Sinnoh Legendaries, Part VII

Giratina
The Renegade Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Dragon
Official Registration #: 487
Entry: A strange and mysterious legendary dragon whose power rivals that of Dialga and Palkia. It is said that Giratina was banished from this world eons ago for its violence, and now, it rules over a dimension on the reverse side of ours known as the Distortion World. Naturally, one might ask what violent act it may have committed to get itself banished completely from reality. The simple answer was that it was created to embody the nothingness and antimatter opposite to the creations of Dialga and Palkia, and thus, there must have been a war between Giratina and the two deities of space and time. But more than likely, knowing Sinnoh legends and given the fact that Giratina is known as the Renegade Pokémon, it’s probable that it was simply the loser of an epic rap battle among the ancient deities.

Bill, no. —LH

Sinnoh Legendaries, Part VI

Dialga
The Temporal Pokémon
Type: Steel/Dragon
Official Registration #: 483
Entry: One of the highest deities of Sinnohan lore, Dialga was created by Arceus to serve as the master of time. It is said that time began to flow the moment it was born and has continued to flow with every one of its heartbeats. Likewise, because of how integral time is to Dialga, it has the power to control its flow as well as travel backwards and forwards through it, and thus, its title of “master of time” is both literal and metaphorical. As such, you could even say it’s a time lord, except the editor of this blog has requested that the author does not refer to it as that because “honestly, Bill, there are about thirty reasons why you shouldn’t refer to one of the gods of the fabric of space and time with an already outdated pop culture joke, and you have a high enough IQ to figure out why.”

Palkia
The Spatial Pokémon
Type: Water/Dragon
Official Registration #: 484
Entry: One of the highest deities of Sinnohan lore, Palkia was created by Arceus to serve as the master of space. Supposedly, it has the ability to distort space and control the stabilization of dimensions, and with every breath it takes, space becomes more stable. It is also said that as the lord of all space, it’s a rather funny coincidence that its pink, thick-necked, large-shouldered appearance makes it resemble a certain body part shared by some people who think they have the capacity to control all space, but the editor has also requested that the author do not refer to one of the deities of the space-time continuum as a pokémon that resembles such an object. Even though many other people of Sinnohan origin or otherwise think it looks rather phallic too.

Hoenn Legendaries, Part III

Latias
The Eon Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Psychic
Official Registration #: 380
Entry: One of the legendary dragon guardians of the Soul Dew, an item of mystic power. Unlike most other legendaries, it’s known that latias live in small herds with multiple other latias and latios. Each latias is highly sensitive to human emotions, can understand human speech, communicates telepathically, and possesses coats of reflective down that can alter their appearance or render them invisible. Needless to say, these abilities in combination have caused much romantic confusion in the human race since the latias have first discovered us, and there is, indeed, an internet subculture dedicated to this exact breed of confusion.

Latios
The Eon Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Psychic
Official Registration #: 381
Entry: One of the legendary dragon guardians of the Soul Dew, an item of mystic power. Unlike most other legendaries, it’s known that latios live in small herds with multiple other latias and latios. These highly intelligent pokémon are capable of flying at mach speeds and telepathically coercing subjects into seeing whatever they see in their minds. Often born alongside a sister latias, latios are generally pacifist in nature … except when their twins “interact” with rather seedy-looking humans, at which point, they often use their considerable abilities to eliminate the perceived threat. Which, honestly, makes latios a pokémon the author can sympathize with greatly.

Hoenn Legendaries! Mostly Rayquaza. :D

Well, there are certainly a number of fascinating stories about the Hoenn region, and a single post can’t quite do them all justice. For that reason, let this be the first in a (half-)week-long Hoenn special.

Starting with, of course:

Rayquaza
The Sky High Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Flying
Official Registration #: 384
Entry: According to Hoennian lore, this legendary dragon has lived for millions of years in the uppermost layers of the planet’s atmosphere, and because of how far high and how fast it flies, only recently (comparatively speaking) has humanity developed the technology that makes it possible to see Rayquaza in flight. Otherwise, it does not leave this part of the atmosphere except for when Earth is in imminent danger. Rather, it glides ever vigilantly across the sky, sleeping rarely and eating nothing but the tops of thunderclouds and incoming meteoroids. The author really has nothing funny to say about Rayquaza; he just thinks the idea of an eternal, meteoroid-consuming dragon flying across the edge of space is awesome.

The Deino Line

Deino
The Irate Pokémon
Type: Dark/Dragon
Official Registration #: 633
Entry: An aggressive, dragon pokémon primarily native to caves. Beneath the black fur covering its head, there is nothing but dragon skin—that is to say, this pokémon cannot see, as it has no eyes. Strangely enough, unlike other pokémon that lack eyes, it does not navigate its surroundings by either feeling the vibrations of the earth or through the use of echolocation. Rather, it simply moves forward, bumping into anything in its way and biting anything that moves in response. One would think this wouldn’t be particularly advantageous to the species’ survival, and in any case, why would anything adapt to the point where it would do that, but the answer, readers, is that when you develop the ability to Crunch and Dragon Pulse anything that could possibly pose as a threat against you, your species can develop into anything it merry well pleases.

Zweilous
The Hostile Pokémon
Type: Dark/Dragon
Official Registration #: 634
Entry: The evolved form of deino, by battle experience. This aggressive dragon pokémon is built to eat and does little else besides that. When it completely depletes its food sources in its current part of the cave, it moves to another part and begins eating once more. This process, of course, is a bit more complicated due to the fact that zweilous’s twin heads rarely get along and constantly compete for food, which you would also think would be a disadvantage to the species, but again, very little poses a true threat to zweilous. This is because if there’s one thing that its two heads can agree upon, it’s “we like destroying things very much.”

Hydreigon
The Brutal Pokémon
Type: Dark/Dragon
Official Registration #: 635
Entry: The evolved form of zweilous, by battle experience. Upon evolution, zweilous’s brains merge, and the newly emptied head splits into two at the ends of both of hydreigon’s arms. Additionally, this pokémon grows a set of six wings, which it uses to travel out of its cave home and into the surface world, where there are enough food stores to feed all three of its heads. The author would take the time to describe this pokémon as “an aggressive dragon,” but by now, he’s convinced his readers can already figure that part out. They learn Outrage at this point, so if you see one in the wild, godspeed.

The Gible Line

Gible
The Land Shark Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Ground
Official Registration #: 443
Entry: A short, shark-like pokémon first discovered in the cave systems of Sinnoh. This pokémon burrows in horizontal tunnels embedded within cave walls. From there, it points its face outward and waits for prey to pass by its burrow opening. When something comes close, it launches itself out of its burrow to pounce on and bite the intruder. It’s important to note that this behavior does not stop when tamed; rather, trainers should fully expect to find their clothing gathered in a small, hole-like pile … as well as ample amounts of time spent with a gible attached to their arms shortly after discovering said pile.

Gabite
The Cave Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Ground
Official Registration #: 444
Entry: The evolved form of gible, by battle experience. Native to dark caves, gabite is attracted to anything that glitters or glows. In the wild, this means it actively hunts down and collects any shiny object it can get its claws on—including jewels, ores, and even trash from trainers—and hoards these in its underground nest. In captivity, this means it is possibly the most entertaining pokémon to introduce a laser pointer to.

Garchomp
The Mach Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Ground
Official Registration #: 445
Entry: The evolved form of gabite, by battle experience. The short fins on this pokémon’s arms are actually wings that allow it to fly at supersonic speeds to chase down prey. There is no punchline to this entry. The author just wanted to inform all of you that a 209-pound ground-type land shark with wings shorter than its actual claws can apparently fly and that this world is a wondrous place.

Why are dragons weak to ice?

For the same reason why many of the dinosaurs were killed off in the last major Ice Age, anonymous. Although modern-day dragons have adapted to withstand colder climates, they are still not fully adapted to withstand abrupt drops in temperature. Many dragons do not possess an insulating layer of fat, fur, or armor the way many other species of pokémon do, so they’re far more susceptible to things like hypothermia. It doesn’t help that many of the more famous dragon-types are also partially flying-types, which itself has a weakness to ice due to the fragility of their wings. (Freeze a flying-type’s wings, and you effectively disable them.) Seeing as the wings are of an additional importance to dragons due to their integral role in thermal regulation, this makes dragon/flying-types such as dragonite even more susceptible to lower temperatures.

In other words, dragons are weak to ice because they’re not well-adapted to colder temperatures. They are, however, well-adapted to succumbing to hypothermia.

Can you write about Xerneas, Yveltal and Zygarde please!

Certainly, anonymous! Apologies for the delay!

Xerneas
The Life Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 716
Entry: One of the three central legends of Kalosean myth—the deer-like guardian of life. It is said that when this pokémon’s horns glow in seven colors, it shares everlasting life with all those who are bathed in its mystic glow. This, as far as the author is concerned, is a far better alternative to a similar myth found in Johto, in which a pokémon that shines with rainbow colors will bestow life onto those who are bathed … in its sacred, unrelenting fires. The author appreciates that about Kalos: its calm, peaceful guardians of their world that do not set people on fire.

Yveltal
The Destruction Pokémon
Type: Dark/Flying
Official Registration #: 717
Entry: One of the three central legends of Kalosean myth—the eagle-like guardian of death. Yveltal is known best for its massive and fearsome wings. It is said that when it spreads these, they glow a bright red and absorb the life force of anyone bathed in its fiery brilliance. First, this description may actually be a reference to Oblivion Wing, a devastating attack that simultaneously heals Yveltal’s wounds … so, yes, of course such a glow would steal the life forces of others. Second, the author takes back half of what he had said in the Xerneas entry. He is clearly wrong and apologizes for this.

Zygarde
The Order Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Ground
Official Registration #: 718
Entry: One of the three central legends of Kalosean myth—the shapeshifting guardian of the region. Contrary to popular contemporary belief, Zygarde is not the legendary of the balance between life and death but rather the legendary guardian of Kalos’s ecosystem. It stands watch for anything that threatens the balance of nature and interacts with the problem in one of four forms (the cellular core, the dog-like 10% forme, the worm-like 50% forme, and the fierce, humanoid complete forme), depending on the level of the threat. However, it cannot be said enough that Zygarde’s interests are said to lie only in the ecosystem. Thus, if you happen to be simultaneously gifted with eternal life while being subjected to life-draining rays because Xerneas and Yveltal are engaged in combat before you … you’re on your own unless either of them destroy a tree full of pokémon. Terribly sorry.

The Horsea Line

Horsea
The Dragon Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 116
Entry: A small seahorse pokémon first discovered in the seas of Kanto. This pokémon hunts by shooting jets of ink at flying insects. Its aim is actually impeccable, and it can strike even the smallest, fastest flying targets. However, its sight leaves something to be desired, as the transition between seawater and open air can blur its vision and make it difficult for horsea to distinguish between shapes. Consequently, at times, it can struggle to tell the difference between flying prey and the face of a completely innocent researcher standing on a nearby pier.

Seadra
The Dragon Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 117
Entry: The evolved form of horsea, by battle experience. Not too long ago, the discovery of a gene within seadra’s genetic code caused a minor uproar within the scientific community. This was because that single gene made seadra’s code differ ever so slightly from horsea, which in turn led to the discovery of the link between seadra and kingdra, a pokémon that had up until that point only been found in the wild. Naturally, this all had become a hot topic, not because scientists had been searching for years to find the aforementioned link but instead because the media did a fantastic job of ignoring the latter half of this concept, which in turn made all of us, the scientists of Johto, seem like complete idiots who didn’t know what evolution was. Thank you, news outlets.

Kingdra
The Dragon Pokémon
Type: Water/Dragon
Official Registration #: 230
Entry: The evolved form of seadra, via trading if the subject has had a dragon scale applied to it. Rare and highly destructive, these seahorse pokémon can use their incredibly potent mastery over the water to generate fantastically strong whirlpools simply by yawning. They are also known to tolerate extreme levels of darkness and water pressure, as they make their homes in the depths of the ocean where no other pokémon can survive. In other words, these pokémon are terrifying, doubly so when their abilities are turned against a human on the orders of the single creature whose rage is far more frightening than even the mightiest kingdra: Clair, the absolutely flawless and majestic dragon master. ~~(Please don’t hurt me.)~~

The Goomy Line

Goomy
The Soft Tissue Pokémon
Type: Dragon
Official Registration #: 704
Entry: Because this small, mollusk-like pokémon cannot survive outside of moist, cool environments for long periods of time, it is thought by some researchers to be the weakest dragon-type in existence. However, in actuality, goomy possesses a pliable body that allows it to defend itself rather well; it simply gets dehydrated rather easily, a condition that can easily be remedied by pairing it with a water-type. That and anyone who claims that goomy is the weakest dragon-type have apparently never handled noibat, which crumple at snowfall, a stiff breeze, pebbles being thrown at them, bright light, and noises that are slightly louder than the average human voice.

Sliggoo
The Soft Tissue Pokémon
Type: Dragon
Official Registration #: 705
Entry: The evolved form of goomy, by battle experience. Researchers have struggled for years to uncover the reason why this snail-like pokémon’s eyes devolved into eyespots supported by eyeless antennae, especially given the fact that both goomy and goodra possess a working set each. Some believe that it’s because sliggoo journey into darker, murkier parts of its native swamp where it prepares for evolution. Others, meanwhile, believe that it’s linked to the fact that sliggoo meat—particularly the softest parts of its body (especially the eyes)—was once considered a delicacy in Kalos.

Goodra
The Dragon Pokémon
Type: Dragon
Official Registration #: 706
Entry: The evolved form of sliggoo, by battle experience, during the rain. This tall, bulky, pink pokémon is known for its friendliness, its arm strength, and the fact that its skin constantly secretes a slimy, viscous substance. When excited, this pokémon will stand tall and embrace its trainer tightly, coating its beloved partner with the sticky mucus that covers its body. Needless to say, the author highly recommends that this is yet another pokémon readers should never Google.