Hi Bill! I have a primarily fire-type team, which causes a lot of problems since everyone tends to be a little ‘hot-headed.’ I just adopted a quilava, and my vulpix, growlithe and flareon have been picking on him a lot. They’ve started a LOT of fires, and now they’re dragging the rest of the team into things… let’s just say a certain vaporeon got fed up with the bickering and I had to rush someone to the pokemon center last week. Any suggestions?

You may wish to consider spending a bit more time training each of them every day. For your vulpix, growlithe, and flareon, this is a great way to release pent-up aggression in a constructive manner, especially if you also train them to focus their negative energies into their attacks. You may also consider some team building exercises, such as double-battling or joint-training. This can be done either by pairing your other pokémon with your quilava (which will help him integrate into your team) or with each other (which will help reinforce what it means to be on a team in the first place). Finally, see if you can communicate how destructive behavior—including bullying and literally destroying your home with fire—is affecting not only your quilava but your family as a whole. It’s possible that if you speak clearly but firmly like a loving parent, your pokémon will understand.

If all else fails, training will of course help your quilava to get stronger, and it can learn the rock-type move Rollout naturally, just before evolution. Just as a thought.

Litleo and Pyroar

Litleo
The Lion Cub Pokémon
Type: Fire/Normal
Official Registration #: 667
Entry: This small, lion cub-like pokémon is often found on the plains of Kalos, practicing its fighting, hunting, and pouncing skills. As noted in pop culture, it is normally hot-blooded and often actively seeks fights. Also noted in pop culture, it spews fire by heating up its mane to an incredible degree, which in turn increases its power. However, contrary to pop culture, it does not actually strike out on its own to find these fights, nor does it dance, sing, or team up with a pignite, a watchog, and a passimian in an attempt to kill its uncle.

Pyroar
The Royal Pokémon
Type: Fire/Normal
Official Registration #: 668
Entry: The evolved form of litleo, by battle experience. One of the most famous examples of sexual dimorphism in pokémon, male and female pyroar can be distinguished by their manes. While female pyroar almost always possess only a sleek, stream-like mane, male pyroar almost always possess a large, luxurious mane that burns with a brilliant fire. As with many other pokémon, the specimen with the largest signature trait—in this case, the male pyroar with the largest mane—is often considered to be the leader of their group (pride, in this case). Given its majestic look and its status as an apex predator on the Kalosean plains, male pyroar are often mistakenly considered to be the “king” of their prides and thus the jungle. This, of course, is a misconception; in actuality, male pyroar are often timid and lazy in comparison to the female pyroar, who not only do the majority of the hunting for their pride but also essentially keep the single male pyroar as a “pet” for breeding stock. In other words, while it’s commonly thought that pyroar form patriarchal societies, they do, in fact, form a matriarchal ones in a style that is very, very reminiscent of certain human organizations.

That reminds me, Bill. I assume you’ll be going to the next boxdev camp? The thirty other female administrators out of the forty-two manned regions have missed being able to send you out for coffee every day. —LH

Yes, ma’am. —Bill

Oricorio

Oricorio
The Dancing Pokémon
Type: Electric/Flying or Fire/Flying or Psychic/Flying or Ghost/Flying
Official Registration #: 741
Entry: A honeycreeper-like pokémon native to the tropical region of Alola. Four different varieties exist, each native to a separate island of the Alolan archipelago. From what scientists can gather, these form differences are caused by the presence of four distinct species of flowers, which are found separately on each island. When an oricorio sips the nectar of a differently colored flower, it undergoes a form change into the type of oricorio native to the flower’s home island, thus gaining differently colored feathers and a different elemental affinity. In addition to the physical change, each oricorio learns a different dance, which it instantly incorporates into its fighting techniques. These dances are shockingly similar to human dance styles, leading many to speculate on how oricorio could have learned modern cheerleading, the flamenco dancing of a region nowhere near Alola, sacred Alolan folk dances, or the first half of the Gin no Mai, which even the author wasn’t able to learn from his own mother.

Turtonator and Drampa

Turtonator
The Blast Turtle Pokémon
Type: Fire/Dragon
Official Registration #: 776
Entry: A mata-mata-like pokémon native to the mountains of volcanic, tropical regions. Everything about this pokémon is explosive. Its shell is liable to explode violently on impact; it breathes volatile, highly flammable gases; its internal organs can be extracted and used as alternative fuel; and even its dung can be used as a substitute for TNT. This, of course, explains thoroughly why it lives in the hottest areas of volcanic regions, as close to sources of heat as possible. Given the hazards in trekking to this pokémon’s natural habitats to obtain one and the hazards in training one at all, if your opponent sends a turtonator out to battle you, it may be wise to forfeit. There is, of course, no true danger in facing a turtonator that’s been adequately trained (because, as noted elsewhere on this blog, pokémon can often control their deadlier abilities); it’s just that when seeing a pokémon this dangerous to obtain and train in the first place, you may wish to ask yourself if it’s really worth it to face a trainer who is apparently extremely deficient in self-preservation instincts.

Drampa
The Placid Pokémon
Type: Normal/Dragon
Official Registration #: 780
Entry: A Zhulong-like pokémon native to snowy mountaintops. An extremely friendly dragon, it comes down from its isolated habitat at the peak of a mountain to interact with humans, especially human children. However, it should also be noted that angering a drampa is unwise, as it also possesses the ability to level skyscrapers with its intense draconic breath. Naturally, it’s the favored subject of many children’s program, in part because of its cartoonish design and friendliness towards children and in part because showing a cartoonish, friendly dragon leveling cities is apparently fantastic entertainment to both Alolan and Unovan children.

Salandit and Salazzle

Salandit
The Toxic Lizard Pokémon
Type: Poison/Fire
Official Registration #: 757
Entry: A salamander pokémon native to tropical regions. More specifically, it lives on the craggy slopes of active volcanoes, where it mixes its own toxic gas with gases of its environment to create a noxious but sweet-smelling perfume. This perfume has the ability to not only lure in prey but also disorient them, allowing salandit—which, incidentally, normally travel in packs—to draw prey close enough to attack. These noxious properties have not gone unnoticed by humans, of course, and as such, certain groups have figured out how to refine and bottle these gases to produce the exact thing you think they would: perfume.

Salazzle
The Toxic Lizard Pokémon
Type: Poison/Fire
Official Registration #: 758
Entry: The evolved form of the rare female salazzle, by battle experience. Each salazzle possesses an abundance of pheromone glands. Due to their rarity and these pheromones, salazzle have the tendency to attract mass amounts of male salandit wherever they go. These salandit then become integrated into each salazzle’s reverse harem, and yes, there have indeed been plenty of ridiculous shoujo anime titles made from this exact premise.

The Litten Line

Litten
The Fire Cat Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 725
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Alola. Litten is known for its self-grooming habits, which it tends to engage in most of the time in lieu of expressing affection or paying attention to its trainer. This routine consists of litten bathing itself by raking its rough tongue over its fur to clean itself of loose hair and dirt. During this process, it has a tendency to swallow stray hair, which collects in its stomach and forms hairballs that are then ignited by litten’s internal flame sacs. Sometimes, litten expels these hairballs as Ember attacks during battle, but more often than not, it will simply expel these flaming hairballs on your wooden floor or carpet and proudly sit next to the growing fire until its humans come to clean it up.

Torracat
The Fire Cat Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 726
Entry: The evolved form of litten, by battle experience. The organ at its throat is a hollow, bell-like structure that rings every time torracat spits fire. This is convenient, largely because torracat possess the same grooming habits as litten and far fewer qualms about spitting flaming hairballs onto perfectly good wooden or carpeted floors. How any houses in Alola are still standing after young trainers bring this pokémon or its preevolution back home is a mystery and point of wonder to the author.

Incineroar
The Heel Pokémon
Type: Fire/Dark
Official Registration #: 727
Entry: The evolved form of torracat, by battle experience. Incineroar is infamous for its openly vicious, selfish persona—a persona that often makes it difficult to tame and handle. However, underneath that violent, selfish persona is really a caring and complicated soul just looking for a kind, gentle trainer who will help it heal from an unspecified past trauma and begin its long and arduous redemption arc … according to most fangirls on the internet, anyway. (In reality, this pokémon will Throat Chop any being it considers to be a challenger, including humans who approach it from the front. Handle it with caution and definitely do not attempt to give it a hug.)

Slugma and Magcargo

Slugma
The Lava Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 218
Entry: The body of this small, slug-like pokémon is made entirely of lava, and as such, it must be constantly moving. If it stops even for a moment, its body will cool and harden to the point where its “flesh” becomes brittle and breaks off easily. Unlike with other pokémon, these separated chunks do not form their own beings and cannot be reintegrated with their mother slugma. Rather, they remain independent pebbles, and the slugma itself simply grows smaller until its entire mass shatters. As one can imagine, slugma is also incapable of falling asleep for long periods of time due to the risk of this exact process happening … which means many trainers who don’t entirely know better face an unfortunate bout of tragedy whenever their slugma are exposed to sleep-inducing moves.

Magcargo
The Lava Pokémon
Type: Fire/Rock
Official Registration #: 219
Entry: The evolved form of slugma, by battle experience. The shell on its back is actually a bubble of its lava-like flesh, solidified on the outside by its slightly cooler temperature compared to the rest of its body. The interior is actually hollow, and as such, it can shatter at the slightest touch. If anyone is curious as to why de-shelled magcargo are not common, it may have something to do with the fact that the average body temperature for this pokémon is over 18000 degrees Fahrenheit, making physical contact rather complicated.

Kalos Legendaries, Part III

Volcanion
The Steam Pokémon
Type: Fire/Water
Official Registration #: 721
Entry: According to Kalosean legend, this cryptic pokémon dwells in the harshest, mountainous conditions, where no human ever dares tread. It is supposedly a master of steam, with internal steam stores that it can channel through the pipes on its back to let loose a blast of super-hot fog. This, of course, is a nice change of pace from the numbers of quadrupedal beast-like pokémon that dwell within mountains and lord over volcanoes, all of whom prefer to simply channel magma beneath the surface of the earth to create devastating eruptions. In short, the author commends Kalos for its creativity.

Sinnoh Legendaries, Part II

Heatran
The Lava Dome Pokémon
Type: Fire/Steel
Official Registration #: 485
Entry: According to Sinnoh lore, this large, golem-like pokémon is the guardian of caves, of mountains, and of magma—or, more simply, it’s the guardian of volcanoes. Up until recently, given the fact that it’s a bulky-looking, quadruped pokémon whose very roar caused volcanoes to erupt, Johtonians were fully convinced that Heatran was nothing more than a corruption or even mockery of their own legendary of volcanoes, Entei. Then it was discovered that, no, really, Heatran actually existed, and for the first time ever in the history of Johto-Sinnoh relations, Johtonians may or may not have said words that might have given someone else the impression that they were wrong about something and that they apologize.

Numel and Camerupt

Numel
The Numb Pokémon
Type: Fire/Ground
Official Registration #: 322
Entry: True to its species designation, this small, camel-like pokémon is known for its dense nature; it doesn’t notice when it’s been hit until much later. Of course, this pokémon’s body is also a walking cauldron containing magma that reaches temperatures in excess of 2200 degrees Fahrenheit, so even if it fails to notice when it’s being hit, that doesn’t necessarily mean hitting it is a good idea.

Camerupt
The Eruption Pokémon
Type: Fire/Ground
Official Registration #: 323
Entry: The evolved form of numel, by battle experience. The “volcanoes” on this camel-like pokémon’s back are actually bone protrusions with direct connections to camerupt’s magma reservoirs. Said reservoirs are normally the source of camerupt’s fire-based abilities, but every ten years—or whenever camerupt is angered—these volcanoes erupt, spewing super-heated molten magma dozens of feet into the air. How can this pokémon’s volcanoes erupt with such force, without harming their camerupt host? That is an excellent question, reader! The answer is [CONTENT TO BE INSERTED WHEN THERE ACTUALLY IS AN ANSWER]