Scraggy and Scrafty

Scraggy
The Shedding Pokémon
Type: Dark/Fighting
Official Registration #: 559
Entry: These native Unovans will immediately headbutt anyone who makes direct eye contact with them. Now that the author has summarized his last encounters with the people of Castelia City, this lizard-like pokémon is proud of its sturdy skull and the cushion provided by its elastic skin, which it uses in combination for its primary fighting technique, the headbutt.

Scrafty
The Hoodlum Pokémon
Type: Dark/Fighting
Official Registration #: 560
Entry: The evolved form of scraggy, by battle experience. These pokémon protect themselves with their stretchy skin when kicking, largely because this technique shields their faces from debris, a necessity due to the fact that their kicks can smash concrete blocks. It is said groups of these native Unovans will beat up anything that enters their territories … which, incidentally, also describes one of the last evenings the author had spent in Castelia City.

Zorua and Zoroark

Zorua
The Tricky Fox Pokémon
Type: Dark
Official Registration #: 570
Entry: This fox-like pokémon is most famous for its signature defense mechanism. When in the vicinity of anything it perceives as a potential threat, it instantly transforms into people or other pokémon in order to confuse said threat long enough for it to get away. It has been known to favor the form of a silent child when near humans. Should anyone wonder how this could be considered much of a defense mechanism, imagine walking through a forest when all of a sudden, a child appears right beside you and stares at you silently.

Zoroark
The Illusion Fox Pokémon
Type: Dark
Official Registration #: 571
Entry: The evolved form of zorua, by battle experience. Zoroark are considered masters of disguise, capable of transforming into anything to confuse large groups of people simultaneously. While many of these illusions are highly complex, there have also been instances in which all a zoroark did to confuse its victim was don a pair of glasses and some human clothes. Young trainers from Pallet Town and their friends are, apparently, particularly susceptible to these tactics.

Purrloin and Liepard

Purrloin
The Devious Pokémon
Type: Dark
Official Registration #: 509
Entry: Due to this kitten-like pokémon’s deceptive cuteness, the humans of purrloin’s native Unova are frequently incapable of holding a grudge against it, even when it blatantly steals food and valuables from them. As this use of an adorable, wholesome-looking facade in order to evade punishment is a well-known habit of theirs, purrloin has come to be thought of as, even among native Unovans, an accurate representation of the Unovan justice system on the whole.

Liepard
The Cruel Pokémon
Type: Dark
Official Registration #: 510
Entry: The evolved form of purrloin, by battle experience. This sleek but beautiful leopard-like pokémon is known among Unovans for two things. First, it is widely considered a symbol of elegance, with its shimmering pelt and graceful movements. Second, it is known for stalking its prey with the utmost stealth and attacking them from behind. That having been said, it is a point of interest in this author’s opinion that many pokémon in Unova seem to enjoy sneaking up on its prey and attacking it from behind or using appearances to coax its target into letting its guard down … not that this author is saying this implies anything about Unova or its people, of course.

The Froakie Line

Froakie
The Bubble Frog Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 656
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Kalos. True to their species name, froakie are known for their tendency to protect their delicate skin with bubbles. However, skin protection is just one of the many uses for these bubbles. Another use is, of course, to protect a froakie’s eggs when mating, and the foam itself is typically generated early in the fertilization process when the male mounts the female to agitate her foam sacs. Thus, trainers, when you find your male froakie hugging your female froakie from behind to create a cloud of bubbles, rest assured that there will soon be a daycare owner who will tell you that an egg has suddenly appeared and that he has no idea how it might have gotten there.

Frogadier
The Bubble Frog Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 657
Entry: The evolved form of froakie, by battle experience. Supposedly, frogadier possess unparalleled speed and dexterity that enable it to achieve incredible feats of agility. For example, according to one report, a frogadier owned by a Kalosean researcher has been found to be capable of scaling a 2000-foot tower within a minute. Of course, considering the fact that Kalos’s tallest structure, the Prism Tower, is only 1062 feet in height, how this specific ability has been tested is a very good question.

Greninja
The Ninja Pokémon
Type: Water/Dark
Official Registration #: 658
Entry: The evolved form of frogadier, by battle experience. Gifted with ninja-like skills, greninja can appear from seemingly nowhere and generate a barrage of throwing stars made of compressed water. Incidentally, yes, these stars can, in fact, shear through metal; yes, the author has learned this the hard way; and yes, he has not yet forgotten that a certain Kalosean professor owes him quite a sum of money for the destruction of one rental motorbike thanks to his protege’s greninja.

Vullaby and Mandibuzz

Vullaby
The Diapered Pokémon
Type: Dark/Flying
Official Registration #: 629
Entry: Vullaby’s wings are too short and underdeveloped to allow it to fly, but as it nears evolution, it sheds the bones it wears in order to drop dead weight and give its wings more space in which to move. One would assume this would be the joke of the entry, but in actuality, it is the pokémon’s recorded species, which was neither the writer’s fault nor something on which he can provide any sort of witty comment, as any commentary regarding this has already been made somewhere on the internet with varying degrees of irony and innocence.

Mandibuzz
The Bone Vulture Pokémon
Type: Dark/Flying
Official Registration #: 630
Entry: The evolved form of vullaby, by battle experience. Mandibuzz is a large, vulture-like pokémon known for circling potential prey, then swooping down on it and carrying it back to its nest, where it dismembers said prey to use its bones for nest reinforcement and decoration. This behavior may seem intimidating to some, but there are theories within the pokémon ethological community that it is better explained with the fact that the appearance of its preevolved form is not particularly well-respected among pokémon either.

Stunky and Skuntank

Stunky
The Skunk Pokémon
Type: Poison/Dark
Official Registration #: 434
Entry: A small, woodland pokémon known for its powerful defense mechanism. When threatened, rather than attacking using traditional pokémon moves, stunky will turn its hindquarters to face its attacker, lift its tail, and spray a potent musk to confound and drive away the offending creature. As an important side note, Sinnohan folk remedies prescribe bathing in tomato juice in order to remove the smell. The writer fully encourages stunky victims to do this, not because of its effectiveness (it is, in fact, not even remotely effective) but instead because bathing in tomato juice is strangely good for the skin.

Skuntank
The Skunk Pokémon
Type: Poison/Dark
Official Registration #: 435
Entry: The evolved form of stunky, by battle experience. Skuntank is basically a larger, more dangerous stunky. What makes it so dangerous are a combination of factors, namely its hotter temper and the fact that the range of its spray can reach up to 160 feet. Word of advice, should you ever encounter a wild skuntank: one quart hydrogen peroxide, quarter cup baking soda, and two teaspoons of dish soap. Mix and use the way you would everyday body soap and shampoo. You are very welcome.

Skorupi and Drapion

Skorupi
The Scorpion Pokémon
Type: Poison/Bug
Official Registration #: 451
Entry: A scorpion pokémon endemic to deserts and arid mountains. As a primarily desert-dwelling pokémon, skorupi are hardy, capable of surviving for up to a year without food. Science has tested and proven this fact, but the scientists involved were less successful in avoiding the scandal and prison time involved with obvious pokémon abuse.

Drapion
The Ogre Scorpion Pokémon
Type: Poison/Dark
Official Registration #: 452
Entry: The evolved form of skorupi, by battle experience. Drapion body language may be difficult to understand at first, but the key is keeping in mind the fact that drapion arms are extremely strong and tipped with stingers that can secrete a powerful venom. Therefore, when a drapion is holding its arms slack and loose, this means that it’s allowing you to approach and give it affection. However, if your drapion’s arms are held up and extended to the sides, this is actually an aggressive stance, not an invitation for a hug. The writer must emphasize that the difference is extremely vital to trainers.

Spiritomb

Spiritomb
The Forbidden Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Dark
Official Registration #: 442
Entry: This pokémon consists of dark spirits bound to a strange stone. According to Sinnoh legend, spiritomb specifically consists of 108 spirits condemned to spend an eternity bound together in the aforementioned stone for misdeeds they collectively committed over 500 years ago. It is said that strange things happen in the presence of spiritomb and that even today, in its bound state, it does everything it can to curse nearby humans and wreak general havoc. To be fair, though, spiritomb’s behavior is perfectly understandable. If the reader was cursed to spend an eternity trapped in a body with 107 people you couldn’t stand, you, too, would very likely be just a little upset about it.

Inkay and Malamar

Inkay
The Revolving Pokémon
Type: Dark/Psychic
Official Registration #: 686
Entry: Despite its name and the fact that it strongly resembles a squid, inkay is completely incapable of using ink as a defensive mechanism. Rather, it is equipped with a wide range of telekinetic and mesmeric powers, most notably the ability to generate strobe-like flashing lights from its spots. Yet strangely enough, inkay is not famous for its ability but rather its unusual evolution method: by battle experience, when turned upside-down. Because many trainers strive to achieve this evolution manually and because inkay, like many creatures, is not prone to cooperating when forcibly turned the wrong side up, many trainer injuries and hilarious internet videos have resulted from attempts to train this species of pokémon.

Malamar
The Overturning Pokémon
Type: Dark/Psychic
Official Registration #: 687
Entry: The evolved form of inkay, by battle experience if the subject is turned upside-down at the time. Malamar is a tall, squid-like pokémon that possesses strong tentacles and dazzling lights. It is most known for using the lights to hypnotize its prey and lure it close enough to ensnare with its tentacles. Once it ensnares its prey, it either douses them with digestive fluids or brainwashes them into doing their bidding. Given malamar’s habits of entrancing and ensnaring prey that it either puppeteers or devours alive, it should come as no surprise to anyone that when the writer says “it is most known for,” he means “within very unusual subcultures on the internet.”

Absol

[[Writer’s Note: In light of yesterday’s entry, I have been informed by my editor, partner, and dearest friend L.H. that I am not funny and that I am to apologize and write a proper entry in response to my equally dear follower, @anonabsolxwolf. Thus, I present to you, my readers, the entry for the day and my sincerest pleas for forgiveness. —Bill]]

Absol
The Disaster Pokémon
Type: Dark
Official Registration #: 359
Entry: A mountain-dwelling pokémon with the ability to foretell disasters. In ancient legend, absol—then referred to as the hakutaku—foretold that a deadly plague would sweep across the Hoenn region and that only a very specific herb found on the side of Mt. Pyre would be able to cure it. For this reason, Hoennians worshipped absol as a guardian spirit of herbal medicine for several centuries until modern Western medicine was introduced to the region. Absol’s prophecies for various natural disasters are still accurate, of course, but humanity has an unfortunate tendency to ignore voices of reason during times of desperation. In short, absol has gone from being a guardian spirit of herbal medicine to the patron saint of underappreciated minds whose reasonable advice goes unheeded by the Pokémon Association.

[[Editor’s Note: You are still not funny, Bill. —LH]]