Popplio
The Sea Lion Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 728
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Alola. Using its own bodily fluids, popplio blows bubbles from its nose. These bubbles are highly elastic and resistant to damage, which means they’re ideal for smashing into opponents or using as springboards for acrobatic stunts. A word of advice from the author, however: it’s best not to think too hard about which bodily fluids make up these bubbles.

Brionne
The Pop Star Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 729
Entry: The evolved form of popplio, by battle experience. This sweet and innocent-looking pinniped pokémon is known for its elaborate and adorable battle strategy, consisting of cheerful movements and a dazzling shower of bubbles that it launches towards its opponents as if it’s dancing to a upbeat pop song. However, a few years from now, after spending years dancing and singing for the human public, brionne will be known for its extreme lifestyle, triggered by half a lifetime of media overexposure in which tabloids will microanalyze its life for even the slightest scandal to latch onto. Jaded by such treatment by the humans who once adored it, brionne will spiral into a dark abyss fueled by overindulgence and far too many rare candies, after which brionne will be a bitter and cynical shell of its former self, an X-rated version of the innocent child star it once was. There will be no return from this. Only edgy and mediocre PG-15+ content and perhaps a half-hearted return to or reboot of the thing that made it famous in its early teens.

Bill … are you okay? —LH

Perfectly fine, Lanette. Why do you ask? —Bill

Primarina
The Soloist Pokémon
Type: Water/Fairy
Official Registration #: 730
Entry: The evolved form of brionne, by battle experience. Primarina prides itself on its singing voice, largely because its hydrokinetic abilities are extremely reliant on it. As a result, song is equally important to primarina. Each primarina undergoes a strict routine geared towards preserving its voice, and it rehearses songs for hours each day when not in battle. In addition, each song is unique to every primarina family, as primarina pass their songs from generation to generation. For this reason, it’s perfectly understandable that some of these songs date back for thousands of years, perhaps even to the dawn of music itself. Less understandable, however, is how certain trainers (namely ones who have befriended certain students of the author’s) had managed to raise a primarina that would sing Tom Jones’s “What’s New, Pussycat” in practically every battle, except for those rare ones in which these specific primarina sing “It’s Not Unusual” instead.