The Seedot Line

Seedot
The Acorn Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 273
Entry: A small, acorn-like pokémon native to dense forests. It hangs from trees, where it’s often indistinguishable from ordinary seeds or apricorns. There, it waits until a human or another pokémon comes close, at which point it suddenly shakes violently to scare its target. There is literally no reason for this; seedot simply enjoys scaring people because that’s how it goes. As an added bonus, any attempt made by its victims to retaliate against this scaring is usually met with Bide. Because you can never be too much of a delightful sentient being.

Nuzleaf
The Wily Pokémon
Type: Grass/Dark
Official Registration #: 274
Entry: The evolved form of seedot, by battle experience. This childlike pokémon has the ability to play a grass flute, which tends to make passing humans feel uneasy. It also has the ability to drive trainers to capture only one pokémon whenever they enter new areas and abandon any pokémon that has fainted in the heat of battle, but whether or not this has anything to do with the actual flute playing is still up for debate.

Shiftry
The Wicked Pokémon
Type: Grass/Dark
Official Registration #: 275
Entry: The evolved form of nuzleaf, by exposure to leaf stone. This mysterious pokémon is said to be a forest guardian. When humans venture into its sanctum within the deepest, darkest parts of the forest, it uses the giant, leafy fans it has on its hands to whip up winds of up to 100 miles per hour to blow the foe away. Given this description, it may seem odd that shiftry would be designated the wicked pokémon, but this perhaps says quite a bit about humanity’s relationship with nature up until recently.

Shuppet and Banette

Shuppet
The Puppet Pokémon
Type: Ghost
Official Registration #: 353
Entry: This handkerchief-like pokémon floats through the air at night, feeding off negative emotions. It’s particularly attracted to overwhelming feelings of jealousy, vindictiveness, or general anger, and it will congregate with many other shuppet under the eaves of houses where someone is experiencing particularly strong variations of these emotions. For that reason, if you see entire flocks of these pokémon nestled along the gutters of a house, it’s very likely that inside resides a murderer, a scorned lover, or a teenager going through the Hoennian public high school system.

I’m going to assume you’re not thinking of anyone in particular. —LH

…I’ve tried for the past half an hour to come up with something witty to say in response, but I’ve realized saying any one of the things that came to mind would result in terrible, terrible consequences. —Bill

Good boy. —LH

Banette
The Marionette Pokémon
Type: Ghost
Official Registration #: 354
Entry: The evolved form of shuppet, by battle experience. This doll-like pokémon is said to have been the reanimated remnants of a discarded toy, given new life by cursed energies trapped within it. Powered by its need for either vengeance or closure, it moves at night, supposedly to seek out its former owner. Typically, when presented with a name that reminds him of one of his colleagues, the author would make a witty comment involving that pokémon and said colleague, but seeing as only one system administrator has a name that rhymes with “banette” and seeing as the author realizes going down this route would be a terrible idea, he’s just going to leave the entry at that. It is a cursed doll pokémon and nothing more, and there is absolutely nothing funny to point out about it. Yes.

Okay, now you’re pushing it. —LH

The Duskull Line

Duskull
The Requiem Pokémon
Type: Ghost
Official Registration #: 355
Entry: A small, reaper-like pokémon native to mountainous regions. This pokémon is quite fond of small children, and it’s known to appear suddenly before crying ones in particular. After that, researchers aren’t entirely sure what happens, but according to Hoennian folklore, it whisks the noisiest ones away in the middle of the night to a strange and wondrous place. The story doesn’t entirely go into what a duskull would do with a child after that point, but the author has no doubt that this pokémon fully intends on making friends with them and feeding them candy.

No, Bill. Just … no. —LH

Dusclops
The Beckon Pokémon
Type: Ghost
Official Registration #: 356
Entry: The evolved form of duskull, by battle experience. Dusclops’s body is completely hollow, save for an unending void which is said to suck out one’s soul when they gaze deep into it. How do researchers know that dusclops is hollow save for an unending void that we can’t even directly observe? Well, readers, the author isn’t at liberty to say himself, but it certainly did not involve a stick, three expendable aides, a length of rope, a blindfold, and the distant hope that there would be candy inside.

Dusknoir
The Gripping Pokémon
Type: Ghost
Official Registration #: 477
Entry: The evolved form of dusclops, via trading, if the subject is wearing a reaper cloth. The golden disk on this pokémon’s head is actually an antenna through which it receives commands from the spirit world to recapture wandering spirits. Unable to do anything else but comply, dusknoir may stop what it’s doing and seek out a lost spirit. When it finds one, it stuffs the spirit into its pliant body and drags them back to the spirit world. The author also realizes that this satisfies the tastes of at least three different questionably moral internet subcultures, so he’ll end the entry right about here.

The Lotad Line

Lotad
The Water Weed Pokémon
Type: Water/Grass
Official Registration #: 270
Entry: This small, lily pad-like pokémon thrives in the fresh waters of slow-moving streams and ponds. Friendly in nature, lotad like to use the broad lily pad adorning their heads to ferry pokémon across their watery habitat from one shore to another. Unfortunately, given that lotad weigh only five and a half pounds and therefore don’t actually have the strength to support many other pokémon, this is often more difficult than they would think.

Lombre
The Jolly Pokémon
Type: Water/Grass
Official Registration #: 271
Entry: The evolved form of lotad, by battle experience. This nocturnal pokémon spends most of the day underwater, sleeping upon a bed of aquatic moss as its pad soaks up sunlight. In this position, its diminutive stature is sometimes distorted by the surface of the water, causing many anglers to mistake lombre for drowned children, particularly by the Hoennian anglers who find them. Of course, given the fact that lombre’s skin is clearly grass-green (and not in the same way that skin appears after a human body is left to decompose underwater), the fact that a lily pad is permanently affixed to its head, and the fact that lombre is not actually otherwise child-shaped, the author fails to see exactly how lombre may be mistaken for a human child, but he’s not one to question the observations of Hoennian anglers. When they’re within earshot, anyway.

Ludicolo
The Carefree Pokémon
Type: Water/Grass
Official Registration #: 272
Entry: The evolved form of lombre, by exposure to water stone. True to its species designation, ludicolo is a notoriously carefree pokémon that is prone to dancing upon hearing a good beat. Even in the heat of battle, if it hears music, it will burst into a wild, rhythmic dance, and it will not be able to stop until long after the music has ended. One would think this is a disadvantage to the ludicolo, but in truth, it’s actually more of a disadvantage to their opponents. Apparently, ludicolo can beat an opponent into the ground normally, but their power increases if they, quite literally, stomp their enemies into the ground instead. Through salsa dancing.

Carvanha and Sharpedo

Carvanha
The Savage Pokémon
Type: Water/Dark
Official Registration #: 318
Entry: A piranha-like pokémon native to warm, freshwater rivers. Although carvanha is known for its viciousness, it is actually a highly social pokémon among its own kind. When left in the same body of water with carvanha just as vicious as it is, an individual carvanha specimen will school with others, forming groups capable of ripping apart even the bulkiest wailmer. However, on its own, carvanha become docile, shy, and even a little skittish, which some believe is an accurate depiction of most people who spend any amount of time on the internet.

Sharpedo
The Brutal Pokémon
Type: Water/Dark
Official Registration #: 319
Entry: The evolved form of carvanha, by battle experience. This shark-like pokémon possesses fangs that can rip through the steel hulls of ships (and grow back if they snap off in their efforts to do so), barbed skin capable of lacerating anything that comes into physical contact with it, powerful fins that can propel it up to 75 miles per hour at prey, and a keen sense of smell that can detect the smallest drop of blood from yards away. With all of this in combination, sharpedo is often nicknamed “the Bully of the Sea,” which is unfortunate because sharpedo is actually a gentle pokémon that only wants affection.

Sorry, no, it indiscriminately rips apart anything that enters its watery territory short of anything else that has the audacity to train it.

Numel and Camerupt

Numel
The Numb Pokémon
Type: Fire/Ground
Official Registration #: 322
Entry: True to its species designation, this small, camel-like pokémon is known for its dense nature; it doesn’t notice when it’s been hit until much later. Of course, this pokémon’s body is also a walking cauldron containing magma that reaches temperatures in excess of 2200 degrees Fahrenheit, so even if it fails to notice when it’s being hit, that doesn’t necessarily mean hitting it is a good idea.

Camerupt
The Eruption Pokémon
Type: Fire/Ground
Official Registration #: 323
Entry: The evolved form of numel, by battle experience. The “volcanoes” on this camel-like pokémon’s back are actually bone protrusions with direct connections to camerupt’s magma reservoirs. Said reservoirs are normally the source of camerupt’s fire-based abilities, but every ten years—or whenever camerupt is angered—these volcanoes erupt, spewing super-heated molten magma dozens of feet into the air. How can this pokémon’s volcanoes erupt with such force, without harming their camerupt host? That is an excellent question, reader! The answer is [CONTENT TO BE INSERTED WHEN THERE ACTUALLY IS AN ANSWER]

The Slakoth Line

Slakoth
The Slacker Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 287
Entry: A sloth-like pokémon first discovered in the Hoennian jungles. This pokémon spends most of its day lying listlessly on the jungle floor or draped across tree branches. The hours it does not do this, it spends sleeping or reaching lazily for food. Even those who have observed it (for science, of course) have often reported a sudden, strong urge to do as the slakoth does by lying listlessly about the forest floor. For this reason, it was originally thought that slakoth could be part-psychic, but upon deeper studying, it was discovered that, no, a certain portion of the Pokémon Symposium just wishes they could be as lazy and carefree as slakoth.

Vigoroth
The Wild Monkey Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 288
Entry: The evolved form of slakoth, by battle experience. Researchers aren’t quite sure why vigoroth, the middle evolution of the pokémon embodiments of sloth, is unable to keep still. Some think it has to do with the species’ increase in heart rate, but this still doesn’t explain why the change occurred. Others believe vigoroth’s body naturally produces caffeine, but not only is this not true, but it also doesn’t make sense from a scientific standpoint. Still others believe that when you spend twenty hours of your day dozing and the other four hours actually sleeping, it just stands to reason that you’ll be particularly energetic upon waking up (to the point of being downright irritable and potentially violent if anyone attempts to get you to stay still). The author’s closest colleagues would like to go on record to state they know someone with heavily strange sleep cycles consisting of a day of solid sleep, followed by three days of barely any at all, during which he “works himself into the ground” and “vehemently objects to any attempt to get him to sleep,” so therefore, they consider this to be a valid theory. The author, meanwhile, would also like to go on record to state first of all…

Slaking
The Lazy Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 289
Entry: The evolved form of vigoroth, by battle experience. Supposedly the laziest pokémon in existence, slaking barely moves at all and spends much of its lifetime asleep, much like its preevolved form, slakoth. However, it does move, specifically to shift itself into a new spot whenever food is no longer within reach. While this is pretty lazy, it’s been recently outclassed by Alola’s pyukumuku, which doesn’t move at all, even when its reachable food sources have been depleted, unless physically picked up by a human and thrown back out to sea. When slaking have been studied side-by-side with pyukumuku, it was found that slaking rapidly develop extreme envy towards pyukumuku and would, if they didn’t weigh 288 pounds, adopt very similar behaviors.

The Roselia Line

Budew
The Bud Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 406
Entry: This small, bud-like pokémon is often seen sitting by sources of clean water, waiting for sunny days. When it feels the sun on its leaves, it opens its flower to release pollen to gently scatter about its body. Of course, as readers may expect having read this blog for this long, by “pollen,” the author means “Stun Spore and possibly Worry Seed,” and by “to gently scatter about its body,” he means “to stun and subsequently maim any human who thought he would be perfectly fine if he just got another foot closer so that he may study them for the sake of science.”

Roselia
The Thorn Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 315
Entry: The evolved form of budew, as a result of a heightened sense of happiness and exposure to sunlight. Roselia’s vibrantly colored, rose-shaped hands release a splendid aroma capable of soothing even the most stressed human. However, these hands also conceal sharp thorns in place of stamens, anthers, or digits. These thorns are hollow and contain two different types of venom, both of which are capable of rendering the healthiest human unconscious in a matter of seconds. Likewise, its crown of thorns contains a third poison capable of doing the same, and roselia as a whole use this collection of thorns, in combination with their alluring scent, to hunt. Thus, if someone tells you to “stop and smell the roses,” it is best to assume that they hate you and wish for you to be stabbed in the face repeatedly.

Roserade
The Bouquet Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 407
Entry: The evolved form of roselia, by exposure to shiny stone. Elegant and nimble, roserade is prized for its disarming talents. Beyond the alluring scent it has inherited from its preevolved form, roserade is capable of dancing across battlefields and striking with incredible speed and precision using poisonous, binding whips. However, seeing as roserade cannot actually learn Vine Whip and seeing as Poison Whip is not a valid move as far as any league is concerned, this information is basically useless to trainers.

The Poochyena Line

Poochyena
The Bite Pokémon
Type: Dark
Official Registration #: 261
Entry: This small, puppy-like pokémon is best known for its persistent nature. Often seen in packs, when one member spots potential prey, no matter how large it is, the entire pack goes after that victim until said victim is exhausted … or until the victim strikes back. The latter condition is admittedly less known within the research community, likely because it’s very easy to forget that part when chased halfway across the Hoennian grasslands by an entire pack of tenacious canines with massive fangs.

Mightyena
The Bite Pokémon
Type: Dark
Official Registration #: 262
Entry: The evolved form of poochyena, by battle experience. Mightyena are highly intelligent pokémon of great ethological interest to the pokémon research community. They possess highly loyal natures that helps them to form packs in the wild, but in captivity, this loyalty instead drives them to bond deeply with humans they recognize as being strong trainers. In addition, much of their communication with either their packs or their trainers happens through complex body language. Even the most minute shift can mean the difference between happiness and aggression. For example, mightyena indicate happiness and comfort by wagging their tails from left to right. However, a mightyena that wags its tail from right to left is indicating extreme discomfort. Certainly, this difference may seem a little bit too difficult for the average human to spot, but if it helps, the tail wagging is also typically done as the mightyena flattens itself, growls deeply, bares its fangs, and generally looks like it’s about to rip one apart. Subtle clues, yes, but they’re very important subtle clues, in the author’s opinion.

The Marill Line

Azurill
The Polka Dot Pokémon
Type: Normal/Fairy
Official Registration #: 298
Entry: This small, mouse-like pokémon is actually best known for its ability to bounce about on its rubbery, nutrient-filled tail. However, it’s actually considered to be scientifically interesting because the phenomenon in which some female azurill evolve into male marill. There are a few theories as to why this is, including the idea that azurill’s gender shifts in response to environmental changes in combination with the boost in energy caused by evolution. Of course, a more practical theory is that male and female azurill are nearly indistinguishable from one another and that many male azurill are mistakenly classified as female due to inadequate gendering methods for the species. A study could be launched to see if the latter is the case—and, if it is, to rectify the situation—but frankly put, it’s either correcting a system of classification the azurill themselves have no concept of or finding a cure to azurill tail cancer.

Marill
The Aqua Mouse Pokémon
Type: Water/Fairy
Official Registration #: 183
Entry: The evolved form of azurill, as a result of a heightened sense of happiness. Marill possess a water-repellant tail and coat of fur, which in conjunction with each other, make it impossible for marill to drown. In the wild, this allows marill to forage for food even in the swiftest of currents without having to worry about being dragged under, but in captivity, some trainers see it as an opportunity. Tamed marill are frequently used by novice trainers to ferry themselves across the water using Surf, Whirlpool, Waterfall, or all three moves in combination. However, it’s worth it to note that the author has just specified novice trainers, as experienced trainers have quickly learned that a foot-tall mouse with aqua-repellant fur may be able to keep themselves from drowning, but keeping a five-foot-tall, 100+-pound human from doing the same is an entirely different story.

Azumarill
The Aqua Rabbit Pokémon
Type: Water/Fairy
Official Registration #: 184
Entry: The evolved form of marill, by battle experience. This rabbit-like pokémon is known for its long ears and bubble pattern. The bubble pattern gives it camouflage in the water, and its long ears are excellent sensors that allow it to detect even the most minute prey. Using both in combination allow it to glide through the water undetected until it comes across and pounces on its next meal. One may wonder why azumarill, a pokémon that strongly resembles an exclusively herbivorous animal, has the carnivorous tendency of hunting for and pouncing on food, to which the author responds with, “Azumarill are native to Johto. Have you ever seen the aquatic plants of Johto? I thought not. They’re vicious, chief. They will eat your arm right off if you’re not careful around them.”