I breed Beldum. I do enjoy breeding Beldum with their natural numbers in the wild being quite low, but when they get excited they do tend to destroy electronics and interfere with electrical signals. I also worry my Metagross might be secretly using my computer, but that’s quite unfounded… right?

The destruction or the use of your computer? Regarding the former, unfortunately, that is true, as many of the beldum line’s powers stem from magnetism. The more excited and the further down the evolutionary line an individual is, the more likely it will release a magnetic burst that can interfere quite badly with computers. On the other hand, the further up the evolutionary line an individual is, the better control over itself it will have, so a metagross might be able to exercise enough self-restraint to avoid frying anything it comes in contact with.

Of course, this covers magnetic damage; it doesn’t cover physical. On that note, if you find that your keyboard is strangely worn or even completely destroyed by what seems to be a set of heavy claws … then yes, your metagross has been using your computer. If not, then you’re probably all right.

where can i get a beldum that isn’t having one just handed over to me by a pokemon exchampion who is clearly a sugar daddy, i am so jealous of the current hoenn champion

~~You and me both, anonymous.~~

Beldum are rare, but they’re native to mountain ranges rich in either iron or rare minerals, such as the mountains of Sinnoh or the ones surrounding Giant Chasm, Unova. It won’t be easy to find them (metang, strangely, are more readily found in the wild, and in any case, beldum nests are fantastically remote and typically well-guarded by the fast and typically highly aggressive wild beldum themselves), so my advice would be to plan for a very long hiking trip in the mountains. In other words, train for surviving in extreme locations and perhaps don’t go alone.

Best of luck!

Hey Bill,

So I was lucky enough to find and befriend a Beldum that was hiding at our local recycling plant. It’s in great shape now and I’ve wanted to learn how to battle for a long time so we took to training. Everything started off just fine but Beldum seems to be slowing down and getting discouraged after using Take Down. I don’t know if I’ve been caring for it improperly or what’s going on but I don’t want to push Beldum farther than I should.

Bill: Well, Take Down literally does wear a pokémon down each use. You can help your beldum recover and avoid any permanent damage by ensuring you’re giving it proper care between battles. Feed it a high-mineral snack after each battle to help it rebuild its shell, and consider including supplements to keep its energy up, reinforce its immune system, and supply it with additional iron for rebuilding its body. Moreover, always polish it using mineral oil and a soft cloth. Never use an abrasive cloth or water.

Also, as counterintuitive as this might sound, break your training up into more manageable periods. If your beldum can’t go for a full hour, pull back and train it for half-hour, twenty-minute, or other easier increments. Give it at least five-minutes (preferably more) of rest between each session, then go at it again. If you try to do the whole hour, it’s more likely that your beldum will tire out more or hurt itself in a way that isn’t quite as easy to recover from.

Finally, keep in mind that lethargy may also indicate that it’s saving energy for an oncoming evolution. While there’s not much you can do to help it evolve beyond training, creating manageable training sessions and helping it recover from each one will keep its spirits up and encourage it to keep going until it evolves.

Best of luck!

so i heard a rumour that steven stone likes hugging beldum. aren’t they er spiky and hard

Remember, Bill. Children read this blog. —LH

Oh, come now, Lanette. You know me better than that. Besides, Steven is unfortunately not interested. Not that I’ve checked (persistently). —Bill

Don’t worry, anonymous. Even if this were true—not that I would know either way, and not that I would judge him for it—there’s nothing wrong with hugging a beldum. The majority of its body is smooth; the spikes are just jutting out of one end. So spiky, no, but long and hard? Absolutely. And I mean that in only one sense, I promise you.

Will of the Titans, I can’t leave you alone for five seconds, can I? That was literally a paragraph that we can’t possibly publish. Literally. A paragraph. —LH

And yet, you let me publish it. —Bill

Only because your mother is reading this, and I’m hoping she’ll deal with you… —LH

Actually, my mother would be thrilled if I knew more about Steven Stone’s beldum cuddling habits, but that’s neither here nor there. —Bill

Gods above. I’m done. —LH

The Beldum Line

bills-pokedex:

Beldum
The Iron Ball Pokémon
Type: Steel/Psychic
Official Registration #: 374
Entry: A magnetic pokémon rare in but native to the mountains of Hoenn and Sinnoh. It uses its magnetism to move and communicate with other beldum, both of which are essential to it, as its movepool is limited. More specifically, until evolution, beldum only learn one move naturally: Take Down, a devastating physical move in which it rams itself into its opponent, dealing damage to both itself and its target. As an aside, given the shape of this pokémon and the aforementioned fact, it is worth it to note that “rams itself into its opponent” is also not a euphemism, Bebe, and quite frankly, the author is horrified by the fact that anyone thinks it would be.

Metang
The Iron Claw Pokémon
Type: Steel/Psychic
Official Registration #: 375
Entry: The evolved form of beldum, by battle experience. When two beldum become very close, their magnetism draws them closer together until they fuse at the head to form a larger, faster, and stronger pokémon gifted with a higher sense of enlightenment and intelligence. To answer Bebe’s question, no, this is not a metaphor, nor is this an accurate description of how certain organs the author and people like him would work during any sort of biological function outside of terribly written and highly bizarre slash fanfiction.

Metagross
The Iron Leg Pokémon
Type: Steel/Psychic
Official Registration #: 376
Entry: The evolved form of metagross, by battle experience. Much akin to beldum evolution, metagross form when two metang fuse. The resulting pokémon is not only physically and magically powerful (in that it is capable of launching both devastating physical attacks and devastating psychic attacks) but also highly intelligent. The combined brains of the constituent metang work in unison, allowing the metagross’s brain as a whole to function as a highly efficient supercomputer. …This, of course, is what makes metagross interesting, not the first thing in this entry, yet the author’s Sinnohan colleague is writing the fanfiction anyway.

Mega Metagross
The Iron Leg Pokémon
Type: Steel/Psychic
Official Registration #: 376+
Entry: The advanced form of metagross, via metagrossite. As a result of the power surge from mega evolution, this already fiercely intelligent and extremely powerful pokémon becomes a veritable force of nature on the battlefield. That is to say, mega metagross combines newly sharpened intellect with incredible offensive capabilities to engage in battles so brutal and strategically destructive that opponents—and stadiums—are often rendered utterly out of commission for weeks. Another interesting fact: mega metagross is the signature mega evolution of the champion of Hoenn, Steven Stone. Just … as an unrelated side note that in no way is relevant to the author’s partner.

I can’t tell if you’re trying to dissuade me from having an entirely platonic relationship with Steven because you’re jealous of him or of me. —LH

I don’t see how any part of that could possibly indicate that I’m at all jealous of either of you. —Bill

…okay, maybe I’m a little jealous of you. How did you manage to get invited to coffee with him anyway?! I’ve been talking to him about rare stones and pokémon for years, and we’re barely on a first-name basis! —Bill

A girl has her secrets. 😉 —LH

Can magnemite evolve to magneton on their own, or do they always need other magnemite to fuse with? Same goes for beldum and metang– do I have to worry about my beldum going out and fusing with another trainer’s beldum? (And, if so, who gets ownership of the pokemon?)

In the wild, yes, beldum and magnemite (and diglett, for that matter) need fellow pokémon to evolve. This is largely because these pokémon don’t naturally gain enough energy on their own, but they can gather this energy by pooling their resources together. When tamed, though, trainers will usually develop their pokémon’s abilities, which in turn allows them to develop the energy reserves needed to evolve on their own. Thus, these pokémon essentially undergo a form of budding that allows them to create clones of themselves in order to evolve. This may sound disturbing, but because evolution is often spontaneous, most trainers are fortunate enough not to see this process happening.

Slowpoke undergoes a similar transformation, by the way. The only difference is that in the wild, they simply force innocent shellder to merge with them, rather than members of their own species. Slowpoke are, truth be told, extremely terrifying once one gets past their slowness and innocuous appearances.

I’ve recently gotten a Beldum as a starter and I wonder if you could tell me the habits and information I need to know about the evolutionary line? Thanks.

The beldum line tends to be a bit … mechanical in nature. That is to say, unlike many pseudolegendaries (dragonite, salamence, and the like), metagross is a relatively tame final evolution, and its preevolutions aren’t that wild either. At most, you may need to watch out for beldum, as it may occasionally use Take Down for no discernible reason whatsoever, but if you’re a new trainer, you’ll likely spend most of your time outdoors (and thus away from any potential hazards for property damage). On the other hand, you will also need plenty of healing items on hand at all times, as beldum only know Take Down until after evolution, which means the only move they can use is a move that also does damage to the subject. Moreover, beldum—as with many other pseudolegendaries—are notoriously slow to raise, so you may find yourself using Take Down a lot.

In terms of care, beldum and its evolutions need little. Most of their nutrition comes from consuming minerals around them, although you could feed them kibble if you wish. Otherwise, allow yours to roam around outside and plant itself occasionally for feeding. It requires no water, and as it’s a mostly mechanical being, it needs little in the way of distractions. It would be a good idea to read to it now and then, however, as this develops its mental abilities. Likewise, be sure to polish it frequently (ideally every day but more practically, every week), and apply a metal coat to it if you notice any cracks, dents, or other damage in its outer shell.

Other than that, there isn’t much else one would need to know to raise a beldum. They’re essentially one of the easiest pokémon to care for, even though they’re among the hardest for a new trainer to train. But so long as you have patience and plenty of money for a healthy stock of potions, you should be fine.

Best of luck and congratulations, anonymous!

The Beldum Line

Beldum
The Iron Ball Pokémon
Type: Steel/Psychic
Official Registration #: 374
Entry: A magnetic pokémon rare in but native to the mountains of Hoenn and Sinnoh. It uses its magnetism to move and communicate with other beldum, both of which are essential to it, as its movepool is limited. More specifically, until evolution, beldum only learn one move naturally: Take Down, a devastating physical move in which it rams itself into its opponent, dealing damage to both itself and its target. As an aside, given the shape of this pokémon and the aforementioned fact, it is worth it to note that “rams itself into its opponent” is also not a euphemism, Bebe, and quite frankly, the author is horrified by the fact that anyone thinks it would be.

Metang
The Iron Claw Pokémon
Type: Steel/Psychic
Official Registration #: 375
Entry: The evolved form of beldum, by battle experience. When two beldum become very close, their magnetism draws them closer together until they fuse at the head to form a larger, faster, and stronger pokémon gifted with a higher sense of enlightenment and intelligence. To answer Bebe’s question, no, this is not a metaphor, nor is this an accurate description of how certain organs the author and people like him would work during any sort of biological function outside of terribly written and highly bizarre slash fanfiction.

Metagross
The Iron Leg Pokémon
Type: Steel/Psychic
Official Registration #: 376
Entry: The evolved form of metagross, by battle experience. Much akin to beldum evolution, metagross form when two metang fuse. The resulting pokémon is not only physically and magically powerful (in that it is capable of launching both devastating physical attacks and devastating psychic attacks) but also highly intelligent. The combined brains of the constituent metang work in unison, allowing the metagross’s brain as a whole to function as a highly efficient supercomputer. …This, of course, is what makes metagross interesting, not the first thing in this entry, yet the author’s Sinnohan colleague is writing the fanfiction anyway.