I was reading some pamphlets sent out by some “Paras Preservation Society”, and I figured I’d go to the experts to ask. Does evolving into a Parasect really reduce the quality of life for them that much?

While paras by and large retains its own mind before evolution and can potentially regain some semblance of independence (such as in the case of paras separating from their mushrooms when exposed to hot, dry environments), the truth is, not really, anonymous. Prior to evolution, the mushroom feeds on paras, which doesn’t necessarily kill them but does actually hinder their growth. Paras that never evolve tend to be weaker and more lethargic as time goes on (more so than most other bug-types, that is), and their life expectancy is less than fifteen years.

However, upon evolution, the host’s mind is completely absorbed by the mushroom, resulting in an organism that’s essentially a mushroom driving an insect body. While this may seem gruesome, the mind of the paras still exists within the complete organism; it’s simply mixed into that of the mushroom. (That is, your parasect can still remember you and everything it experienced with you. It’s simply a mix of mushroom and bug that’s mostly mushroom.) Moreover, because the parasect’s body is essentially that of the fungus, the fungus stops feeding on its host, allowing it to grow in tandem with itself. That is to say, a parasect’s life expectancy is far longer than that of a paras, and it wouldn’t be unusual to have a parasect experience a sudden boost in energy and appetite.

In other words, while it’s true that the parasect host had been taken over and essentially “swallowed” by its mushroom parasite, on the other hand, the act of doing so allows it to live a longer, pain-free life. Meanwhile, it’s true that paras has more independence than its evolved form, but it also is constantly hindered by its own parasitic mushrooms. So … quite honestly, one could argue either way, but I personally think that being taken over by a different species that grants me a boost in energy, special abilities, and a longer life span is a fair trade for a bit of bodily autonomy.

But then again, I’ve also been told I’m odd like that.

i’ve decided to train my dear sylveon and minccino to become cute contest masters! do you have any tips, such as what kinds of berries make the most effective sweet poffins and pink pokeblocks, special training techniques for cute contests, places where i can find high-quality cute contest costumes? thank you so much!!

….

Lanette! Help!

LH: Honestly, Bill it wouldn’t kill you to learn a little more about training besides care and mechanics.

But fine.

Anonymous, to answer your questions in order:

The best pokéblocks are made with high-quality sweet berries, such as watmel, custap, and liechi. These berries may also carry other qualities (such as spicy, in liechi’s case), but don’t worry. So long as it’s also strongly sweet, they’ll still be effective.
Unlike poffins (see below), you must use high-quality sweet berries. Most of a pokéblock’s quality depends on the sweetness of the original fruits used, so although high-quality sweet berries are expensive and difficult to import, they’re worth it if you can get your hands on them.
Of course, a little-known secret to making pokéblocks: you can used store-bought or canned berries, and the result will be the same. These may be easier to obtain than fresh.
Poffins, meanwhile, can be made with the same berries, but because a poffin’s quality relies a little more on technique than specific flavor, you can get away with substituting lower-quality and thus easier-to-obtain-or-grow berries such as mago or magost. Just be extra careful in stirring and cooking; you’ll need near-perfect technique if you’re going to get a poffin made with a lower quality berry to taste like one made with a higher quality berry.
Cute contests, like beauty and cool contests, rely almost entirely on appearance (as awkward as that is to say out loud). So it’s important to focus on perfecting cute moves, such as Attract, Draining Kiss, or Tickle. That means not only getting their basic execution down but also training your pokémon to use them as cutely as possible. Emphasize body language as much as raw technique, in other words. (A secret: I’ve always found that watching romantic comedies with my pokémon and having them emulate some of the “techniques” their characters use heighten the effectiveness of our performances, but be as creative as you’d like!)
Despite being home to performances and not contests, the best accessories and costumes are actually found in the boutiques of Lumiose City. Many of these have online stores that will ship to pokémon centers around the world, and contrary to popular belief, the prices are fairly reasonable. So as much of a hassle as that sounds, it’s actually a pretty viable option, especially if you’re looking for something cute but elegant. Otherwise, if you’re participating in the Hoenn contest circuit, go to Lilycove Department Store for cheap but high-quality items. Coordinators of the Sinnoh contest circuit swear by the indie shops of Hearthome City.

Hope this helps, anonymous! Good luck!

Bill , I genuinely want you to do a professor ‘dex’ because your opinion on them may be comedic GOLD. Especially when you get to professor kukui . Damn, I’m suprised That nobody’s uploaded his shenanigans up to YouTube yet

While I’ve been asked enough times to do this that Professors Juniper (understandable), Oak (to my utter horror), and Burnet (not Kukui but has said she would “print my entry out and frame it” if I wrote one for him) have given me their blessing to write such entries, I’m afraid I respect all of the professors too much to do so.

Also, Professor Rowan hasn’t exactly threatened me, but he has informed me that he’s aware of this blog and the questions about such a professor dex. In fact, he has informed me with all the warmth of a cryogonal eating a vanilluxe. In the dead of winter. In Arctic Siberia. Punctuated with a suspicious non-sequitur about how the gyarados he had caught for his studies is doing rather well, should I be curious to know.

Hey there! Me and my grovyle love to travel all over the world, and lately we’ve been thinking about adding another pokemon to our team. Any recommendations?

That depends on your needs within your family, anonymous. Obviously, you’ll want something that can travel, so I wouldn’t recommend wailord, snorlax, ferrothorn, or the like. Also, it may be advisable to avoid pokémon that are commonly barred from either travel centers or entire regions, such as most noxious poison-types (standard muk, weezing, etc.) or members of the voltorb line. Some regions also bar common spore- or seed-producing pokémon, such as parasect, to avoid the accidental introduction of invasive plant species.

Beyond that, the sky really is the limit for you (forgive the possible pun). Ask your grovyle if it has any preferences, and if not, consider catching local pokémon in the regions you travel to or finding a pokémon you would most like to travel with yourself. The former option is honestly the one I recommend the most. Going out and catching pokémon from regions you visit encourages you to explore each region and befriend a wide variety of pokémon. This in turn will naturally broaden your horizons more than restricting yourself to two partners from a region you know.

Best of luck, and safe travels, anonymous!

Hello! My service Pokémon, an Eevee, recently went in for a check up.. and came out a Jolteon! I’m not sure what happened, but do you have any advice? I was planning to evolve him into a Vaporeon later in life, so this turn of events is rather jarring. I was never told that the nurse would evolve him, either.

I would first query the center, if I’m to be perfectly blunt, anonymous. It’s strictly against protocol to allow a service pokémon to evolve without an owner’s consent, as doing so risks rendering the pokémon unable to work. You may even be eligible for compensation, although I admit I’m less familiar with the laws about that.

Other than that, determine if your jolteon: A) can still perform the tasks he was meant to do for you, and B) is happy as a jolteon. If the answer to both is yes, then hopefully, things will be all right with some minor adjustments. Simply care for him the same way you would have if he were still an eevee, only increase his food and water, and keep him away from sensitive electronics until he can better control his abilities, as well as windows during thunderstorms from now onwards. If the answer to either question is no—especially the first question—then you should contact your local disability services organization immediately for a new service pokémon and support for your case.

Best of luck, anonymous, and I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.

I have heard of some trainers fighting alongside their pokemon, or even developing abilities akin to what pokemon can do themselves (such as trainers with psychic abilities or the ability to commune with pokemon). Do you think this is due to some evolutionary connection between pokemon and humans, or a result of our centuries old cohabitation?

That depends on the ability, anonymous. In the case of unusual feats of a physical nature, some of these cases were simply a matter of individual training. For example, trainers who work alongside fighting-types such as machamp or infernape sometimes grow stronger or more agile than humans who don’t, simply because of the nature of their training. On the other hand, those that suddenly develop special abilities—such as, for example, the people who gain mild psychic abilities or heightened intuition from years of training with psychic-types—are less understood or explainable. The going theory is that our bonds with pokémon become so strong that they unlock hidden potential within every human. That is to say, every human may be psychic; it’s just that we can’t access those abilities until we bond with pokémon.

Which leads me to those, like Sabrina and aura users, who were born with that potential already unlocked. Where did that potential come from? Where did we as a species come from, and what are we if we’re members of the animal kingdom but possess such strong links to pokémon? Those are some of the greatest mysteries of our world, the kind that every researcher wishes to answer.

Personally, I believe that the potential we all have is indeed the vestiges of our heritage—though not necessarily that we were ourselves pokémon once. (I’m open to that theory, but we’re too genetically different. That’s why humans belong to an entirely different taxonomic kingdom from pokémon.) What I mean to say is it may be an evolutionary adaptation that’s meant to better equip us for life in cohabitation with pokémon. After all, no animal lives closer to pokémon than the human race, and I mean no arrogance or speciesism by saying that. It’s simple fact: whereas it’s true that all other animals share habitats with pokémon (sometimes even working together to survive), humanity’s relationship with pokémon runs deeper, to the point where we often form lifelong partnerships akin to the bonds human best friends share with each other. (I know that some pet animal owners will take exception to this comment, but I mean to say that tamed pokémon are seen as very nearly equal to their human partners.)

So because of this relationship to pokémon, our species has gradually evolved to keep up with them, so to speak. We’ve evolved to become adaptable and easily changed, with vast reservoirs of potential within every one of us, just waiting to be unlocked to match the partners we choose. That, in my opinion, is part of what makes humans so fascinating.

I have a question about my Flygon. I’ve had her for years, I captured her in the wild as a Vibrava and she evolved four years ago, but there’s something bothering me: she’s tiny. Normal Flygon are about 6’07” but mine doesn’t even hit 6′. She was this tiny upon completing evolution so I figured she just needed some time to grow, but she hasn’t. I’m feeding her fresh meats and kibbles every day, but she’s still tiny. She’s also getting plenty of exercise. Is something wrong with her?

Not really, anonymous. Just as humans come in a wide variety of different heights, so too do pokémon. The average you might see listed in the pokédex is merely an average: the average height of a pokémon species, as determined from data collected through a large sample. In truth, only a handful of flygon are actually 6′07″; they are otherwise a wide variety of different heights, from 4′00″ all the way up to 8′00″. There’s only something wrong if your flygon is excessively small or large, and that’s only because such heights can be linked to actual medical problems that your local Nurse Joy would have diagnosed by now.

In short, anonymous, your flygon may be perfectly fine—just a bit on the shorter side than most.

Hi I hope your day is going well, I have a male Nidoran and he tends to be really quiet and doesn’t enjoy battling too much. My father wants to pass down his gym to me and I would love for him to be a part of my main team. How do I get him excited about battles? I should probably already know this if I’m going to be a gym leader…

Don’t.

You must excuse me for my tone, anonymous, but the long and short of it is that if a pokémon doesn’t wish to be a part of a gym team, they shouldn’t be forced into it. Gym battles are more intense than average, everyday training, and if a pokémon’s heart isn’t into it, then that will translate badly on the battlefield. Your pokémon may be at a higher risk of getting injured if he’s not battling to his fullest capabilities, with his heart 100% in what he’s doing. It’s better to allow him to watch from the sidelines than to force him to take part in something he doesn’t wish to participate in.

Perhaps, down the line, he may change his mind, especially if he’s allowed to watch you battle frequently. However, don’t press him (into either battling or watching), and until he shows an interest in battling, don’t risk his safety by battling with him.

I’ve recently gotten a Beldum as a starter and I wonder if you could tell me the habits and information I need to know about the evolutionary line? Thanks.

The beldum line tends to be a bit … mechanical in nature. That is to say, unlike many pseudolegendaries (dragonite, salamence, and the like), metagross is a relatively tame final evolution, and its preevolutions aren’t that wild either. At most, you may need to watch out for beldum, as it may occasionally use Take Down for no discernible reason whatsoever, but if you’re a new trainer, you’ll likely spend most of your time outdoors (and thus away from any potential hazards for property damage). On the other hand, you will also need plenty of healing items on hand at all times, as beldum only know Take Down until after evolution, which means the only move they can use is a move that also does damage to the subject. Moreover, beldum—as with many other pseudolegendaries—are notoriously slow to raise, so you may find yourself using Take Down a lot.

In terms of care, beldum and its evolutions need little. Most of their nutrition comes from consuming minerals around them, although you could feed them kibble if you wish. Otherwise, allow yours to roam around outside and plant itself occasionally for feeding. It requires no water, and as it’s a mostly mechanical being, it needs little in the way of distractions. It would be a good idea to read to it now and then, however, as this develops its mental abilities. Likewise, be sure to polish it frequently (ideally every day but more practically, every week), and apply a metal coat to it if you notice any cracks, dents, or other damage in its outer shell.

Other than that, there isn’t much else one would need to know to raise a beldum. They’re essentially one of the easiest pokémon to care for, even though they’re among the hardest for a new trainer to train. But so long as you have patience and plenty of money for a healthy stock of potions, you should be fine.

Best of luck and congratulations, anonymous!

Hi Bill! My tyrantrum pair, Monargoras and Crestie, have recently had a small clutch of tyrunts. I managed to get a melanistic and a shiny out of them both, seeing as their bloodlines are extremely well kept. (I still own multiple generations before them.) but I’ve noticed the shiny gets picked on quite a lot, and that the melan tends to be a bit overprotective. He’s the largest of the clutch, so I’m worried he might injure one of his siblings. Any advice on this? Should I start training soon???

Training is actually exactly what you should do, anonymous. Consider also recruiting your melanistic tyrunt to help you, especially seeing as it’s clearly concerned about the well-being of your shiny. Begin with easy exercises (light strength training and practicing of techniques your shiny knows well), then advance to harder and harder techniques and exercises until your shiny tyrunt can defend itself. Once it reaches that point, it should be able to fight back. (Naturally, you should also teach your tyrunt to use force only when absolutely necessary and not to instigate fights itself.)

Of course, at the same time, you’ll need to teach your other tyrunt to heel. Train them to work together, with your shiny and melanistic tyrunt, and teach them to behave themselves when encountering something that excites them (in a negative way). By balancing your shiny’s training with heel training for your other tyrunt, you may be able to instill discipline and harmony among your team.

Best of luck, anonymous!