Hey Lanette, let’s have the most embarrassing story you’ve got about Bill. Whatever it is, I’m sure it deserves to be immortalized on the Internet.

I’m afraid I value my friendship with my partner too much to tell you his actual most embarrassing story, anonymous. Instead, you’ll have to be content with his second most embarrassing story.

Or at least the vague details about it, anyway.

Namely that he’s tried and failed to seduce the girl in the Goldenrod Flower Shop a grand total of thirty-nine times.

All thirty-nine of those attempts are individual embarrassing stories, so I can’t possibly choose just one.

For the record, I was not trying to seduce her. —Bill

Well, you weren’t actually seducing her, either. —LH

Hi Bill, I was wondering if you could help clear something up for me? My family and I moved from Mahogany town to Canalave city a few years ago and since then me and my brother have been getting a lot of odd looks and seem to be being treated differently than most of the other people our age. The only reason I’ve been able to see is that I’m a dark type specialist and my brother’s a specialist in ghost types. I was hoping you might know if this has anything to do with it.

Admittedly, the people of Johto and the people of Sinnoh have had a bit of a rivalry going on for ages over our respective customs. Namely, Johtonians typically honor the twin guardians Ho-oh and Lugia above all other legendary pokémon, whereas Sinnohans follow a hierarchy centered around Arceus and the guardians of time, space, and states of being. It doesn’t help, of course, that the last time our two regions did anything collaborative, the Sinnohans put an altar to Arceus in it. Johtonians, being Johtonians (even back when we worshipped the unown, which was before we worshipped Ho-oh and Lugia), responded by sealing off all entrances to said shrine except for the one going through what’s currently the Ruins of Alph. Because we Johtonians take pride in the fact that we had perfected the art of being petty long before we had a proper word for it.

Also, Johtonians in general have … a bit of a reputation about them in other regions that isn’t exactly flattering. Some regions find us funny, outspoken, or emotional. Others find us brash, loud, overly ambitious, and (if you’re from certain parts of Goldenrod or Olivine) possibly some kind of delinquent.

If I recall correctly, Mahogany Town is a bit more removed from the regional customs than many other cities and towns in Johto—including Goldenrod—and as such, the regional rivalry with Sinnoh isn’t quite as lively there as it is elsewhere. Conversely, Canalave City, being the entryway into the Sinnoh region as well as one of its many cultural centers (thanks to the Canalave Library), is also home to those who are very, very dedicated to Sinnohan customs, including maintaining a rather … welcoming attitude towards anyone who speaks with one of the Johtonian dialects.

Granted, yes, it’s also true that Sinnohans “worship” a dark-type legendary and a ghost-type legendary (in that they fear them—greatly), but for that reason, any researcher or expert who wishes to study them tends to be higher respected than one would think. There’s a reason why Canalave has a library, after all: knowledge is power in Sinnoh.

So in other words, it’s probably less because of your type specialties and more because, well, you may obviously be from Johto. This isn’t to say you absolutely must change yourselves to fit in. Speaking as someone who had left Johto to live in Kanto (a region home to even more colorful opinions of Johtonians than anything that’s crossed a Sinnohan’s mind), it’s possible to get along just fine within a region that customarily thinks you’re hilarious and quaint. In your case, I would recommend establishing yourselves as serious experts of your types. Help other Sinnohans overcome their fear of dark- or ghost-types and teach them the proper way to care for ordinary pokémon of your respective elements. The more you can serve as a teacher to others, the easier it will be to get people to feel comfortable with you … or at least take you seriously.

And because I’m certain at least one of my colleagues is just waiting to make a comment about that last part, I would like to remind all of you that I am, in fact, well-respected within the Pokémon Association and that one of you who I’m sure would love to imply otherwise also speaks with a Goldenrod accent, Bebe.

My meowstics just recently had an espurr, who is absolutely adorable but he gets nightmares and cries at night. What can I do to help him?

If you can, try to pair him with a munna. Not only are munna extremely non-threatening pokémon (that is to say, they’re just plain calming to look at), but they also consume nightmares as their basic form of sustenance. As a fellow psychic-type, it will likely do everything it can to comfort your espurr, especially if the munna is older.

However, if you don’t have access to a munna, encourage your meowstic to lie down with their kitten and comfort him as he sleeps, at least for the next couple of months. Eventually, try to have him “weaned” off this care by letting his parents lie with him only until he falls asleep.

It may also help to reduce stress through aromatherapy. In fact, the various incenses were originally created for the express purpose of lowering a pokémon’s stress and heightening their mental serenity and clarity. (The secondary effects of each type were simply perks that humans had stumbled across sometime afterward.) Of the various types, psychics tend to respond most to odd incense, but pure incense is just as calming … and likely less aggravating to the human nose. Once you’ve chosen a scent that your espurr likes (and you wouldn’t mind filling your home or apartment), place it in its special holder and place the activated holder somewhere near your espurr, in a spot where its scent can’t be blocked and where the holder can’t be knocked over by his developing telekinetic abilities.

Of course, on top of all of this, see if there are any possible causes of stress in your espurr’s waking life. Considering he was only recently born, it’s doubtful, but nonetheless, it’s entirely possible that your espurr may have been worked up over something that didn’t quite get resolved before he was put to bed. Also check for any possible ghost-types or members of the drowzee line in the vicinity, as these could cause nightmares as well.

Hey bill I’m an exclusive water type trainer and my boyfriends parents came to me about getting a starter for their daughter. Considering they live in sootopolis, Hoenn they figured a water type would be best. While I agree, I’m Not quite sure which of my Pokémon to breed for her. I have a starmie, Dewgong, dragonair, azumarill, Lapras, and milotic. What do you think?

I can tell you right now that lapras, feebas, and seel may be a bit difficult. While Hoenn is indeed a heavily aquatic region, much of the gym circuit takes you inland—up a volcano, no less. Even if your boyfriend’s sister plans on keeping her starter in its poké ball for much of her journey, the dryness of Mt. Chimney, Lavaridge, and the Hoennian desert may make it difficult for training pokémon not well-adapted to land.

Of the remaining three, dratini may be the most difficult to train. It doesn’t learn powerful moves right off the bat, and it’s slower to raise and evolve than the other two, even considering the fact that one of them can only evolve via exposure to a water stone. However, it is the most powerful option in the long-run, so it really comes down to how much patience your boyfriend’s sister is willing to exercise.

Meanwhile, staryu and marill (or azurill, depending on whether or not you plan on giving your azumarill sea incense before breeding it) are both perfectly fine choices. Both are fully capable of traveling on land, both are equally easy to raise, and both learn moves rather quickly (compared to dratini). Staryu may be a little more challenging to bond with because it’s not as expressive as marill, nor is it quite as affectionate, but on the other hand, marill’s secondary fairy typing instills in it a natural mischievousness that may be a challenge to a trainer who’s not quite expecting it. Additionally, marill may be easier to raise (and certainly easier to evolve), in part due to its ability to bond with its trainer and in part because its defensive capabilities make it more difficult to defeat, but on the other hand, staryu and starmie learn a wider variety of moves and have generally better offensive capabilities.

In the end, I would recommend either a marill or staryu, as those two may be the easiest for your boyfriend’s sister to train. Between the two of them, you would have to ask yourself if she would prefer a more defensive, more affectionate pokémon or a mysterious pokémon that’s a bit faster and can hit harder by default.

Of course, as always, be sure to ask the new trainer what she would like as well. She may even be willing to train a dratini if she has her heart set on something a bit more mystical.

But … try to steer her away from the idea of raising a seel, feebas, or lapras in the heart of the Hoennian mainland. Just … just trust me on that.

Hey Bill! its me, the guy with the touchy gardevoir, thanks for the responce but i belive i have an interesting one for ya! It seems like my Gardevoir is trying to talk. Sometimes when i speak to her about something, some words get played back from her like she’s trying to use me to communicate. If this is the case, i was wondering if there was anything i can do to help her succeed in her goal. It happens often and she knows shes doing it so I want to help her get what she needs.

If you can stand it, grasp her hands or press your forehead to hers at first, then maintain physical contact through the duration of the message. This is just a temporary fix to help her sharpen her focus on you and “grasp” at your mind.

Also, there are certain exercises you can undertake to “open up” your mind a bit more. These are largely meditations where you visualize your mind pressing outwards, but really, any guided meditation designed to make you aware of yourself will do. Engage in these meditations alongside your gardevoir, and ensure that each session is at least a half an hour long. By doing this, your gardevoir will get used to your presence and thus become acquainted with the layout of your psyche (which in turn will make it easier and easier for her to enter).

Additionally, bond with her. The closer a human spends with a psychic pokémon, the stronger their psychic connection will become, even if the human doesn’t actually show psychic talent on their own. Those who spend years growing closer with their psychic pokémon and maintaining a close friendship can converse with their partners as naturally as two people speaking aloud. It’s much like how two human friends who spend years together may know each other so well they can finish each other’s sentences, only with a psychic pokémon, that’s literally true. In other words, the more time you spend with gardevoir, the easier it will be to speak with her.

In any case, though, with all of this, I highly recommend taking it slow. Never be too impatient when it comes to nurturing this kind of bond. That’s an excellent way to become plagued with agonizing migraines. (This would be why I began this post with “if you can stand it”—not many people can, especially if they’re not that strong in an emotional sense. The meditation will also help with this.)

Good luck, anonymous! It’s great to hear that your gardevoir is taking so much of an interest in you she wants you to understand her. That’s the sign of a caring trainer.

I have very bad insomnia problems, not only is it hard for me to fall asleep, but I also wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes multiple times. Would the use of sleep powder or sing be beneficial for me?

I would highly suggest only using Sleep Powder in cases where your insomnia is particularly severe. Using Sleep Powder routinely can cause a human to become dependent on it, and in any case, even one use can be risky. If you aren’t extremely familiar with your own body, it may be difficult to figure out the proper dosage. Incorrect dosages may be either ineffective or far too effective, depending on the situation. There have even been cases where the patient was incapable of falling asleep and wound up experiencing vivid hallucinations instead.

Granted, it is an effective sleep aid when taken responsibly. It just requires working with a doctor or, as I’ve mentioned above, an inordinate amount of knowledge concerning one’s own body to figure out what “responsibly” means. But when taken, it results in deep, restful, and (at the risk of revealing far too much about myself) essentially dreamless sleep.

Sing, meanwhile—as well as similar, non-chemically-based sleep moves (Grasswhistle, Lovely Kiss, Hypnosis, and even Yawn)—are indeed far easier to control. More specifically, while Sleep Powder users do consciously manage their quantified output but have no control over the specific qualities of their powder’s chemical potency, Sing users (as well as those using any of the other aforementioned moves) have complete control over the effectiveness of their techniques. Thus, not only would a Sing user lull you to sleep, but they’ll also be able to regulate their singing at a moment’s notice if they feel that they need to adjust. However, Hypnosis users, particularly members of the drowzee family, are preferable because their psychic abilities also allow them to monitor exactly how effective their techniques are. (It’s just that neither drowzee nor hypno should be used in proximity to children or on children directly, as their powers may induce pokémonitis instead.)

Of course, it’s also wise to consult with your doctor about a more long-term option. While these moves are great for treating insomnia on a night-to-night basis, it’s far less risky and far healthier to determine the root cause of your sleep issues and treat those. That way, you avoid developing a dependency on any of these sleep aids (all of them can be habit-forming), as well as any adverse side-effects your condition may have on your overall health. It may even be as simple as using a pokémon with Aromatherapy or Sweet Scent to reduce stress instead of following the procedures outlined above.

Good luck, anonymous.

Can a past trauma get in the way of a Pokemon evolving via happiness? My Cleffa is from a shelter and I was told he was abused by his old trainer. He’s my baby now and I’ve spoiled him ever since, but recently he’s shown an interest in battling and I’ve started to ease him into it. It might be too early to tell, but I know he loves me a lot already and I’m not seeing any signs yet.

Sometimes, anonymous, but in your case, it’s unlikely. You see, trauma requires a lot of mental healing. Some pokémon never really get over a personal history filled with abuse and neglect, but others do in a very big way. It depends on a number of factors, mainly the degree of abuse, the personality of the pokémon, and the amount of love and patience a trainer shows them. If recovering pokémon can heal enough to open themselves up to their new trainers, they can experience the amount of happiness required for evolution.

In your case, it seems like your cleffa has already made incredible steps to recovery if he loves you deeply already. Continue doing what you’ve been doing to maintain his trust, and do your best to support him on the battlefield. I have no doubt that evolution should be easy for him if you continue to care for him the way you are now.

Best of luck, anonymous!

When my igglybuff gets upset with me or another Pokémon she huffs and floats to the ceiling and puts herself in time out… why does she do this? Is she just an oddball?

Not at all, anonymous! Members of the jigglypuff line often inflate themselves when they’re upset. Igglybuff just happen to be light enough to lift themselves off the ground, although lighter jigglypuff can as well. So long as she’s indoors and away from ceiling fans, uncovered vents, or fireplaces with uncapped chimneys, she should fine. Just wait an hour or so for her to calm down and deflate on her own and catch her in a bug catching net if she wanders too far.

My starmie was playing with my ampharos and things got a little too intense and a thunder shock ended in starmie having a crack on its gem!! What do I do?? How can I avoid this in the future?

Believe it or not, this actually happens quite frequently, even in the wild. This is because staryu and starmie’s jewels are large, often exposed targets and thus the easiest things for other pokémon to strike. So long as the jewel hadn’t completely shattered, starmie should be able to heal itself over time. Until then, you may wish to keep yours off the battlefield. Do not, as some suggest, apply an epoxy to “seal” the wound. This will actually prevent the wound from healing properly and lead to a more brittle gemstone.

As for how to prevent it, there are very few ways to do so because of how much surface area the jewel takes up. However, you may wish to consider teaching your starmie Light Screen or Reflect, or simply rely on Recover to restore damage immediately.

I sent an ask a while back about my scyther, and it seems like the situation’s getting worse… just when I was at the point where I could leave her alone with flareon, I stepped out for a few minutes and he was literally trying to attack her! He’s a bit feisty but not to this point, and I honestly don’t think she provoked her because she’s normally very well behaved… what should I do?

Yes, this would be why it’s important to keep a close eye on pokémon that seem to have a tense relationship. One thing I’d forgotten to mention in the previous answer (for which I apologize) is that sometimes, it’s not a matter of type but rather an issue with team dynamics.

Now that you’re aware that your flareon hosts a level of hostility towards your scyther, your next step is to determine why. This could be for any number of reasons. Does your flareon act this way towards all bug-types or just your scyther? Was your flareon raised by someone else who had a scyther, or did you catch him in an area with a high population of wild scyther? Did the amount of time you spend with your flareon change when you got your scyther, or did you change its living arrangements? (Did it used to be an outdoor flareon until you had to make room for your scyther, or vice-versa?) Do his teammates treat him differently now that your scyther is part of the team? The answer to any of these questions could be the reason behind your flareon’s behavior—or it could be something completely different. Keep an eye on your flareon for a few days to see if you can spot any clues that point to any specific reason.

It’s only after you can discern what the issue actually is that you can work towards resolving the matter. Without knowing why your flareon is reacting this way, it’s difficult to recommend a particular course of action because each situation requires something completely different. For example, if your flareon’s behavior stems from a past trauma, that requires a specific form of therapy (perhaps even exposure therapy), but if he’s simply jealous, then it may be as simple as reassuring him you haven’t replaced him. It could even be that your scyther accidentally provoked your flareon, at which point it would require mediation between the two. Or the reason behind your flareon’s behavior could, again, be none of these things, which would mean you would need a completely different strategy.

The point is, try to figure out why your flareon is acting this way through observing him first, and then you’ll be able to work towards a peaceful solution.