Meditite and Medicham

bills-pokedex:

Meditite
The Meditate Pokémon
Type: Fighting/Psychic
Official Registration #: 307
Entry: In order to heighten its spiritual and physical strength, this monkey-like pokémon undergoes rigorous training in mountainous areas. This training involves extreme methods such as meditating for hours and consuming only one berry a day. It should be noted that this sort of exercise is extremely taxing on the body and should not be undertaken by any unprepared human trainers seeking to attain enlightenment alongside their meditite partners.

Are you speaking from experience, Bill? Because to be fair, there’s a difference between this and forgoing basic physical needs to write your senior thesis. —LH

What difference would that be? —Bill

Medicham
The Meditate Pokémon
Type: Fighting/Psychic
Official Registration #: 308
Entry: The evolved form of meditite, by battle experience. Through years of hardcore meditation and extended periods of near starvation, this pokémon is able to develop both telekinetic and aura-viewing powers. It is said that the closer it gets to spiritual enlightenment by denying itself earthly pleasures—including food—the easier it is for a medicham to view auras in the form of brilliantly colored lights.

Oh, much like you what you were experiencing by the end of finals week. I stand corrected. —LH

At least I passed. —Bill

According to our proctors, yes. According to the ER physician, no. —LH

Mega Medicham
The Meditate Pokémon
Type: Fighting/Psychic
Official Registration #: 308+
Entry: The advanced form of medicham, via medichamite. Thanks to the boost in power from mega evolution, combined with its years of intense training, mega medicham is able to achieve a form that grants it a set of spectral hands. These hands grow increasingly more corporeal the more meditation and training the medicham has had, until it gains at least two sets of perfectly functioning hands with which to fight or, well, work. That is to say, mega medicham is one of the few pokémon that become more efficient with a combination of sleep deprivation and lack of self-care, which is a feat that the author envies just a little.

If it makes you feel any better, the reason why Brigette and I dragged you to the hospital that one time was because you were so sleep-deprived you thought you actually had more than one set of hands… —LH

Fair point. But now that I think about it, I could probably achieve the same results as a mega medicham through more practical methods. —Bill

I really hope you’re not about to suggest something involving your teleporter and a sample of medicham DNA. —LH

I was actually thinking of machamp DNA, but if you’re going to be like that about it… —Bill

Buneary and Lopunny

bills-pokedex:

Buneary
The Rabbit Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 427
Entry: A foot-tall, rabbit-like pokémon native to temperate forests. It’s easy to determine the mood of a buneary by its body language, particularly regarding its ears. If its ears are relaxed and extended (particularly if this is coupled with a “flop,” or an act in which the buneary dramatically flips onto its side), then the buneary feels safe, loved, and relaxed, and it’s fine to engage with it. If, however, the buneary is tense, drawing its entire body up into a ball, and curling its ears, then it feels threatened, and a human should approach with caution. Certainly, it may seem odd that the author would advise caution when approaching anything so small and adorable, but it’s worth it to note that buneary are capable of extending their ears in lightning-fast punches capable of shattering boulders … and that the human nose and jaw are far, far less resilient than a boulder.

Lopunny
The Rabbit Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 428
Entry: The evolved form of buneary, as a result of a heightened sense of happiness. This tall, slender rabbit pokémon has delicate, sensitive ears and long, powerful legs. If one touches their ears, lopunny will lash out with strong kicks. Additionally, these pokémon are cautious to the extreme, and they will often hide behind their long, elegant ears when they sense danger. Between the length of their legs and the sensuous poses they need to strike in order to hide themselves behind their ears, the author would like to take this particular moment to remind his readers that lopunny are rabbit-like pokémon and that if this doesn’t change the thought processes of those of you who know who they are, the author would prefer it if you didn’t tell him.

Mega Lopunny
The Rabbit Pokémon
Type: Normal/Fighting
Official Registration #: 428+
Entry: The advanced form of lopunny, via lopunnite. Mega evolution doesn’t just imbue lopunny with an affinity for the fighting element; it also causes lopunny’s personality to change drastically. Whereas lopunny’s base form tends to be shy and docile unless cornered, mega lopunny is extremely combative and aggressive, known for beating any opponent within reach with either its long, whip-like ears or its equally long, extremely strong legs. There are a number of theories as to why mega evolution causes lopunny’s personality to change in this manner, but frankly, the author is particularly fond of the one that has to do with the entry for its base form listed above.

Riolu and Lucario

bills-pokedex:

Riolu
The Emanation Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 447
Entry: Riolu have the ability to read the emotions of others as well as communicate its own emotions via aura. Yet it is a fighting-type, the single most likely type to engage in physical combat and thus the most likely type to endure great physical injury. For this reason, the riolu’s empathic abilities may be among the most counterproductive powers among the pokémon kingdom. However, at the very least, it should be a comfort for riolu trainers to know that the state will typically pay for any service a Nurse Joy provides, including mental counseling as a result of being in close proximity to a fighting-type that translates its pain into horrific light patterns.

Lucario
The Aura Pokémon
Type: Fighting/Steel
Official Registration #: 448
Entry: The evolved form of riolu, in response to both levels of sunlight and closeness with its trainer. Well-trained lucario have the abilities to sense the aura of all living things, understand human speech, read the thoughts and emotions of those whose auras they sense, channel aura into projectiles and weapons, execute extraordinary feats of physical prowess, and roll over and play dead for biscuits. This is why lucario are the second most popular pokémon on any given video sharing website, next to the members of the skitty line.

Mega Lucario
The Aura Pokémon
Type: Fighting/Steel
Official Registration #: 448+
Entry: The advanced form of lucario, via lucarionite. Upon mega evolution, lucario’s aura-based powers increase in potency. In proportion to this, this pokémon’s aura-sensing appendages on either side of its head increase in length, separate, and move seemingly at will in ways that many people liken to tentacles. Consequently, with the combination of its tentacle-like, aura-sensing appendages and its bipedal, dog-like form, mega lucario has become popular in many internet-based fan circles … namely because it’s even more amusing when it rolls over and plays dead for biscuits. (Honestly, readers, what were you thinking I was referring to?)

The Torchic Line

bills-pokedex:

Torchic
The Chick Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 255
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Hoenn. A small, chick-like pokémon whose natural body temperature is so hot that the fireballs it launches during battle can reach temperatures in excess of 1800 degrees Fahrenheit. Thus, in Hoenn, it is said that torchic are very warm to cuddle, but given that these are the same people who live in a region that feature a desert, an active volcano, a dormant volcano, and a tropical jungle, outsiders should take torchic’s cuddliness with a grain of salt.

For your information, it is very cuddly, and someone who had the misfortune of being raised in a region where you don’t see sun for six months out of the year because of the constant rain should perhaps keep his opinions about Hoennians to himself. —LH

The reason why I poke fun at every other region but Hoenn, ladies and gentlemen. —Bill

Combusken
The Young Fowl Pokémon
Type: Fire/Fighting
Official Registration #: 256
Entry: The evolved form of torchic, by battle experience. A powerful and energetic pokémon, combusken is capable of delivering ten kicks per second, and each kick is capable of rending solid concrete in two. In Hoenn, this has made combusken a prized fighter ideal for taking on the rock- and steel-heavy Hoenn League. In Unova, however, combusken are noted for their muscular legs, which apparently taste wonderful to an Unovan when said legs are breaded, seasoned, and fried in whatever magical oils the local Floccesy Fried Chicken establishment uses.

Blaziken
The Blaze Pokémon
Type: Fire/Fighting
Official Registration #: 257
Entry: The evolved form of combusken, by battle experience. Upon evolution, blaziken gain the ability to jump thirty-story buildings, set their fists on fire via flame cuffs, breathe jets of flames, and endure hours of intense fighting. Upon mega evolution, it also gains the ability Speed Boost … because that’s exactly what you need a six-foot-tall chicken with fire powers and superhuman martial arts skills to do: gain speed boosts naturally.

Mega Blaziken
The Blaze Pokémon
Type: Fire/Fighting
Official Registration #: 257+
Entry: The advanced form of blaziken, via blazikenite. As noted in the entry for its base form, blaziken gains the ability Speed Boost upon mega evolution. This ability allows it to launch its notorious flurry of kicks with even greater speed than it would as an ordinary blaziken. It does not, contrary to popular belief, allow blaziken to become a “spicy fast boy,” as the internet puts it.

Heracross

bills-pokedex:

Heracross
The Single Horn Pokémon
Type: Bug/Fighting
Official Registration #: 214
Entry: A massive, beetle-like pokémon first discovered in the Johto region. Known for its massive horn, heracross are capable of valiantly defending their territories and beloved honey trees by slipping said horn beneath an enemy and flinging them away. However, despite this habit, heracross are normally docile pokémon; it’s only when eating honey—its favored food—that a trainer should beware of being attacked. Interestingly enough, despite its absolute love for honey, it is not a good idea to offer it some in an attempt to establish a rapport with it. Rather, this is an excellent way to guarantee that the heracross you’re attempting to befriend will slam its horn into your stomach, lift you up, and throw you directly into a tree before taking the entire pot of honey for itself.

Mega Heracross
The Single Horn Pokémon
Type: Bug/Fighting
Official Registration #: 214+
Entry: The advanced form of heracross, via heracronite. As it turns out, the above-mentioned strategy for befriending heracross does not benefit from the bonds between trainer and pokémon required to activate mega evolution. Rather, what does benefit from a heracross’s mega evolution is its strength, which means that, should you offer a mega heracross in Johto a pot of honey, it is very likely you will wake up a day later in Kanto.

Kanto Legendaries, Part II

bills-pokedex:

Mewtwo
The Genetic Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 150
Entry: According to conspiracy theorists, a shady organization attempted to create the ultimate weapon by combining the DNA of Mew with several other pokémon and subjecting the result to torturous training methods. The writer, of course, cannot confirm nor deny that this is true, as technically, he is not supposed to know all of this. The only reason why he does is because he gave a certain amount of bitcoin to certain people who own certain deep web websites for the sake of science, and the only reason why he is publishing all of this is, frankly, because being targeted by shady underground organizations sounds like a far better way to spend a weekend than by going to the Pokémon League’s annual formal gala aboard the S.S. Anne.

Mew
The New Species Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 151
Entry: A godlike feline pokémon said to inhabit the mountains of South America. According to legend, Mew wields incredible powers, including psychokinesis, invisiblity, and the ability to learn hundreds of moves. Scientists, in an attempt to explain the latter, have mapped out Mew’s genetic code based on a sample taken from a fossil, and in doing so, they have found that Mew shares a varying percentage of DNA with every pokémon in existence. This last fact becomes less impressive, however, when one stops to realize first that this in no way explains how Mew can learn hundreds of different moves … and second that humans share 50% of their DNA with nanab berries, so it seems rather moot anyway.

Mega Mewtwo X
The Genetic Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Fighting
Official Registration #: 150+
Entry: The advanced form of mewtwo, via mewtwonite x. Upon mega evolution using the experimental mewtwonite X, this pokémon gains a considerable boost in its physically offensive capabilities, along with an affinity for the fighting type. Because the exact thing a pokémon genetically engineered to be a super soldier needs is the ability to switch from being proficient at distance attacks to being proficient at punching things through walls at a moment’s notice. Not that the author knows anything about this because he certainly didn’t hear about the exploits of the eleven-year-old children who managed to wrestle this pokémon away from a criminal organization or anything.

Mega Mewtwo Y
The Genetic Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Fighting
Official Registration #: 150+
Entry: The advanced form of mewtwo, via mewtwonite Y. Upon mega evolution using the experimental mewtwonite Y, this pokémon gains a considerable boost in its psychic and elemental channeling abilities. The trade-off, of course, is an absolutely ridiculous physiology, including the movement of its tail from its proper place at the base of its spine to the crown of its head. The author certainly does not have any theories as to why this happened, as he’s certainly never been privy to the finer details of this pokémon, nor has he ever sat back with a glass of sparkling leppa juice while listening with utter delight to news reports of the defeat of certain crime lords at the hands of an eleven-year-old armed with this pokémon.

I’m training in MMA, and I’ve been thinking of having a Fighting-type Pokémon train alongside me! Does that sound like a good idea? If so, what kind of Fighting-type Pokémon would be recommended for younger trainers (around 13 y.o.) in specific?

If you’re careful, it could be a good idea. More specifically, if you do this, be careful about which pokémon you choose. Quite a few fighting-types may be too eager or too rough for a human to train with, while some can tone it down (so to speak) to match the limits of their partners.

In particular, starters are very attuned to human partners and thus can adjust their power fairly easily. The downside, of course, is that no “official” starter line is part fighting in their most basic stages, so whichever you choose will need a bit of training before it can begin mastering fighting techniques. That said, of the three (technically four, if one counts chesnaught, although that requires more rigorous training than the others), the torchic line tends to be the most popular due to its flexible fighting style and the fact that it’s neither too fast to keep up with (as in the case of monferno and infernape) or nearly too bulky to train with (as with pignite and emboar). But really, any of them may make excellent choices.

Alternatively, if you can’t obtain a starter, machop tends to be both easy to obtain and easy-going in personality, and as such, it can make for a patient sparring partner. Meditite as well, particularly if you’re looking for a less aggressive approach. Members of the makuhita line are popular among fighters due to their bulk; they can take hits as well as show their human partners how to perform formidable punches of their own. Conversely, hawlucha and members of the riolu line are often sought-after as training partners due to their eagerness to train; it’s fairly easy to learn along with these pokémon as a result.

Whatever you choose, anonymous, always remember that training your pokémon is as important as training yourself. Be sure your pokémon understand your limitations and boundaries before engaging in any sort of training with a fighting-type.

Good luck, anonymous! Your journey sounds like it will be quite interesting, although I admit I don’t entirely know what MMA means exactly. I imagine it’s something like judo?

EDIT: After having discussed this entry with my editor, looked it up, discussed this entry again with my editor, and then discussed it with the lawyer who handles many of the issues surrounding my work, I am now obligated to add that I am not an expert in human sports or health and that neither I nor the editor are liable for whatever happens as a result of my advice concerning either of those particular subjects. I am also obligated to phrase that as “as a result of my advice, however ridiculously terrible it may be” for reasons I’ve been told I’m not allowed to question.

The Ralts Line

bills-pokedex:

As an apology for our delay in both the response to the last question and our entries as a whole, please accept this special, extra entry for the day. Thank you for your patience. —LH

Ralts
The Feeling Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Fairy
Official Registration #: 280
Entry: A childlike pokémon native to the quieter forests of Hoenn. Because of its ability to sense the emotions of others, it typically avoids contact with anything that is not of the ralts line and is, therefore, extremely rare and difficult to find. However, because of its timidity, its soft but cute cry, and its eagerness to please others (in order to neutralize any negativity that surrounds it), it is also a popular pokémon among children and young adults … which very likely does absolutely nothing to alleviate ralts’s aversion to drama and high doses of extreme emotion.

Kirlia
The Emotion Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Fairy
Official Registration #: 281
Entry: The evolved form of ralts, by battle experience. Although kirlia possesses more mastery over its psychic abilities than its predecessor, it is still prone to being highly affected by the emotions of its trainer. For example, trainers who experience incredible emotions of joy or pride may cause their kirlia to dance with happiness. Trainers suffering through negative emotions will find that their kirlia has become lethargic and depressed. And trainers in the vicinity of other humans they find incredibly attractive will cause their kirlia to ███████

Really, Bill? Really? —LH

Gardevoir
The Embrace Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Fairy
Official Registration #: 282
Entry: The evolved form of kirlia, by battle experience. Only the strongest trainers who form the closest, most loving bonds with their kirlia may see their pokémon evolve to their final, natural forms. Thus, a gardevoir is born out of strong feelings of loyalty, so it stands to reason that gardevoir in general are inherently extremely protective of their trainers. This is true; all observable tamed gardevoir have been known to go to extreme lengths to protect their trainers from any potential threat. Unfortunately for most people, “extreme lengths” may include creating a miniature black hole, and “potential threat” may include literally anyone within five feet of their trainers.

Gallade
The Blade Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Fighting
Official Registration #: 475
Entry: The evolved form of male kirlia, by exposure to dawn stone. Although its sibling evolution results from the incredible bonds formed between a kirlia and another being, this does not mean gallade do not experience similarly intense urges to protect their trainers and loved ones. If anything, their ability to sense the emotions of potential foes, combined with the drive to battle inherent in all fighting-types and extreme fondness for using the swords hidden in their forearms, make them even more gung-ho about protecting the people and pokémon they value the most. Therefore, trainers should be extremely wary about teaching their gallade to attack only on command, rather than any time they sense danger. Well-meaning researchers who intend to give gallade to sisters with questionable tastes in men, however, are free to teach their pokémon whatever they wish.

They aren’t, but good try. —LH

Mega Gardevoir
The Embrace Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Fairy
Official Registration #: 282+
Entry: The advanced form of gardevoir, with gardevoirite. Due to this pokémon’s bridal appearance and strong associations with emotion, it’s said that those who manage to mega-evolve their gardevoir in tandem with a partner’s gallade are destined for one another. Unfortunately, the author has yet to verify these claims, as the only person he knows with a member of the ralts line has been a less-than-willing subject.

I’m not evolving my kirlia until he’s ready, just because you want to test the validity of old wives’ tales! Also, you don’t even have a gallade! —LH

Mega Gallade
The Blade Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Fighting
Official Registration #: 475+
Entry: The advanced form of gallade, with galladite. Due to this pokémon’s noble, swordsman-like appearance and strong associations with protection, it’s said that those who manage to mega-evolve their gallade in tandem with a partner’s gardevoir are their partner’s destined protector. Unfortunately, the author has yet to verify these claims, as the only person he knows who could secure a galladite for testing has been forbidden (by the editor of this blog) from selling evolution stones of any sort to him without the reassurance that it’s not for science.

Stop telling Steven you’ve gotten my permission too! —LH

I’ve been meaning to get kids into exercising; what Pokémon would be a good partner for running and lifting and all that?

Practically any fighting-type, anonymous, but especially members of the machop or riolu lines. Fighting-types often engage in personal exercises to maintain peak physical performance, and they’ll often push their trainers or human companions to do the same. However, members of the riolu line can sense a trainer’s physical limits and will not push a child any further than that, and members of the machop line are often sociable and more understanding of their humans’ limitations in a non-supernatural sense. As such, you can be certain that your children will be able to exercise alongside these pokémon safely.

Alternatively, other fighting-types, such as hawlucha or the tyrogue line, can make exercise fun, which may be beneficial to a child. Either way, you should look no further than a fighter to get someone into exercising.

Best of luck, anonymous!

My Machamp and Blaziken, Star and Magician, have been posing very… Intensely, recently. They’ll just lock eyes and suddenly strike a very impressive pose after a moment. Is this a behavior commonly seen in fighting-types?

Strangely, yes. While not all fighting-types do this, many consider flexing to be a form of communication. Think of it as similar to the way two growlithe sniff at each other’s tails when they first meet. Just as this is a way for growlithe to understand each other, two fighting-types display for each other to show off their power, which in turn allows them to understand a number of things about one another, including how they train and so forth.

It should be noted that when I say that fighting-types compare how they train with one another, I don’t mean that they try to establish dominance. Rather, it’s a form of camaraderie, an act in which two pokémon engage in friendly appraisal. This is especially common with pokémon on the same team, as fighting-types will gauge each other’s progress for the sake of helping one another to develop their talents.

So in short, it’s nothing to worry about, @samthewindwaker. It just means that your pokémon have been putting forth a particular amount of effort in their training regimens lately, and they’re discussing their progress.

(Assuming, of course, that they aren’t literally fighting one another or displaying any form of explicit aggression towards each other.)