Comfey

Comfey
The Posy Picker Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 764
Entry: A lei-like pokémon native to tropical regions. Comfey flits about lush forests, gathering up flowers that it attaches to its vine-like tail. Once attached to its body, these flowers become revitalized and give off a very soothing scent. Because of the healing properties of this scent, comfey has become a popular pokémon among wealthy humans and Nurse Joys, who use comfey flowers to make soothing teas and healing baths. One would think this hurts comfey, considering the fact that these flowers are attached to its tail, but strangely enough, it’s comfey who rips these blossoms out in the first place. The author suggests that you do not think too hard about the implications therein.

Pikachu? (Part II)

Togedemaru
The Roly-Poly Pokémon
Type: Electric/Steel
Official Registration #: 777
Entry: Contrary to popular belief, not a round, pointy pikachu. However, this pokémon’s pointy hairs are as just as sensitive to electricity as its mouse-like counterpart. Each hair is an individual lightning rod capable of collecting electricity from the atmosphere and of releasing this stored electricity upon contact. Likewise, when agitated, togedemaru can raise and stiffen these hairs, creating an additional, needle-like line of defense. It is, in other words, just slightly ill-advised to pick this pokémon up.

Mimikyu
The Disguise Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Fairy
Official Registration #: 778
Entry: Contrary to its own belief, not a cuter, more likable pikachu. In fact, as adorable as this pokémon’s pikachu costume is, the actual form of this creature is most definitely not a pikachu. DO NOT ENGAGE.

Cutiefly and Ribombee

Cutiefly
The Bee Fly Pokémon
Type: Bug/Fairy
Official Registration #: 742
Entry: To most pokémon and humans, this small, fuzzy bee fly pokémon is both adorable and essential to the environment. Their abundance of soft fur and love for resting in flowers make them ideal pollinators, and the docile natures they have as adults make them highly popular pets. Given these traits, it should really come as no surprise to anyone who had read this blog for very long that young, wild cutiefly are vicious predators of other insect pokémon and that it singlehandedly controls certain insect populations of its native Alola by way of laying eggs in their nests and burrows, forcing them to take care of the hatchlings, and allowing said hatchlings to feast on the eggs and young of their own victims.

Ribombee
The Bee Fly Pokémon
Type: Bug/Fairy
Official Registration #: 743
Entry: The evolved form of cutiefly, by battle experience. This bee fly-like pokémon gathers pollen from a wide variety of flowers to roll into balls. The easiest way to tell the difference between a male and female ribombee is by what each specimen does with these balls: males will roll them up and give them to females, and females will keep both the balls they form and the balls given to them on their bodies. These balls are highly nutritious and vital to the health of a ribombee’s young, and as such, they’re normally given to newly hatched cutiefly that have consumed the young or eggs of their host species. It’s also possible to harvest these pollen balls for human consumption, as they’re thought to be excellent probiotics and general nutritional supplements in the same way honey is for our species. However, this is ill-advised for two reasons, other than the obvious fact that wild ribombee are more than capable of defending themselves. First, there isn’t enough evidence to definitively prove that a ribombee’s pollen balls are as nutritional to humans as they are to cutiefly. Second, to be blunt, whereas male ribombee carry their pollen balls in their scarves (because they handle so few of them at a time), female ribombee not only utilize their scarves but also the fur on their backsides, and yes, farmers aren’t particularly discerning as to which part of the ribombee pollen balls are harvested. According to the very same people who take ribombee pollen balls as daily herbal supplements, the “added organic matter” is a bonus. Make of that what you will and take at your own risk.

The Popplio Line

Popplio
The Sea Lion Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 728
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Alola. Using its own bodily fluids, popplio blows bubbles from its nose. These bubbles are highly elastic and resistant to damage, which means they’re ideal for smashing into opponents or using as springboards for acrobatic stunts. A word of advice from the author, however: it’s best not to think too hard about which bodily fluids make up these bubbles.

Brionne
The Pop Star Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 729
Entry: The evolved form of popplio, by battle experience. This sweet and innocent-looking pinniped pokémon is known for its elaborate and adorable battle strategy, consisting of cheerful movements and a dazzling shower of bubbles that it launches towards its opponents as if it’s dancing to a upbeat pop song. However, a few years from now, after spending years dancing and singing for the human public, brionne will be known for its extreme lifestyle, triggered by half a lifetime of media overexposure in which tabloids will microanalyze its life for even the slightest scandal to latch onto. Jaded by such treatment by the humans who once adored it, brionne will spiral into a dark abyss fueled by overindulgence and far too many rare candies, after which brionne will be a bitter and cynical shell of its former self, an X-rated version of the innocent child star it once was. There will be no return from this. Only edgy and mediocre PG-15+ content and perhaps a half-hearted return to or reboot of the thing that made it famous in its early teens.

Bill … are you okay? —LH

Perfectly fine, Lanette. Why do you ask? —Bill

Primarina
The Soloist Pokémon
Type: Water/Fairy
Official Registration #: 730
Entry: The evolved form of brionne, by battle experience. Primarina prides itself on its singing voice, largely because its hydrokinetic abilities are extremely reliant on it. As a result, song is equally important to primarina. Each primarina undergoes a strict routine geared towards preserving its voice, and it rehearses songs for hours each day when not in battle. In addition, each song is unique to every primarina family, as primarina pass their songs from generation to generation. For this reason, it’s perfectly understandable that some of these songs date back for thousands of years, perhaps even to the dawn of music itself. Less understandable, however, is how certain trainers (namely ones who have befriended certain students of the author’s) had managed to raise a primarina that would sing Tom Jones’s “What’s New, Pussycat” in practically every battle, except for those rare ones in which these specific primarina sing “It’s Not Unusual” instead.

Kalos Legendaries, Part I

Carbink
The Jewel Pokémon
Type: Rock/Fairy
Official Registration #: 703
Entry: A small, imp-like pokémon native to the caves of Kalos. Having slept underground for millions of years, the minerals in its body has been tempered by the pressures and temperatures of the earth itself into precious stones, most notably pure diamond. Interestingly enough, despite supposedly being related to a legendary pokémon, carbink are not considered to be legendaries themselves and are in fact fairly common in their native cave systems, which in turn means their diamonds are not particularly rare. In conclusion, for those of you who are interested in female-identifying people, the old saying “diamonds are a girl’s best friend” is terrible advice, but “chocolate is a girl’s best friend” is usually not. Just a friendly tip.

Diancie
The Jewel Pokémon
Type: Rock/Fairy
Official Registration #: 719
Entry: According to Kalosean myth, this small, princess-like pokémon is the legendary of jewels. As such, it has the power to create diamonds by compressing the carbon in the air around it. Additionally, it is not only said to be the sudden transformation of carbink (through a surge of magical fairy energy), but it is also capable of mega evolving into an even more regal and powerful form. And on that note, the author is sorely tempted to make a reference to magical girls here, but unfortunately, the internet has beaten him to literally every possible one conceivable.

I was just recently offered the position of fairy type gym leader, and I was wondering how to choose the Pokémon I use in battle? I have very strong fairies but they’re probably too strong for gym Battles… what do I do?

It may be worth it to note that this is a fairly common question for new gym leaders. You see, all gym leaders have strong teams that may be too difficult for a trainer to defeat. We wouldn’t give someone gym certification if they weren’t strong, highly skilled trainers, after all!

For this reason, the first step in any gym leader’s career is to catch and raise a variety of pokémon at different skill levels. Gym leaders typically have two or three different teams, which they rotate to match their opponent’s general ability. Take Misty of Cerulean City, for example. Her more well-known team consists of a young staryu and equally young starmie, which she uses to battle novice trainers. This is because on a typical Kantonian journey, she’s the second gym leader in the circuit, so she needs to be prepared to battle trainers who don’t quite have the skills to take on a gym leader operating at full strength. however, occasionally, she faces experienced trainers from Johto or trainers doing the Kanto circuit backwards (starting from Cinnabar or Fuchsia and ending in Viridian), so rather than allow these trainers to blow past her gym, she instead challenges them with the team that helped her earn her certification, which consists of four highly trained, highly experienced water-types. Additionally, she doesn’t simply keep those; rather, she collects water-types who may one day replace her staryu or starmie if they grow too powerful. (Or, rather, she collects less powerful water-types whenever she isn’t busy loitering on my property uninvited, but that’s neither here nor there.)

The point is, anonymous, don’t feel restricted to your team. By all means, catch another set and train them until they pose an appropriate level of challenge for the trainers you will see on a daily basis. You should have time to do so before your gym is ready to be opened (assuming you’re taking the customary grace period given to new leaders for this exact purpose and for preparing their gyms), and there’s nothing in the rules that say you can’t work with a breeder if you’re worried about time.

Best of luck, anonymous, and congratulations on your new position!

The Marill Line

Azurill
The Polka Dot Pokémon
Type: Normal/Fairy
Official Registration #: 298
Entry: This small, mouse-like pokémon is actually best known for its ability to bounce about on its rubbery, nutrient-filled tail. However, it’s actually considered to be scientifically interesting because the phenomenon in which some female azurill evolve into male marill. There are a few theories as to why this is, including the idea that azurill’s gender shifts in response to environmental changes in combination with the boost in energy caused by evolution. Of course, a more practical theory is that male and female azurill are nearly indistinguishable from one another and that many male azurill are mistakenly classified as female due to inadequate gendering methods for the species. A study could be launched to see if the latter is the case—and, if it is, to rectify the situation—but frankly put, it’s either correcting a system of classification the azurill themselves have no concept of or finding a cure to azurill tail cancer.

Marill
The Aqua Mouse Pokémon
Type: Water/Fairy
Official Registration #: 183
Entry: The evolved form of azurill, as a result of a heightened sense of happiness. Marill possess a water-repellant tail and coat of fur, which in conjunction with each other, make it impossible for marill to drown. In the wild, this allows marill to forage for food even in the swiftest of currents without having to worry about being dragged under, but in captivity, some trainers see it as an opportunity. Tamed marill are frequently used by novice trainers to ferry themselves across the water using Surf, Whirlpool, Waterfall, or all three moves in combination. However, it’s worth it to note that the author has just specified novice trainers, as experienced trainers have quickly learned that a foot-tall mouse with aqua-repellant fur may be able to keep themselves from drowning, but keeping a five-foot-tall, 100+-pound human from doing the same is an entirely different story.

Azumarill
The Aqua Rabbit Pokémon
Type: Water/Fairy
Official Registration #: 184
Entry: The evolved form of marill, by battle experience. This rabbit-like pokémon is known for its long ears and bubble pattern. The bubble pattern gives it camouflage in the water, and its long ears are excellent sensors that allow it to detect even the most minute prey. Using both in combination allow it to glide through the water undetected until it comes across and pounces on its next meal. One may wonder why azumarill, a pokémon that strongly resembles an exclusively herbivorous animal, has the carnivorous tendency of hunting for and pouncing on food, to which the author responds with, “Azumarill are native to Johto. Have you ever seen the aquatic plants of Johto? I thought not. They’re vicious, chief. They will eat your arm right off if you’re not careful around them.”

Can you write about Xerneas, Yveltal and Zygarde please!

Certainly, anonymous! Apologies for the delay!

Xerneas
The Life Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 716
Entry: One of the three central legends of Kalosean myth—the deer-like guardian of life. It is said that when this pokémon’s horns glow in seven colors, it shares everlasting life with all those who are bathed in its mystic glow. This, as far as the author is concerned, is a far better alternative to a similar myth found in Johto, in which a pokémon that shines with rainbow colors will bestow life onto those who are bathed … in its sacred, unrelenting fires. The author appreciates that about Kalos: its calm, peaceful guardians of their world that do not set people on fire.

Yveltal
The Destruction Pokémon
Type: Dark/Flying
Official Registration #: 717
Entry: One of the three central legends of Kalosean myth—the eagle-like guardian of death. Yveltal is known best for its massive and fearsome wings. It is said that when it spreads these, they glow a bright red and absorb the life force of anyone bathed in its fiery brilliance. First, this description may actually be a reference to Oblivion Wing, a devastating attack that simultaneously heals Yveltal’s wounds … so, yes, of course such a glow would steal the life forces of others. Second, the author takes back half of what he had said in the Xerneas entry. He is clearly wrong and apologizes for this.

Zygarde
The Order Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Ground
Official Registration #: 718
Entry: One of the three central legends of Kalosean myth—the shapeshifting guardian of the region. Contrary to popular contemporary belief, Zygarde is not the legendary of the balance between life and death but rather the legendary guardian of Kalos’s ecosystem. It stands watch for anything that threatens the balance of nature and interacts with the problem in one of four forms (the cellular core, the dog-like 10% forme, the worm-like 50% forme, and the fierce, humanoid complete forme), depending on the level of the threat. However, it cannot be said enough that Zygarde’s interests are said to lie only in the ecosystem. Thus, if you happen to be simultaneously gifted with eternal life while being subjected to life-draining rays because Xerneas and Yveltal are engaged in combat before you … you’re on your own unless either of them destroy a tree full of pokémon. Terribly sorry.

Mawile

Mawile
The Deceiver Pokémon
Type: Steel/Fairy
Official Registration #: 303
Entry: A small, childlike pokémon first discovered in the cave systems of Hoenn. This pokémon is famous for its giant and fantastically strong set of false jaws growing from its head. Trainers should take caution: the front of this pokémon looks adorable, a fact that this pokémon uses to its advantage in order to lure in prey. When prey is close enough, it turns abruptly and chomps down on the unsuspecting victim with its false jaws. As for its strength, mawile is capable of biting through steel beams. Its false jaws, meanwhile, can do much worse.

Snubbull and Granbull

Snubbull
The Fairy Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 209
Entry: A small but rare bulldog-like pokémon native to the region of Johto. The fierce appearance of its face tends to scare smaller pokémon, yet despite its looks, it is actually popular and considered to be “cute” among young, human women. Whether snubbull is considered adorable thanks to its actually playful nature or some aesthetic reason linked to its pink hue or frilly, doll-like appearance, the author cannot say, as querying female companions for the sake of science has been historically a bad idea as far as he’s concerned.

Granbull
The Fairy Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 209
Entry: The evolved form of snubbull, by battle experience. Despite its ferocious appearance, granbull are actually timid pokémon that prefer to flee from humans or stick closely to their owners than lash out in battle. However, this timidity should not be mistaken for submissiveness, and it would be wise to keep in mind that placing one’s hand anywhere near the mouth of a granbull, even one that has been well-trained for use in contests by one’s highly competent little sister, is generally considered a bad idea.