Carvanha and Sharpedo

Carvanha
The Savage Pokémon
Type: Water/Dark
Official Registration #: 318
Entry: A piranha-like pokémon native to warm, freshwater rivers. Although carvanha is known for its viciousness, it is actually a highly social pokémon among its own kind. When left in the same body of water with carvanha just as vicious as it is, an individual carvanha specimen will school with others, forming groups capable of ripping apart even the bulkiest wailmer. However, on its own, carvanha become docile, shy, and even a little skittish, which some believe is an accurate depiction of most people who spend any amount of time on the internet.

Sharpedo
The Brutal Pokémon
Type: Water/Dark
Official Registration #: 319
Entry: The evolved form of carvanha, by battle experience. This shark-like pokémon possesses fangs that can rip through the steel hulls of ships (and grow back if they snap off in their efforts to do so), barbed skin capable of lacerating anything that comes into physical contact with it, powerful fins that can propel it up to 75 miles per hour at prey, and a keen sense of smell that can detect the smallest drop of blood from yards away. With all of this in combination, sharpedo is often nicknamed “the Bully of the Sea,” which is unfortunate because sharpedo is actually a gentle pokémon that only wants affection.

Sorry, no, it indiscriminately rips apart anything that enters its watery territory short of anything else that has the audacity to train it.

The Poochyena Line

Poochyena
The Bite Pokémon
Type: Dark
Official Registration #: 261
Entry: This small, puppy-like pokémon is best known for its persistent nature. Often seen in packs, when one member spots potential prey, no matter how large it is, the entire pack goes after that victim until said victim is exhausted … or until the victim strikes back. The latter condition is admittedly less known within the research community, likely because it’s very easy to forget that part when chased halfway across the Hoennian grasslands by an entire pack of tenacious canines with massive fangs.

Mightyena
The Bite Pokémon
Type: Dark
Official Registration #: 262
Entry: The evolved form of poochyena, by battle experience. Mightyena are highly intelligent pokémon of great ethological interest to the pokémon research community. They possess highly loyal natures that helps them to form packs in the wild, but in captivity, this loyalty instead drives them to bond deeply with humans they recognize as being strong trainers. In addition, much of their communication with either their packs or their trainers happens through complex body language. Even the most minute shift can mean the difference between happiness and aggression. For example, mightyena indicate happiness and comfort by wagging their tails from left to right. However, a mightyena that wags its tail from right to left is indicating extreme discomfort. Certainly, this difference may seem a little bit too difficult for the average human to spot, but if it helps, the tail wagging is also typically done as the mightyena flattens itself, growls deeply, bares its fangs, and generally looks like it’s about to rip one apart. Subtle clues, yes, but they’re very important subtle clues, in the author’s opinion.

Cacnea and Cacturne

Cacnea
The Cactus Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 331
Entry: A large, cactus-like pokémon native to arid environments. Its round and plump body can store large reservoirs of water, which enable cacnea to survive the driest of deserts for up to thirty days. Knowing this, some early settlers to areas where cacnea may be found have tried to slice open and eat water-engorged cacnea, establishing the misconception that cacnea meat can stave off dehydration. In actuality, no part of a cacnea should be ingested if one is in dire need of water. Meat from the arms is often contained in smaller reservoirs within tougher, denser tissue, and if you do go through the effort of obtaining it, the resulting water is highly acidic and can lead to vomiting or worse. Meat from its main body, meanwhile, is a pokémon-based source of peyote, and ingesting it induces extremely vivid hallucinations … or worse. Cacnea, in other words, is not the quenchiest, no.

Cacturne
The Scarecrow Pokémon
Type: Grass/Dark
Official Registration #: 332
Entry: The evolved form of cacnea, by battle experience. During the day, these tall, cactus-like pokémon stand motionless in their native deserts. When the sun goes down and the desert cools, however, cacturne awaken and begin moving across the desert in search of prey. Interestingly enough, most cacturne eat birds—particularly any murkrow and vullaby that have, for whatever reason, settled in their desert territories—so cacturne is less of a scarecrow and more of an eatcrow. Or perhaps a killcrow. Devourcrow?

Have we mentioned the fact that you’re not allowed to name things? —LH

Houndour and Houndoom

Houndour
The Dark Pokémon
Type: Dark/Fire
Official Registration #: 228
Entry: A small, dog-like pokémon native to thick, dark forests. Interestingly, although this pokémon is part of the Johtonian Regional Pokédex, it was first discovered in Kanto and cannot, in truth, be found at all in Johto outside of the Johtonian Safari Zone Nature Preserve. The reason behind this discrepancy is actually quite simple. Houndour hunt in massive packs through the darkness of their native forests, where their pelts can blend in with forest shadows as they corner prey, and Kantonian researchers possess far stronger self-preservation instincts than their Johtonian counterparts.

Houndoom
The Dark Pokémon
Type: Dark/Fire
Official Registration #: 229
Entry: The evolved form of houndour, by battle experience. This dog-like pokémon is capable of exhaling a jet of fire and a spray of incendiary, highly caustic, toxic chemicals at the same time. The effect of these two mechanisms in combination leaves not only second-degree thermal burns (at the minimum) but severe chemical burns as well. According to folklore, anyone unfortunate enough to receive these burns will never fully recover; the burn will essentially be painful forever. However, this is not necessarily true. With proper care, the pain will typically subside within a week, and the resulting scar will fade within a year. On the other hand, not necessarily true isn’t the same thing as entirely false. First, one must remember that centuries ago, back when people first began to think this about houndoom burns, treatments for burns that complex or severe didn’t exist. Second, psychological pain is never a thing that heals easily, and some survivors of houndoom attacks may acquire a fear of houndoom thereafter. Third, either way, being burned by a houndoom feels just about as delightful as being attacked by a swarm of angry magikarp, and based on personal experience alone, the author would not recommend it.

The Larvitar Line

Larvitar
The Rock Skin Pokémon
Type: Rock/Ground
Official Registration #: 246
Entry: A two-foot-tall, dinosaur-like pokémon native to mountainous regions. Although it’s true that larvitar are born underground and eat soil and rocks until they tunnel to the surface, the idea that they eat entire mountains before evolution is entirely false. It just feels as if they do, as larvitar are, on average, almost 160 pounds, and they have a tendency to leap at their unsuspecting trainers when overwhelmed with the need to shower them with affection via a tackling hug.

Pupitar
The Hard Shell Pokémon
Type: Rock/Ground
Official Registration #: 247
Entry: The evolved form of larvitar, by battle experience. During evolution, larvitar encase themselves in a cocoon of rock. This stone shell is as hard and solid as bedrock, so while it fully protects the larvitar inside from any damage, it also constricts its limb movements. However, this doesn’t mean it’s entirely immobile, as pupitar possesses vents all over its body, which allow the highly compressed gases it creates within itself to escape in the form of powerful jets. In fact, these jets can be so powerful that they can propel pupitar wherever it needs to be faster than a number of other pokémon. This is, of course, doubly unfortunate for its trainer, as not only can pupitar launch itself like a rocket in any direction, but it’s also a 335-pound tank of pure destruction … that still enjoys showering its trainers with affection by throwing itself at them.

Tyranitar
The Armor Pokémon
Type: Rock/Dark
Official Registration #: 248
Entry: The evolved form of pupitar, by battle experience. On the positive side, tyranitar do not shower their trainers with affection by throwing themselves at them. On the negative side, tyranitar are highly destructive and aggressive pokémon who possess the ability to flatten miles of forest in seconds and who are constantly on the lookout for new opponents to fight, and tamed tyranitar consider doing both of these things (committing incredible amounts of property damage and fighting literally anything it can find) to be perfectly acceptable methods of showing affection towards their trainers.

As a lover of Dark type pokemon, I must ask: why is the Dark type called the “Evil type” in some cultures?

Cultural differences and beliefs, I’m afraid. Some cultures, either in their past or currently, fear dark-types for a number of reasons.

In some cases, people believed that these pokémon lurked in dark forests to attack humans … which, unfortunately, was somewhat true in olden times. Human settlements and roads were smaller and shorter in those days and did not encroach into wilderness as far as they do. So when travelers crossed through heavily wooded areas—places where pokémon such as houndour, poochyena, nuzleaf, and sneasel made their homes—these pokémon would attack them, thinking that they were prey. However, as time went on and as humans became more and more of a presence in the world, these pokémon gained exposure to humans (or learned about them from other members of their species) and came to realize that they weren’t to be attacked. Thus, wild houndour, poochyena, sneasel, nuzleaf, and similar pokémon are generally less likely to attack people than pokémon of any other type. Unless provoked, anyway.

(Cave pokémon, such as sableye, fall into this category as well, as humans have only recently figured out how to traverse cave systems safely.)

In other cases, people believed that these pokémon were omens or embodiments of death, usually because they would appear shortly before or after disaster. This is only true in a sense when it comes to absol. They can indeed predict disaster, and thus, their appearance should be an omen of impending doom. (And, in fact, they count on this, as they also realize humans don’t generally understand pokémon speak.) However, they don’t cause disaster, as many cultures seem to think. Meanwhile, pokémon like murkrow, vullaby, and zorua are all scavengers, and as such, they’re mistakenly thought to arrive before death, but in actuality, they arrive shortly after to feed on the fresh meat.

Finally, there are cases when the pokémon simply looks so fearsome and violent that it inspires abject fear in humans. Hydreigon is of particular note to this category.

As for why these pokémon specifically are considered to be evil when there are far more pokémon in other types who are associated with death or have attacked humans or are simply fearsome-looking, it’s just that the type contains the most pokémon who are associated with shadows. The elemental essence itself is based on darkness, and the techniques specific to the type often involve sneak attacks or vicious, bestial assaults. So humans have come to fear the dark-type in particular because of its associations with darkness.

If you ask me, though, anonymous, I quite agree with you: there is really nothing to fear from dark-type pokémon. Many of them are quite docile once properly tamed.

Can you write about Xerneas, Yveltal and Zygarde please!

Certainly, anonymous! Apologies for the delay!

Xerneas
The Life Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 716
Entry: One of the three central legends of Kalosean myth—the deer-like guardian of life. It is said that when this pokémon’s horns glow in seven colors, it shares everlasting life with all those who are bathed in its mystic glow. This, as far as the author is concerned, is a far better alternative to a similar myth found in Johto, in which a pokémon that shines with rainbow colors will bestow life onto those who are bathed … in its sacred, unrelenting fires. The author appreciates that about Kalos: its calm, peaceful guardians of their world that do not set people on fire.

Yveltal
The Destruction Pokémon
Type: Dark/Flying
Official Registration #: 717
Entry: One of the three central legends of Kalosean myth—the eagle-like guardian of death. Yveltal is known best for its massive and fearsome wings. It is said that when it spreads these, they glow a bright red and absorb the life force of anyone bathed in its fiery brilliance. First, this description may actually be a reference to Oblivion Wing, a devastating attack that simultaneously heals Yveltal’s wounds … so, yes, of course such a glow would steal the life forces of others. Second, the author takes back half of what he had said in the Xerneas entry. He is clearly wrong and apologizes for this.

Zygarde
The Order Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Ground
Official Registration #: 718
Entry: One of the three central legends of Kalosean myth—the shapeshifting guardian of the region. Contrary to popular contemporary belief, Zygarde is not the legendary of the balance between life and death but rather the legendary guardian of Kalos’s ecosystem. It stands watch for anything that threatens the balance of nature and interacts with the problem in one of four forms (the cellular core, the dog-like 10% forme, the worm-like 50% forme, and the fierce, humanoid complete forme), depending on the level of the threat. However, it cannot be said enough that Zygarde’s interests are said to lie only in the ecosystem. Thus, if you happen to be simultaneously gifted with eternal life while being subjected to life-draining rays because Xerneas and Yveltal are engaged in combat before you … you’re on your own unless either of them destroy a tree full of pokémon. Terribly sorry.

Sableye

Sableye
The Darkness Pokémon
Type: Dark/Ghost
Official Registration #: 302
Entry: A small, imp-like pokémon first discovered in the cave systems of Hoenn. In the wild, this pokémon subsists entirely on the jewels and precious stones found in its native habitat. It consumes so many of these on a daily basis that parts of its body have crystalized into gem-like forms. This includes its eyes; at birth, wild sableye actually possess two completely organic eyeballs. It’s just that these eyes harden into a diamond-like substance over time. Domestically bred sableye, however, possess these diamond eyes from the start, due to the fact that trainers and breeders wishing to hatch sableye are extremely careful in maintaining a high mineral content not only in the parents’ diet but also in the incubator holding the egg. And this is done because wild newborn sableye typically look like this:

Murkrow and Honchkrow

Murkrow
The Darkness Pokémon
Type: Dark/Flying
Official Registration #: 198
Entry: A crow-like pokémon native to the forests and mountains of Johto and Sinnoh. This wily pokémon is widely feared and loathed by many cultures, including those outside its home regions. Part of this may have to do with its tendency to collect shiny objects: it often steals from unwary travelers, which in turn provokes said travelers to chase after them. Should a human fall into this trap, the murkrow will lead them deep into the densest parts of their territories before flying off, leaving the human lost and stranded in the wilderness. Of course, a human would need to be pretty witless to follow a murkrow in the first place, given the fact that the entire species derives its name from the words “crow” and “murder.”

Bill, didn’t you once have to be rescued after following a murkrow? —LH

That was a fluke. —Bill

Of course it was. —LH

Honchkrow
The Big Boss Pokémon
Type: Dark/Flying
Official Registration #: 430
Entry: The evolved form of murkrow, by exposure to dusk stone. This giant crow-like pokémon is capable of controlling entire flocks of murkrow. When a massive scavenging job needs to be done or whenever nests need to be made, it issues a deep, booming cry to summon every murkrow within miles. Because the numbers of murkrow that respond to this call frequently block out the sun for minutes at a time, honchkrow is colloquially called the “Summoner of the Night.” Which, incidentally, is also a great and surprisingly unused name for a band.

Pawniard and Bisharp

Pawniard
The Sharp Blade Pokémon
Type: Dark/Steel
Official Registration #: 624
Entry: This small, soldier-like pokémon is covered with knives. This means that pawniard’s body must be meticulously maintained via sharpening after every battle, which in turn means that pawniard attack most effectively in a group—so that no one pawniard’s blades will be worn down completely by the end of the match. Of course, this also means that hugging a pawniard is a terribly ill-advised idea, which the author had expected would be something that should go without saying until he actually looked up how many pawniard-related injuries were reported last year alone.

Bisharp
The Sword Blade Pokémon
Type: Dark/Steel
Official Registration #: 625
Entry: The evolved form of pawniard, by battle experience. This soldier-like pokémon is always seen in the company of a large number of pawniard. Bisharp apparently commands these pawniard, guiding them into attacking prey in one massive group until it can finish its opponents off with one final blow. Thanks to this behavior of using underlings to weaken an opponent enough for a final attack, bisharp may be comparable to certain types of humans, such as yakuza bosses, military generals, and any titular character in the magical girl genre.