Tag: Exploud

The Whismur Line

Whismur
The Whisper Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 293
Entry: A small, rabbit-like pokémon first discovered in the cave systems of Hoenn. It prefers quiet, difficult-to-reach places, as it is notoriously timid and easy-to-startle. While normally a soft-spoken pokémon, it is fully capable of releasing cries at ear-splitting volumes, and it does in fact do just that whenever startled or scared. Unfortunately, because it’s often unused to its voice, it can also startle itself or those around it, thus building up not only the volume but also the number of whismur cries in a given area. Yet very likely, despite the fact that the resulting sounds can likely destroy sensitive equipment as well as the human eardrum, a cave full of whismur is still objectively more desirable to listen to than a toddler on an airplane.

Loudred
The Big Voice Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 294
Entry: The evolved form of whismur, by battle experience. As tempting as it may be, it is actually a terrible idea to use this pokémon as an alarm clock. While, yes, a loudred shout could wake you up from the deepest of slumbers, that is just one end of the spectrum. The other end of the spectrum involves permanent hearing loss and structural damage, and few loudred understand how to discern which end of the spectrum is appropriate to use when.

Exploud
The Loud Noise Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 295
Entry: The evolved form of loudred, by battle experience. A shout from a single exploud is loud enough to be heard up to six miles away and destructive enough to shatter every single window of a house it’s occupying at any given moment. Simultaneous shouts from a full team of six exploud, however, is a transcendent experience.

I’ve been using my Exploud’s resonance as an amp for my guitar, but recently my downstairs neighbors have started complaining about the noise. Is there a way to help my Fortissimo get the sound louder so we can drive those squares out?

Well, as strange as it might seem to say this, an exploud can only get so loud before it damages its own vocal cords. Some musicians have reported that having exploud be higher up (standing on a platform, for example) improves the sound, but really, the scientific answer is literally to get more than one exploud. The more exploud, the more speakers, which in turn means more sound dispersion.

Putting it another way, sound is, in extreme laymen’s terms, air pressure. Imagine a perfectly still pool of water. Sound is like sticking your hand in and creating a wave. If you have only one hand stirring the water, your wave will only go so far, and it will only be so strong once it reaches the other side of the pool. However, if you stick both of your hands into the pool and if your friends stick their hands in, all of you together can create a wave strong enough to splash against the other end without a problem. In the same sense, only one exploud can only stir the air so much, but more than one can create extraordinarily powerful sound waves.

Of course, if you have more than one exploud, you risk damaging not only the structural integrity of your neighbors’ house but also the structural integrity of your own house and the well-being of your eardrums, never mind the fact that it could get you in trouble with your local law enforcement on charges of destruction of private property and disturbance of the peace. Honestly, the only reason why I’m telling you any of this is because it’s technically not illegal to be in possession of more than one exploud … and, all right, because I’m hoping you’ll film this. Just a little bit.

And I, meanwhile, refuse to claim any involvement. —LH