Wait, I thought Cassius lived in Kalos. Did he move from Unova to Kalos to be an administrator? Also, what do you guys mean by Bill had a “reputation back then”? Just unapproachable or something else?

It’s true that Cassius spent most of his life in Kalos and once had ties to gang activity in Lumiose specifically. (He’s very open about both facts, although for obvious reasons, he’s prouder of the former.) However, he also spent some time traveling the world and working for shadier organizations before either of us found him.

Thankfully, this is all in the past, and Cassius has expressed no desire to return to that lifestyle. I’m also rather proud of him because he’s had a clean record for the past few years. He hasn’t even gotten a parking ticket since his time as my protege, that’s how dedicated he is.

Concerning your other question, meanwhile … it may be easier to let Lanette explain.


Bill’s reputation was nothing insidious, really. He just had a tendency to “creep people out,” as the saying goes. You see, Bill spoke up enough in class, but he kept to himself for his first year of college otherwise. That is to say, you only really heard him speak in discussions within a classroom setting—with students, with the professor, that sort of thing. Otherwise, he was known to lurk just about anywhere: computer labs, libraries, popular student spots, class halls—all over campus. He’d rarely speak in those places (largely because he would rarely be seen with anyone to speak to), and he would often be working too hard to make his presence known. So you would be working hard late at night, browsing through the library, and all of a sudden, you’d stumble across a bedraggled little kid with his hair in his eyes like a horror movie cliché, just huddled in a corner at the very edge of your field of vision. Or you’d be walking along late at night from the computer lab across campus, and you’d turn around and find a kid wandering behind you who, up until that point, had been completely silent. People used to call him the “ghost kid” because of things like this.

Those who weren’t unsettled by Bill’s talent of popping up out of nowhere were unsettled by the fact that he was a little kid taking advanced physics. Granted, so was I, but Bill always looked younger than he actually was, especially back then. To make matters worse, he really was rather unapproachable in that he rarely expressed any interest in human interaction and was uncomfortably business-like when spoken to.

In all, before I met him, Bill had been a very difficult case. That is why I wanted to befriend him so badly, actually. He was a challenge. Getting him to be more personable towards humans for the sake of our investors and employers … even more so. —LH

A challenge? I’m not sure whether or not I should be flattered. —Bill

Mm, remember, Bill, I’ve known you for almost a decade. —LH

Ah, true. Well, in that case, I thank you kindly for the compliment. —Bill

How did you meet/hire the various other region administrators?

Editor’s Note: Bill and I felt it was appropriate to respond to this question together, and in order to present our response, we thought it would be easiest to give you the transcript of our conversation, rather than simply have Bill speak with my comments interjected now and then. —LH


BILL
Well, if we count everyone, Brigette was fairly easy to recruit. As Lanette’s sister, one of us already knew her and what she could do. The tricky part was convincing her that the storage system was a viable idea, as she was one of the few individuals privy to its development.

LH
She was also not very fond of you.

BILL
Yes, true. To explain, I had … a reputation back then.

LH
Most of our fellow students at Celadon University thought he was rather … difficult to approach. He didn’t bother me, but Brigette was a different matter. It took my active involvement and several attempts at forming a study group to get the two to meet properly.

BILL
[laughs] Yes, I remember that.

LH
And then there was Bebe.

BILL
Oh yes. Bebe. We didn’t so much meet her as she met us.

LH
After the establishment of the system, we started a message board as a means of connecting with people interested in working with our software. It seemed logical, as we both wanted the system to be as open-source as possible. Bebe joined fairly early on with other users from Johto.

BILL
We first noticed her not only because she was an active user but also because she would frequently reach out to new members and help us answer their questions.

LH
Of course, the fact that she was from Goldenrod City might have helped her case in Bill’s eyes too.

BILL
Well, it certainly didn’t hurt! In any case, when we were establishing a new branch of the storage system in Sinnoh, we knew we wouldn’t be able to handle it ourselves, so instead, we decided to collect applications from the most helpful users on our board. Bebe and the Sunyshore City gym leader, Volkner, were among the topmost promising candidates, but in the end, we felt Bebe was the stronger of the two in terms of system knowledge and interpersonal communication.

LH
Also, you had that disagreement with Volkner that led to—

BILL
Amanita. Her story was similar to Brigette’s, actually. We met Dr. Fennel through college, so when we decided to extend the system into Unova, she was naturally our first choice to run it. Unfortunately, she had just started on her own research into the Dream World and thus wanted to devote her energies to that instead of establishing the system. Perfectly understandable, if you ask me.

LH
Of course. So, Bill and I went to Unova to choose another candidate from a list of Fennel’s personal recommendations. But then, Bill noticed little Amanita working alongside Fennel, and the aforementioned list was thrown right out the window.

BILL
When a then-five-year-old is calibrating a pokémon EEG device by herself, you simply must stop to talk to her.

LH
I can’t blame you for that. I believe we nearly forgot about Celio, by the way?

BILL
Ah yes. Well, technically, I met Celio right around the same time as Bebe. He had joined the same board, but he was always more of a quiet member. His posts were valuable, of course, but he preferred as quiet an existence as possible. It wasn’t until I’d met him when giving a talk at Celadon University years later that he introduced himself and showed me a sample of his work. I had shared the sample with Lanette, and right away, the both of us were impressed.

LH
So naturally, we set him up with an online apprenticeship. We both taught him everything we knew, although I do believe Bill always spent more time with him.

BILL
He’s certainly a promising candidate. Perhaps if the Sevii Islands ever establishes a proper league or if we ever find a suitable place for him, we can make his inclusion among us more official.

LH
Until then, I certainly appreciate his work connecting our systems.

BILL
Oh yes. So I suppose that leaves us with Cassius.

LH
Cassius hacked into the system, and rather than pressing charges, Bill thought it would be a great idea to have him do some community service, if by “community service,” one means “work for the system he was hacking into on behalf of a mysterious benefactor in Unova who almost certainly was Team Plasma.”

BILL
To be fair, it worked. Cassius turned into a completely trustworthy member of our team … although his work ethic may leave something to be desired.

LH
Bill, everyone’s work ethic leaves something to be desired compared to yours. Also, how did you even do that, anyway?

BILL
What, get Cassius to reform? Charisma, my dear Lanette. Charisma.

LH
Right. Anyway, I think that’s everyone, except for Hayley, but Hayley is Bebe’s friend and also not technically an administrator, so—

BILL
Hold on, Lanette. We haven’t talked about how we met.

LH
Ah, but don’t you think we’ve gone on long enough?

BILL
[laughs] True. It would be nice to spare some mystery in all of this, wouldn’t it?

LH
Exactly.

Bill what is it about the Eevee line that made you so interested in them? Cuteness? The branched evolutions? And Lanette is the answer that he gives an honest one as far as you can tell?

Well, I must confess that part of it is personal. My mother was a kimono girl, and she had kept her espeon from her days as such. So in truth, I have grown up alongside one of eevee’s evolutions, and many of my fondest memories (as well as those that are … not-so-fond, admittedly) involve that very espeon or the eevee kits she mothered.

Additionally, yes, part of it is for scientific curiosity, as while the general idea of how eevee can have so many alternative evolutions is known, there is still a vast body of questions concerning its genetic code and how many evolutions it actually has. For example, scientists are discovering new evolutions every few years, and we are still not certain as to whether or not eevee can possess an evolution that boasts more than one type.

Not only that, but also, the fact that it accepts evolution so readily makes it an ideal subject for evolutionary scientists in much the same way as the fruit fly has been the subject of much genetic research. Eevee alone has unlocked or may unlock many of the secrets to pokémon evolution that had plagued researchers for centuries.

And finally, how can anyone resist such a cute button nose or those fuzzy ears and tail? Honestly.


All of this is true, although I still question my partner’s opinions. I, for one, can resist eevee’s “cute button nose” and “fuzzy ears and tail” quite easily. Skitty and clefairy are far, far more charming. —LH

I’m sure they are if you enjoy having all your wires chewed up or covered with clefairy’s crystalline spit. —Bill

Lanette what was the first pokemon that you ever had? And how many PokeDolls do you own?

If we don’t count any pokémon my family collectively owned, my starter was a mudkip, which I had received at the age of ten from a newly instated Professor Birch. That mudkip eventually grew into a swampert, one of my closest friends, aside from my sister and the other administrators.

As for your second question, I own a modest collection.
— LH

She owns enough to fill a bed and several shelves. They’re quite literally everywhere in her house. —Bill

Yes. As I’ve said, a modest collection. —LH

I was looking through the Archive and was wondering, Lanette, could you tell us more about the incident in Lavender Town that began with Bebe and a bottle of whiskey and ended with an exorcism?

During that research expedition, we learned that possession by ghost pokémon only happens if the subject is weak-willed or if the subject invites a ghost-type to possess them. Of course, all three of us have naturally strong wills due to the rigors of our studies, and among us, Bill is the only one who has undergone additional meditative training specifically designed to build resistance to psychic and spiritual influences, thanks to his prolonged exposure to a kadabra.

Unfortunately, all the training and rigorous study habits in the world mean absolutely nothing when you lack your Scottish ancestors’ legendary alcohol tolerance but possess, in its stead, an insatiable curiosity as well as the belief that the best way to interact with a pokémon is directly, usually by way of inviting it to do—and I quote—“whatever it would do naturally.”
—LH

On the positive side, we gained a lot of valuable data from that. —Bill

Bill, we were forced to chain you to the floor. —LH

The porygon I got from the game corner has been trying to possess my Pokedex. I’ve heard of rotom occasionally trying to do this, but what would happen if porygon managed to? Is there risk to porygon or the data in the ‘dex?

It certainly depends on whether or not you plan on evolving it. A porygon by itself is actually a rather obedient pokémon and will follow your instructions to the letter. It’s simply attempting to integrate with what it perceives to be a more comfortable environment, and once it’s there, any risk to the health of either the porygon or your pokédex is rather minimal, as your porygon will work alongside your pokédex’s software and thrive in its native format. In short, you very likely won’t even notice it, save for possibly a slight increase in your pokédex’s efficiency.

Should you upgrade your pokédex with a porygon inside it, however, this will still satisfy its requirements for evolution, even though you haven’t given it its upgrade software or sent it through a trading machine. Some trainers even find this a more approachable alternative to purchasing a separate upgrade and finding a trainer with whom to trade. Additionally, once evolved, porygon2 gains a more refined AI, which is designed specifically to go out of its way to help its trainer in any way possible. Thus, a pokédex containing a porygon2 will perform better and faster than a pokédex with a porygon or an uninhabited pokédex, all because the porygon2 within it is better at understanding and executing commands than its predecessor or the pokédex alone.

However, once upgraded, be sure to withdraw your porygon2 from your pokédex before attempting any further upgrades, and beware of any downloads you receive on your device. Any upgrades will result in your porygon2 evolving into porygon-z, which…

Let’s just say that porygon-z goes to considerable lengths to do anything but behave in a way that makes remote sense. In the best case scenario, it may manifest a Zap Cannon from within the confines of your device’s hardware, resulting in the destruction of your device (and possibly your bag and its contents). In what’s not quite the worst case scenario but the scenario that’s significantly less appealing, your pokédex will automatically take you to the strange parts of YouTube every time you try to look up an entry. Maybe. There are … there are cases worse than that, actually.

Lanette, Bill has told us that he has never been fortunate enough to encounter a legendary, but have you? What legendary would you most hope to encounter?

Unfortunately no, anonymous, although I’ve certainly seen the effects of the Hoenn-based legendaries’ awakening. It’s rather difficult to ignore the abnormally torrential downpours or the excruciatingly bright sunlight. My poor berry plants suffered as a result of that.

Of course, it’s always been my dream to see one, but as a researcher and pokémon enthusiast myself, it’s merely logical that I would. That being said, contrary to what Bill would have you believe, I’m thoroughly convinced that the best legendaries to meet are from right here in the Hoenn region. I’m speaking, of course, of specifically Jirachi and the Lati twins. It’s hard to resist a legendary that can grant wishes or the mysteries of the guardian duo. Or perhaps a better answer might be Deoxys, whose origins as a mutated extraterrestrial virus make it particularly scientifically fascinating.

Then again, Sinnoh also hosts quite a number of interesting legendaries itself! Beings that control time and space, a dragon that occupies a completely separate dimension from our own, a fairy that gave us intelligence (although perhaps not Uxie, given that it also possess the power to erase a human’s memory…), the empress of dreams … it’s quite difficult to choose, I suppose.

On the other hand, perhaps Jirachi, when everything is said and done. After all, if it was possible to wish for anything, then it would stand to reason that one could simply wish for other legendaries to appear, wouldn’t you agree?
—LH

(…It seems I don’t have the heart to tell her this would be cheating. —Bill)

I was wondering, do you have any advice about how to stop a pyromaniac Ninetails from setting random things on fire to see how something burns? Things that have been set on fire: homework, cellphone, PokeDex, neighbor’s fence, and various other things. Like Ninetails makes sure that no one is hurt (somehow), but still this is getting out of hand.

At the risk of saying something rather insensitive, it depends on the gender of your ninetales and whether or not there are any pokémon that share its egg group in your area. Soon after evolution, male ninetales gain the tendency to set things on fire as a mating ritual. The hotter, more numerous, larger, or brilliant the fire, the more attractive the ninetales makes himself seem to potential mates, as a healthy fire is an indicator of the health of the ninetales. (This is true for all fire-types, but it’s especially true for ninetales, who use showy displays to highlight all their traits.) This behavior will carry on until the ninetales finds a suitable mate or succeeds in winning the mate he is already attempting to woo. Therefore, there are two solutions that could resolve this issue:

  1. Figuring out whom ninetales is trying to win over and assisting in any way possible.
  2. Neutering your ninetales.

It is worth it to note that neutering your ninetales may stop it from setting random fires, but it may cause it to set you on fire until it understands that the process is rather irreversible. Or until you find a suitable way to apologize. It is highly recommended that you purchase an abundance of your ninetales’ favorite types of toys and food before engaging in this solution.

If a female is engaging in this behavior, however, or if your male ninetales is not interested in mating (either because it does not wish to mate or because it is already neutered), it is very likely that your ninetales is simply bored and annoyed by the attention you or other people are affording these objects. If this is the case, purchase the aforementioned abundance of favorite types of toys and food and attempt to appease your ninetales. Should this fail, spend extra time each night brushing its fur. If this fails, procure a large bag of pokénip and try appeasing your ninetales with homemade pokéblock, puffs, or poffins made with a mix of pokénip and its favorite flavors. If that fails, switch your ninetales’ ball to a luxury, friend, premier, or ultra ball, all of which are proven to soothe the contained pokémon.

If you have gone through all of these options and nothing works, then you are at the mercy of your ninetales, and your only other option is meeting a trainer with a ninetales of the opposite gender facing a similar issue. This will very likely not result in a mating, but at the very least, it will distract both of your ninetales long enough for you to get peace.

Can you do the Lillipup line, please?

Ah, the lillipup line! Puppy-like lines are certainly some of the most fascinating, although I must say that lillipup isn’t quite as scientifically curious as eevee. Nonetheless…

Lillipup
The Puppy Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 506
Entry: According to the Unovan pokédex, this small, terrier-like pokémon is both brave and intelligent. When faced with an opponent of equal or lesser strength than itself, it will attack to defend its trainer from harm. However, when faced with an opponent of greater strength than itself, it will acknowledge its opponent’s strength and run away. Unfortunately, however, this is only what it does in theory. In practice, lillipup are small, tenacious pokémon that will bark and charge at anything, regardless of power. While this may sound adorable, the author should warn you that this means anything and that it would be extremely prudent to keep lillipup away from anything that may charge a trainer as well. Such as bouffalant. 

Herdier
The Loyal Dog Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 507
Entry: The evolved form of lillipup, by battle experience. As herdier grows, the black, cape-like fur on its back hardens and thickens to form a cushion against any blow it may receive. Each hair is coarse, and the older a herdier gets, the coarser and more needle-like these hairs become. It should also be noted that while herdier normally do not shed excessively, the occasional hair loss is normal … which is to say, it may be prudent to get rid of any and all carpeting in your home.

Stoutland
The Big-Hearted Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 508
Entry: The evolved form of herdier, by battle experience. Although many people outside of the research community believe stoutland’s species name refers to its kindness and bravery (traits inferred from its tendency to seek out and rescue lost humans and pokémon in even the fiercest mountainous blizzards), in actuality, it stems from its literal abnormally large heart, which can weigh up to 1.2% of its body weight—possibly even more for those that exercise particularly vigorously. How a three-foot-tall dog can have a heart that large without telekinetic assistance or suffering the effects of abnormally high blood pressure or other coronary issues is still a matter of scientific debate and fascination.

Hey, can you write something on Noibat and Noivern? :D

Certainly!

Noibat
The Sound Wave Pokémon
Type: Flying/Dragon
Official Registration #: 714
Entry: A small, bat-like pokémon native to the most remote Kalosean cave systems. Noibat thrive in the deepest parts of a cave system and only come out during the darkest parts of the night in order to hunt for insects and forage for fruits in peace. It navigates both the darkness of its labyrinthine home and the pitch black of its hunting grounds by using echolocation combined with the uniquely potent ultrasonic waves that noibat are infamous for. Clocking in at 200 kHz, noibat’s cries cannot be heard by the human ear but can be felt on an intrinsic level and have been known to render even the hardiest human incapacitated. These cries also explain why zubat, who also use echolocation and possess sensitive hearing, are not native to caves where noibat live … and why bringing a noibat with you to caves where zubat do live will make you a very popular trainer very quickly.

Noivern
The Sound Wave Pokémon
Type: Flying/Dragon
Official Registration #: 715
Entry: The evolved form of noibat, by battle experience. Because of its alarming appearance and the fact that—like the hematophagous crobat—it is a bat-like pokémon, noivern has cultivated a negative cultural reputation. There are many stories of noivern swooping into homes in the night to suck blood from unsuspecting humans, and even in modern times, noivern is irrevocably intertwined with the legend of the vampire. However, trainers should rest assured that noivern is primarily a frugavore, with much of its diet consisting of berries with the occasional supplement of insect-based protein, regardless of what the Kalosean pokédex would have you believe. In fact, noivern is actually rather docile and avoids human contact if at all possible, unless tamed—at which point, it becomes a fiercely loyal pokémon known for its nocturnal battling abilities and eagerness to please. Crobat, on the other hand…