Misdreavus and Mismagius

Misdreavus
The Screech Pokémon
Type: Ghost
Official Registration #: 200
Entry: A small banshee pokémon native to the forests of Sinnoh and the mountains of Johto. Mischievous by nature, misdreavus enjoys sneaking up on humans and either playing pranks on them or startling them with their sob-like cries. Misdreavus then feed on the ensuing fear it generates through its necklace-like orbs. In centuries past, misdreavus were common in the Johto region, to the point where locals created elaborate myths concerning women whose heads would come and terrorize their villages as they slept to explain the origin of misdreavus infestations. This may seem a little silly in modern times, but considering this is the same region that believed in giant bellsprout and sentient umbrellas, this is possibly the most mundane pokémon-related folklore its people had come up with.

Mismagius
The Magical Pokémon
Type: Ghost
Official Registration #: 429
Entry: The evolved form of misdreavus, by exposure to dark stone. Mismagius possess hypnotizing cries, which it uses to mesmerize prey. Chanting from just one of these pokémon may induce extremely realistic hallucinations—both terrifying and dreamlike—that can last for hours after the departure of the subject in question. Needless to say, mismagius tends to be a popular alternative to hallucinogens among the more open-minded youth and subcultures of the world … not that the author would know anything first-hand about that, as he most certainly has never engaged in anything mind-altering in college.

The Oddish Line

Oddish
The Weed Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 43
Entry: A short, raddish-like pokémon of the grass and poison types. Primarily nocturnal, oddish uproot themselves to wander at night and bury their heads in fertile soil during the day. Because oddish prefer well-watered, nutrient-rich soil to bury themselves in during the day, they sometimes wander into the gardens of humans, where they can sometimes be mistaken for weeds. However, it is very easy to tell the difference between a weed and an oddish if one observes carefully. For example, if the plant is shorter and does not move when you press your toe into the soil around it, then you have a weed. If, however, you pull it out and it screams with unholy shrieks not unlike those of demonic children, then you have found an oddish.

Gloom
The Weed Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 44
Entry: The evolved form of oddish, by battle experience. This flower-like pokémon is most known for its potent stench. Even a smaller, younger gloom can generate a smell capable of overwhelming a human up to two miles away. However, this smell is really a defense mechanism; gloom do not produce this stench if kept calm and in trusted company. If a gloom reaches this state, then the nectar within its bulbous flower may be gathered for a variety of purposes … most notably in the production of perfume, as the human cosmetic industry is very fond of irony, apparently.

Vileplume
The Flower Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 45
Entry: The evolved form of gloom, by exposure to leaf stone. Vileplume boast some of the largest and most beautiful flowers in the pokémon kingdom. However, these flowers bloom violently, with a boom and a cloud of extremely toxic pollen—the latter of which can cause severe allergic reactions in even humans who have had no prior history of pollen allergies. It should also be noted that this is the vileplume’s primary mode of reproduction and intercourse with fellow vileplume, so trainers should take caution, lest they wish to have possibly the least dignified methods of death possible for a trainer.

Bellossom
The Flower Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 182
Entry: The evolved form of gloom, by exposure to sun stone. When exposed to high amounts of sunlight, bellossom open their flowers and begin to dance, which causes their leaves to rub together and emit a pleasant ringing sound. Prior to the discovery of the sun stone, bellossom was thought to be a completely unrelated species to gloom—which, given the fact that it is, in actuality, smaller, vastly different in appearance, and not even a poison-type, is understandable. On that note, it is possibly best not to think too hard about why larger, smellier gloom produce smaller, more beautiful bellossom. This question has driven more than one researcher into ruin.

Okay Bill, I see you throwing shade. Maybe someone just needs to bring Tohjo some FREEDOM and throw YOUR tea into some dumb harbor.

Fact #1: I’m from Goldenrod City, one of the most industrialized urban areas in Tohjo.

Fact #2: In the 70s, Goldenrod City suffered a major environmental crisis when it was discovered that, due to the factories and industrial shipping lines along its coast, the neighboring Goldenrod Bay contained extremely high amounts of lead that threatened the city’s water supply, as well as its population of fish and water pokémon. Consequently, particularly due to the danger pollution posed towards the resident pokémon, strict laws and regulations were enacted in order to control water quality in not just the bay but also the systems throughout Johto. Nowadays, you would be arrested rather quickly if you were caught throwing anything into Goldenrod’s harbor.

Fact #3: Goldenrod’s harbor is a popular destination for both tourists and locals, and because of this, there are quite a few witnesses there at all hours of the day.

Conclusion: Please inform me when this tea throwing will take place. I would love to watch.

Qwilfish

Qwilfish
The Balloon Pokémon
Type: Water/Poison
Official Registration #: 211
Entry: A pufferfish-like pokémon known for its signature defense mechanism—the ability to inflate itself with water until the spine-like scales all over its body protrude out in every direction. Although the quills themselves are painful to the touch, they don’t actually contain the venom qwilfish is also known for. Rather, they are more like hypodermic needles, fed by a venom bladder within the qwilfish’s body. If this bladder is carefully removed, the flesh of this fish-like pokémon is actually both edible and quite delectable. However, the challenge is in the fact that the bladder can easily be damaged and leak the aforementioned toxins into the edible flesh, and thus, qwilfish meat should only be consumed if prepared by a highly trained professional, if at all. Due to the risks involved, most regions have banned the consumption of qwilfish—otherwise known as hariisen when treated as a food item—except in Johto, where it is a regional delicacy in part because Johtonians themselves have a long-standing tradition of disregarding their own personal safeties.

The Swinub Line

Swinub
The Pig Pokémon
Type: Ice/Ground
Official Registration #: 220
Entry: A small, pig-like pokémon known for its sensitive nose. This nose can detect practically anything from quite a distance away, including truffles, treasure, and buried hot springs. It runs headlong towards any scent it finds interesting and, upon locating its source, instantly digs in an attempt to unbury it. This is unfortunate, not only because of its tendency to run into anything standing between it and its goal but also because of the part where it, a ground-type, sometimes finds buried hot springs.

Piloswine
The Swine Pokémon
Type: Ice/Ground
Official Registration #: 221
Entry: The evolved form of swinub, by battle experience. Led by its incredibly sensitive nose, this pokémon runs headlong towards odors it finds interesting, just as its pre-evolved form does. However, given the fact that this is a four-foot-tall, 123-pound pig with fur that obscures its eyes and foot-long tusks, the act of running headlong into the things between it and its goal becomes more unfortunate for anything in its way, rather than for the piloswine itself.

Mamoswine
The Twin Tusk Pokémon
Type: Ice/Ground
Official Registration #: 473
Entry: The evolved form of piloswine, by battle experience if the piloswine knows Ancient Power. Fossil evidence has shown that mamoswine has existed on the planet for over ten thousand years. However, mamoswine do not occur in the wild; they only exist as the evolved form of specially trained piloswine. There are two theories as to why this is. First and more scientific, temperatures rose over ten thousand years ago, resulting in a climate far too warm for mamoswine to exist. Second and less scientific, one only has to look at swinub and piloswine’s shared habits to hazard a really good guess involving mamoswine’s bulk, its unlikelihood to be adept at stopping, and the numbers of sharp glacial cliffs during its time.

Smoochum and Jynx

Smoochum
The Kiss Pokémon
Type: Ice/Psychic
Official Registration #: 238
Entry: A childlike pokémon noted for its extremely sensitive lips. Smoochum possess a high number of nerve endings in their lips, which they use to sense their environments. Much of their behavior revolves around getting close to things that they wish to inspect and giving them a kiss, an act that allows smoochum to take in touch, taste, and smell all at once. This act is also rather unfortunate because smoochum also use their lips to perform the attacks Lick, Sweet Kiss, Lovely Kiss, and Heart Stamp, and as baby pokémon, they have very little control over when their powers are activated.

Jynx
The Human Shape Pokémon
Type: Ice/Psychic
Official Registration #: 124
Entry: The evolved form of smoochum, by battle experience. Jynx are humanoid pokémon whose communicative patterns strongly resemble a combination of the spoken language and interpretive dances of human beings. Because of this, it is thought that jynx may be the first pokémon with whom humanity may one day establish verbal communications. However, all attempts to decipher the jynx language has been rather fruitless for the most part, as most translations of any given recording seem to be strings of expletives concerning “stupid humans on our burial grounds” … which surely must be a mistranslation of some kind.

The Slowpoke Line

Slowpoke
The Dopey Pokémon
Type: Water/Psychic
Official Registration #: 79
Entry: A sweet sap leaks from the tip of this strange pokémon’s tail. Although mysterious in its production, this sap tastes exactly like a sweeter form of honey and thus is effective in attracting pokémon. Slowpoke frequently use this to their advantage, as the core of their behavior centers around their fishing rituals, in which they flock to the banks of a slow-moving body of water, dip their tails in, and wait for a bite. However, as slowpoke are not the brightest pokémon nor pokémon with the fastest reflexes, they often fail to notice when they get a bite—or, for that matter, much about their environment at all. Which leads into the second fact: that some humans have found that slowpoke tails are not particularly nutritious but are quite frankly fun to chew on. How we as a species discovered this about a creature who is completely incapable of noticing when anything—human or otherwise—is chewing on its tail is probably best left up to one’s imagination.

Slowbro
The Hermit Crab Pokémon
Type: Water/Psychic
Official Registration #: 80
Entry: The evolved form of slowpoke, by battle experience. Or, rather, to be more accurate, slowpoke evolves into slowbro after it gains enough strength to fish in waters where shellder naturally live. This is relevant because it is the shellder that enables a slowpoke to evolve by clamping down on the tip of its tail. However, curiously enough, a slowbro will always revert to a slowpoke when the shellder is removed, which raises several questions about the nature of slowpoke’s evolution. One possible hint to the existence of slowbro as its own pokémon lies in the fact that due to shellder’s hold on slowbro’s tail, the slowbro host can no longer fish and is, therefore, forced to hunt literally by hand. Thus, slowbro is quite possibly not a true evolution but instead what happens when a slowpoke is forced to give up its sheer laziness.

Slowking
The Royal Pokémon
Type: Water/Psychic
Official Registration #: 199
Entry: The evolved form of slowpoke, when given a king’s rock and traded. It is said that a king’s rock is actually a piece of fossilized shellder that, when traded, reverts back to being a shellder and subsequently bites its companion slowpoke’s head. Upon dual evolution, this shellder then leaks toxins into its host, which breaks down slowking’s literal mental barriers and gives it a drastic boost in intelligence. Given that this means slowking’s intelligence is chemically enhanced, the writer would like to take the time to note to younger readers that drugs do not, in fact, result in intelligence boosts in humans. Just say no, children, and stay in school. Unless you go on a trainer’s journey, at which point never eat mushrooms you can’t identify.

Bill, in case you were still wondering why Fennel won’t leave Amanita with you unless another adult is present to supervise, this. This is why. —LH

Delibird

Delibird
The Delivery Pokémon
Type: Ice/Flying
Official Registration #: 225
Entry: A short, penguin-like pokémon known for keeping food in its tail and for its signature move, Present. Present is a volatile move, capable of both bestowing healing gifts on allies and inflicting explosive “blessings” on enemies. Because of this signature move, some Johtonian folktales involve delibird visiting children on winter nights to give them presents. According to such tales, the children who have behaved all year receive small toys or sweets, but the children who have misbehaved receive the explosive variety of Present. Interestingly enough, this is the least violent myth commonly told to small children about what would happen to them if they misbehave, which should tell one quite a bit about Johtonian children, Johtonian parenting techniques, or the excellence of non-Johtonian therapists. The author is not quite sure which.

Hey Bill, can we get your very important scientific perspective on TOGEPIMET- that is, on the Togepi line?

Ah, yes, the togepi line. Quite a fascinating one, actually!

Togepi
The Spike Ball Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 175
Entry: A foot-tall, egg-like pokémon that possesses very little in the way of offensive, defensive, or—for that matter—any battling abilities. In fact, it is said that shell of this egg-like pokémon stores joy and happiness and that this egg-like pokémon’s main ability is spreading peace and love wherever it goes. You are, in short, battling the most baby-like of all pokémon, and it would be most advisable to rethink your life decisions if you find yourself in this situation. You monster.

Togetic
The Happiness Pokémon
Type: Fairy/Flying
Official Registration #: 176
Entry: The evolved form of togepi, as a result of a heightened sense of happiness. True to its defined species, togetic is a small, bird-like creature best known for its ability to spread happiness and luck to kind-hearted people. Conversely, it grows depressed and lethargic when exposed to the arrogant, selfish, and immature for long periods of time. Thus, while togetic is traditionally considered to be a symbol of fortune and prosperity to the people of its native Johto, in more modern times, it has also become the symbol of people with questionable taste in men. Such as this writer’s older sister.

Togekiss
The Jubilee Pokémon
Type: Fairy/Flying
Official Registration #: 468
Entry: The evolved form of togetic, by exposure to shiny stone. A large, bird-like creature that flies from region to region on a pair of great, pure-white wings. It prefers to migrate to peaceful regions, to shower the people living there with blessings of prosperity and peace as a reward for their efforts to love and respect one another. However, if it crosses a war-torn country, it is known for spreading peace, happiness, and justice by delivering unto any authority figure it finds the most violent uses of Sweet Kiss and Fairy Wind observed in the pokémon kingdom. In short, this writer wholeheartedly approves of togekiss’s political platform and is more than ready to vote for togekiss in the next general election.

Love what you’re doing here. Would you consider doing an entry for Natu and Xatu? They’re one of my favorite underappreciated ‘mons. :D

Thank you! Terribly sorry for the delay. Natu and xatu are indeed fascinating pokémon.

Natu
The Tiny Bird Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Flying
Official Registration #: 177
Entry: As expected, natu is a tiny, bird-like pokémon known for its unblinking stare. It is said that natu are, indeed, constantly staring into the future, so its wide-eyed stare actually comes from the fact that it is not entirely paying attention to you as you stare at it but instead your future. This, combined with its underdeveloped wings, means natu is fairly easy to capture, as it will always be caught off-guard by your attempts to throw poké balls at it, and for it, escaping consists of hopping awkwardly away from you. Why it doesn’t simply notice that you’re about to capture it as it stares into your future (or why it never acts on any indication that you capture it) is still a complete mystery to the topmost scientists in the field of psychic pokémon research.

Xatu
The Mystic Pokémon
Type: Psychic/Flying
Official Registration #: 178
Entry: The evolved from of natu, by battle experience. Xatu is a large, four-foot-tall bird pokémon valued in various native South American cultures for its ability to see both the past and the future simultaneously—which, according to the peoples of that continent, explains why it constantly stares unflinchingly into the sun. While the ability to see both the past and the future simultaneously is indeed a useful ability, it has the nasty side effect of blinding a xatu to the present. Literally. Staring into the sun is generally a bad idea, and this writer would like to emphasize this point to any impressionable youth who may be reading this.