruders solid) but also the ninetales that always lurks near vulpix kits (which will freeze intruders solid before throwing them off the mountain). On the positive side, if your goal was to catch a vulpix in order to cool yourself off on hot Alolan summer afternoons, at least you’ll have that.

Ninetales (Alola form)
The Fox Pokémon
Type: Ice/Fairy
Official Registration #: 38
Entry: The evolved form of Alolan vulpix, by exposure to ice stone. This beautiful Alolan cousin to the common ninetales was once worshipped by native Alolans due to its rarity, ethereal nature, and tendency to dwell only on the peak of Mount Lanakila, the tallest and most sacred site in all of Alola. To this day, it acts as a guardian of Mount Lanakila by guiding wayward souls down the snowy slopes … purely because that’s the only way to get them to leave faster. In other words, this is yet another pokémon after the author’s own heart.

The Geodude Line

bills-pokedex:

Geodude
The Rock Pokémon
Type: Rock/Ground
Official Registration #: 74
Entry: A stony pokémon native to mountainous areas, particularly those of the Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh regions. At rest, geodude look exactly like ordinary boulders, to the point where it’s not uncommon for even the most careful hikers to trip over them. It should be noted that not only will geodude become violently angry if you trip over them or their brethren, but also, geodude are extremely common pokémon to the aforementioned mountainous regions. To any trainers currently journeying through the mountains, the author wishes you godspeed.

Graveler
The Rock Pokémon
Type: Rock/Ground
Official Registration #: 75
Entry: The evolved form of geodude, by battle experience. Wild graveler subsist entirely on rocks. It will consume at least a ton of these on a daily basis, usually while on the move from the peak of its native mountains to the base and back again. Unfortunately, graveler are not particularly careful pokémon, and they, too, have difficulty distinguishing ordinary rocks from the surrounding geodude. On the positive side, graveler are capable of managing geodude populations singlehandedly, so at the very least, geodude overpopulation has never been nor will ever be an issue to the human race.

Golem
The Megaton Pokémon
Type: Rock/Ground
Official Registration #: 76
Entry: The evolved form of graveler, via trading. This boulder-like pokémon’s shell is so hard it can withstand high-powered blasts, including the ones it generates itself. For this reason, it prefers traveling in this manner, propelling itself from mountainside to mountainside through the force generated by Explosion. A golem falling from the sky is not an uncommon occurrence in the harsh environment of the Johtonian mountains, so to any trainers currently journeying through that particular region, the author wishes you godspeed especially.

Geodude (Alola form)
The Rock Pokémon
Type: Rock/Electric
Official Registration #: 74
Entry: A rock-like pokémon native to the rugged, desert-like terrains of Ula’ula Island. If you accidentally step on an Alolan geodude sleeping on the ground, you’ll hear a crunching sound and feel a shock ripple through your entire body. Followed by, of course, something considerably worse, as you would have stepped on a live geodude.

Graveler (Alola form)
The Rock Pokémon
Type: Rock/Electric
Official Registration #: 75
Entry: The evolved form of Alolan geodude, by battle experience. When two Alolan graveler fight each other, it fills their surroundings with flashes of light and sound. Some people call this display the “fireworks of the earth.” Other, far more sensible people call it “oh gods oh gods we’re all going to die.”

Golem (Alola form)
The Megaton Pokémon
Type: Rock/Electric
Official Registration #: 76
Entry: The evolved form of Alolan graveler, via trading. An ornery pokémon, the Alolan golem is known to fire boulders charged with electricity to drive intruders on its territory away. If no boulders in its general vicinity can be found, it may switch to Alolan geodude. Either way, no pokémon says “[EXPLETIVE DELETED] you” to flying-types and vulnerable sacks of meat (such as and especially humans) more enthusiastically than the Alolan golem, apparently.

The Rattata Line

bills-pokedex:

Rattata
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 19
Entry: As one of the most common pokémon in Kanto and Johto, rattata are typically among the first team members for many beginning trainers. Small, quick, cautious, hardy, and very fond of biting things with its large front teeth, rattata may be known for their survival skills in the wild, but its lack of elemental aptitude and its less-than-ideal defenses mean that rattata are among the most commonly “boxed” pokémon in existence. However, recently, rattata has gained popularity among younger trainers, not because of its cute appearance or its availability but instead because of the inexplicable trend among such trainers to obtain and raise the “top percentage rattata.”

Raticate
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 20
Entry: The evolved form of rattata, by battle experience. Raticate depend on its whiskers to maintain its balance, and while this pokémon may be quick and agile with its whiskers intact, cutting them off is a sure-fire way to slow and disorient a raticate. Incidentally, cutting off a raticate’s whiskers is also a sure-fire way to get mauled by a forty-pound rat with six-inch fangs.

Rattata (Alola form)
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Dark/Normal
Official Registration #: 19
Entry: The Alolan cousin to the common rattata is an extremely discerning pokémon that will seldom touch any kind of produce that isn’t fresh. Some trainers use this to their advantage by taking an Alolan rattata with them when they shop for groceries so that these rattata can scout out the freshest produce for them. Others trainers do not because they’re sensible people who know exactly what happens when you bring rats into any establishment that sells food.

Raticate (Alola form)
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Dark/Normal
Official Registration #: 20
Entry: The evolved form of Alolan rattata, by battle experience, at night. These rat-like pokémon are highly sociable but only to an extent. They’re notorious for forming clans of Alolan rattata that serve them by venturing out of the nest and gathering as much food as possible, even if not all of that food gets eaten. Because of the greed exhibited by the Alolan raticate, members of this species do not get along with one another and are known to wage intense and violent territory disputes using their rattata foot soldiers. Incidentally, this also describes the climate of southern Goldenrod, just in case anyone would like recommendations for vacation destinations this summer.

Cubone and Marowak please!

bills-pokedex:

Strange that I’ve never covered this line. They’re truly fascinating pokémon. As they say, coming right up, anonymous!

Cubone
The Lonely Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 104
Entry: Because young cubone are both weak and the favored prey of many pokémon in its native mountains and cave systems, its marowak mother will almost always sacrifice herself to protect her child early in life. As part of its mourning process, the orphaned cubone, sometimes with the help of the rest of its community, will give its mother a funeral, complete with the ritualistic extraction of her skull and one of her femurs. These bones will then become the cubone’s armor and will serve to protect it throughout its life. Either because of the fact that it always carries around a reminder of its mother or because the experience of losing her early in life has scarred it for life, the cubone will never fully heal from the trauma. In fact, the lines that appear to be cracks along the eye sockets of its skull helmet are not cracks but rather stains left by the tears it constantly sheds. The author really has nothing else to add to this entry; he just wanted to inform his readers that those are tear tracks. You’re welcome.

Marowak
The Bone Keeper Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 105
Entry: The evolved form of cubone, by battle experience. Even after evolution, marowak do not find relief from the traumas they had experienced. Instead, evolution brings about the boost in power and confidence that they need to train harder and master the use of bones as melee weapons. Once mastering their style, they collect more bones to add to their armory. No one is quite certain where marowak gets these bones. Some say they excavate them from marowak graveyards. Others who are well aware of the fact that marowak evolve from cubone who had been forced to bury their mothers simply stare at the first group of people in quiet, unbelieving horror while silently praying that marowak just happen upon the remains of other dead pokémon.

Marowak (Alola form)
The Bone Keeper Pokémon
Type: Fire/Ghost
Official Registration #: 105
Entry: The evolved form of cubone, by battle experience, at night, in the Alolan climate. Due to the abundance of its natural predators (that is, grass-types or pokémon that can learn grass-type moves) in Alola, cubone that evolve there take on an affinity for the fire type. Meanwhile, due to the spiritual energies associated with their bone clubs (which are said to not only have come from their mothers but also be possessed by their mothers’ vengeful spirits), they also gain an affinity for the ghost type, resulting in the distinctive fire/ghost Alolan marowak. In other words, with these two origins combined, Alolan marowak is one of the few evolutions to exist that was absolutely, completely born out of raw spite.

Diglett and Dugtrio

bills-pokedex:

Diglett
The Mole Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 50
Entry: A subterranean-dwelling pokémon renowned for its mile-long burrows. On an unprofessional note, the scientific community is also well-aware of what the rest of a diglett’s body looks like, and we are frankly intrigued by the fact that trainers prefer refusing to Google this. (Is this a meme? Is that why all of you keep making gifs about diglett?)

Dugtrio
The Mole Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 51
Entry: The evolved form of diglett, by battle experience. Actually just a trio of slightly larger diglett, but somehow, these slightly larger diglett can cause far, far more devastating earthquakes than a single slightly smaller diglett. And this, readers, is why pokémon evolution still baffles the scientific community.

Diglett (Alola form)
The Mole Pokémon
Type: Ground/Steel
Official Registration #: 50
Entry: The Alolan variation of this mole-like pokémon possesses three very stiff, very coarse hairs on the top of its head, each of which are as sturdy and sharp as needles. Which, in combination with diglett’s habit of popping up under the feet of unsuspecting hikers, means that the Alolan counterpart to Diglett’s Tunnel is even more exciting than its Kantonian cousin.

Dugtrio (Alola form)
The Mole Pokémon
Type: Ground/Steel
Official Registration #: 51
Entry: The evolved form of Alolan diglett, by battle experience. Long ago, the native Alolans worshipped this pokémon as the incarnation of a land and fertility goddess. Nowadays, given its long, whip-like hair and penchant for bobbing its head rather violently if given a beat, it’s still worshipped as a sort of deity but not so much among native Alolans as a fertility goddess and more by young metalheads as the perfect pokémon to bring to a Morbid Arceus concert.

And you would know this because…? —LH

How do you think I met Cassius? —Bill

Sandshrew and Sandslash

bills-pokedex:

Sandshrew
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 27
Entry: A pangolin-like pokémon native to dry grasslands and deserts. This pokémon possesses a rough, sandy hide capable of soaking up moisture from the dirt around it as it digs its burrows. Because of the consistency of its hide—along with its unique, sponge-like ability—sandshrew don’t need to drink much water and, in fact, shy away from it in all its forms as much as possible. Except, of course, in Alola, where sandshrew have adapted to become ice and steel types for reasons that surely make sense in a region that hosts plenty of other habitats a sandshrew can congregate in.

Sandslash
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 28
Entry: The evolved form of sandshrew, by battle experience. This pokémon is covered in sharp spikes, which are actually hardened sections of its hide. These spikes serve a largely defensive purpose: when threatened, a sandshrew will curl into a ball, forcing its spikes to stand on end and discourage physical attacks. In rare cases, a sandslash may be able to spin and move while in this position, thus crashing into enemies and obstacles. Such sandslash have also been noted to be faster, slightly bluer, and somehow “cooler” than other members of its species.

Sandshrew (Alola form)
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Ice/Steel
Official Registration #: 27
Entry: A shrew-like pokémon native to the snowy mountains of Alola’s Ula’ula Island. It’s known primarily for its icy, hard-as-steel carapace … and secondarily for the Alolan tradition of shoving this pokémon across icy fields to see who can send their sandshrew sliding the farthest. Alolans call this sport Extreme Curling; the rest of the world calls it pokémon cruelty.

Sandslash (Alola form)
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Ice/Steel
Official Registration #: 28
Entry: The evolved form of Alolan sandshrew, by exposure to ice stone. When this blue pokémon curls itself into a ball, its steel spikes point outward, which allow it to destroy anything in its path as it rolls down the icy slopes of its home at high speeds, and the author knows what you’re thinking, but for the last time, sandslash is a pangolin-like pokémon, not an alien hedgehog.

The Meowth Line

bills-pokedex:

Meowth
The Scratch Cat Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 52
Entry: A small, nocturnal, cat-like pokémon with an affinity for shiny, round objects. Ancient civilizations within the Orange and Sevii Islands worshipped meowth as a deity due to its association with cat-like god of the home, harvest, and wealth. This may seem curious unless one does further digging to the actual origins of the cat deity to find that it had originally been a god of the hunt, judgment, and executions, which is more in line with meowth’s carnivorous diet and vicious hunting methods. While the reason behind the switch is still a mystery to scholars, there are two noteworthy theories. First, the god was also the symbol of the Orange and Seviian royal bloodlines, which may have sought the god’s blessing when it came to siring new and prosperous heirs. Second and more likely, it’s more profitable to run a temple dedicated to childbearing and all the things that come before it than executions, and the pokémon that can understand human speech and use Pay Day when it’s pleased with your temple generally agrees.

Persian
The Classy Cat Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 53
Entry: The evolved form of meowth, by battle experience. Evolution graces this pokémon with an immense amount of sophisticated beauty, including silken, golden fur, a sleek body, and the agility of a panther. Unfortunately, evolution has also granted the persian species a streak of fickle meanness, a set of sharp claws, and the expectation that it will continue to be worshipped like a god. In light of all this, it becomes rather understandable that the ancient peoples of the Orange and Sevii Islands originally conceived of a persian-like god of execution and the throne.

Meowth (Alola form)
The Scratch Cat Pokémon
Type: Dark
Official Registration #: 52
Entry: This cat-like pokémon is by no means native to the region of Alola. Rather, it was brought in from Kanto as prized pets of and gifts from wealthy Kantonian merchants, and their cuteness and intelligence captured the hearts of Alolan natives instantly. Over the decades following, the breeders of Alola hand-picked the most popular and sought-after traits among Alola’s meowth enthusiast community in order to breed “custom” meowth until Alolan meowth formed an entirely new breed consisting of prideful, capricious, crafty, often violent, and yet still strangely adorable meowth. Or, in other words, the Alolans bred a cat.

Persian (Alola form)
The Classy Cat Pokémon
Type: Dark
Official Registration #: 53
Entry: The evolved form of Alolan meowth, as a result of a heightened sense of happiness. As a result of vigorous breeding, the Alolan variation of persian boasts fur as soft as velvet, a large and apparently exceedingly adorable head … and a vicious temper that’s focused on everything and anyone that it deems to be beneath it, which is to say everything and anyone. In other words, the Alolans bred a larger cat.

Grimer and Muk

bills-pokedex:

Grimer
The Sludge Pokémon
Type: Poison
Official Registration #: 88
Entry: Born from polluted rivers, this pokémon’s body consists entirely of highly toxic sludge. It consequently thrives on pollution, and as such, it flocks to polluted waterways, where it has been known to clog up entire sewer systems in its zeal to consume raw waste. Despite all of this, grimer populations are considered to be the most prevalent in Kanto and Hoenn, home to two of the most aggressive green campaigns in the world, despite the fact that other regions historically had difficulties with pollution, are centers of mining and manufacturing, and are currently so polluted that their environment has given birth to sentient garbage bags.

Muk
The Sludge Pokémon
Type: Poison
Official Registration #: 89
Entry: The evolved form of grimer, by battle experience. Like its preevolved form, a muk’s body also consists entirely of a highly toxic sludge. However, due to its increase in mass, power, and age with evolution, muk is able to cultivate highly powerful strains of bacteria and viruses that infest every inch of its skin. Physical contact with this pokémon can kill plants and smaller or weaker animals on contact … which should speak volumes about the resilience of pokémon researchers and their assistants as a whole, considering the fact that certain muk express affection via alarmingly frequent tackling.

Grimer (Alola form)
The Sludge Pokémon
Type: Poison/Dark
Official Registration #: 88
Entry: This sludge-like pokémon actually descends from grimer imported from Kanto. Decades ago, when Alola was facing a pollution crisis, the regional government took notice of how grimer consume waste and attempted to bring in a small but tame population to consume the considerable amounts of garbage clogging Alolan streets. Naturally, some of these grimer escaped and reproduced, and over generations, they mutated to match their comparatively less toxic food sources (that is, compared to the diets of standard grimer) … as well as the psychic and steel predators also brought in to handle the out-of-control grimer population. Long story short, this is exactly why: A) there are infestations of grimer, abra, and magnemite in certain parts of Alola, and B) coming up with good ideas should not be left to people in politics.

Muk (Alola form)
The Sludge Pokémon
Type: Poison/Dark
Official Registration #: 89
Entry: The evolved form of the Alolan variation of grimer, by battle experience. Despite its fangs and sharp spikes, this highly colorful pokémon is actually sweeter, gentler, and far less fragrant than its standard cousins. Additionally, its skin is comparatively clean, making it safe to touch. However, contrary to popular belief, it’s often a bad idea to hug one unless you’re experienced with training this variation of muk, as both its bodily fluids and its spikes are highly toxic. Naturally, considering the toxicity of certain parts of its body, combined with its vivid coloration and docile nature as well as the Alolans’ general ability to make sound decisions, most residents of Alola consider their variation of muk to be a highly popular mascot for children’s programming and products.

Poipole and Naganadel

Poipole
The Poison Pin Pokémon
Type: Poison
Official Registration #: 803
Entry: One of the Ultra Beasts, or strange pokémon that had appeared from another dimension. A native to a dimension populated by humans, poipole is the only Ultra Beast known to be popular enough to be used as a starter pokémon within its world, much like pikachu. It is also as capricious and mischievous as it is cute, and it’s known for attacking innocent researchers who approach it purely out of curiosity … also much like pikachu.

Bill … what did you do to pikachu? —LH

It was a pikachu, and literally nothing! —Bill

Somehow, I find that hard to believe… —LH

Naganadel
The Poison Pin Pokémon
Type: Poison/Dragon
Official Registration #: 804
Entry: One of the Ultra Beasts, or strange pokémon that had appeared from another dimension. Also the evolved form of poipole, by battle experience, if the subject knows Dragon Pulse. This massive, syringe-like dragon is known for storing gallons of toxic, highly adhesive fluids in its bulbous torso and spraying it from its giant stinger as a self-defense mechanism. The author would make a joke about any of this, but frankly, he’s above that.

Exeggcute and Exeggutor

bills-pokedex:

Exeggcute
The Egg Pokémon
Type: Grass/Psychic
Official Registration #: 102
Entry: An egg-like pokémon gifted with incredible telekinetic and telepathic powers. When one egg is separated from the bunch, it can use these wondrous abilities to locate and rejoin its group. Of course, given the fact that this means each egg clearly demonstrates autonomy, one must ask why researchers never classify an individual exeggcute component as being its own pokémon. And the answer, dear reader, is pokémon is wonderful, aren’t they?

Exeggutor
The Coconut Pokémon
Type: Grass/Psychic
Official Registration #: 103
Entry: The evolved form of exeggcute, by exposure to leaf stone. This palm tree-like pokémon originated in the tropics, and much of its behavior reflects this. It perks up most during sunny weather, when it’s able to collect sunlight in its coconut heads and grow. Such growth tends to be steady everywhere but Alola, where the abundant sun causes the energy somehow mutates exeggutor into long-necked dragon-type creatures. One may be wondering how it gains the dragon-type of all possible elements, never mind why it mutates in the region of Alola only, but the answer to this, dear reader, is that pokémon are indeed wonderful, majestic beings.

Exeggutor (Alola form)
The Coconut Pokémon
Type: Grass/Dragon
Official Registration #: 103
Entry: The evolved form of exeggcute, by exposure to leaf stone within the region of Alola. It’s said that exposure to the bright Alolan sun allows this pokémon to evolve into its true form, the towering, dragon-type exeggutor. This, of course, implies that the exeggcute family originated in Alola and that migration to other, less suitable environments have stunted exeggutor’s growth and forced it to adopt an entirely different skillset to survive. While this is generally accepted as true, the actual mystery lies in how exeggcute migrated in the first place. As of this writing, leading scientists support one main theory: that they were carried elsewhere by pairs of swellow using strands of creeper held under the dorsal guiding feathers.