Actually, umbreon is one of the easiest eeveelutions to obtain because all it requires is for you to befriend an eevee and have it hold an everstone until nightfall, but since I can feel my editor leering at me through the internet, allow me to point you to this post, as it offers a more comprehensive guide to dark-type starters: http://bills-pokedex.tumblr.com/post/166971002585/my-daughter-will-become-a-trainer-soon-she-adores
Rattata The Mouse Pokémon Type: Normal Official Registration #: 19 Entry: As one of the most common pokémon in Kanto and Johto, rattata are typically among the first team members for many beginning trainers. Small, quick, cautious, hardy, and very fond of biting things with its large front teeth, rattata may be known for their survival skills in the wild, but its lack of elemental aptitude and its less-than-ideal defenses mean that rattata are among the most commonly “boxed” pokémon in existence. However, recently, rattata has gained popularity among younger trainers, not because of its cute appearance or its availability but instead because of the inexplicable trend among such trainers to obtain and raise the “top percentage rattata.”
Raticate The Mouse Pokémon Type: Normal Official Registration #: 20 Entry: The evolved form of rattata, by battle experience. Raticate depend on its whiskers to maintain its balance, and while this pokémon may be quick and agile with its whiskers intact, cutting them off is a sure-fire way to slow and disorient a raticate. Incidentally, cutting off a raticate’s whiskers is also a sure-fire way to get mauled by a forty-pound rat with six-inch fangs.
Rattata (Alola form) The Mouse Pokémon Type: Dark/Normal Official Registration #: 19 Entry: The Alolan cousin to the common rattata is an extremely discerning pokémon that will seldom touch any kind of produce that isn’t fresh. Some trainers use this to their advantage by taking an Alolan rattata with them when they shop for groceries so that these rattata can scout out the freshest produce for them. Others trainers do not because they’re sensible people who know exactly what happens when you bring rats into any establishment that sells food.
Raticate (Alola form) The Mouse Pokémon Type: Dark/Normal Official Registration #: 20 Entry: The evolved form of Alolan rattata, by battle experience, at night. These rat-like pokémon are highly sociable but only to an extent. They’re notorious for forming clans of Alolan rattata that serve them by venturing out of the nest and gathering as much food as possible, even if not all of that food gets eaten. Because of the greed exhibited by the Alolan raticate, members of this species do not get along with one another and are known to wage intense and violent territory disputes using their rattata foot soldiers. Incidentally, this also describes the climate of southern Goldenrod, just in case anyone would like recommendations for vacation destinations this summer.
Sableye The Darkness Pokémon Type: Dark/Ghost Official Registration #: 302 Entry: A small, imp-like pokémon first discovered in the cave systems of Hoenn. In the wild, this pokémon subsists entirely on the jewels and precious stones found in its native habitat. It consumes so many of these on a daily basis that parts of its body have crystalized into gem-like forms. This includes its eyes; at birth, wild sableye actually possess two completely organic eyeballs. It’s just that these eyes harden into a diamond-like substance over time. Domestically bred sableye, however, possess these diamond eyes from the start, due to the fact that trainers and breeders wishing to hatch sableye are extremely careful in maintaining a high mineral content not only in the parents’ diet but also in the incubator holding the egg. And this is done because wild newborn sableye typically look like this:
Mega Sableye The Darkness Pokémon Type: Dark/Ghost Official Registration #: 302+ Entry: The advanced form of sableye, via sablenite. The surge of power from mega evolution causes this pokémon’s jewel to burst from its chest and expand to a size that’s both taller and ten times heavier than the host sableye, which enables it to be used as a shield (albeit one too heavy and unwieldy for the sableye to move).
The author admits that there is no punchline to this entry. He’s simply delighted to have another opportunity to share the above image with all of you again.
Meowth The Scratch Cat Pokémon Type: Normal Official Registration #: 52 Entry: A small, nocturnal, cat-like pokémon with an affinity for shiny, round objects. Ancient civilizations within the Orange and Sevii Islands worshipped meowth as a deity due to its association with cat-like god of the home, harvest, and wealth. This may seem curious unless one does further digging to the actual origins of the cat deity to find that it had originally been a god of the hunt, judgment, and executions, which is more in line with meowth’s carnivorous diet and vicious hunting methods. While the reason behind the switch is still a mystery to scholars, there are two noteworthy theories. First, the god was also the symbol of the Orange and Seviian royal bloodlines, which may have sought the god’s blessing when it came to siring new and prosperous heirs. Second and more likely, it’s more profitable to run a temple dedicated to childbearing and all the things that come before it than executions, and the pokémon that can understand human speech and use Pay Day when it’s pleased with your temple generally agrees.
Persian The Classy Cat Pokémon Type: Normal Official Registration #: 53 Entry: The evolved form of meowth, by battle experience. Evolution graces this pokémon with an immense amount of sophisticated beauty, including silken, golden fur, a sleek body, and the agility of a panther. Unfortunately, evolution has also granted the persian species a streak of fickle meanness, a set of sharp claws, and the expectation that it will continue to be worshipped like a god. In light of all this, it becomes rather understandable that the ancient peoples of the Orange and Sevii Islands originally conceived of a persian-like god of execution and the throne.
Meowth (Alola form) The Scratch Cat Pokémon Type: Dark Official Registration #: 52 Entry: This cat-like pokémon is by no means native to the region of Alola. Rather, it was brought in from Kanto as prized pets of and gifts from wealthy Kantonian merchants, and their cuteness and intelligence captured the hearts of Alolan natives instantly. Over the decades following, the breeders of Alola hand-picked the most popular and sought-after traits among Alola’s meowth enthusiast community in order to breed “custom” meowth until Alolan meowth formed an entirely new breed consisting of prideful, capricious, crafty, often violent, and yet still strangely adorable meowth. Or, in other words, the Alolans bred a cat.
Persian (Alola form) The Classy Cat Pokémon Type: Dark Official Registration #: 53 Entry: The evolved form of Alolan meowth, as a result of a heightened sense of happiness. As a result of vigorous breeding, the Alolan variation of persian boasts fur as soft as velvet, a large and apparently exceedingly adorable head … and a vicious temper that’s focused on everything and anyone that it deems to be beneath it, which is to say everything and anyone. In other words, the Alolans bred a larger cat.
Grimer The Sludge Pokémon Type: Poison Official Registration #: 88 Entry: Born from polluted rivers, this pokémon’s body consists entirely of highly toxic sludge. It consequently thrives on pollution, and as such, it flocks to polluted waterways, where it has been known to clog up entire sewer systems in its zeal to consume raw waste. Despite all of this, grimer populations are considered to be the most prevalent in Kanto and Hoenn, home to two of the most aggressive green campaigns in the world, despite the fact that other regions historically had difficulties with pollution, are centers of mining and manufacturing, and are currently so polluted that their environment has given birth to sentient garbage bags.
Muk The Sludge Pokémon Type: Poison Official Registration #: 89 Entry: The evolved form of grimer, by battle experience. Like its preevolved form, a muk’s body also consists entirely of a highly toxic sludge. However, due to its increase in mass, power, and age with evolution, muk is able to cultivate highly powerful strains of bacteria and viruses that infest every inch of its skin. Physical contact with this pokémon can kill plants and smaller or weaker animals on contact … which should speak volumes about the resilience of pokémon researchers and their assistants as a whole, considering the fact that certain muk express affection via alarmingly frequent tackling.
Grimer (Alola form) The Sludge Pokémon Type: Poison/Dark Official Registration #: 88 Entry: This sludge-like pokémon actually descends from grimer imported from Kanto. Decades ago, when Alola was facing a pollution crisis, the regional government took notice of how grimer consume waste and attempted to bring in a small but tame population to consume the considerable amounts of garbage clogging Alolan streets. Naturally, some of these grimer escaped and reproduced, and over generations, they mutated to match their comparatively less toxic food sources (that is, compared to the diets of standard grimer) … as well as the psychic and steel predators also brought in to handle the out-of-control grimer population. Long story short, this is exactly why: A) there are infestations of grimer, abra, and magnemite in certain parts of Alola, and B) coming up with good ideas should not be left to people in politics.
Muk (Alola form) The Sludge Pokémon Type: Poison/Dark Official Registration #: 89 Entry: The evolved form of the Alolan variation of grimer, by battle experience. Despite its fangs and sharp spikes, this highly colorful pokémon is actually sweeter, gentler, and far less fragrant than its standard cousins. Additionally, its skin is comparatively clean, making it safe to touch. However, contrary to popular belief, it’s often a bad idea to hug one unless you’re experienced with training this variation of muk, as both its bodily fluids and its spikes are highly toxic. Naturally, considering the toxicity of certain parts of its body, combined with its vivid coloration and docile nature as well as the Alolans’ general ability to make sound decisions, most residents of Alola consider their variation of muk to be a highly popular mascot for children’s programming and products.
Houndour The Dark Pokémon Type: Dark/Fire Official Registration #: 228 Entry: A small, dog-like pokémon native to thick, dark forests. Interestingly, although this pokémon is part of the Johtonian Regional Pokédex, it was first discovered in Kanto and cannot, in truth, be found at all in Johto outside of the Johtonian Safari Zone Nature Preserve. The reason behind this discrepancy is actually quite simple. Houndour hunt in massive packs through the darkness of their native forests, where their pelts can blend in with forest shadows as they corner prey, and Kantonian researchers possess far stronger self-preservation instincts than their Johtonian counterparts.
Houndoom The Dark Pokémon Type: Dark/Fire Official Registration #: 229 Entry: The evolved form of houndour, by battle experience. This dog-like pokémon is capable of exhaling a jet of fire and a spray of incendiary, highly caustic, toxic chemicals at the same time. The effect of these two mechanisms in combination leaves not only second-degree thermal burns (at the minimum) but severe chemical burns as well. According to folklore, anyone unfortunate enough to receive these burns will never fully recover; the burn will essentially be painful forever. However, this is not necessarily true. With proper care, the pain will typically subside within a week, and the resulting scar will fade within a year. On the other hand, not necessarily true isn’t the same thing as entirely false. First, one must remember that centuries ago, back when people first began to think this about houndoom burns, treatments for burns that complex or severe didn’t exist. Second, psychological pain is never a thing that heals easily, and some survivors of houndoom attacks may acquire a fear of houndoom thereafter. Third, either way, being burned by a houndoom feels just about as delightful as being attacked by a swarm of angry magikarp, and based on personal experience alone, the author would not recommend it.
Mega Houndoom The Dark Pokémon Type: Dark/Fire Official Registration #: 229+ Entry: The advanced form of houndoom, via houndoominite. This pokémon is actually a “good fire doggo.” The internet was surprisingly correct about this one, and there’s not much more to say concerning it beyond that.
Carvanha The Savage Pokémon Type: Water/Dark Official Registration #: 318 Entry: A piranha-like pokémon native to warm, freshwater rivers. Although carvanha is known for its viciousness, it is actually a highly social pokémon among its own kind. When left in the same body of water with carvanha just as vicious as it is, an individual carvanha specimen will school with others, forming groups capable of ripping apart even the bulkiest wailmer. However, on its own, carvanha become docile, shy, and even a little skittish, which some believe is an accurate depiction of most people who spend any amount of time on the internet.
Sharpedo The Brutal Pokémon Type: Water/Dark Official Registration #: 319 Entry: The evolved form of carvanha, by battle experience. This shark-like pokémon possesses fangs that can rip through the steel hulls of ships (and grow back if they snap off in their efforts to do so), barbed skin capable of lacerating anything that comes into physical contact with it, powerful fins that can propel it up to 75 miles per hour at prey, and a keen sense of smell that can detect the smallest drop of blood from yards away. With all of this in combination, sharpedo is often nicknamed “the Bully of the Sea,” which is unfortunate because sharpedo is actually a gentle pokémon that only wants affection.
Sorry, no, it indiscriminately rips apart anything that enters its watery territory short of anything else that has the audacity to train it.
Mega Sharpedo The Brutal Pokémon Type: Water/Dark Official Registration #: 319+ Entry: The advanced form of sharpedo, via sharpedonite. The yellow markings that criss-cross its body are not, as the Alolan pokédex states, souvenirs from this pokémon’s long history of battles; rather, they’re simply markings that all mega sharpedo have. However, the tidbit about its spikes regenerating as often as its teeth (which is to say, constantly, whenever either are broken off) is completely true, as is the fact about its unusually aggressive temperament. In short, the entire idea that mega sharpedo is a “pointy ocean doggo”? Also not true, regardless of how many times the internet insists otherwise.
[[Writer’s Note: In light of yesterday’s entry, I have been informed by my editor, partner, and dearest friend L.H. that I am not funny and that I am to apologize and write a proper entry in response to my equally dear follower, @anonabsolxwolf. Thus, I present to you, my readers, the entry for the day and my sincerest pleas for forgiveness. —Bill]]
Absol The Disaster Pokémon Type: Dark Official Registration #: 359 Entry: A mountain-dwelling pokémon with the ability to foretell disasters. In ancient legend, absol—then referred to as the hakutaku—foretold that a deadly plague would sweep across the Hoenn region and that only a very specific herb found on the side of Mt. Pyre would be able to cure it. For this reason, Hoennians worshipped absol as a guardian spirit of herbal medicine for several centuries until modern Western medicine was introduced to the region. Absol’s prophecies for various natural disasters are still accurate, of course, but humanity has an unfortunate tendency to ignore voices of reason during times of desperation. In short, absol has gone from being a guardian spirit of herbal medicine to the patron saint of underappreciated minds whose reasonable advice goes unheeded by the Pokémon Association.
[[Editor’s Note: You are still not funny, Bill. —LH]]
Mega Absol The Disaster Pokémon Type: Dark Official Registration #: 359+ Entry: The advanced form of absol, via absolite. Thanks to mega evolution, absol’s spiritual abilities are heightened considerably, making its ability to predict disaster particularly accurate. Strangely, while these heightened abilities do indeed make it a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield, not too long ago, absol had found even more popularity among a certain other subculture fond of dark creatures with (admittedly non-functional in this case) angel wings, demon horns, and the ability to foresee dark events. In other words, in a sense, absol has become the patron saint of gothic lolitas and online fanfiction authors circa 2006.
Larvitar The Rock Skin Pokémon Type: Rock/Ground Official Registration #: 246 Entry: A two-foot-tall, dinosaur-like pokémon native to mountainous regions. Although it’s true that larvitar are born underground and eat soil and rocks until they tunnel to the surface, the idea that they eat entire mountains before evolution is entirely false. It just feels as if they do, as larvitar are, on average, almost 160 pounds, and they have a tendency to leap at their unsuspecting trainers when overwhelmed with the need to shower them with affection via a tackling hug.
Pupitar The Hard Shell Pokémon Type: Rock/Ground Official Registration #: 247 Entry: The evolved form of larvitar, by battle experience. During evolution, larvitar encase themselves in a cocoon of rock. This stone shell is as hard and solid as bedrock, so while it fully protects the larvitar inside from any damage, it also constricts its limb movements. However, this doesn’t mean it’s entirely immobile, as pupitar possesses vents all over its body, which allow the highly compressed gases it creates within itself to escape in the form of powerful jets. In fact, these jets can be so powerful that they can propel pupitar wherever it needs to be faster than a number of other pokémon. This is, of course, doubly unfortunate for its trainer, as not only can pupitar launch itself like a rocket in any direction, but it’s also a 335-pound tank of pure destruction … that still enjoys showering its trainers with affection by throwing itself at them.
Tyranitar The Armor Pokémon Type: Rock/Dark Official Registration #: 248 Entry: The evolved form of pupitar, by battle experience. On the positive side, tyranitar do not shower their trainers with affection by throwing themselves at them. On the negative side, tyranitar are highly destructive and aggressive pokémon who possess the ability to flatten miles of forest in seconds and who are constantly on the lookout for new opponents to fight, and tamed tyranitar consider doing both of these things (committing incredible amounts of property damage and fighting literally anything it can find) to be perfectly acceptable methods of showing affection towards their trainers.
Mega Tyranitar The Armor Pokémon Type: Rock/Dark Official Registration #: 248+ Entry: The advanced form of tyranitar, via tyranitarite. On the positive side, achieving mega evolution with a tyranitar is proof that it and its trainer have formed an unbreakable, everlasting bond of friendship between each other. On the negative side, mega tyranitar are significantly faster, bulkier, and more powerful than their un-mega evolved forms, and the point about their generally highly aggressive nature still stands. Best of luck, trainers!
Magikarp The Fish Pokémon Type: Water Official Registration #: 129 Entry: Harmless.
Update: Entry: Mostly harmless.
Gyarados The Atrocious Pokémon Type: Water/Flying Official Registration #: 130 Entry: The evolved form of magikarp, by battle experience. Twenty-one-foot-long sea serpent that consists of about 95% teeth and rage. Exercise extreme caution when engaging with this pokémon. Chances are incredibly good that it either hates you or, worse, likes you and would like to show affection with its three rows of foot-long teeth.
Mega Gyarados The Atrocious Pokémon Type: Water/Dark Official Registration #: 130+ Entry: The advanced form of gyarados, via gyaradosite. Twenty-one-foot-long, 675+-pound sea serpent that consists of about 99% teeth and rage, plus a new affinity for the dark type and a power boost that together blind it to everything but its insatiable need to burn everything around it to the ground.
The Pokédex According to Bill 