Tag: Kalos

The Goomy Line

Goomy
The Soft Tissue Pokémon
Type: Dragon
Official Registration #: 704
Entry: Because this small, mollusk-like pokémon cannot survive outside of moist, cool environments for long periods of time, it is thought by some researchers to be the weakest dragon-type in existence. However, in actuality, goomy possesses a pliable body that allows it to defend itself rather well; it simply gets dehydrated rather easily, a condition that can easily be remedied by pairing it with a water-type. That and anyone who claims that goomy is the weakest dragon-type have apparently never handled noibat, which crumple at snowfall, a stiff breeze, pebbles being thrown at them, bright light, and noises that are slightly louder than the average human voice.

Sliggoo
The Soft Tissue Pokémon
Type: Dragon
Official Registration #: 705
Entry: The evolved form of goomy, by battle experience. Researchers have struggled for years to uncover the reason why this snail-like pokémon’s eyes devolved into eyespots supported by eyeless antennae, especially given the fact that both goomy and goodra possess a working set each. Some believe that it’s because sliggoo journey into darker, murkier parts of its native swamp where it prepares for evolution. Others, meanwhile, believe that it’s linked to the fact that sliggoo meat—particularly the softest parts of its body (especially the eyes)—was once considered a delicacy in Kalos.

Goodra
The Dragon Pokémon
Type: Dragon
Official Registration #: 706
Entry: The evolved form of sliggoo, by battle experience, during the rain. This tall, bulky, pink pokémon is known for its friendliness, its arm strength, and the fact that its skin constantly secretes a slimy, viscous substance. When excited, this pokémon will stand tall and embrace its trainer tightly, coating its beloved partner with the sticky mucus that covers its body. Needless to say, the author highly recommends that this is yet another pokémon readers should never Google.

Bergmite and Avalugg

Bergmite
The Ice Chunk Pokémon
Type: Ice
Official Registration #: 712
Entry: This three-foot-tall iceberg pokémon lives in the coldest, most mountainous reaches of Kalos. Humans should be warned when approaching this pokémon. It lives in vast herds, and when encountered, it will defend itself by collaborating with other bergmite to freeze opponents in solid blocks of ice. These blocks are then meticulously maintained by other members of the herd, who will repair cracks in the ice by freezing it solid again. While rescue missions for bergmite victims may consequently take up to a week, on the positive side, victims do make rather attractive decorations until rescued.

Since when are you the sort to look for the positive in a terrible situation? —LH

Since I lost a week to a bergmite colony but gained incredibly valuable insight into their tastes in interior design. —Bill

Avalugg
The Iceberg Pokémon
Type: Ice
Official Registration #: 713
Entry: The evolved form of bergmite, by battle experience. This giant pokémon is made of solid ice so compacted that it’s not only one of the heaviest pokémon in existence, but also, its body can crush anything that stands in its way. It is said that wandering avalugg are consequently responsible for a number of maritime disasters, including the one that eventually led to a mediocre romance film that received high praise upon its release for inexplicable reasons. It is said that watching this film is just as tedious and mind-numbing as being victimized by a herd of bergmite, which means, on an indirect level, avalugg are just as dangerous as its preevolved form.

Binacle and Barbaracle

Binacle
The Two-Handed Pokémon
Type: Rock/Water
Official Registration #: 688
Entry: A barnacle-like pokémon native to the warm seas of Hoenn and Kalos. Unlike many other clustered pokémon, the two binacle occupying each rock are two distinct entities that require the utmost care in maintaining a working relationship in order to function. Should one disagree, it will leave its rock to find a different habitat, which halves the power of the binacle cluster. Incidentally, this exact fact accounts for more than 67% of the plots of Binaclebob Trapezoidpants’s currently 201-episode run, which the author knows because he has counted in a desperate attempt to maintain his own sanity during the Binaclebob marathons he has had to sit through for one reason or another.

Barbaracle
The Collective Pokémon
Type: Rock/Water
Official Registration #: 689
Entry: The evolved form of binacle, by battle experience. Upon evolution, the two binacle in the collective multiply into seven, increasing their power dramatically. Consequently, barbaracle fight with the power of seven binacle … which, incidentally, was the plot of an even better 90s show than Binaclebob Trapezoidpants.

Clauncher and Clawitzer

Clauncher
The Water Gun Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 692
Entry: A shrimp-like pokémon native to the warm Kalosean seas. This pokémon possesses bladders of compressed gas, which—in conjunction with its water glands—allows it to shoot high-pressured jets of water capable of shattering boulders at close range. It should be noted that this is the signature ability of a pokémon that only weighs eighteen pounds on average, so trainers should note that standing directly behind their clauncher as it fires might be a somewhat ill-advised idea.

Clawitzer
The Howitzer Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 693
Entry: The evolved form of clauncher, by battle experience. Upon evolution, clawitzer gains its signature giant claw, which is capable of firing cannonballs of water strong enough to pierce tanker hulls. This same technique is also used to propel it across ocean currents, which means any time it fires cannonballs on the battlefield is a delightful and hilarious treat for all spectators (and possibly a leading cause of injury for new clawitzer trainers).

Klefki

Klefki
The Key Ring Pokémon
Type: Steel/Fairy
Official Registration #: 707
Entry: This sentient key ring pokémon never lets go of any key it finds. It is thus valued among the people of its native Kalos as a means to keep important keys—such as those to safes, vaults, and one’s home—safe, but at the same time, it is also a fantastically dangerous pokémon around keys one would like to keep on their own person … such as those to the second motorbike one obtains from a specific rental company, following the destruction of the first one.

The Flabébé Line

Flabébé
The Single Bloom Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 699
Entry: Researchers are in conflict as to whether or not the flower that flabébé holds is part of its body. However, everyone is in agreement that flabébé draws magical energy from the flower it chooses, that this flower sometimes resembles wildflowers, that flabébé is very small and difficult to see, and that the horrific thing involving a lawnmower that you are likely thinking of is an unfortunate but regular occurrence in the region of Kalos.

Floette
The Single Bloom Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 670
Entry: The evolved form of flabébé, by battle experience. This tiny pixie pokémon lives primarily in fields where wildflowers thrive, as it survives by drawing magical energy from the blossoms. However, it is possible to find it in gardens, particularly well-kept gardens, where it will dance among plants in celebration for flowers that have been taken care of with love. As a result, some gardeners encounter floette regularly, others may wait years before floette appear, and a handful, the author has been told, have waited for what feels like over 3000 years for one. The author is certain this is an exaggeration.

Florges
The Garden Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 671
Entry: The evolved form of floette, by exposure to shiny stone. In ages past, lords, royalty, and other upperclass individuals would invite florges to live in their gardens, as a florges’ elegance was a much sought-after touch many upperclassmen wanted for their gardens. In exchange, the florges would have access to an abundance of flower energy. However, then the lawnmower was invented, and given the previous entry concerning flabébé, one can only draw conclusions as to why this is no longer practiced.

Hey, can you write something on Noibat and Noivern? :D

Certainly!

Noibat
The Sound Wave Pokémon
Type: Flying/Dragon
Official Registration #: 714
Entry: A small, bat-like pokémon native to the most remote Kalosean cave systems. Noibat thrive in the deepest parts of a cave system and only come out during the darkest parts of the night in order to hunt for insects and forage for fruits in peace. It navigates both the darkness of its labyrinthine home and the pitch black of its hunting grounds by using echolocation combined with the uniquely potent ultrasonic waves that noibat are infamous for. Clocking in at 200 kHz, noibat’s cries cannot be heard by the human ear but can be felt on an intrinsic level and have been known to render even the hardiest human incapacitated. These cries also explain why zubat, who also use echolocation and possess sensitive hearing, are not native to caves where noibat live … and why bringing a noibat with you to caves where zubat do live will make you a very popular trainer very quickly.

Noivern
The Sound Wave Pokémon
Type: Flying/Dragon
Official Registration #: 715
Entry: The evolved form of noibat, by battle experience. Because of its alarming appearance and the fact that—like the hematophagous crobat—it is a bat-like pokémon, noivern has cultivated a negative cultural reputation. There are many stories of noivern swooping into homes in the night to suck blood from unsuspecting humans, and even in modern times, noivern is irrevocably intertwined with the legend of the vampire. However, trainers should rest assured that noivern is primarily a frugavore, with much of its diet consisting of berries with the occasional supplement of insect-based protein, regardless of what the Kalosean pokédex would have you believe. In fact, noivern is actually rather docile and avoids human contact if at all possible, unless tamed—at which point, it becomes a fiercely loyal pokémon known for its nocturnal battling abilities and eagerness to please. Crobat, on the other hand…

The Fletchling Line

Fletchling
The Tiny Robin Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 661
Entry: A small songbird pokémon native to the fields of Kalos. Fletchling is famous for its intricate dances and beautiful songs, which it uses in combination to perform what is objectively considered to be the cutest form of communication in the pokémon world. The author would go on to say that, despite the fact that fletchling is considered to be cute, it is somehow one of the most vicious and territorial pokémon in the Kalos region, but to be frank, many of you have been following this blog long enough to know that this is exactly what to expect from it.

Fletchinder
The Ember Pokémon
Type: Fire/Flying
Official Registration #: 662
Entry: The evolved form of fletchling, by battle experience. Using its newly acquired fire element, fletchinder hunt by setting tall grasses on fire and pouncing on whatever flees from the flames … because the pokémon kingdom is a brutal and often horrifying concept, which is exactly what many researchers consider to be fascinating about it.

Talonflame
The Scorching Pokémon
Type: Fire/Flying
Official Registration #: 663
Entry: The evolved form of fletchinder, by battle experience. With diving speeds of up to 310 miles per hour, talonflame is among the fastest pokémon in existence. In the excitement of a battle, it uses both this and its ability to expel fire from the spaces between its feathers to overwhelm and devastate its opponents … or to burn down whatever parts of a field its preevolved form has yet to set ablaze.

The Froakie Line

Froakie
The Bubble Frog Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 656
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Kalos. True to their species name, froakie are known for their tendency to protect their delicate skin with bubbles. However, skin protection is just one of the many uses for these bubbles. Another use is, of course, to protect a froakie’s eggs when mating, and the foam itself is typically generated early in the fertilization process when the male mounts the female to agitate her foam sacs. Thus, trainers, when you find your male froakie hugging your female froakie from behind to create a cloud of bubbles, rest assured that there will soon be a daycare owner who will tell you that an egg has suddenly appeared and that he has no idea how it might have gotten there.

Frogadier
The Bubble Frog Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 657
Entry: The evolved form of froakie, by battle experience. Supposedly, frogadier possess unparalleled speed and dexterity that enable it to achieve incredible feats of agility. For example, according to one report, a frogadier owned by a Kalosean researcher has been found to be capable of scaling a 2000-foot tower within a minute. Of course, considering the fact that Kalos’s tallest structure, the Prism Tower, is only 1062 feet in height, how this specific ability has been tested is a very good question.

Greninja
The Ninja Pokémon
Type: Water/Dark
Official Registration #: 658
Entry: The evolved form of frogadier, by battle experience. Gifted with ninja-like skills, greninja can appear from seemingly nowhere and generate a barrage of throwing stars made of compressed water. Incidentally, yes, these stars can, in fact, shear through metal; yes, the author has learned this the hard way; and yes, he has not yet forgotten that a certain Kalosean professor owes him quite a sum of money for the destruction of one rental motorbike thanks to his protege’s greninja.