The Snover Line

Snover
The Frost Tree Pokémon
Type: Grass/Ice
Official Registration #: 459
Entry: Although this short pokémon strongly resembles a snow-covered tree throughout the year, it is actually highly responsive to the seasons. For one, it migrates: in the warmer months, it migrates to the top of its mountainous habitat to live in the colder climes, whereas during the colder months, it migrates to the food-rich foothills to breed. Likewise, during the spring, just before it makes its journey up the mountain, it sprouts berries the texture of frozen treats all over its belly and chest. … The author highly suggests that you do not put too much thought into the second trait.

Abomasnow
The Frost Tree Pokémon
Type: Grass/Ice
Official Registration #: 460
Entry: The evolved form of snover, by battle experience. These giant snow monsters are known for their reclusiveness and protectiveness towards their own kind. To protect themselves and their newborn snover, they whip up giant blizzards to conceal their location. In that way, their snover may get up and migrate up their mountainous territory in peace. Travelers who wander through these abomasnow-induced blizzards may stumble across what appear to be moving parts of forests. On the negative side, this greatly increases those travelers’ chances of getting horribly lost within the dizzying, bitter-cold storm. ~~On the positive side, such a sight is incredible to behold if the traveler is on the right combination of psychoactive substa~~

Actually, never mind.

The Roselia Line

Budew
The Bud Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 406
Entry: This small, bud-like pokémon is often seen sitting by sources of clean water, waiting for sunny days. When it feels the sun on its leaves, it opens its flower to release pollen to gently scatter about its body. Of course, as readers may expect having read this blog for this long, by “pollen,” the author means “Stun Spore and possibly Worry Seed,” and by “to gently scatter about its body,” he means “to stun and subsequently maim any human who thought he would be perfectly fine if he just got another foot closer so that he may study them for the sake of science.”

Roselia
The Thorn Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 315
Entry: The evolved form of budew, as a result of a heightened sense of happiness and exposure to sunlight. Roselia’s vibrantly colored, rose-shaped hands release a splendid aroma capable of soothing even the most stressed human. However, these hands also conceal sharp thorns in place of stamens, anthers, or digits. These thorns are hollow and contain two different types of venom, both of which are capable of rendering the healthiest human unconscious in a matter of seconds. Likewise, its crown of thorns contains a third poison capable of doing the same, and roselia as a whole use this collection of thorns, in combination with their alluring scent, to hunt. Thus, if someone tells you to “stop and smell the roses,” it is best to assume that they hate you and wish for you to be stabbed in the face repeatedly.

Roserade
The Bouquet Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 407
Entry: The evolved form of roselia, by exposure to shiny stone. Elegant and nimble, roserade is prized for its disarming talents. Beyond the alluring scent it has inherited from its preevolved form, roserade is capable of dancing across battlefields and striking with incredible speed and precision using poisonous, binding whips. However, seeing as roserade cannot actually learn Vine Whip and seeing as Poison Whip is not a valid move as far as any league is concerned, this information is basically useless to trainers.

Cacnea and Cacturne

Cacnea
The Cactus Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 331
Entry: A large, cactus-like pokémon native to arid environments. Its round and plump body can store large reservoirs of water, which enable cacnea to survive the driest of deserts for up to thirty days. Knowing this, some early settlers to areas where cacnea may be found have tried to slice open and eat water-engorged cacnea, establishing the misconception that cacnea meat can stave off dehydration. In actuality, no part of a cacnea should be ingested if one is in dire need of water. Meat from the arms is often contained in smaller reservoirs within tougher, denser tissue, and if you do go through the effort of obtaining it, the resulting water is highly acidic and can lead to vomiting or worse. Meat from its main body, meanwhile, is a pokémon-based source of peyote, and ingesting it induces extremely vivid hallucinations … or worse. Cacnea, in other words, is not the quenchiest, no.

Cacturne
The Scarecrow Pokémon
Type: Grass/Dark
Official Registration #: 332
Entry: The evolved form of cacnea, by battle experience. During the day, these tall, cactus-like pokémon stand motionless in their native deserts. When the sun goes down and the desert cools, however, cacturne awaken and begin moving across the desert in search of prey. Interestingly enough, most cacturne eat birds—particularly any murkrow and vullaby that have, for whatever reason, settled in their desert territories—so cacturne is less of a scarecrow and more of an eatcrow. Or perhaps a killcrow. Devourcrow?

Have we mentioned the fact that you’re not allowed to name things? —LH

Carnivine

Carnivine
The Bug Catcher Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 455
Entry: A large, flycatcher pokémon first discovered in the marshlands of Sinnoh. Using their sweet-smelling saliva, carnivine lures prey into their jaw-like leaves, then chomps down and allows their acidic sap do the rest. Because of the novelty of this mechanism, carnivine are popular pets, and one of the most popular things to do with them is tap on the leaves to get them to close. However, it should be noted that this activity, although commonly practiced, is actually harmful in two ways. First, once closed around prey, carnivine cannot open their jaws until said prey is fully digested, which can take up to a day. Second, their jaws snap shut faster than one would think, which means sticking one’s arm into a carnivine’s jaws is a terrible idea, regardless of how inebriated you are.

Paras and Parasect

Paras
The Mushroom Pokémon
Type: Bug/Grass
Official Registration #: 46
Entry: The mushrooms that grow on the backs of these small, mite-like pokémon are called tochukaso (not to be confused with caterpillar fungus, which is also known as tochukaso among the people of Johto, Kanto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh). In East Asian medicine—particularly in the Tibetan, Indian, and Chinese traditions—tochukaso that are gathered and dried may be powdered and included in pastes, teas, and other recipes that either cure or alleviate a wide variety of ailments. (This process does not harm the paras, and in fact, the mycelium of their mushroom system is usually left intact, meaning the fruiting bodies may regrow within a few days.) Contrary to popular belief, despite its status as a keystone for traditional medicine, tochukaso is not a psychedelic. It is, however, mildly poisonous when consumed raw and may lead to acute stomach pains, nausea, and vomiting. Also contrary to popular belief, the author does not know this from experience.

Parasect
The Mushroom Pokémon
Type: Bug/Grass
Official Registration #: 47
Entry: The evolved form of paras, by battle experience. Upon evolution, the paras mite’s mind is wholly suppressed by the mushroom growing on its back. If left to its own devices, the mushroom will puppeteer its mite host from one food source to another, typically the sap-rich trees of the Safari Zone or the mineral-rich salt deposits within the cave systems of Johto and Kanto. If tamed, however, the mushroom may be placated with pokémon kibble, but it will likely prefer virtually anything that can rot, from old food to gym socks. Trainers should note, however, that using your pokémon as garbage disposals is not exactly harmful but still not a habit that the author particularly recommends.

Would you please write about Cherrim? A very underrated pokemon in my opinion. It’s so cute!

My editor would agree with you concerning the aesthetic qualities of the cherubi line, but it is indeed true that both pokémon are criminally underrated.

Cherubi
The Cherry Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 420
Entry: A small, cherry-like pokémon originally discovered in the forests of Sinnoh. Unlike many other pokémon, cherubi’s second head does not contain a brain. Rather, it contains supplemental nutrients it needs to grow. Once depleted, this second body shrivels up and may be plucked to aid in its preparations for evolution. (The ball will otherwise fall off on its own.) Meanwhile, like many grass-types, cherubi is edible, and the ball is sometimes gathered and cooked once lost. However, it should be noted that this ball must be fully cooked and eaten in small doses at that. It is a coincidence that this is pokémon #420, but it’s a very apt coincidence.

Cherrim
The Blossom Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 421
Entry: The evolved form of cherubi, by battle experience. For much of its life, cherrim will hide within its dense, dark violet petals to conserve energy. However, when exposed to bright sunlight, cherrim will open its blossom and become more energetic, outgoing, and otherwise joyful, and thus, even in its closed, overcast form, it is strongly inclined to seek out the outdoors, especially during sunny weather. For this reason, it is one of the few pokémon the author and presumably many others in his social media network will never be able to identify with.

Exeggcute and Exeggutor

Exeggcute
The Egg Pokémon
Type: Grass/Psychic
Official Registration #: 102
Entry: An egg-like pokémon gifted with incredible telekinetic and telepathic powers. When one egg is separated from the bunch, it can use these wondrous abilities to locate and rejoin its group. Of course, given the fact that this means each egg clearly demonstrates autonomy, one must ask why researchers never classify an individual exeggcute component as being its own pokémon. And the answer, dear reader, is pokémon is wonderful, aren’t they?

Exeggutor
The Coconut Pokémon
Type: Grass/Psychic
Official Registration #: 103
Entry: The evolved form of exeggcute, by exposure to leaf stone. This palm tree-like pokémon originated in the tropics, and much of its behavior reflects this. It perks up most during sunny weather, when it’s able to collect sunlight in its coconut heads and grow. Such growth tends to be steady everywhere but Alola, where the abundant sun causes the energy somehow mutates exeggutor into long-necked dragon-type creatures. One may be wondering how it gains the dragon-type of all possible elements, never mind why it mutates in the region of Alola only, but the answer to this, dear reader, is that pokémon are indeed wonderful, majestic beings.

Tropius

Tropius
The Fruit Pokémon
Type: Grass/Flying
Official Registration #: 357
Entry: A winged, dinosaur-like pokémon native to tropical jungles. Although tropius is an herbivore with a highly varied diet of plants and fruits, its favored food is the banana, which it eats in so much of an abundance that it begins to grow the fruit on its neck. This fruit is perfectly edible and identical to bananas in every way, and in some island nations, human children are known to climb tropius’s back to pick and eat its bananas. The tropius itself does not seem to mind; it is known for doing the same to its fellow tropius. In other words, the less one thinks about tropius and its dietary habits, the better, very likely.

Petilil and Lilligant

Petilil
The Bulb Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 548
Entry: The leaves on its head are powerfully bitter but highly nutritious. Eating just one of these leaves is known to refresh a weary traveler. It is also known to induce extreme amounts of guilt, as if you are one of these travelers, you have just held down an adorable, toddler-sized pokémon in order to pull off parts of its body to eat, you monster.

Lilligant
The Flowering Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 549
Entry: The evolved form of petilil, by exposure to sun stone. The fragrance of this beautiful flowering pokémon is said to be among the most relaxing scents among all of the grass-types in existence. However, lilligant are also notoriously difficult to care for, and even veteran trainers struggle to get theirs to bloom. And thus, the author would like to reiterate that gardening is a legitimate hobby that takes patience and skill, not the boring waste of time certain people have deemed it to be after said certain people killed their potted cactus.

Bebe just sent me a message. It reads, “That was ONE TIME.” —LH

Unova Legendaries, Part II

Cobalion
The Iron Will Pokémon
Type: Steel/Fighting
Official Registration #: 638
Entry: Said to be the most charismatic member of the legendary group known as the Swords of Justice. Long ago, when Unova was engulfed in war, this goat-like legendary appeared to do battle against mankind and protect pokémon from human violence. Some say Cobalion had the right idea, and there are times when, quite frankly, this author can’t argue with that.

Terrakion
The Cavern Pokémon
Type: Rock/Fighting
Official Registration #: 639
Entry: Said to be the brawniest member of the Swords of Justice, capable of toppling castle walls with a single blow. Long ago, when Unova was engulfed in war, this legendary is said to have protected pokémon that had lost their homes to human violence … by destroying entire settlements, villages, fortresses, and other establishments of human civilization. Terrakion then went on to become a symbol of the Unovan military philosophy, because if there are two things no other institution can do better than the Unovan military, it’s seeking out the least productive methods of solving problems and missing the point entirely. (On that note, the author would like to announce his acquisition of several ground-types to Lt. Surge, former officer of the Unovan Army.)

Virizion
The Grassland Pokémon
Type: Grass/Fighting
Official Registration #: 640
Entry: Said to be the swiftest member of the Swords of Justice, whose battle style consists of confounding opponents with ultra-swift moves. Long ago, when Unova was engulfed in war, this legendary is said to have focused completely on protecting its pokémon friends, rather than going after humans or human settlements directly. Because of this interest in the well-being of its own kind and its focus on actual strategy, certain pokémon experts wonder if it is a native to Unova at all.