Magikarp and Gyarados

bills-pokedex:

Magikarp
The Fish Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 129
Entry: Harmless.

Update:
Entry: Mostly harmless.

Gyarados
The Atrocious Pokémon
Type: Water/Flying
Official Registration #: 130
Entry: The evolved form of magikarp, by battle experience. Twenty-one-foot-long sea serpent that consists of about 95% teeth and rage. Exercise extreme caution when engaging with this pokémon. Chances are incredibly good that it either hates you or, worse, likes you and would like to show affection with its three rows of foot-long teeth.

Mega Gyarados
The Atrocious Pokémon
Type: Water/Dark
Official Registration #: 130+
Entry: The advanced form of gyarados, via gyaradosite. Twenty-one-foot-long, 675+-pound sea serpent that consists of about 99% teeth and rage, plus a new affinity for the dark type and a power boost that together blind it to everything but its insatiable need to burn everything around it to the ground.

In other words, somewhat harmless.

My daughter will become a trainer soon, she adores dark types and wants one to be her starter, what dark type would you suggest for a beginning trainer?

It’s always an excellent idea to start off by asking the new trainer in question what their favorite pokémon are specifically and work from there. It’s possible that your daughter might already have a starter in mind, and it doesn’t hurt to indulge her if the starter in question is easy to obtain. She will, after all, be bonding with her starter under your supervision (for the most part), so even the rowdiest dark-types may be suitable starters, if she’s given enough time before the start of her journey.

The other consideration is, of course, where you live. Most dark-types are a bit difficult to obtain in certain regions (or at all), so your choices may be rather limited. For example, while sneasel is a perfectly viable starter in Johto, it’s extremely rare and difficult to obtain in Alola (and its ice typing and dislike of bright light mean it may not fare well in that region anyway), so I wouldn’t recommend even bothering to search for one, even if your daughter is rather keen on them.

With those two considerations in mind, I always like to recommend analogues to the traditional grass, fire, and water starters, as part of the reason why these types of pokémon are often given out as starters is because some combination of these stand the highest chance against the first gym of a circuit. With that in mind, houndour is actually a wonderful choice for a fire-type analogue, but quite honestly, it’s an excellent pokémon beyond that as well. Houndour are often loyal to their partners and incredibly intelligent to wit, and thus, they’re remarkably easy to train.

Beyond that, however, your daughter may need to have patience, as a number of excellent choices only become dark-types in their advanced stages of evolution. For example, litten and froakie are both traditional starters and thus ideal choices for beginning trainers, but the both of them are pure fire- and water-types (respectively) until evolution. Still, if you’re looking for both loyalty and either power or speed, you can ask for no better dark-types than incineroar and greninja.

Regarding partial grass-types, however, it’s a bit more of a challenge. Cacnea (which evolves into cacturne) is an excellent choice, of course, but cacturne may be a bit mischievous and difficult for a younger trainer to handle. On the other hand, the other grass-type option, nuzleaf and shiftry, are powerful, intelligent pokémon in their own right, but seedot (their base stage) is notoriously difficult to train due to its lack of powerful offensive moves at first.

Alternatively, if your daughter is less interested in the traditional trio and more interested in more unconventional choices, you may be interested in:

Pawniard is quite possibly the best choice, in my own opinion. Its disposition is often easy to work with (especially as they will often take orders from anyone who establishes themselves as an authority figure), and it will grow into a rather powerful companion with all the resistances and defensive capabilities of its steel-typing. However, bisharp (despite the loyalty it inherits from its pawniard stage) are a bit of a gamble. Some evolve and retain some semblance of their pawniard personality; others become quite cold and violent (towards an opponent, not their trainer). If your daughter chooses pawniard, she should be careful as she raises it.
Alolan meowth and Alolan rattata. Both are equally powerful and easy-to-train pokémon, which is why they’re often either starters for trainers beginning in Alola or otherwise among their first catches. However, outside of Alola, these pokémon may be difficult to obtain (as noted above), with meowth being easier to find than rattata. The same can also be said of purrloin, although replace “Alola” with “Unova” there. They are also even more fickle and mischievous than Alolan meowth, so your daughter will need to keep her guard up at all times until earning a purrloin starter’s trust and respect.
Sneasel is actually a rather popular choice in Johto, due to its speed, stealth, and intelligence. However, it’s also a fickle pokémon (meaning your daughter must work hard to earn its respect at first), and as noted above, it doesn’t fare well in tropical climates with an abundance of bright, sunny days.
Sableye tend to be a less popular choice, but they have a cult following of their own due to the ease in caring for them (simply give them a few rocks and some water, and they’ll be fine), the beauty of their jeweled skin, and their surprising stealth and power. However, they dislike bright sunlight even more than most other dark-types, so they’re also difficult to train without inverting one’s sleep cycle.
Scraggy are highly popular in Unova for their personalities, but it’s extremely important for your daughter to know that because they’re partial fighting-types, their natural moves consist only of techniques designed for close, physical combat. She will need to keep a particularly close eye on the state of her pokémon during battle if she chooses one of these.
Absol is an often sought-after pokémon for dark-type enthusiasts, and they’re exceptionally strong as starters as well. However, they’re also difficult to find, and in some cultures, they are quite literally omens of death and destruction.
Both sandile and stunky are equally excellent choices with few drawbacks (even in terms of personality). However, naturally, your daughter will want to be aware of stunky’s defensive stench.
If none of these interest her, eevee evolves into the dark-type umbreon. Just a thought.

Best of luck to your daughter, anonymous! May her journey be exciting!

I recently got a baby togepi and people keep getting very concerned because if rides on the back of my houndoom. Now my houndoom is nothing but loving and nurturing, having had a litter of her own and adopted a shinx and growlithe when they were rejected by their mothers. I’m just really frustrated with all the bias

Unfortunately, anonymous, I’m afraid that there is quite a lot of discrimination against dark-type pokémon and their users. This is largely in part due to long-standing folklore that states dark-types in general are ruthless, bloodthirsty, or dangerous tricksters. Houndoom in particular are victims of this, as their alarming appearances, pack habits, and notorious bites made them rather frightening creatures to the humans who lived near their territories. This is all despite the fact that members of the houndour line are among the most loyal and gentle fire-type pokémon (never mind the most loyal dark-types) one can own.

The best you can do is try your best to not let it affect you. If someone attempts to confront you about your houndoom, show them that yours is gentle and do your best to educate them while deescalating the situation. Don’t give in to your frustrations. The important thing is whether or not your houndoom and togepi are safe and happy.

Best of luck, anonymous, and hang in there!

UB-05: Guzzlord

Guzzlord
The Junkivore Pokémon
Type: Dark/Dragon
Official Registration #: 799
Entry: One of the Ultra Beasts, or strange pokémon that had appeared from another dimension. According to witnesses, this pokémon eats everything in its path, from garbage on the ground to full-on buildings. In fact, guzzlord is constantly eating, stuffing its massive maw with its crab-like hands. However, despite how much it consumes, no one can identify its anus or, in fact, locate its droppings. However, considering what it eats, perhaps it’s better that we never find the inevitable horror that must be guzzlord poop.

It’s good to know that you make an effort to maintain a level of class on this blog, Bill. —LH

It could be worse. These entries could be written by Bebe. —Bill

Good point. —LH

The Litten Line

Litten
The Fire Cat Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 725
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Alola. Litten is known for its self-grooming habits, which it tends to engage in most of the time in lieu of expressing affection or paying attention to its trainer. This routine consists of litten bathing itself by raking its rough tongue over its fur to clean itself of loose hair and dirt. During this process, it has a tendency to swallow stray hair, which collects in its stomach and forms hairballs that are then ignited by litten’s internal flame sacs. Sometimes, litten expels these hairballs as Ember attacks during battle, but more often than not, it will simply expel these flaming hairballs on your wooden floor or carpet and proudly sit next to the growing fire until its humans come to clean it up.

Torracat
The Fire Cat Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 726
Entry: The evolved form of litten, by battle experience. The organ at its throat is a hollow, bell-like structure that rings every time torracat spits fire. This is convenient, largely because torracat possess the same grooming habits as litten and far fewer qualms about spitting flaming hairballs onto perfectly good wooden or carpeted floors. How any houses in Alola are still standing after young trainers bring this pokémon or its preevolution back home is a mystery and point of wonder to the author.

Incineroar
The Heel Pokémon
Type: Fire/Dark
Official Registration #: 727
Entry: The evolved form of torracat, by battle experience. Incineroar is infamous for its openly vicious, selfish persona—a persona that often makes it difficult to tame and handle. However, underneath that violent, selfish persona is really a caring and complicated soul just looking for a kind, gentle trainer who will help it heal from an unspecified past trauma and begin its long and arduous redemption arc … according to most fangirls on the internet, anyway. (In reality, this pokémon will Throat Chop any being it considers to be a challenger, including humans who approach it from the front. Handle it with caution and definitely do not attempt to give it a hug.)

Hi Bill! I’ve been reading through your posts on hear and feel like I’ve learned a lot but I have to say, I’m starting to worry about some of my dark types. From what you’ve been saying, most dark types are kinda nasty but all of mine are massive softies. The only time I’ve ever seen them violent or aggressive was when they thought me or my family were being threatened. Do I have to worry about them hiding something or is this sort of thing normal?

LH here, anonymous.

Normally, I let Bill answer these questions himself, but because of reasons that involve my partner’s inability to not scare readers, he’s currently distracted … by another episode of Binaclebob Trapezoidpants.

That said, don’t worry, anonymous. Most of Bill’s pokédex entries are written tongue-in-cheek and refer to either each species’ official entry in the National Dex (which are often themselves referring to wild pokémon only) or his own experiences with these pokémon (which are often harrowing because my partner is a wonderful researcher when it comes to fieldwork—this is, after all, the same man who thought grabbing a honedge by the hilt because “that old wives’ tale about honedge possession can’t possibly be real” was a brilliant idea).

Actual, tamed dark-types are surprisingly more loyal and sweet than most other pokémon. This is because in the wild, dark-types rely on their abilities to sneak or to gang up on other pokémon to survive, either because they’re not actually that strong on their own or because other pokémon would do the same to them. For that reason, they’ve garnered the reputation of being vicious, but actually, when they feel safe—such as in situations when a human is taking care of all their needs—they lose their need to be vicious and adopt more friendly and open personalities. Of course, some pokémon, such as houndoom, will always be aloof in comparison with their non-dark counterparts, but that’s just the way they are. It’s not really any indication of whether or not they’re good, evil, vicious, or friendly.

So really, you don’t have to worry about your own pokémon. They’re most likely every bit the massive softies they seem to be on the surface.

Honestly, though, it’s probably fairy-types if anything that you’d have to worry about. Those know how to use their cuteness to get what they want, but honestly, that’s not exactly dangerous. Just slightly nefarious, but only insofar as pokémon treats are concerned. And honestly, how can you argue with a face that pink and cute?

Hi Bill, I was wondering if you could help clear something up for me? My family and I moved from Mahogany town to Canalave city a few years ago and since then me and my brother have been getting a lot of odd looks and seem to be being treated differently than most of the other people our age. The only reason I’ve been able to see is that I’m a dark type specialist and my brother’s a specialist in ghost types. I was hoping you might know if this has anything to do with it.

Admittedly, the people of Johto and the people of Sinnoh have had a bit of a rivalry going on for ages over our respective customs. Namely, Johtonians typically honor the twin guardians Ho-oh and Lugia above all other legendary pokémon, whereas Sinnohans follow a hierarchy centered around Arceus and the guardians of time, space, and states of being. It doesn’t help, of course, that the last time our two regions did anything collaborative, the Sinnohans put an altar to Arceus in it. Johtonians, being Johtonians (even back when we worshipped the unown, which was before we worshipped Ho-oh and Lugia), responded by sealing off all entrances to said shrine except for the one going through what’s currently the Ruins of Alph. Because we Johtonians take pride in the fact that we had perfected the art of being petty long before we had a proper word for it.

Also, Johtonians in general have … a bit of a reputation about them in other regions that isn’t exactly flattering. Some regions find us funny, outspoken, or emotional. Others find us brash, loud, overly ambitious, and (if you’re from certain parts of Goldenrod or Olivine) possibly some kind of delinquent.

If I recall correctly, Mahogany Town is a bit more removed from the regional customs than many other cities and towns in Johto—including Goldenrod—and as such, the regional rivalry with Sinnoh isn’t quite as lively there as it is elsewhere. Conversely, Canalave City, being the entryway into the Sinnoh region as well as one of its many cultural centers (thanks to the Canalave Library), is also home to those who are very, very dedicated to Sinnohan customs, including maintaining a rather … welcoming attitude towards anyone who speaks with one of the Johtonian dialects.

Granted, yes, it’s also true that Sinnohans “worship” a dark-type legendary and a ghost-type legendary (in that they fear them—greatly), but for that reason, any researcher or expert who wishes to study them tends to be higher respected than one would think. There’s a reason why Canalave has a library, after all: knowledge is power in Sinnoh.

So in other words, it’s probably less because of your type specialties and more because, well, you may obviously be from Johto. This isn’t to say you absolutely must change yourselves to fit in. Speaking as someone who had left Johto to live in Kanto (a region home to even more colorful opinions of Johtonians than anything that’s crossed a Sinnohan’s mind), it’s possible to get along just fine within a region that customarily thinks you’re hilarious and quaint. In your case, I would recommend establishing yourselves as serious experts of your types. Help other Sinnohans overcome their fear of dark- or ghost-types and teach them the proper way to care for ordinary pokémon of your respective elements. The more you can serve as a teacher to others, the easier it will be to get people to feel comfortable with you … or at least take you seriously.

And because I’m certain at least one of my colleagues is just waiting to make a comment about that last part, I would like to remind all of you that I am, in fact, well-respected within the Pokémon Association and that one of you who I’m sure would love to imply otherwise also speaks with a Goldenrod accent, Bebe.

Darkrai

Darkrai
The Pitch-Black Pokémon
Type: Dark
Official Registration #: 491
Entry: According to Sinnohan myth, Darkrai is the lord of the new moon and of dreams, as well as a companion to Cresselia. As such, its mere presence can induce terrifying nightmares in even the strongest-willed creatures. To protect itself and conceal its true domain, it consciously uses its powers to inflict a deep slumber full of horrific nightmares on all those around it, an act which it does for the sole purpose of driving intruders away. Yet also according to Sinnohan myth, it actually means no harm. Incidentally, yes, the author is aware of just how contradictory most of this entry is, and yes, he does indeed think this is highly appropriate for a pokémon that looks very much like the embodiment of the scene phase he certainly never had.

The Seedot Line

Seedot
The Acorn Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 273
Entry: A small, acorn-like pokémon native to dense forests. It hangs from trees, where it’s often indistinguishable from ordinary seeds or apricorns. There, it waits until a human or another pokémon comes close, at which point it suddenly shakes violently to scare its target. There is literally no reason for this; seedot simply enjoys scaring people because that’s how it goes. As an added bonus, any attempt made by its victims to retaliate against this scaring is usually met with Bide. Because you can never be too much of a delightful sentient being.

Nuzleaf
The Wily Pokémon
Type: Grass/Dark
Official Registration #: 274
Entry: The evolved form of seedot, by battle experience. This childlike pokémon has the ability to play a grass flute, which tends to make passing humans feel uneasy. It also has the ability to drive trainers to capture only one pokémon whenever they enter new areas and abandon any pokémon that has fainted in the heat of battle, but whether or not this has anything to do with the actual flute playing is still up for debate.

Shiftry
The Wicked Pokémon
Type: Grass/Dark
Official Registration #: 275
Entry: The evolved form of nuzleaf, by exposure to leaf stone. This mysterious pokémon is said to be a forest guardian. When humans venture into its sanctum within the deepest, darkest parts of the forest, it uses the giant, leafy fans it has on its hands to whip up winds of up to 100 miles per hour to blow the foe away. Given this description, it may seem odd that shiftry would be designated the wicked pokémon, but this perhaps says quite a bit about humanity’s relationship with nature up until recently.

The Deino Line

Deino
The Irate Pokémon
Type: Dark/Dragon
Official Registration #: 633
Entry: An aggressive, dragon pokémon primarily native to caves. Beneath the black fur covering its head, there is nothing but dragon skin—that is to say, this pokémon cannot see, as it has no eyes. Strangely enough, unlike other pokémon that lack eyes, it does not navigate its surroundings by either feeling the vibrations of the earth or through the use of echolocation. Rather, it simply moves forward, bumping into anything in its way and biting anything that moves in response. One would think this wouldn’t be particularly advantageous to the species’ survival, and in any case, why would anything adapt to the point where it would do that, but the answer, readers, is that when you develop the ability to Crunch and Dragon Pulse anything that could possibly pose as a threat against you, your species can develop into anything it merry well pleases.

Zweilous
The Hostile Pokémon
Type: Dark/Dragon
Official Registration #: 634
Entry: The evolved form of deino, by battle experience. This aggressive dragon pokémon is built to eat and does little else besides that. When it completely depletes its food sources in its current part of the cave, it moves to another part and begins eating once more. This process, of course, is a bit more complicated due to the fact that zweilous’s twin heads rarely get along and constantly compete for food, which you would also think would be a disadvantage to the species, but again, very little poses a true threat to zweilous. This is because if there’s one thing that its two heads can agree upon, it’s “we like destroying things very much.”

Hydreigon
The Brutal Pokémon
Type: Dark/Dragon
Official Registration #: 635
Entry: The evolved form of zweilous, by battle experience. Upon evolution, zweilous’s brains merge, and the newly emptied head splits into two at the ends of both of hydreigon’s arms. Additionally, this pokémon grows a set of six wings, which it uses to travel out of its cave home and into the surface world, where there are enough food stores to feed all three of its heads. The author would take the time to describe this pokémon as “an aggressive dragon,” but by now, he’s convinced his readers can already figure that part out. They learn Outrage at this point, so if you see one in the wild, godspeed.