Phanpy and Donphan

Phanpy
The Long Nose Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 231
Entry: Although this elephant-like pokémon is barely a foot and a half tall, never underestimate it. It’s still extremely strong and rather infamous for this. As a form of affection, it bumps others with its nose, including its human trainers. However, trainers who aren’t well-prepared for this may find themselves flung off their feet by an overzelaous phanpy. There is no punchline to this entry. That is literally what the official National Dex will tell you; the author just thought it would be appropriate after having broken one limb or another through this exact process no fewer than six times in his life. (It’s just so small and adorable.)

Donphan
The Armor Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 232
Entry: The evolved form of phanpy, by battle experience. Upon evolution, this elephant-like pokémon gains a hide of rugged, hard-as-steel armor. With the durability of this new armor and its sheer body weight and muscular body structure, a donphan’s favorite method of attack is by curling itself into a ball and rushing at an opponent like a rolling boulder. Incidentally, this is also its favorite way to show affection, so to the trainers who wish to add a donphan to their party … best of luck.

Slugma and Magcargo

Slugma
The Lava Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 218
Entry: The body of this small, slug-like pokémon is made entirely of lava, and as such, it must be constantly moving. If it stops even for a moment, its body will cool and harden to the point where its “flesh” becomes brittle and breaks off easily. Unlike with other pokémon, these separated chunks do not form their own beings and cannot be reintegrated with their mother slugma. Rather, they remain independent pebbles, and the slugma itself simply grows smaller until its entire mass shatters. As one can imagine, slugma is also incapable of falling asleep for long periods of time due to the risk of this exact process happening … which means many trainers who don’t entirely know better face an unfortunate bout of tragedy whenever their slugma are exposed to sleep-inducing moves.

Magcargo
The Lava Pokémon
Type: Fire/Rock
Official Registration #: 219
Entry: The evolved form of slugma, by battle experience. The shell on its back is actually a bubble of its lava-like flesh, solidified on the outside by its slightly cooler temperature compared to the rest of its body. The interior is actually hollow, and as such, it can shatter at the slightest touch. If anyone is curious as to why de-shelled magcargo are not common, it may have something to do with the fact that the average body temperature for this pokémon is over 18000 degrees Fahrenheit, making physical contact rather complicated.

Teddiursa and Ursaring

Teddiursa
The Little Bear Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 216
Entry: This small, teddy bear-like pokémon is known for hoarding its favored food, honey, for the winter months. It is also known for soaking its paws in its stores in the process, then licking its palms every so often to keep itself sustained as it works. Due to the fact that the properties of both teddiursa fur and saliva are as unique to each individual as fingerprints are to each human being, the exact taste of each sample of teddiursa honey varies from subject to subject. Incidentally, yes, this statement does in fact imply that there is a field of pokémon research dedicated to licking teddiursa paws (or at least collecting and sampling their honey), to which the author responds, “Well, somebody has to do it.”

Ursaring
The Hibernator Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 217
Entry: The evolved form of teddiursa, by battle experience. The species identifier for this pokémon refers to the fact that it hibernates for about half the year—or roughly 152 to 213 days, depending on the individual and whether or not that particular winter is mild or cold. For the rest of the year, ursaring are highly active, breeding, foraging, hunting, and mauling intruders to their territory with an incredible amount of energy.

Gligar and Gliscor

Gligar
The Fly Scorpion Pokémon
Type: Ground/Flying
Official Registration #: 207
Entry: Those traveling through mountainous East Johto should beware. In this half of the region, where gligar are native and abundant, gligar are known to hunt by leaping at prey, latching onto their faces, and stabbing them with their highly venomous stingers—a method that kills either through poisoning or suffocation, depending on how hard the gligar is clinging to its prey. However, in addition to this, visitors to East Johto should also be aware that this part of the region is the home of Gligarman, a franchise which also suffocates and jams itself into readers’ lives through the power of sheer merchandising.

Gliscor
The Fang Scorpion Pokémon
Type: Ground/Flying
Official Registration #: 472
Entry: The evolved form of gligar, by battle experience if holding a razor fang at night. Gliscor is an infamous sanguivore—it thrives by feeding on the blood over others. When it spots potential prey, it swoops down, snatches up its victim, and carries it off to its castle-like cavern homes, where it will bite down on its prey using its elongated fangs to draw out its blood. The whole act is considered to be one of the most elegant hunting methods in the pokémon world, with gliscor’s hypnotic, fluid-like movements. These movements are so elegant and hypnotic to some people that there are novels and folklore based on human-like gliscor, some of which add certain, bizzare abilities to the pokémon’s arsenal—such as the ability to sparkle in the sunlight.

Yanma and Yanmega

Yanma
The Clear Wing Pokémon
Type: Bug/Flying
Official Registration #: 193
Entry: A large, dragonfly-like pokémon first discovered in the Johto region. Yanma is notorious for its flying abilities. Not only is it capable of seeing a full 360 degrees around itself (allowing it to analyze all potential flight paths and navigate around obstacles all at once), but its unique wing design also allows it to fly at high speeds, maneuver around sharp turns, and stop and hover in mid air. The first and last of those abilities—that is, the impressive flying speed, in combination with its ability to stop at a moment’s notice—are unique in the pokémon world and give yanma an edge when chasing down prey, fleeing from predators, and stopping to turn and fire a Sonic Boom at researchers attempting to approach it from behind.

Yanmega
The Ogre Damer Pokémon
Type: Bug/Flying
Official Registration #: 469
Entry: The evolved form of yanma, by battle experience, if the subject knows Ancient Power. Every part of this gargantuan insect pokémon is powerful. Its mandibles are capable of snapping through femurs, its wings can generate gusts of wind potent enough to uproot trees, and its six spindly legs are strong enough to pick up and carry an adult man. Incidentally, should anyone wonder where the author was for a week shortly after his first visit to Unova’s Pinwheel Forest—one of the few places wild yanmega can be found—the answer is “the hospital,” and quite obviously, this is an entirely irrelevant note that has absolutely nothing to do whatsoever with any of these facts about yanmega or the above entry concerning yanma.

Heracross

Heracross
The Single Horn Pokémon
Type: Bug/Fighting
Official Registration #: 214
Entry: A massive, beetle-like pokémon first discovered in the Johto region. Known for its massive horn, heracross are capable of valiantly defending their territories and beloved honey trees by slipping said horn beneath an enemy and flinging them away. However, despite this habit, heracross are normally docile pokémon; it’s only when eating honey—its favored food—that a trainer should beware of being attacked. Interestingly enough, despite its absolute love for honey, it is not a good idea to offer it some in an attempt to establish a rapport with it. Rather, this is an excellent way to guarantee that the heracross you’re attempting to befriend will slam its horn into your stomach, lift you up, and throw you directly into a tree before taking the entire pot of honey for itself.

Aipom and Ambipom

Aipom
The Long Tail Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 190
Entry: A small, monkey-like pokémon first discovered in the Johto region. This mischievous pokémon lives primarily in the uppermost branches of the trees in its native forests. It’s a deft acrobat, capable of swinging itself from tree to tree without ever coming down, even at a young age. This skill is helped in part by the tip of its prehensile tail, which possesses a strong and highly dextrous hand. Of course, actually having hands would be a little more useful, but considering the fact that aipom has managed to survive this long without them, who is the author to say what would work best for this species?

Ambipom
The Long Tail Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 424
Entry: The evolved form of aipom, by battle experience, if the subject knows Double Hit. Just like its preevolved form, ambipom thrives primarily in the treetops. There, not only is its locomotion aided by its twin tails, but so is every other aspect of its life, from picking and shucking fruit to communicating with fellow ambipom. By this stage of life, it rarely does anything at all with its hands … which is understandable, considering the fact that it still doesn’t have any, Sinnoh.

Are the kimono girls still a thing? I know your mom was one but I think if they’re not around anymore they should have a new group of them. I have a sylveon I think would make a lovely addition

Yes, of course! Johto has a very proud set of traditions, dating back nearly two thousand years, and kimono girls are part of that. They’re the keepers of our traditions, and it’s their duty to pass their knowledge on to the next generation so that our culture will live on until the return of Ho-oh. It’s not that our culture as a whole will be forgotten if kimono girls don’t preserve it; it’s more that they’re another cultural resource, one that makes sure at least some part of our regional identity is still alive.

Thus, there are actually always more than one troupe of kimono girls, most of whom are from Ecruteak City. The most famous of these, of course, are associated with the Kimono Dance Theater, as the kimono girls of that particular place are the ones who are taught the Kin no Mai and Gin no Mai (the specific prayer-dances meant for summoning Ho-oh and Lugia, respectively). To be fair, these would disappear if the kimono girls had no successors, and given the fact that Ho-oh and Lugia are a major part of our culture, I suppose in a way, the troupes do safeguard the future of our region.

That having been said, I admit that sylveon are not traditional partners to kimono girls, but ever since the rise in popularity of the fairy-type (partially due to the registration of the Kalos Dex and partially due to the rising popularity of my fellow descendant-of-a-kimono-girl, Valerie), it’s become a bit of a trend among the kimono-girls-in-training of Ecruteak City to pamper eevee and hope they become sylveon. Or so my younger sister tells me. In any case, technically, there’s nothing in the rules for being a kimono girl that states they can’t own recently discovered eeveelutions (or, for that matter, that they can’t own any pokémon they want), so sylveon is a perfectly viable addition to a kimono girl troupe.

Did you have anyone in mind, anonymous, or were you thinking of becoming a kimono girl yourself? If the latter, be warned that a kimono girl’s training is notoriously rigorous, but should you still be interested, the best place to begin would be Ecruteak City.

Hi Bill, I was wondering if you could help clear something up for me? My family and I moved from Mahogany town to Canalave city a few years ago and since then me and my brother have been getting a lot of odd looks and seem to be being treated differently than most of the other people our age. The only reason I’ve been able to see is that I’m a dark type specialist and my brother’s a specialist in ghost types. I was hoping you might know if this has anything to do with it.

Admittedly, the people of Johto and the people of Sinnoh have had a bit of a rivalry going on for ages over our respective customs. Namely, Johtonians typically honor the twin guardians Ho-oh and Lugia above all other legendary pokémon, whereas Sinnohans follow a hierarchy centered around Arceus and the guardians of time, space, and states of being. It doesn’t help, of course, that the last time our two regions did anything collaborative, the Sinnohans put an altar to Arceus in it. Johtonians, being Johtonians (even back when we worshipped the unown, which was before we worshipped Ho-oh and Lugia), responded by sealing off all entrances to said shrine except for the one going through what’s currently the Ruins of Alph. Because we Johtonians take pride in the fact that we had perfected the art of being petty long before we had a proper word for it.

Also, Johtonians in general have … a bit of a reputation about them in other regions that isn’t exactly flattering. Some regions find us funny, outspoken, or emotional. Others find us brash, loud, overly ambitious, and (if you’re from certain parts of Goldenrod or Olivine) possibly some kind of delinquent.

If I recall correctly, Mahogany Town is a bit more removed from the regional customs than many other cities and towns in Johto—including Goldenrod—and as such, the regional rivalry with Sinnoh isn’t quite as lively there as it is elsewhere. Conversely, Canalave City, being the entryway into the Sinnoh region as well as one of its many cultural centers (thanks to the Canalave Library), is also home to those who are very, very dedicated to Sinnohan customs, including maintaining a rather … welcoming attitude towards anyone who speaks with one of the Johtonian dialects.

Granted, yes, it’s also true that Sinnohans “worship” a dark-type legendary and a ghost-type legendary (in that they fear them—greatly), but for that reason, any researcher or expert who wishes to study them tends to be higher respected than one would think. There’s a reason why Canalave has a library, after all: knowledge is power in Sinnoh.

So in other words, it’s probably less because of your type specialties and more because, well, you may obviously be from Johto. This isn’t to say you absolutely must change yourselves to fit in. Speaking as someone who had left Johto to live in Kanto (a region home to even more colorful opinions of Johtonians than anything that’s crossed a Sinnohan’s mind), it’s possible to get along just fine within a region that customarily thinks you’re hilarious and quaint. In your case, I would recommend establishing yourselves as serious experts of your types. Help other Sinnohans overcome their fear of dark- or ghost-types and teach them the proper way to care for ordinary pokémon of your respective elements. The more you can serve as a teacher to others, the easier it will be to get people to feel comfortable with you … or at least take you seriously.

And because I’m certain at least one of my colleagues is just waiting to make a comment about that last part, I would like to remind all of you that I am, in fact, well-respected within the Pokémon Association and that one of you who I’m sure would love to imply otherwise also speaks with a Goldenrod accent, Bebe.

Would you be willing to do another “Leader Dex” entry? Perhaps on Kanto-Johto’s Elite Four?

Well, I haven’t yet been beaten into the ground by certain gym leaders’ pokémon, so certainly.

That is still a terrible reason for doing these. —LH

Lorelei
The Queen of Ice
Type: Ice
Position: Kanto—First Point
Entry: A highly skilled strategic mastermind originally from Four Island. Her demeanor on the battlefield is fearsome and focused, and her command of her water- and ice-types—most notably jynx, dewgong, and lapras—is virtually unrivaled. For these reasons, it is a remarkably terrible idea to threaten her idyllic home village … or to bring up her love for collecting soft pokémon dolls. Incidentally, this entry also describes the blog’s editor, which is why the author is occasionally terrified of her too.

Bruno
The Fist of Fury
Type: Fighting
Position: Kanto—Second Point; Johto—Third Point
Entry: A black belt in multiple branches of martial arts, this man is fully capable of breaking the average human being in half, never mind the capabilities of his highly trained elite force of fighting- and ground-type pokémon. Yet despite this, he is still less terrifying than Lorelei.

Agatha
The Gray Lady
Type: Ghost
Position: Kanto—Third Point
Entry: A veteran trainer and master of the ghost and poison types. Renowned for her toughness but also for her temper, she famously was once a rival to Professor Oak himself, shortly before his retirement from training. Evidently, this was decades ago, but the exact circumstances of his retirement have left Agatha so bitter that any mention of Oak—especially words of reverence—in her presence may provoke her volcanic anger. One would think the author would find her more fearsome than Lorelei and thus hesitate to write this entry (or refer to her as “the Gray Lady”), but luckily, Lorelei agrees with him, and Agatha herself is a technophobe and thus is unlikely to read this.

Lance
The Dragon Master
Type: Dragon
Position: Kanto—Fourth Point
Entry: Thankfully, the far more amicable cousin of Clair, and a far better conversationalist at that. He can still very likely break you with not one but two dragonite, but at the very least, he’s far less likely to do so.

Will
The Psychic Wonder
Type: Psychic
Position: Johto—First Point
Entry: The youngest inductee to the Elite Four and a master of psychic pokémon. From a young age, this formidable psychic-type specialist trained under the best minds of his field from all over the world until he became strong and skilled enough to develop his abilities into his own, unique battling style. As the youngest member of the Elite Four, Will has a habit of forgoing his own well-being in favor of training under the assumption that this is the only way he can maintain his lofty position, but at the same time, he’s well-known among his peer group for having a rather … odd sense of humor that relies heavily on puns, sarcasm, and morbidity. For all of these reasons, the editor of this blog has asked me to note that this individual reminds her of a certain other workaholic Johtonian prodigy with confidence issues, a terrible sense of humor, and a kadabra, but unfortunately, she never told the author who this could be. (What if I know them, Lanette?)

Koga
The Poisonous Ninja Master
Type: Poison
Position: Johto—Second Point
Entry: You are still not allowed to go anywhere near this man’s daughter. Also, you are not allowed to ask when he got promoted to the Elite Four. He just did.

Karen
The Mistress of Shadows
Type: Dark
Position: Johto—Fourth Point
Entry: A talented mistress of the dark type and lover of all pokémon. Also beautiful, intelligent, wise, fantastically powerful, passionate, elegant, determined, emotionally strong, and—for the numbers of you who have sent fanmail to both the Pokémon League HQ or, inexplicably, the Pokémon Association HQ—flattered but still aromantic and asexual.