Hoenn Legendaries, Part IV

Kyogre
The Sea Basin Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 382
Entry: The ancient god of the sea, according to Hoennian legend. According to ancient Hoennian texts, Kyogre shaped the oceans by controlling the very waves themselves and bringing down torrential downpours. Interestingly, unlike many other myths concerning the creation of a world, Kyogre had a motivation behind it: namely to establish the dominance of aquatic pokémon in their fight against Groudon and its land-based followers. This means that the ocean itself exists thanks to a petty quarrel that happened eons ago, and because of this, the author is not sure whether to be impressed or to assume this explains quite a bit about the human race if this is how they say the world was formed.

Groudon
The Continent Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 383
Entry: The ancient god of the land, according to Hoennian legend. According to ancient Hoennian texts, Groudon had the power to raise landmasses and control magma, which one would assume were the powers it used in its quarrel against Kyogre to create the land. But no. No, reader, the power it used in its fight against Kyogre, the almighty ability that cut continents through Kyogre’s very oceans, was the ability to dispel clouds and make it especially sunny.

The Gible Line

Gible
The Land Shark Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Ground
Official Registration #: 443
Entry: A short, shark-like pokémon first discovered in the cave systems of Sinnoh. This pokémon burrows in horizontal tunnels embedded within cave walls. From there, it points its face outward and waits for prey to pass by its burrow opening. When something comes close, it launches itself out of its burrow to pounce on and bite the intruder. It’s important to note that this behavior does not stop when tamed; rather, trainers should fully expect to find their clothing gathered in a small, hole-like pile … as well as ample amounts of time spent with a gible attached to their arms shortly after discovering said pile.

Gabite
The Cave Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Ground
Official Registration #: 444
Entry: The evolved form of gible, by battle experience. Native to dark caves, gabite is attracted to anything that glitters or glows. In the wild, this means it actively hunts down and collects any shiny object it can get its claws on—including jewels, ores, and even trash from trainers—and hoards these in its underground nest. In captivity, this means it is possibly the most entertaining pokémon to introduce a laser pointer to.

Garchomp
The Mach Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Ground
Official Registration #: 445
Entry: The evolved form of gabite, by battle experience. The short fins on this pokémon’s arms are actually wings that allow it to fly at supersonic speeds to chase down prey. There is no punchline to this entry. The author just wanted to inform all of you that a 209-pound ground-type land shark with wings shorter than its actual claws can apparently fly and that this world is a wondrous place.

Numel and Camerupt

Numel
The Numb Pokémon
Type: Fire/Ground
Official Registration #: 322
Entry: True to its species designation, this small, camel-like pokémon is known for its dense nature; it doesn’t notice when it’s been hit until much later. Of course, this pokémon’s body is also a walking cauldron containing magma that reaches temperatures in excess of 2200 degrees Fahrenheit, so even if it fails to notice when it’s being hit, that doesn’t necessarily mean hitting it is a good idea.

Camerupt
The Eruption Pokémon
Type: Fire/Ground
Official Registration #: 323
Entry: The evolved form of numel, by battle experience. The “volcanoes” on this camel-like pokémon’s back are actually bone protrusions with direct connections to camerupt’s magma reservoirs. Said reservoirs are normally the source of camerupt’s fire-based abilities, but every ten years—or whenever camerupt is angered—these volcanoes erupt, spewing super-heated molten magma dozens of feet into the air. How can this pokémon’s volcanoes erupt with such force, without harming their camerupt host? That is an excellent question, reader! The answer is [CONTENT TO BE INSERTED WHEN THERE ACTUALLY IS AN ANSWER]

The Larvitar Line

Larvitar
The Rock Skin Pokémon
Type: Rock/Ground
Official Registration #: 246
Entry: A two-foot-tall, dinosaur-like pokémon native to mountainous regions. Although it’s true that larvitar are born underground and eat soil and rocks until they tunnel to the surface, the idea that they eat entire mountains before evolution is entirely false. It just feels as if they do, as larvitar are, on average, almost 160 pounds, and they have a tendency to leap at their unsuspecting trainers when overwhelmed with the need to shower them with affection via a tackling hug.

Pupitar
The Hard Shell Pokémon
Type: Rock/Ground
Official Registration #: 247
Entry: The evolved form of larvitar, by battle experience. During evolution, larvitar encase themselves in a cocoon of rock. This stone shell is as hard and solid as bedrock, so while it fully protects the larvitar inside from any damage, it also constricts its limb movements. However, this doesn’t mean it’s entirely immobile, as pupitar possesses vents all over its body, which allow the highly compressed gases it creates within itself to escape in the form of powerful jets. In fact, these jets can be so powerful that they can propel pupitar wherever it needs to be faster than a number of other pokémon. This is, of course, doubly unfortunate for its trainer, as not only can pupitar launch itself like a rocket in any direction, but it’s also a 335-pound tank of pure destruction … that still enjoys showering its trainers with affection by throwing itself at them.

Tyranitar
The Armor Pokémon
Type: Rock/Dark
Official Registration #: 248
Entry: The evolved form of pupitar, by battle experience. On the positive side, tyranitar do not shower their trainers with affection by throwing themselves at them. On the negative side, tyranitar are highly destructive and aggressive pokémon who possess the ability to flatten miles of forest in seconds and who are constantly on the lookout for new opponents to fight, and tamed tyranitar consider doing both of these things (committing incredible amounts of property damage and fighting literally anything it can find) to be perfectly acceptable methods of showing affection towards their trainers.

Wooper and Quagsire

Wooper
The Water Fish Pokémon
Type: Water/Ground
Official Registration #: 194
Entry: This amphibious pokémon typically lives in the cold, freshwater ponds and rivers of Johto. However, at night and when the weather grows cooler, it leaves these sources to search for food on land. When not in water, wooper coats itself with a thin, poisonous film of slime, which functions as both a means of keeping its body moist and a self-defense mechanism. Even the slightest touch can send shooting pains throughout a human’s body, and prolonged or excessive exposure can lead to paralysis and nerve damage. Unfortunately for trainers and the variety of researcher who can gain the love and friendship of a pokémon almost instantly, wooper is also infamous for its high level of affection and its tendency to leap at a human being and lovingly rub its face into its target’s.

Quagsire
The Water Fish Pokémon
Type: Water/Ground
Official Registration #: 195
Entry: The evolved form of wooper, by battle experience. This carefree pokémon often floats along the surface of shallow, freshwater swamps, lakes, and rivers with its mouth open, and in this manner, it conserves energy and survives off of only whatever swims into its mouth. Because it expends so little energy in navigating its environment, it has a tendency to bump into obstacles and let them repel it back towards the center of its home. This includes boat hulls, which often resulted in injury for the quagsire as it came in contact with the boat’s propeller. Consequently, campaigns were launched throughout the 80s and 90s to save the quagsire, which in turn meant an extreme amount of human effort had been expended for the sake of both awareness of the quagsire’s plight, as well as the preservation of both the quagsire and its habitat. As of late, such campaigns are much quieter than they had been decades ago, partly because it was determined that the quagsire’s carefree and oblivious nature often got itself injured regardless of the presence of boat propellers in its waters and partly because it was also determined that just about the only activity quagsire spent an extraordinary amount of energy on was mating—which it did far more than any other pokémon in existence. (Putting it another way, the lakes of southern Johto aren’t murky because of mud or pollution…)

Can you write about Xerneas, Yveltal and Zygarde please!

Certainly, anonymous! Apologies for the delay!

Xerneas
The Life Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 716
Entry: One of the three central legends of Kalosean myth—the deer-like guardian of life. It is said that when this pokémon’s horns glow in seven colors, it shares everlasting life with all those who are bathed in its mystic glow. This, as far as the author is concerned, is a far better alternative to a similar myth found in Johto, in which a pokémon that shines with rainbow colors will bestow life onto those who are bathed … in its sacred, unrelenting fires. The author appreciates that about Kalos: its calm, peaceful guardians of their world that do not set people on fire.

Yveltal
The Destruction Pokémon
Type: Dark/Flying
Official Registration #: 717
Entry: One of the three central legends of Kalosean myth—the eagle-like guardian of death. Yveltal is known best for its massive and fearsome wings. It is said that when it spreads these, they glow a bright red and absorb the life force of anyone bathed in its fiery brilliance. First, this description may actually be a reference to Oblivion Wing, a devastating attack that simultaneously heals Yveltal’s wounds … so, yes, of course such a glow would steal the life forces of others. Second, the author takes back half of what he had said in the Xerneas entry. He is clearly wrong and apologizes for this.

Zygarde
The Order Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Ground
Official Registration #: 718
Entry: One of the three central legends of Kalosean myth—the shapeshifting guardian of the region. Contrary to popular contemporary belief, Zygarde is not the legendary of the balance between life and death but rather the legendary guardian of Kalos’s ecosystem. It stands watch for anything that threatens the balance of nature and interacts with the problem in one of four forms (the cellular core, the dog-like 10% forme, the worm-like 50% forme, and the fierce, humanoid complete forme), depending on the level of the threat. However, it cannot be said enough that Zygarde’s interests are said to lie only in the ecosystem. Thus, if you happen to be simultaneously gifted with eternal life while being subjected to life-draining rays because Xerneas and Yveltal are engaged in combat before you … you’re on your own unless either of them destroy a tree full of pokémon. Terribly sorry.

Cubone and Marowak please!

Strange that I’ve never covered this line. They’re truly fascinating pokémon. As they say, coming right up, anonymous!

Cubone
The Lonely Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 104
Entry: Because young cubone are both weak and the favored prey of many pokémon in its native mountains and cave systems, its marowak mother will almost always sacrifice herself to protect her child early in life. As part of its mourning process, the orphaned cubone, sometimes with the help of the rest of its community, will give its mother a funeral, complete with the ritualistic extraction of her skull and one of her femurs. These bones will then become the cubone’s armor and will serve to protect it throughout its life. Either because of the fact that it always carries around a reminder of its mother or because the experience of losing her early in life has scarred it for life, the cubone will never fully heal from the trauma. In fact, the lines that appear to be cracks along the eye sockets of its skull helmet are not cracks but rather stains left by the tears it constantly sheds. The author really has nothing else to add to this entry; he just wanted to inform his readers that those are tear tracks. You’re welcome.

Marowak
The Bone Keeper Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 105
Entry: The evolved form of cubone, by battle experience. Even after evolution, marowak do not find relief from the traumas they had experienced. Instead, evolution brings about the boost in power and confidence that they need to train harder and master the use of bones as melee weapons. Once mastering their style, they collect more bones to add to their armory. No one is quite certain where marowak gets these bones. Some say they excavate them from marowak graveyards. Others who are well aware of the fact that marowak evolve from cubone who had been forced to bury their mothers simply stare at the first group of people in quiet, unbelieving horror while silently praying that marowak just happen upon the remains of other dead pokémon.

The Geodude Line

Geodude
The Rock Pokémon
Type: Rock/Ground
Official Registration #: 74
Entry: A stony pokémon native to mountainous areas, particularly those of the Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh regions. At rest, geodude look exactly like ordinary boulders, to the point where it’s not uncommon for even the most careful hikers to trip over them. It should be noted that not only will geodude become violently angry if you trip over them or their brethren, but also, geodude are extremely common pokémon to the aforementioned mountainous regions. To any trainers currently journeying through the mountains, the author wishes you godspeed.

Graveler
The Rock Pokémon
Type: Rock/Ground
Official Registration #: 75
Entry: The evolved form of geodude, by battle experience. Wild graveler subsist entirely on rocks. It will consume at least a ton of these on a daily basis, usually while on the move from the peak of its native mountains to the base and back again. Unfortunately, graveler are not particularly careful pokémon, and they, too, have difficulty distinguishing ordinary rocks from the surrounding geodude. On the positive side, graveler are capable of managing geodude populations singlehandedly, so at the very least, geodude overpopulation has never been nor will ever be an issue to the human race.

Golem
The Megaton Pokémon
Type: Rock/Ground
Official Registration #: 76
Entry: The evolved form of graveler, via trading. This boulder-like pokémon’s shell is so hard it can withstand high-powered blasts, including the ones it generates itself. For this reason, it prefers traveling in this manner, propelling itself from mountainside to mountainside through the force generated by Explosion. A golem falling from the sky is not an uncommon occurrence in the harsh environment of the Johtonian mountains, so to any trainers currently journeying through that particular region, the author wishes you godspeed especially.

The Nincada Line

Nincada
The Trainee Pokémon
Type: Bug/Ground
Official Registration #: 290
Entry: For most of its life, this larval pokémon hatches and lives underground, where it feeds on nutrient-rich roots in preparation for its evolution. However, because of its primarily subterranean lifestyle, the species is also largely blind, relying on sensory information transmitted to its antennae to navigate. Needless to say, removing one from its native habitat to study it in a well-lit, above-ground laboratory is … perhaps not the best of ideas, no.

Ninjask
The Ninja Pokémon
Type: Bug/Flying
Official Registration #: 291
Entry: The evolved form of nincada, by battle experience. Ninjask is known for two things. First, its speed: it moves at a lightning-fast pace, sometimes even to a point where it becomes too fast to observe by the human eye. Second, it’s a stubborn and proud pokémon and will happily express its displeasure with a command by crying loudly, at volumes that could damage a human’s hearing. In other words, ninjask is better known as “that one pokémon you may be tempted to train due to its competitive, speed-based abilities, except you will very likely regret attempting to train it due to everything else about it.”

Shedinja
The Shed Pokémon
Type: Bug/Ghost
Official Registration #: 292
Entry: The husk of a nincada, left behind upon its evolution. Despite being made of a thin chitin, this terrifying pokémon possesses an ability that renders it invulnerable to everything but fire, ghost, dark, and flying elemental abilities, as well as indirect attacks. Additionally, it does not apparently possess a soul, and perhaps because of this, the strange forces that animate it are said to suck in the souls of anyone who looks into the cavity on its back. Luckily, whenever sending this pokémon out to battle—given the amount of time it may take for an opponent to defeat your shedinja, as well as the position of your pokémon relative to you during a match—staring directly into the hole that will suck out your spirit is nigh inevitable.

The Trapinch Line

Trapinch
The Ant Pit Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 328
Entry: A large, antlion-like pokémon native to deserts, particularly those of the Hoenn region. A patient hunter, trapinch digs conical pit traps and waits at the very center for prey to come tumbling down. However, due to its habitat in the remote parts of brutal deserts, it may wait for a solid week before anything comes tumbling into its pit. During this time, it does not move from its pit, even to search for water. Part of this might have something to do with the construction of their pits: each pit is typically so well-made that even the trapinch struggles to escape from them.

Vibrava
The Vibration Pokémon
Type: Ground/Dragon
Official Registration #: 329
Entry: The evolved form of trapinch, by battle experience. Also: a dragon-like pokémon known for generating supersonic waves capable of inducing headaches and disorienting prey by vigorously shaking its two pairs of wings. Also: a fearless predator that darts in at high speeds to take down prey, then spits venom onto said victims to dissolve them for easier consumption. Not: an adult toy whose name cannot be specified on a blog meant for general audiences, Bebe.

Flygon
The Mystic Pokémon
Type: Ground/Dragon
Official Registration #: 330
Entry: The evolved form of vibrava, by battle experience. Nicknamed “the spirit of the desert,” flygon is capable of kicking up massive dust storms with powerful flaps of its chitinous wings. It hides within these sandstorms and travels at great speeds across its desert habitats, which is why many people consider it a mirage. This is not the only thing flygon is known for, of course. It is also known for the massive waves of disappointment it had created when it was discovered that, unlike a number of other pokémon native to the Hoenn region, it is virtually incapable of mega evolving.