Tag: Alola Month

Tapu KoKo entry please!

Why stop at just Tapu Koko?

Tapu Koko
The Land Spirit Pokémon
Type: Electric/Fairy
Official Registration #: 785
Entry: The guardian spirit of Alola’s Melemele Island. Supposedly the bravest of the four Alolan guardians, Tapu Koko is known for observing islanders and bestowing blessings upon worthy trainers. These trainers are then encouraged to undertake the island challenge, a type of journey specific to Alola, geared towards the training and selection of each element’s next kahuna. While Tapu Koko tends to be the most active tapu in selecting such individuals, it is also known for being the most capricious when it comes to deciding which among them actually becomes a kahuna. For this reason, trainers on Alola may start out on a journey to become strong enough to represent their island and elemental specialties, but they could very well find their lives veering off into an entirely different direction thanks to one of Tapu Koko’s sudden change of heart. Not that the author is complaining about such a process, of course. We did get Molayne out of such an arrangement. As well as a wealth of fantasy YA novels that seem to keep the editor happy.

Once again, Bill, I don’t judge you for your literary tastes. —LH

Tapu Lele
The Land Spirit Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Fairy
Official Registration #: 786
Entry: The guardian spirit of Alola’s Akala Island. It is said that this legendary pokémon scatters glittering scales as it moves and that these scales have the ability to restore one’s health upon physical contact. The latter is highly useful because as with all adorable, pink pokémon described on this blog, Tapu Lele is also infamous for being fantastically cruel and sadistic, and it’s both telepathic and capable of warping the fabric of space to create a strange and highly dangerous pocket dimension around its immediate area. In other words, you will very likely need these scales as Tapu Lele uses its psychic abilities to thoroughly destroy you.

Tapu Bulu
The Land Spirit Pokémon
Type: Grass/Fairy
Official Registration #: 787
Entry: The guardian spirit of Alola’s Ula’ula Island. Supposedly, this pokémon is extraordinarily lazy. Rather than attack an opponent head-on, it simply wills the vegetation around it to grow and ensnare the challenger before it delivers a devastating, close-range blow itself. Honestly, though, the author is intrigued by the fact that some people of Alola consider this to be evidence of Tapu Bulu’s laziness. If anything, it’s a brilliant strategy, and given how much effort the author has put into trying to will plants to do his bidding, he can safely say Tapu Bulu’s battle strategy is really much harder than it looks.

Not a good harvest, Bill? —LH

Oh, the garden was perfectly fine this year. It’s a certain half-plant, half-toad starter with a penchant for eating my crops after I explicitly tell him not to that’s the problem. —Bill

Tapu Fini
The Land Spirit Pokémon
Type: Water/Fairy
Official Registration #: 788
Entry: The guardian spirit of Alola’s Poni Island. This mysterious island guardian is supposedly the most laid-back of the four tapu. Unlike the others, who either actively seek out humans to observe (Tapu Koko) or toy with (Tapu Lele) or who actively avoid human contact altogether (Tapu Bulu), Tapu Fini prefers allowing humanity to do whatever it likes and will often only reveal itself to the truly worthy as a result. This may seem like Tapu Fini is putting in extra effort to avoid being detected, but in actuality, given the fact that her shrine is located in the highly unrelenting environment that is Poni Island, the fact that it surrounds itself with a dense fog full of danger, and the fact that the aforementioned shrine is called Ruins of Hope for a reason, it may be safe to say that Tapu Fini allows the environment to do much of the work when it comes to protecting her—much more than Tapu Bulu does, anyway.

Necrozma

Necrozma
The Prism Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 800
Entry: Much confusion and debate surround this strange and highly destructive pokémon. For example, although it was first discovered emerging from deep underground beneath Alola’s Melemele Island, some say that Necrozma actually came from the Ultra Beasts’ world and is, thus, an Ultra Beast itself. Others argue that its emergence from Alola’s caverns is proof of a terrestrial origin and that its appearance and abilities are merely reflections of the Ultra Beasts—a defense, in other words, created by the tapu to counter the extradimensional threat. Then, of course, there are the more important questions, such as how a perfectly black crystal can reflect light, why any of this matters when it’s an intensely violent super-pokémon, and whether or not its design inspired certain rock bands of the 1970s to make absolutely fantastic album covers. While all of these are certainly good questions, the author would like to reassure his readers that he and his counterparts of Sinnoh and Kalos are very close to a breakthrough on that last one.

UB-05: Guzzlord

Guzzlord
The Junkivore Pokémon
Type: Dark/Dragon
Official Registration #: 799
Entry: One of the Ultra Beasts, or strange pokémon that had appeared from another dimension. According to witnesses, this pokémon eats everything in its path, from garbage on the ground to full-on buildings. In fact, guzzlord is constantly eating, stuffing its massive maw with its crab-like hands. However, despite how much it consumes, no one can identify its anus or, in fact, locate its droppings. However, considering what it eats, perhaps it’s better that we never find the inevitable horror that must be guzzlord poop.

It’s good to know that you make an effort to maintain a level of class on this blog, Bill. —LH

It could be worse. These entries could be written by Bebe. —Bill

Good point. —LH

UB-04: Celesteela and Kartana

Celesteela
The Launch Pokémon
Type: Steel/Flying
Official Registration #: 797
Entry: One of the Ultra Beasts, or strange pokémon that had appeared from another dimension. According to witness reports, celesteela possesses incredible firepower—literally. From the cannons that double as its “arms” (no pun intended there), celesteela can shoot blasts of gas so potent it can instantly set fire to an entire forest. This is unfortunate, considering the facts that celesteela is partly a steel-type, that its other type is not fire, and that forest fires can reach temperatures in excess of 1472 degrees Fahrenheit.

Kartana
The Drawn Sword Pokémon
Type: Grass/Steel
Official Registration #: 798
Entry: One of the Ultra Beasts, or strange pokémon that had appeared from another dimension. Despite its status as an Ultra Beast, kartana is not an aggressive pokémon at all. Rather, this small, origami-like pokémon lies still when in the presence of humans and avoids conflict at all times. However, its edges are razor-sharp and capable of slicing clean through steel, so humans should be warned: getting a paper cut from this pokémon is quite literally the worst fate imaginable.

Magearna

We interrupt our series on Ultra Beasts to give you a special entry in time for the holidays. On behalf of the Pokédex, happy holidays, whatever you celebrate!

Magearna
The Artificial Pokémon
Type: Steel/Fairy
Official Registration #: 801
Entry: This unique, doll-like pokémon was created over 500 years ago by a brilliant inventor as a gift to a young princess. It is both sentient and capable understanding human speech, and it possesses both true empathy and an artificial soul. In short, it is a wondrous gift that truly puts every other to shame.

Speaking of inventors who give unnecessarily complicated gifts to young girls, I checked your IP address, Bill, and aren’t you supposed to be celebrating the holidays with your little sister and the rest of your family in Goldenrod, as opposed to, you know, your teleporter and forlorn cottage in Cerulean? —LH

…. —Bill

[BILL has logged off.]

UB-03: Xurkitree

Xurkitree
The Glowing Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 796
Entry: One of the Ultra Beasts, or strange pokémon that had appeared from another dimension. According to witnesses, this pokémon is capable of discharging incredible amounts of electricity by connecting its plug-like tail into the earth and channeling and amplifying the planet’s natural electrical current. Interestingly enough, the bulbs and head of this pokémon also glow like Christmas tree ornaments as it undergoes this process. However, attempting to plug this pokémon into a domestic outlet and use it as a Christmas ornament tends to be ill-advised, less because this may destroy your home’s electrical grid (although, yes, it will do that too) but more because the plug head is only adaptable to outlets used in South Africa, so it’s a little pointless to even try.

UB-02: Buzzwole and Pheromosa

Buzzwole
The Swollen Pokémon
Type: Bug/Fighting
Official Registration #: 794
Entry: One of the Ultra Beasts, or strange pokémon that had appeared from another dimension. Gifted with an impressive physique, this mosquito-like pokémon has been sighted showing off its body by smashing cars in half with single punches and by flexing its muscles. Researchers are still not entirely certain whether these displays are meant to be a boast or a threat. However, having met highly athletic humans who enjoy showing off their muscles and tossing short, skinny, muscularly underdeveloped teenagers into dumpsters, the author is inclined to say boasts and threats are not mutually exclusive conditions.

Pheromosa
The Lissome Pokémon
Type: Bug/Fighting
Official Registration #: 795
Entry: One of the Ultra Beasts, or strange pokémon that had appeared from another dimension. This elegant, cockroach-like pokémon has been spotted running at incredible speeds across the land. However, it has not been seen touching anything but the ground, and it in fact refuses to do so. The reason why it refuses to touch anything is either because it senses some uncleanliness in the world that’s actually there or because it perceives the world to be unclean and is therefore fantastically judgmental and rude; the research community is currently debating which is more likely.

Could you talk about any of the ultra beasts

I could talk about all of them, anonymous, but I suppose the most appropriate place to start with the ultra beasts would be with the first one ever documented:

Nihilego
The Parasite Pokémon
Type: Rock/Poison
Official Registration #: 793
Entry: One of the Ultra Beasts, or strange pokémon that had appeared from another dimension. This jellyfish-like pokémon possesses strange and not well-understood powers, including the ability to teleport, open portals, and influence the human mind. Those who were exposed to this creature’s neurotoxins have reported erratic and often fervent or obsessive behavior, usually culminating in extraordinary feats for the sake of ripping apart the space-time continuum in the name of science and pokémon. Incidentally, the above-mentioned symptoms also describe the effects of hard liquor on the author, which also incidentally is a state that led to the creation of the Time Capsule, so if there are no objections, the author would like to propose an experiment involving himself, a nihilego, and a bottle of whiskey.

I have objections. I have a lot of objections to this plan. —LH

Solgaleo and Lunala

Solgaleo
The Sunne Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Steel
Official Registration #: 791
Entry: The evolved form of cosmoem, by battle experience. According to Alolan legend, this legendary beast came from another world and devoured the sun, then shone the sun’s light from its body before … departing to another world, apparently. Which would take the sun with it, yet not only does the sun still exist, but also, Alola is well-known as being an incredibly sunny region. Also, this pokémon, despite the fact that it radiates light and heat, is not a fire-type at all, and this world is often a fantastic, wonderful place where some things defy any sort of explanation whatsoever.

Lunala
The Moone Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Ghost
Official Registration #: 792
Entry: The evolved form of cosmoem, by battle experience. According to Alolan legend, this legendary beast came from another world and devoured the light of the moon. Which, if one thinks about it for any length of time, makes a little less sense than devouring the light of the sun, but honestly, the author has given up trying to make sense of legendary pokémon at this point.