What about Drampa? It’s kind of serpentine sort of. I bet they’re good cuddles.

Drampa are excellent cuddlers, yes! But drampa technically has arms, so there’s a debate as to whether or not it counts as a serpent. Some say, yes, of course, as its body is serpentine, and in any case, if one counts dunsparce (which has wings), then one can merry well count drampa. Others say no because dunsparce is literally classified as a snake, and in any case, it doesn’t do much with its appendages except float, whereas drampa actually does use its arms for cuddling.

This is also a matter of heated debate in the pokémon scientific community.

when i was a child I went camping in the mountains with my family and met a drampa who guided me back to the camp and has never left my side since. well, he has suddenly started trying to return to the mountains and bring me with him. I have woken up on multiple occasions to being on his back on the way up Mount Lanakila. why is he doing this?

I’m afraid it’s part of a drampa’s natural instincts, anonymous. When they find a child they particularly like, they make every effort to bond with them. Then, after a period of a few years (admittedly, no one is quite sure how long or what determines the length of this period, as it seems to vary wildly from drampa to drampa), each drampa whisks its chosen child away and begins flying back to the peak of Mount Lanakila, where it’s said that the entrance to the drampa homelands is hiding.

(I also realize this sounds as if I’ve made that up, but I assure you, there is, in fact, very vague records of a hidden valley the drampa call their homeland. Whether or not those records are true is an entirely different matter.)

That having been said, there are ways to curb your drampa’s urges. The easiest is simply to capture him if you haven’t already. If you have, order him to stay with you. While this may be a bit difficult for your drampa—as all tests of willpower are—there have been very few cases of a drampa disobeying a direct order to refrain from starting for the drampa homeland.

The somewhat more difficult method involves becoming less virtuous, as drampa prefer playing with or whisking away innocent, gentle children. How you interpret “virtuous” depends on you and the specific personality of your own drampa, but suffice to say, the less virtuous you are, the more likely your drampa’s interest in whisking you away will wane. Unfortunately, this is also a risk because your drampa may become interested in someone else, and in any case, it’s still not a guarantee that he will give up on you.

Best of luck, anonymous!

Turtonator and Drampa

Turtonator
The Blast Turtle Pokémon
Type: Fire/Dragon
Official Registration #: 776
Entry: A mata-mata-like pokémon native to the mountains of volcanic, tropical regions. Everything about this pokémon is explosive. Its shell is liable to explode violently on impact; it breathes volatile, highly flammable gases; its internal organs can be extracted and used as alternative fuel; and even its dung can be used as a substitute for TNT. This, of course, explains thoroughly why it lives in the hottest areas of volcanic regions, as close to sources of heat as possible. Given the hazards in trekking to this pokémon’s natural habitats to obtain one and the hazards in training one at all, if your opponent sends a turtonator out to battle you, it may be wise to forfeit. There is, of course, no true danger in facing a turtonator that’s been adequately trained (because, as noted elsewhere on this blog, pokémon can often control their deadlier abilities); it’s just that when seeing a pokémon this dangerous to obtain and train in the first place, you may wish to ask yourself if it’s really worth it to face a trainer who is apparently extremely deficient in self-preservation instincts.

Drampa
The Placid Pokémon
Type: Normal/Dragon
Official Registration #: 780
Entry: A Zhulong-like pokémon native to snowy mountaintops. An extremely friendly dragon, it comes down from its isolated habitat at the peak of a mountain to interact with humans, especially human children. However, it should also be noted that angering a drampa is unwise, as it also possesses the ability to level skyscrapers with its intense draconic breath. Naturally, it’s the favored subject of many children’s program, in part because of its cartoonish design and friendliness towards children and in part because showing a cartoonish, friendly dragon leveling cities is apparently fantastic entertainment to both Alolan and Unovan children.