Jirachi

It seems we’ve hit a milestone, dear readers. For that, I would like to take the time to thank all of you who have joined me thus far. It’s an honor to be able to share my wealth of information and experiences (…largely experiences) with all of you.

As a gift to you, a special entry, concerning a very special pokémon to my very patient editor. We hope you enjoy!

Jirachi
The Wish Pokémon
Type: Steel/Psychic
Official Registration #: 385
Entry: A legendary pokémon that, according to Hoennian lore, possesses the power to grant any wish. Many other legends are attached to this particular pokémon, most notably the story of how it will sleep for a thousand years, only to awaken for one week as a particular comet passes over the sky. It is also said that the way to awaken Jirachi from its thousand-year slumber is by singing to it in a voice of purity. The latter is quite possibly a little closer to the truth than the former, as it has been noted that the last time Jirachi has awakened was in 2003, not long after the release of the first solo album by a certain artist who shall remain nameless here but who the rest of the internet seems to know very well. (A hint: Scientists are not entirely certain which song on the album might have awakened Jirachi, but most theories lean towards “Me, Myself & I.”)

Absol

[[Writer’s Note: In light of yesterday’s entry, I have been informed by my editor, partner, and dearest friend L.H. that I am not funny and that I am to apologize and write a proper entry in response to my equally dear follower, @anonabsolxwolf. Thus, I present to you, my readers, the entry for the day and my sincerest pleas for forgiveness. —Bill]]

Absol
The Disaster Pokémon
Type: Dark
Official Registration #: 359
Entry: A mountain-dwelling pokémon with the ability to foretell disasters. In ancient legend, absol—then referred to as the hakutaku—foretold that a deadly plague would sweep across the Hoenn region and that only a very specific herb found on the side of Mt. Pyre would be able to cure it. For this reason, Hoennians worshipped absol as a guardian spirit of herbal medicine for several centuries until modern Western medicine was introduced to the region. Absol’s prophecies for various natural disasters are still accurate, of course, but humanity has an unfortunate tendency to ignore voices of reason during times of desperation. In short, absol has gone from being a guardian spirit of herbal medicine to the patron saint of underappreciated minds whose reasonable advice goes unheeded by the Pokémon Association.

[[Editor’s Note: You are still not funny, Bill. —LH]]

Luvdisc and Alomomola

Luvdisc
The Rendezvous Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 370
Entry: A small but rare fish pokémon native to warm, tropical waters. Due to its heart shape and the fact that it is most prevalent in Hoenn’s seas, it is considered a symbol of love to Hoennian culture, and giving one to a Hoennian is a means of expressing your eternal love for them. This is extremely vital information for non-native Hoennians with Hoennian friends, as making the mistake of giving one to your research partner—who is both from Hoenn and quite fond of things that are pink and cute—without prior knowledge of what luvdisc means in her culture will result in a very strongly worded email and an entire evening of very awkward apologies. Doubly so if you failed to enter the recipient’s ID # into the storage system’s gifting feature correctly and wind up sending it to her sister instead.

Alomomola
The Caring Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 594
Entry: Once thought to be an evolved form of luvdisc, alomomola is actually an unrelated species whose “shows of affection” are actually its attempts to heal any injured creature it comes across as it swims. This is also vital information for a non-native Hoennian, particularly after they’re been knocked into the ocean by their justifiably upset research partner’s solrock.

Castform

Castform
The Weather Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 351
Entry: Castform are foot-tall pokémon that have the ability to use the power of nature to protect itself. More specifically, its appearance and type changes based on the weather, and as such, it can be used as an effective natural meteorologist. For example, on days when your castform appears to be a fire-type with a hood shaped like a bright, red sun, expect a particularly bright and sunny day. On days when your castform appears to be a water-type with a hood shaped like a water droplet, expect rain. When your castform is an ice-type with a head shaped like a swirling cloud, that indicates snow or hail. And when your castform is blown away from you before you can figure out what type of hood it’s wearing, you are outside during a typhoon, and this is most inadvisable.

Wailmer and Wailord

Wailmer
The Ball Whale Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 320
Entry: Wailmer have the ability to travel on land by filling their elastic bodies up with water and bouncing like beach balls up the shore and to dry ground. They can also increase the height and speed of their bounce by taking in higher volumes of water, and they enjoy doing all of this on sunny, clear days near populated beaches. Given the fact that wailmer are 6.5 feet tall and 172 pounds in their natural states, this is understandably a cause for alarm for all towns on the coasts of their native Hoenn.

Wailord
The Float Whale Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 321
Entry: The evolved form of wailmer, by battle experience. At an average height of 47 feet, 7 inches, wailord is by far the largest documented pokémon in existence. Because of the sheer size of this pokémon and the fact that regulation fields are, for whatever reason, not that much larger than the average specimen, it is extremely difficult for trainers to raise a wailord for battling purposes. However, there is a small group of trainers who raise wailord purely for the novelty of it, especially thanks to the fact that it can crossbreed with some of the smallest pokémon on record, including diglett and skitty. Regulations intended to dissuade trainers from doing this have been brought forth before various government bodies, but given the nature of bureaucracy, any such legislation has yet to be passed.

The Wurmple Line

Wurmple
The Worm Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 265
Entry: There is an easy way to tell if a wurmple will evolve into either a cascoon or a silcoon. What you’ll need to do is this: upon encountering a wurmple, grab it by the ridges on the back of its neck and [ERROR]

Silcoon
The Cocoon Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 266
Entry: The evolved form of wurmple, by a combination of battle experience and the individual’s personality. As a reflection of the wurmple’s own nature, silcoon are inherently graceful and beautiful and are known for both the softness and pure whiteness of their silk and the fact that they drink the dew off their own threads until evolution. In order to better understand silcoon and its close cousin the cascoon, imagine the most energetic morning person you have ever seen in your life. Have someone give them coffee and tell you that you are not, under any circumstances, permitted to punch them. This is the silcoon according to all cascoon.

Beautifly
The Butterfly Pokémon
Type: Bug/Flying
Official Registration #: 267
Entry: The evolved form of silcoon, by battle experience. True to the rule that the cuter a pokémon looks, the more likely it is that the pokémon in question possesses either a violent temper, the means to disembowel you, or both, beautifly are among the most beautiful and vicious bug-types in the pokémon kingdom. Its mouth is actually a coiled needle that can grow to be at least double its body size in length when straightened, and needless to say, it uses this needle to stab anyone who gets within reach of it as it feeds on flower nectar.

Cascoon
The Cocoon Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 268
Entry: The evolved form of wurmple, by a combination of battle experience and the individual’s personality. As a reflection of the wurmple’s own nature, cascoon are literal balls of hatred and rage, capable of remembering you, your face, and the fact that you hit it, looked at it strangely, or put it within two feet of a silcoon. It is highly advisable to apologize profusely to your cascoon on a constant basis to avoid being Psybeamed in the face immediately upon its evolution into dustox.

Dustox
The Poison Moth Pokémon
Type: Bug/Poison
Official Registration #: 269
Entry: The evolved form of cascoon, by battle experience. Despite its initial burst of rage, dustox settle into a more passive persona as they age. Rather than live solitary lifestyles and engage in aggressive, territorial behavior, dustox are more prone to congregating with their fellow dustox near sources of light, and they typically only attack when directly threatened. However, the main problem with dustox is that their scales are covered with an extremely toxic powder that happens to be released with every flap of their wings, which means they are also far, far more likely to inadvertently poison anyone who happens to be anywhere near them, much to the typical dustox’s dismay.

Skitty and Delcatty

Skitty
The Kitten Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 300
Entry: The subject of about 90% of all domestic pokémon videos on the internet. It is not well-understood why skitty seems to be a universal obsession for the human race. Some say it has something to do with Cute Charm, one of its possible natural abilities, but more than likely, it’s just because it’s so bloody adorable, regardless of its ability.

Delcatty
The Prim Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 301
Entry: The evolved form of skitty, by exposure to moon stone. An extremely popular pokémon among fashion-conscious female trainers, delcatty are known for their unfettered existences, in which they do whatever they please and sleep whenever they wish with no actual consequences to their behavior. Thus, it is said that delcatty is “living the dream” and that it is “the thing all young bloggers aspire to be.”

Corphish and Crawdaunt

Corphish
The Ruffian Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 341
Entry: Its hardy physiology enable it to thrive in a variety of environments, including heavily polluted lakes and streams. For this reason, Hoennian opinion about corphish tends to be divided. On the one hand, its abundance means that corphish are plentiful and easy to find and capture, as it can survive practically any form of water besides a pot of boiling broth. On the other, just because you’ve boiled the thing does not mean the corphish you’d caught from the river next to the power plant is edible.

Crawdaunt
The Rogue Pokémon
Type: Water/Dark
Official Registration #: 342
Entry: The evolved form of corphish, by battle experience. Said to be the modern-day relative of armaldo, crawdaunt similarly possess hefty bodies and large, heavy claws capable of doing massive amounts of damage to its enemies. However, unlike armaldo, crawdaunt do not have rocky hides that make physical attacks difficult. Rather, they have extremely foul tempers and may attack at the slightest provocation—such as, for example, the scent of tamato berries, one of the primary ingredients for the cocktail sauce normally served with cold shrimp.

Anorith and Armaldo

Anorith
The Old Shrimp Pokémon
Type: Rock/Bug
Official Registration #: 347
Entry: This ancient, shrimp-like pokémon swam at the bottom of the shallow Hoennian seas, where it is said it hunted for prey using its sharp claws. This theory is not entirely correct. Yes, it hunted for prey, but its fearsome, quick-witted prey happened to be algae and the waste byproducts of its fellow marine pokémon. The only reason why the pokédex phrases anorith’s dietary habits the way it does is either because this writer’s colleagues have only so much space to summarize a pokémon’s entire behavior or because “it hunts for prey” is a far more elegant term than “it feeds on pokémon droppings.”

Armaldo
The Plate Pokémon
Type: Rock/Bug
Official Registration #: 348
Entry: The evolved form of anorith, by battle experience. Armaldo are an ancient pokémon equipped with armor that can deflect practically anything, foot-long claws capable of punching through steel, and a body consisting of 150 pounds of pure muscle and rock. It is, in other words, a pokémon entirely designed to make you regret ever having enjoyed shrimp.

Lileep and Cradily

Lileep
The Sea Lily Pokémon
Type: Rock/Grass
Official Registration #: 345
Entry: This ancient pokémon thrived at the bottom of prehistoric oceans by anchoring itself to a rock and ensnaring prey with its flower-like tentacles. It became extinct over 100 million years ago, largely due to the fact that being a stationary marine pokémon in a region where one active legendary can evaporate the ocean by taking a leisurely stroll through the general vicinity was perhaps a bad evolutionary idea.

Cradily
The Barnacle Pokémon
Type: Rock/Grass
Official Registration #: 346
Entry: The evolved form of lileep, by battle experience. As a step up from its preevolved form, cradily developed both the ability to walk and the ability to do so on land. Although one would think this would enable it to survive past the Cretaceous Era, cradily’s extinction was largely due to two major issues. First, its body, which was heavy enough to anchor it to the ocean floor, was not very well-equipped for chasing down prey. Second and more importantly, it has been scientifically proven that it’s rather difficult to survive when your children die in a mass extinction.