Tangela and Tangrowth

Tangela
The Vine Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 114
Entry: The body of this pokémon is obscured completely in vines. Efforts have been made to either cut the vines off or straighten them out in order to study tangela’s main body, but these were deemed inhumane and impossible, respectively. As it stands, researchers only know tangela’s body to be stump-like, fleshy, thick, and round, with plenty of surface area for its prehensile, tentacle-like vines to grow. Despite this description, no, it is not a phallic object, Bebe.

Tangrowth
The Vine Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 465
Entry: The evolved form of tangela, by battle experience, if the specimen can use Ancient Power. Tangrowth are twice as large as tangela, and as such, they are capable of growing far more twisting, wild vines than their preevolved form. Some of these vines are permanently locked together to form hands, which tangrowth uses not only to ensnare and pick things up but also to thrust at the opponent during its attacks. Despite this description, it is also not a phallic object, Bebe.

The Burmy Line

Burmy
The Bagworm Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 412
Entry: A small, larval pokémon native to Sinnohan forests. Burmy’s actual body is small and fragile, so it covers itself with anything within reach to create a cloak capable of softening blows against it as well as camouflaging it in its immediate environment. Additionally, “within reach” does, in fact, mean within reach, so burmy that find themselves in urban environments frequently use trash to cover themselves. It is possibly for this reason that this small, fragile creature known for burying itself in trash has become a symbol for the users of certain social media platforms on the internet.

Wormadam
The Bagworm Pokémon
Type: Bug/Grass or Bug/Ground or Bug/Steel
Official Registration #: 413
Entry: The evolved form of female burmy, by battle experience. Somehow, the process of evolution fuses a newly formed female burmy to her coat, resulting in a wormadam that is permanently covered in leaves, stones, or other conveniently placed debris. Thus, there are indeed wormadam permanently fused to a coat of trash, which some users on the aforementioned social media platform have said makes this pokémon even more relatable.

Mothim
The Moth Pokémon
Type: Bug/Flying
Official Registration #: 414
Entry: The evolved form of male burmy, by battle experience. Upon evolution, male burmy break free from their cloaks and fly on gigantic wings across the region. This act of breaking free then allows mothim the utmost maneuverability, which in turn gives him the ability to steal honey from combee, chase down and mate with any wormadam he comes across, and make his home anywhere without needing to build a nest. It is for all three reasons that some users on the aforementioned social media platforms believe that “mothim’s trash cloak is on the inside.”

The Chespin Line

Chespin
The Spiny Nut Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 650
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Kalos. Also a small, rodent-like pokémon native to the thick forests of the aforementioned region. Although this pokémon’s spines are normally soft and pleasant to touch, it can tense them at any time into points that are capable of piercing into solid rock. Thus, regardless of how cute and tame a chespin may look, it is somewhat ill-advised to pet this pokémon.

Quilladin
The Spiny Armor Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 651
Entry: The evolved form of chespin, by battle experience. A hardy but peaceful pokémon, quilladin prefer not to fight, but if they do, they can easily protect themselves using their hardened wood armor, which boasts a weight and sturdiness comparable to the quebracho tree family. Supposedly, in rare cases, quilladin are capable of forming wooden armor hard enough to resist bullets, but testing whether or not your quilladin is capable of this is also somewhat ill-advised.

Chesnaught
The Spiny Armor Pokémon
Type: Grass/Fighting
Official Registration #: 652
Entry: The evolved form of quilladin, by battle experience. Valued among trainers for their unrivaled physical defensive abilities, chesnaught support enough bulk to overturn a tank with one Tackle, as well as armor hard enough to withstand an electrode’s Explosion. As a side note, attacking your chesnaught with a tank or detonating an electrode right beside it in order to test its defensive capabilities is also somewhat ill-advised.

The Snivy Line

Snivy
The Grass Snake Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 495
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Unova. Swift and intelligent pokémon, snivy are capable of executing incredible feats of agility in battle, regardless of whether or not their trainers order them to do so. That having been said, to answer some of the most common questions about this species, yes, researchers are aware of its species designation; yes, we are and have always been aware that snivy has limbs; and yes, it made sense at the time.

Servine
The Grass Snake Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 496
Entry: The evolved form of snivy, by battle experience. Despite having limbs, servine prefer to slither along the ground with such deftness and ease it is often described as “sliding.” It does this despite the fact that its ability to photosynthesize (and therefore fuel its basic bodily processes) can and will be inhibited if mud and dirt covers its scales. However, one explanation is that it preferred battle method is to sneak up on its opponent and use Vine Whip on them before they become aware of servine’s closeness, which is to say that servine’s locomotive preference is deemed worth it for the sake of fighting dirty.

Puns, Bill? Is that what this blog is reduced to now? —LH

Oh, come now, Lanette. You may think I’m stooping to a new low, but you know as well as I do that I was already there. —Bill

Serperior
The Regal Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 497
Entry: The evolved form of servine, by battle experience. Noted for their noble looks, serperior have the capability stopping their opponents in their tracks, simply with the toss of a head and a particularly withering glare. This, in addition to their sleek but elegant looks as well as their general attitude towards their trainers and fellow pokémon, have earned it the nickname the regal pokémon, which makes it the only member of this evolution line with a completely logical and fitting species name according to the general public. (Yes, we know.)

The Turtwig Line

Turtwig
The Tiny Leaf Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 387
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Sinnoh. A small tortoise pokémon native to Sinnohan forests, turtwig is known for its soil-packed shell and its ability to photosynthesize, as well as the misconception that, as a small, shelled reptile, it is in any way related to squirtle or tirtouga. In actuality, turtwig occupy a completely different family from either of these pokémon. One can easily tell the difference by adaptations: whereas squirtle and tirtouga fare perfectly well in water, throwing a turtwig into the ocean produces far grimmer results.

Grotle
The Grove Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 388
Entry: The evolved form of turtwig, by battle experience. All grotle possess the ability to dowse, or to locate sources of pure water based on innate sense alone. Its hardened shell has developed into a smooth, comfortable seat, and using both its dowsing ability and its developed shell, it ferries pokémon that had once been larger than it to these water sources … typically to throw them in as petty revenge for all the times that they had thrown it in when it was a turtwig.

Torterra
The Continent Pokémon
Type: Grass/Ground
Official Registration #: 389
Entry: The evolved form of grotle, by battle experience. After evolution, torterra and their trees continue to grow, and their shells continue to harden. As a result, they grow more lethargic as time goes on, making them slow and large enough for small pokémon to create nests on its back. In ancient times, certain cultures looked to this behavior and concluded that the entire world must actually be on the back of a giant torterra … which is preposterous, as everyone knows that the world is actually supported by four donphan riding on the back of a massive carracosta.

The Treecko Line

Treecko
The Wood Gecko Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 252
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Hoenn. This small gecko pokémon is famous for its calm disposition, which makes it an ideal partner for a beginning trainer. It is said that absolutely nothing shakes it, not even the rage of a forest fire. This, of course, is not entirely true. The calm demeanor it displays at all times actually hides abject panic and other extreme forms of emotion … which, given the fact that trainers routinely and happily face danger on a daily basis without so much as a frown, still makes treecko an ideal partner for a beginning trainer.

Grovyle
The Wood Gecko Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 253
Entry: The evolved form of treecko, by battle experience. Grovyle is noted for its nimbleness. Well-adapted to its native jungle environments, it can skitter up trees and jump from branch to branch with an unrivaled swiftness, making it difficult for pursuers to keep up with it. It should be noted that these pursuers, of course, may include trainers who mistake their calm demeanor during their treecko stage as consent to subject it to extreme stress.

Sceptile
The Forest Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 254
Entry: The evolved form of grovyle, by battle experience. In Hoennian lore, sceptile are traditionally seen as forest guardians. Not only are their jungle combat skills completely unrivaled in the pokémon world (due to both its surprising agility and the sharp leaf blades on its arms), but also, the bulbs on their backs contain seeds that they can plant in order to revitalize parts of their forest homes. It should also be noted that this image of sceptile as a jungle guardian is perhaps only helped by the fact that the aforementioned bulbs explode in order to release the seeds within, yet sceptile, much like its original treecko form, take the violent bursting of parts of their body without even flinching. Needless to say, the disinclination to fight a creature that refuses to show pain is something of a survival adaptation for the rest of the forest.

The Chikorita Line

In honor of the recently registered Alola dex, Bill and I have agreed that it would be appropriate to present you with a new series of entries, spanning all of the starters we have yet to cover. We hope you enjoy. —LH

Chikorita
The Leaf Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 152
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Johto. Generally affectionate and even-tempered, chikorita enjoy waving their head leaves to emit a sweet, calming aroma during battle with the hopes of pleasing a new friend. Unfortunately, trainers should be aware that by “a new friend,” the writer means “their opponent” and that the first gym in the traditional Johtonian circuit specializes in things with type advantages and an appetite for chikorita meat.

Bayleef
The Leaf Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 153
Entry: The evolved form of chikorita, by battle experience. As a bayleef ages, the aroma that wafts from the leaves around its neck grow stronger and more potent. While these leaves have been historically collected to brew stimulating teas, the scent alone is enough to increase adrenaline and drive anyone who can smell it to fight. It should be noted that “anyone who can smell it” also applies to the bayleef itself, so trainers should take caution when teaching this pokémon moves such as Body Slam.

Meganium
The Herb Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 154
Entry: The evolved form of bayleef, by battle experience. Meganium’s fragrance has the fantastic abilities to revive dead plants, revitalize weary spirits, and calm even the most aggressive foes. However, it should be noted that just because it has these effects on those surrounding a meganium, it has no effect on the meganium itself. Thus, despite having the ability to lull its enemies into a peaceful stupor, be warned that meganium is one of the most aggressive fully-evolved starter pokémon available and that it both can and very likely will Body Slam you into the ground for accidentally stepping on that lovely dandelion it had just revived.

Ferroseed and Ferrothorn

Ferroseed
The Thorn Seed Pokémon
Type: Grass/Steel
Official Registration #: 597
Entry: A seed-like pokémon native to Unovan caves. Using its sharp thorns, ferroseed anchors itself to the iron-rich walls of its subterranean habitat. However, when it senses danger, it fires its thorns in all directions, which enable it to roll away quickly. Given the fact that it possesses a thick iron hide and the fact that it dwells primarily in cold caves, far from the natural habitats of any Unovan fire-type, it may be difficult to grasp what might prey on the ferroseed, but in truth, the answer is the human. Not only are the soft innards of a ferroseed a delicacy (noted for its strong, cheese-and-onion taste, as well as their slight hallucinogenic properties), but also, only a human being would be masochistic enough to figure this out.

Ferrothorn
The Thorn Pod Pokémon
Type: Grass/Steel
Official Registration #: 598
Entry: The evolved form of ferroseed, by battle experience. A ferroseed’s hide thickens upon evolution, which causes it to lose its ability to move quickly across a cave floor but gain the ability to withstand harsher attacks. As such, it has become a highly sought-after pokémon to many trainers, as it can root itself in the middle of the battlefield and unleash a combination of Spikes, Leech Seed, and Toxic before suffering the consequences of one too many Flamethrowers. Of course, despite its advantages on the battlefield, there are many disadvantages to training a ferrothorn, namely the fact that not all battlefields are flat surfaces—which, incidentally, should be taken as a note of caution to anyone who thinks bringing an immobile, 240-pound grass-type to the Cerulean Gym is a fantastic idea.

The Hoppip Line

Hoppip
The Cottonweed Pokémon
Type: Grass/Flying
Official Registration #: 187
Entry: A light, weed-like pokémon native to the Johto region. Thanks to its low body weight, it needs to anchor itself to the ground or other hoppip to avoid being blown away by even the gentlest breezes. Trainers of this pokémon should be aware of this tendency, less because of the dangers drifting pose to a hoppip and more because watching novice trainers frantically chase their hoppip across mountainous fields is a source of great entertainment to Johtonians.

Skiploom
The Cottonweed Pokémon
Type: Grass/Flying
Official Registration #: 188
Entry: The evolved form of hoppip, by battle experience. Because of its tendency to open its flower and float as close to the sun as possible on warm, sunny days, skiploom is considered to be a symbol of summer in its native region of Johto. Of course, it should also be noted that skiploom close their blossoms and drop harmlessly (to them, anyway) out of the sky as the temperature decreases and days grow shorter, so conversely, skiploom-induced concussions have become a symbol of autumn in the same region.

Jumpluff
The Cottonweed Pokémon
Type: Grass/Flying
Official Registration #: 189
Entry: The evolved form of skiploom, by battle experience. Jumpluff travel in groups, controlling their puff-like appendages even in the fiercest winds to change direction and fly over great distances. As temperatures rise, jumpluff clouds shift and begin migrating northward, only to arrive in the Johto region just as spring sets in and the jumpluff mating season begins. Thus, in Johto, one knows all-too well that spring has arrived when spores produced by mating jumpluff trigger one’s seasonal allergies. Johtonians, naturally, try not to think about this too much.

Maractus

Maractus
The Cactus Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 556
Entry: A cactus-like pokémon native to the Unovan desert. Jovial pokémon by nature, maractus travel in groups, with each individual maractus making festive rattling noises with every shift of their hollow limbs. Occasionally, particularly on cool nights, they burst into song and engage in a raucous party, behavior that causes pokémon to flee at the very sight of a wandering maractus. Although most researchers believe that fellow desert pokémon flee from these creatures because maractus have a tendency to burst into activity without any warning, anyone who has actually heard a maractus sing will have a better understanding of why a group of them would drive anyone who can hear away.