Sandygast and Palossand

Sandygast
The Sand Heap Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Ground
Official Registration #: 769
Entry: The angry souls of the departed have taken control of a sand heap built by children, resulting in this pokémon. While its control over sand is formidable in and of itself, it’s more known for its ability to possess living humans who stick their hands in its mouth. In other words, if you think about it, nothing about this pokémon makes sense, from why the souls of the departed chose a half-formed sandcastle for a vessel to why anyone would put their hands in the mouth of a clearly sentient and angry living thing. The author would also like to take the time to clarify to the editor that he did it once and only once for science and that almost every other human in existence has no excuse.

Palossand
The Sand Castle Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Ground
Official Registration #: 770
Entry: The evolved form of sandygast, by battle experience. This giant sandcastle pokémon uses its legions of possessed humans to build its sand mound further. For this reason, the average palossand has the potential to grow to enormous sizes, sometimes even taking up an entire beach. Because of its power and size, many native people that share palossand’s tropical habitats have come to fear it, sometimes even worshipping it as a sort of sand guardian, guardian of the sand. The word is still out as to whether or not Poseidon quivers before it, however.

Dhelmise

Dhelmise
The Sea Creeper Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Grass
Official Registration #: 781
Entry: Contrary to popular belief, this pokémon is not anchor-like but rather seaweed-like. It is essentially a seaweed spirit that wraps around a large, heavy object (usually an anchor), which it uses as part of its battling technique. Once it latches onto its chosen anchor, it can swing this object with such force it can take out even a wailord in one hit. Because of this and its tendency to lash out viciously at anything that so much floats within its field of vision, dhelmise is considered to be one of the most destructive forces in the ocean. On a separate note, due to the shape of both its real body and the object it uses, it is a popular tattoo design among Unovans, particularly when paired with the words “I will not sink.” Because Unovans apparently have perfect understanding of how anchors and aggressively violent seaweed ghosts work.

Wimpod and Golisopod

Wimpod
The Turn Tail Pokémon
Type: Bug/Water
Official Registration #: 767
Entry: An isopod pokémon native to tropical beaches. Notorious for its cowardly nature, wimpod are most often seen scurrying along beaches … desperately trying to get away from anything that moves. The best method to catch them is the obvious: barreling straight for them atop a five-foot-tall, 195-pound tauros charging at top speed across unstable shorelines.

Golisopod
The Hard Scale Pokémon
Type: Bug/Water
Official Registration #: 768
Entry: The evolved form of wimpod, by battle experience. Upon evolution, wimpod don’t simply gain height and mass; they also gain a hard, armor-like shell that protects them from physical blows, as well as a set of six sharp claws. These gifts in combination give golisopod a highly intimidating appearance, and as such, most wild pokémon know not to approach it. However, golisopod will fiercely battle any pokémon who’s brave enough to face it anyway … until, of course, golisopod’s special ability—and the last remaining vestiges of its personality as a wimpod—activates, forcing it to flee the battle in terror after sustaining a certain amount of damage.

Comfey

Comfey
The Posy Picker Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 764
Entry: A lei-like pokémon native to tropical regions. Comfey flits about lush forests, gathering up flowers that it attaches to its vine-like tail. Once attached to its body, these flowers become revitalized and give off a very soothing scent. Because of the healing properties of this scent, comfey has become a popular pokémon among wealthy humans and Nurse Joys, who use comfey flowers to make soothing teas and healing baths. One would think this hurts comfey, considering the fact that these flowers are attached to its tail, but strangely enough, it’s comfey who rips these blossoms out in the first place. The author suggests that you do not think too hard about the implications therein.

Oricorio

Oricorio
The Dancing Pokémon
Type: Electric/Flying or Fire/Flying or Psychic/Flying or Ghost/Flying
Official Registration #: 741
Entry: A honeycreeper-like pokémon native to the tropical region of Alola. Four different varieties exist, each native to a separate island of the Alolan archipelago. From what scientists can gather, these form differences are caused by the presence of four distinct species of flowers, which are found separately on each island. When an oricorio sips the nectar of a differently colored flower, it undergoes a form change into the type of oricorio native to the flower’s home island, thus gaining differently colored feathers and a different elemental affinity. In addition to the physical change, each oricorio learns a different dance, which it instantly incorporates into its fighting techniques. These dances are shockingly similar to human dance styles, leading many to speculate on how oricorio could have learned modern cheerleading, the flamenco dancing of a region nowhere near Alola, sacred Alolan folk dances, or the first half of the Gin no Mai, which even the author wasn’t able to learn from his own mother.

Pyukumuku

Pyukumuku
The Sea Cucumber Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 771
Entry: This hardy, sea cucumber pokémon lives in warm, shallow waters. It’s a stubborn pokémon, and it’s known for refusing to move once it finds a spot it likes, even if the food sources around it are depleted. Occasionally, it washes up on shores, where it remains there, basking in the sun and refusing to move even as its body begins to dehydrate. For this reason, out of pity, the native Alolans formed a cultural past-time out of hunting for pyukumuku on their sandy beaches and chucking them out to sea. Some islanders even make a game of it, wherein many Alolans gather to see who can chuck pyukumuku the furthest. This may mark the one and only time a human being can unceremoniously use a pokémon as a substitute sports ball and not be stabbed in the hand for their efforts.

Minior

Minior
The Meteor Pokémon
Type: Rock/Flying
Official Registration #: 774
Entry: A small, meteoroid pokémon native to the mountains where cleffa are prevalent. The most commonly sighted form is actually composed of this pokémon surrounded by a rocky shell formed from its own wastes. Minior’s true form is a ball of brightly colored plasma most commonly found in the upper atmosphere. It consumes dust at the edge of Earth’s stratosphere, and when this dust is digested, it colors minior’s plasma and forms its outside shell. When minior grows heavy enough, it falls to Earth, where its shell may break open, either on impact or whenever it’s struck by a wild opponent. The core, meanwhile, is unstable and explodes after a few seconds of exposure unless drawn into the suspension grid of a poké ball. Because of the highly volatile nature of its own body, minior often employ the move Self-Destruct in a desperate attempt to keep itself from predators. Despite the danger its very nature poses, minior is a favored companion to cleffa, who are often seen attempting to catch and ride minior in possibly the most adorable and unfortunate examples of pokémon-to-pokémon domestication in existence. It’s considered to be highly cute because of cleffa’s adorable nature and the light minior produce, but it’s considered to be highly unfortunate because cleffa don’t normally possess defenses against a close-range Self-Destruct.

Turtonator and Drampa

Turtonator
The Blast Turtle Pokémon
Type: Fire/Dragon
Official Registration #: 776
Entry: A mata-mata-like pokémon native to the mountains of volcanic, tropical regions. Everything about this pokémon is explosive. Its shell is liable to explode violently on impact; it breathes volatile, highly flammable gases; its internal organs can be extracted and used as alternative fuel; and even its dung can be used as a substitute for TNT. This, of course, explains thoroughly why it lives in the hottest areas of volcanic regions, as close to sources of heat as possible. Given the hazards in trekking to this pokémon’s natural habitats to obtain one and the hazards in training one at all, if your opponent sends a turtonator out to battle you, it may be wise to forfeit. There is, of course, no true danger in facing a turtonator that’s been adequately trained (because, as noted elsewhere on this blog, pokémon can often control their deadlier abilities); it’s just that when seeing a pokémon this dangerous to obtain and train in the first place, you may wish to ask yourself if it’s really worth it to face a trainer who is apparently extremely deficient in self-preservation instincts.

Drampa
The Placid Pokémon
Type: Normal/Dragon
Official Registration #: 780
Entry: A Zhulong-like pokémon native to snowy mountaintops. An extremely friendly dragon, it comes down from its isolated habitat at the peak of a mountain to interact with humans, especially human children. However, it should also be noted that angering a drampa is unwise, as it also possesses the ability to level skyscrapers with its intense draconic breath. Naturally, it’s the favored subject of many children’s program, in part because of its cartoonish design and friendliness towards children and in part because showing a cartoonish, friendly dragon leveling cities is apparently fantastic entertainment to both Alolan and Unovan children.

I’m thinking about going on vacation next summer. Sevii Islands, Orange Islands, or Alola?

Hm. I suppose it would depend on what you want from an island vacation.

Allow me to put it this way: although all three of those regions are tropical in nature, their cultures make them vastly different. In Alola, the people are highly friendly and eager to share their culture with outsiders, in part because the tourism industry is the biggest contributor to their economy. As such, if you’re the sort of tourist who enjoys exploring historical landmarks and observing regional culture, Alola is an excellent choice for a destination.

Meanwhile, the Orange Islands also rely on their tourist industry, but it shares a lot of culture with its neighbors, Kanto, Johto, and Hoenn. Thus, people travel to the Orange Islands less to take in the regional culture and more to enjoy a tropical island paradise. There are plenty of resorts and relaxation spots throughout the archipelago, and the less-inhabited islands, such as the Seven Grapefruit Islands, are tourist destinations centered around the region’s agricultural industry or its unique gym circuit. (I would highly recommend the Orange Islands’ fruit tasting tour, for example.)

Finally, the Sevii Islands are far less inhabited than the other two regions, and due to that and its general isolation, the locals are less friendly towards outsiders. You’ll find it harder to partake in local culture or find a resort outside of Seven Island. Even then, Seven Island is more of a destination for trainers due to the Battle Tower, rather than a general tourist spot. (Seven Island is also home to the Tanoby Ruins, but that’s a highly sacred site to the Seviian people. Thus, it’s discouraged for most people to enter them.) On the other hand, the entire island chain features highly rugged territory, beautiful swaths of wilderness, and the best hot springs in Japan, so it’s worth exploring for those who enjoy hiking or training in rigorous environments.

Additionally, if you’re a trainer who likes transitioning from a vacation to your next big adventure, keep in mind that only the Orange Islands has a gym circuit. Granted, each gym is a bit nontraditional in nature. Rather than simply a battle, you’re required to participate in a challenge of skill before you’re permitted to face the gym leader. There are four gyms in all, culminating into a battle against the reigning champion. Thus, the Orange Islands may have something fairly close to the gym circuit you’re used to, but at the same time, it’s a vastly different experience from the traditional gym system.

Alola has its own trainer’s circuit in the form of the island challenge, but this is more of a local concept. Outsiders can participate, but they’re less encouraged to do so. However, the Pokémon Association is in talks with Professor Kukui about setting up an actual gym circuit in the region, but this won’t happen for a few years and is therefore less useful to you.

The Sevii Islands, as noted earlier, has no gym circuit or equivalent trial of their own; besides training in the wilderness, the only facility for trainers is the Battle Tower on Seven Island. Of course, also as noted earlier, the region is still filled with excellent training spots.

In short, if you’re the sort of person who just wishes to relax in the island sun, go to the Orange Islands. If you’re looking for a full tourist experience, try Alola. Finally, if you wish to go on a full-scale adventure in the wilderness, take your team to the Sevii Islands.

May your vacation be highly enjoyable, regardless of what you choose, anonymous!

Salandit and Salazzle

Salandit
The Toxic Lizard Pokémon
Type: Poison/Fire
Official Registration #: 757
Entry: A salamander pokémon native to tropical regions. More specifically, it lives on the craggy slopes of active volcanoes, where it mixes its own toxic gas with gases of its environment to create a noxious but sweet-smelling perfume. This perfume has the ability to not only lure in prey but also disorient them, allowing salandit—which, incidentally, normally travel in packs—to draw prey close enough to attack. These noxious properties have not gone unnoticed by humans, of course, and as such, certain groups have figured out how to refine and bottle these gases to produce the exact thing you think they would: perfume.

Salazzle
The Toxic Lizard Pokémon
Type: Poison/Fire
Official Registration #: 758
Entry: The evolved form of the rare female salazzle, by battle experience. Each salazzle possesses an abundance of pheromone glands. Due to their rarity and these pheromones, salazzle have the tendency to attract mass amounts of male salandit wherever they go. These salandit then become integrated into each salazzle’s reverse harem, and yes, there have indeed been plenty of ridiculous shoujo anime titles made from this exact premise.