Zangoos and Seviper

Certainly, anonymous!

Zangoose
The Cat Ferret Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 335
Entry: A tall, mongoose-like pokémon first discovered in the mountains of Hoenn. Zangoose are known for exactly three things. First and most importantly, they are famous for their blood rivalry against seviper, which itself was very likely born from the fact that seviper, their favored prey, are also eight-foot-long tubes of hate and violence. Second, zangoose are known for their massive, sharp claws, which are capable of slicing through not only boulders but also raging seviper. Third and finally, zangoose are known for quite possibly the worst and most inaccurate species designation of any pokémon in existence.

Seviper
The Fang Snake Pokémon
Type: Poison
Official Registration #: 336
Entry: A large, viper-like pokémon first discovered in the mountains of Hoenn. Seviper are known for exactly three things. First and most importantly, they are famous for their blood rivalry against zangoose, which itself was very likely born from the fact that zangoose, their foremost predator, are also stubborn and ornery balls of muscle and terrible judgment. Second, seviper are known for their long tail blades, which not only are sharp enough to slice a boulder or a zangoose clean in half but are also venomous (as if the sharpness wasn’t enough). Third and finally, seviper are known for the second worst species designation of any pokémon in existence, trumped by zangoose’s only because seviper’s is actually stating the obvious.

The Nincada Line

Nincada
The Trainee Pokémon
Type: Bug/Ground
Official Registration #: 290
Entry: For most of its life, this larval pokémon hatches and lives underground, where it feeds on nutrient-rich roots in preparation for its evolution. However, because of its primarily subterranean lifestyle, the species is also largely blind, relying on sensory information transmitted to its antennae to navigate. Needless to say, removing one from its native habitat to study it in a well-lit, above-ground laboratory is … perhaps not the best of ideas, no.

Ninjask
The Ninja Pokémon
Type: Bug/Flying
Official Registration #: 291
Entry: The evolved form of nincada, by battle experience. Ninjask is known for two things. First, its speed: it moves at a lightning-fast pace, sometimes even to a point where it becomes too fast to observe by the human eye. Second, it’s a stubborn and proud pokémon and will happily express its displeasure with a command by crying loudly, at volumes that could damage a human’s hearing. In other words, ninjask is better known as “that one pokémon you may be tempted to train due to its competitive, speed-based abilities, except you will very likely regret attempting to train it due to everything else about it.”

Shedinja
The Shed Pokémon
Type: Bug/Ghost
Official Registration #: 292
Entry: The husk of a nincada, left behind upon its evolution. Despite being made of a thin chitin, this terrifying pokémon possesses an ability that renders it invulnerable to everything but fire, ghost, dark, and flying elemental abilities, as well as indirect attacks. Additionally, it does not apparently possess a soul, and perhaps because of this, the strange forces that animate it are said to suck in the souls of anyone who looks into the cavity on its back. Luckily, whenever sending this pokémon out to battle—given the amount of time it may take for an opponent to defeat your shedinja, as well as the position of your pokémon relative to you during a match—staring directly into the hole that will suck out your spirit is nigh inevitable.

The Trapinch Line

Trapinch
The Ant Pit Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 328
Entry: A large, antlion-like pokémon native to deserts, particularly those of the Hoenn region. A patient hunter, trapinch digs conical pit traps and waits at the very center for prey to come tumbling down. However, due to its habitat in the remote parts of brutal deserts, it may wait for a solid week before anything comes tumbling into its pit. During this time, it does not move from its pit, even to search for water. Part of this might have something to do with the construction of their pits: each pit is typically so well-made that even the trapinch struggles to escape from them.

Vibrava
The Vibration Pokémon
Type: Ground/Dragon
Official Registration #: 329
Entry: The evolved form of trapinch, by battle experience. Also: a dragon-like pokémon known for generating supersonic waves capable of inducing headaches and disorienting prey by vigorously shaking its two pairs of wings. Also: a fearless predator that darts in at high speeds to take down prey, then spits venom onto said victims to dissolve them for easier consumption. Not: an adult toy whose name cannot be specified on a blog meant for general audiences, Bebe.

Flygon
The Mystic Pokémon
Type: Ground/Dragon
Official Registration #: 330
Entry: The evolved form of vibrava, by battle experience. Nicknamed “the spirit of the desert,” flygon is capable of kicking up massive dust storms with powerful flaps of its chitinous wings. It hides within these sandstorms and travels at great speeds across its desert habitats, which is why many people consider it a mirage. This is not the only thing flygon is known for, of course. It is also known for the massive waves of disappointment it had created when it was discovered that, unlike a number of other pokémon native to the Hoenn region, it is virtually incapable of mega evolving.

The Aron Line

Aron
The Iron Armor Pokémon
Type: Steel/Rock
Official Registration #: 304
Entry: A small but hefty tank-like pokémon originally discovered in the cave systems of Hoenn. Although these small but docile pokémon typically live deep underground, they thrive on iron and will thus rise to the surface in search of it if underground deposits run dry. In the process, they quickly become destructive forces of nature, capable of destroying anything within their paths easily until they consume the iron they need. They have been known to devour anything containing iron, including railroad tracks, cars, heavy equipment, sensitive research equipment, and more … yet the editor of this blog still considers them to be “cute” and “not at all dangerous” for some reason.

Lairon
The Iron Armor Pokémon
Type: Steel/Rock
Official Registration #: 305
Entry: The evolved form of aron, by battle experience. Aron, a pokémon that typically lives in herds, will congregate into similar herd structures after evolution. These herds typically congregate near mineral-rich underground springs, where they often engage in vicious battles with one another by slamming into each other’s armor, all in preparation for fights against invading pokémon or humans. Unfortunately, because their spring-side habitats tend to be closer to the surface than their nests as aron, they are known to lay waste to even more human-built structures, including mines, tunnels, or mountainside villages. For whatever reason, the editor of this blog thinks lairon is cute too.

Aggron
The Iron Armor Pokémon
Type: Steel/Rock
Official Registration #: 306
Entry: The evolved form of lairon, by battle experience. Upon evolution, aggron will break away from its former herd and roam vast, mountainous territory by itself. A single aggron will claim an entire mountain as its personal territory, and as such, aggron are known to aggressively repel other aggron—even those from its former herd—with incredible feats of violence. Lone aggron are therefore much easier to capture and train, and in fact, aggron are among the strongest pokémon available in the Hoenn region. Their popularity is only helped by the fact that the Hoennian champion, Steven Stone, includes one among his signature team … which, actually, might explain the editor’s predilection towards them.

What are you implying?! —LH

Volbeat and Illumise

Volbeat
The Firefly Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 313
Entry: A small, firefly-like pokémon originally discovered in the forests and near the lakes of Hoenn. Famous for its light displays, the light a volbeat emits actually serves two functions, depending on the age of the specimen. Among older volbeat, these light displays are indeed for mating purposes, as commonly thought, but younger volbeat that have not yet reached the correct age for mating still produce light and gather its fellow volbeat. In their case, it’s simply to ward off predators, so if you see a swarm of young volbeat using Double Team above you, this is not, as the author thought on his first night in Hoenn, a “fantastic display of romance within the pokémon kingdom” but instead a clear indicator that the observing human is about to be attacked by hundreds of Quick Attacks and Tackles all at once.

Illumise
The Firefly Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 314
Entry: A larger, firefly-like pokémon originally discovered in the forests and near the lakes of Hoenn. The popular opinion that illumise are the “partners” to volbeat is actually a misconception (as the editor of this blog is very quick to tell the author while he writes this), and it is a misconception for two reasons. First, that would be sexist. Second, although illumise do indeed emit both light and a sweet fragrance to draw volbeat into their elaborate, luminescent nightly dances, those same illumise do not necessarily do it for mating purposes. Rather, some subspecies of illumise may mimic other subspecies’ light and fragrance patterns to lure males in and then eat them.

The Spheal Line

Spheal
The Clap Pokémon
Type: Ice/Water
Official Registration #: 363
Entry: Despite being a large, seal-like pokémon, spheal are not particularly good swimmers. Instead, they travel from place to place by either rolling their ball-like bodies or by using their rubbery flesh to bounce from spot to spot. Due to their adorable appearance and largely docile nature, tamed spheal can sometimes be mistaken for toys. It is possible to distinguish spheal from rubber balls by bouncing them and determining which one claps; spheal will clap in response to either pleasure or excitement, including excitement of the negative sort.

Edit: As a disclaimer, the author has been informed by his editor that he is required to say that the above is a terrible suggestion and that one must not attempt to bounce spheal, lest they wish to be “Ice Balled in the face” for their efforts.

Sealeo
The Ball Roll Pokémon
Type: Ice/Water
Official Registration #: 364
Entry: The evolved form of spheal, by battle experience. Contrary to popular belief, sealeo are large, seal-like pokémon famous for balancing objects—including spheal—on their highly sensitive noses in order to thoroughly investigate their properties. Celio, whose name is a homophone to the pokémon species, is the administrator of the Sevii Islands storage system and regrets to inform all readers that he cannot, in fact, balance anything on his nose at all, short of his glasses.

Walrein
The Ice Break Pokémon
Type: Ice/Water
Official Registration #: 365
Entry: The evolved form of sealeo, by battle experience. This large, walrus-like pokémon is rarely found on the beaches of colder regions. It is known for both its massive tusks, which are capable of shattering thick sheets of ice, and its blubber, which is capable of protecting itself from both subzero temperatures and physical blows … which is odd to say, as walrein’s primary weaknesses are actually fighting-types, rock-type techniques, beartic claws, and human-made harpoons, all of which the author is told are rather physical in nature.

Lunatone and Solrock

Lunatone
The Meteorite Pokémon
Type: Rock/Psychic
Official Registration #: 337
Entry: A cave-dwelling, moon-shaped meteor pokémon. Due to the fact that it had been discovered at the site of a meteoroid strike, popular theory states that lunatone came from space. Although there has been no definite evidence proving this, it’s very clear that lunatone is affected by celestial objects: as the moon gets closer to being full, lunatone begin to swarm and grow in power. On the night of the full moon, lunatone begin to glow intensely, and such a sight has been known to intimidate even the bravest humans and pokémon. Just about the only creatures who are not intimidated by lunatone in this state are members of the clefairy line, who have been known to mistake lunatone for the moon itself and proceed to engage in prayer dances beneath lunatone swarms to appease their lunar deities.

Solrock
The Meteorite Pokémon
Type: Rock/Psychic
Official Registration #: 338
Entry: A cave-dwelling, sun-shaped meteor pokémon. Due to the fact that it had been discovered at the site of a meteoroid strike, popular theory states that solrock came from space. Although there has been no definite evidence proving this, solrock are greatly affected by the state of the sun. During sunny days, solrock become more energetic and are capable of storing sunlight within its body. When it spins, solrock can release this energy in the form of intense waves of heat and light. As this is a cave-dwelling pokémon that has no known sleep cycle, this behavior has also been known to greatly confuse the clefairy it sometimes cohabits with.

Meditite and Medicham

Meditite
The Meditate Pokémon
Type: Fighting/Psychic
Official Registration #: 307
Entry: In order to heighten its spiritual and physical strength, this monkey-like pokémon undergoes rigorous training in mountainous areas. This training involves extreme methods such as meditating for hours and consuming only one berry a day. It should be noted that this sort of exercise is extremely taxing on the body and should not be undertaken by any unprepared human trainers seeking to attain enlightenment alongside their meditite partners.

Are you speaking from experience, Bill? Because to be fair, there’s a difference between this and forgoing basic physical needs to write your senior thesis. —LH

What difference would that be? —Bill

Medicham
The Meditate Pokémon
Type: Fighting/Psychic
Official Registration #: 308
Entry: The evolved form of meditite, by battle experience. Through years of hardcore meditation and extended periods of near starvation, this pokémon is able to develop both telekinetic and aura-viewing powers. It is said that the closer it gets to spiritual enlightenment by denying itself earthly pleasures—including food—the easier it is for a medicham to view auras in the form of brilliantly colored lights.

Oh, much like you what you were experiencing by the end of finals week. I stand corrected. —LH

At least I passed. —Bill

According to our proctors, yes. According to the ER physician, no. —LH

Swablu and Altaria

Swablu
The Cotton Bird Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 333
Entry: A small, bluebird-like pokémon most commonly found in the mountains of Hoenn. This gentle pokémon is known for its highly friendly demeanor towards humans. When a human wanders into their territory, swablu like to swoop in and settle onto the human’s head like a hat made of down and soft, pillowy cotton. This specific behavior is likely due to the swablu’s preference for soft, pliable building materials for their nests, so therefore, it is said that if a swablu settles on you, then it deems you both trustworthy and comfortable. If, however, two swablu settle on you and proceed to lay eggs on your head, then they deem you extremely trustworthy and comfortable. Or at least this is what the author’s partner and editor assured him when he suddenly found himself with an entire team of swablu.

Altaria
The Humming Pokémon
Type: Dragon/Flying
Official Registration #: 334
Entry: The evolved form of swablu, by battle experience. This graceful pokémon is known for its singing ability and its soft, cloud-like wings. When bonding with its trainer, an altaria will envelope said trainer in its wings and sing a beautiful, soothing melody to lull them to sleep. Or, at least, scientists assume this is an act of bonding and that any unfortunate mishaps involving dense wings and songs that lull a human to sleep are entirely accidental. This is also something the author’s editor (or, rather, her sister) assures him whenever her altaria shows “displays of affection” and “excitement to see him.”

Tropius

Tropius
The Fruit Pokémon
Type: Grass/Flying
Official Registration #: 357
Entry: A winged, dinosaur-like pokémon native to tropical jungles. Although tropius is an herbivore with a highly varied diet of plants and fruits, its favored food is the banana, which it eats in so much of an abundance that it begins to grow the fruit on its neck. This fruit is perfectly edible and identical to bananas in every way, and in some island nations, human children are known to climb tropius’s back to pick and eat its bananas. The tropius itself does not seem to mind; it is known for doing the same to its fellow tropius. In other words, the less one thinks about tropius and its dietary habits, the better, very likely.