The Fennekin Line

Fennekin
The Fox Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 653
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Kalos. Fennekin are popular starters for their adorable appearances and behaviors. They are frequently found trailing after larger pokémon or their trainers while chewing cutely on twigs they find along Kalosean forest paths. These twigs fuel fennekin’s internal fires, so in order to combat this, they shake their large ears cutely in order to expel hot air. Considering the number of cute traits and the species’ identity as a fire fox, it should be worth it to note that the vulpix line, a fellow fire fox evolutionary tree noted for their vain dispositions, do not get along with fennekin and have been known to engage in vicious physical assaults on fennekn out of jealousy, despite the fact that the two lines are actually distantly related. Therefore, it is ill-advised to leave a fennekin in the same room as a vulpix. Unless, of course, you happen to be the sort of trainer who is somehow entertained by reality shows such as Undella Shore and Real Housewives of Orre … at which point the author respectfully asks you to relinquish your trainer’s license at the nearest pokémon center.

Braixen
The Fox Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 654
Entry: The evolved form of fennekin, by battle experience. This bipedal fox-like pokémon keeps a twig in its bushy tail when not engaged in battle or in the vicinity of fellow members of the fennekin line. In either condition, the braixen unsheathes this twig, the tip of which—as a result of friction against its stiff, flint-like hairs—catches on fire as soon as it’s fully drawn. Once lit, braixen may use this light to communicate with its fellow pokémon by waving its twig in elaborate patterns before it. A visual representation of multiple braixen communicating by twig fire with one another may be seen here.

Delphox
The Fox Pokémon
Type: Fire/Psychic
Official Registration #: 655
Entry: The evolved form of braixen, by battle experience. A five-foot-tall fox gifted with powerful flame and psychic abilities, delphox’s signature attack involves combining its elements to create a vortex of fire that reaches temperatures of up to 5400 degrees Fahrenheit. In theory, this attack draws in its opponents and inflicts a devastating blow of the fire element. In practice, given the fact that a vortex of hot air creates a powerful vacuum, this attack draws in literally anything around it save for itself and inflicts a devastating amount of property damage.

The Chespin Line

Chespin
The Spiny Nut Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 650
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Kalos. Also a small, rodent-like pokémon native to the thick forests of the aforementioned region. Although this pokémon’s spines are normally soft and pleasant to touch, it can tense them at any time into points that are capable of piercing into solid rock. Thus, regardless of how cute and tame a chespin may look, it is somewhat ill-advised to pet this pokémon.

Quilladin
The Spiny Armor Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 651
Entry: The evolved form of chespin, by battle experience. A hardy but peaceful pokémon, quilladin prefer not to fight, but if they do, they can easily protect themselves using their hardened wood armor, which boasts a weight and sturdiness comparable to the quebracho tree family. Supposedly, in rare cases, quilladin are capable of forming wooden armor hard enough to resist bullets, but testing whether or not your quilladin is capable of this is also somewhat ill-advised.

Chesnaught
The Spiny Armor Pokémon
Type: Grass/Fighting
Official Registration #: 652
Entry: The evolved form of quilladin, by battle experience. Valued among trainers for their unrivaled physical defensive abilities, chesnaught support enough bulk to overturn a tank with one Tackle, as well as armor hard enough to withstand an electrode’s Explosion. As a side note, attacking your chesnaught with a tank or detonating an electrode right beside it in order to test its defensive capabilities is also somewhat ill-advised.

The Scatterbug Line

Scatterbug
The Scatterdust Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 664
Entry: A worm-like pokémon native to forests across the world. When threatened, it ejects a dust from its exoskeleton that is capable of paralyzing creatures on contact. However, this powder is also important for the regulation of its body temperature, and the loss of this extra coat may result in a scatterbug freezing to the point of being unable to move, thus providing a rather inconvenient downside to its primary defense mechanism against predators.

Spewpa
The Scatterdust Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 665
Entry: The evolved form of scatterbug, by battle experience. The bristles of this pokémon, in combination with the line’s paralyzing dust, provide extra protection against the beaks and claws of bird-like predators. So do, incidentally, the shards of reinforced, sharpened chitin which, when launched due to the raising of its bristles, can be thrown like shuriken directly into innocent bystanders. Trainers and researchers traveling through darker parts of the forest should be warned against this behavior, as spewpa have a tendency to hide in the shadows, coupled with an inability to discern a predator about to step on them from a passing human who has no idea that the spewpa is there.

Vivillon
The Scale Pokémon
Type: Bug/Flying
Official Registration #: 666
Entry: The evolved form of spewpa, by battle experience. Vivillon are famous for their wing patterns, which vary in color and design, based on the region its scatterbug form had originally been from. There are avid collectors all over the world who dedicate their lives to obtaining every form of vivillon in existence, to the point where entire conventions have been created for vivillon trading. As a note to the curious from an experienced collector, conventions for pokémon fanatics are both wondrous and alarming. On the one hand, they enable fans across the globe to connect with one another and to allow trainers from distant regions to meet and befriend pokémon they wouldn’t normally encounter. On the other, rare forms of vivillon have been known to cause fist fights between particularly enthusiastic fans.

To be fair, you were involved with three of the ones you’re referring to. —LH

At least I didn’t start them. —Bill

Spritzee and Aromatisse

Spritzee
The Perfume Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 682
Entry: A puff-like pokémon of the fairy type. Spritzee emit a fragrance that may have the capability of enrapturing all those who smell it. However, this fragrance can be altered by what it eats. A spritzee on a diet of flowers, citrus fruits, and so forth will of course emit a pleasant, irresistible aroma. A spritzee that feeds primarily on garbage and garlic, however…

Aromatisse
The Fragrance Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 683
Entry: The evolved form of spritzee, via trading if the subject is holding a sachet. Aromatisse are known for their powerful fragrances, which they can adjust at will. In the vicinity of humans they don’t particularly like, they will emit clouds of odors reminiscent of a dead skuntank, a flatulent muk, and an angry vileplume combined.

Swirlix and Slurpuff

Swirlix
The Cotton Candy Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 684
Entry: A puff-like pokémon of the fairy type. Because it constantly eats sweets, it exudes a sticky, sugary substance that thoroughly coats its cotton-like fur. Thus, it is best to keep your swirlix away from children and ants in the summertime, as a combination of all three things can and will result in tears. Furthermore, do not lick your swirlix … and do not ask the author why this needs to be said.

Slurpuff
The Meringue Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 685
Entry: The evolved form of swirlix, via trading if the subject has had a whipped dream applied to it. A swirlix’s nose is hundreds of times more sensitive than a human’s and is capable of distinguishing even the faintest of scents. It uses this strong sense of smell to assist bakers in creating the best pastries with the freshest ingredients … and also to embarrass lactose intolerant customers who accidentally eat pastries they failed to realize were made with dairy.

Furfrou

Furfrou
The Poodle Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 676
Entry: A regal, dog-like pokémon traditionally given to Kalosean royalty as guardians. Because of both this and their easy-to-style coarse fur, furfrou have been both status symbols and fashion icons in the region since the eighteenth century. Perhaps to quell any possible guilt one may have for styling furfrou’s fur, it is commonly said among the Kalosean people that trimming a furfrou’s coat increases its swiftness. This is not necessarily true. While, yes, shaving a furfrou and relieving it of its thick, wild coat will help it to move its limbs and run unburdened, the issue is that a pokémon can only be so swift when the fur on its head has been shaped into a giant top hat.

Inkay and Malamar

Inkay
The Revolving Pokémon
Type: Dark/Psychic
Official Registration #: 686
Entry: Despite its name and the fact that it strongly resembles a squid, inkay is completely incapable of using ink as a defensive mechanism. Rather, it is equipped with a wide range of telekinetic and mesmeric powers, most notably the ability to generate strobe-like flashing lights from its spots. Yet strangely enough, inkay is not famous for its ability but rather its unusual evolution method: by battle experience, when turned upside-down. Because many trainers strive to achieve this evolution manually and because inkay, like many creatures, is not prone to cooperating when forcibly turned the wrong side up, many trainer injuries and hilarious internet videos have resulted from attempts to train this species of pokémon.

Malamar
The Overturning Pokémon
Type: Dark/Psychic
Official Registration #: 687
Entry: The evolved form of inkay, by battle experience if the subject is turned upside-down at the time. Malamar is a tall, squid-like pokémon that possesses strong tentacles and dazzling lights. It is most known for using the lights to hypnotize its prey and lure it close enough to ensnare with its tentacles. Once it ensnares its prey, it either douses them with digestive fluids or brainwashes them into doing their bidding. Given malamar’s habits of entrancing and ensnaring prey that it either puppeteers or devours alive, it should come as no surprise to anyone that when the writer says “it is most known for,” he means “within very unusual subcultures on the internet.”

Tyrunt and Tyrantrum

Tyrunt
The Royal Heir Pokémon
Type: Rock/Dragon
Official Registration #: 696
Entry: This ancient, diminutive pokémon possessed a large and strong set of jaws, which it used to snap at whatever was directly in front of it before discerning what it could be. It was also known for its explosive temper; if anything occurred that it disliked, it would throw a tantrum and destroy anything within its reach. In that sense, tyrunt are essentially the embodiment of the comments areas of certain social media websites that shall not be named here.

Tyrantrum
The Despot Pokémon
Type: Rock/Dragon
Official Registration #: 697
Entry: The evolved form of tyrunt, during the day and by battle experience. Its oversized jaw was strong enough to shred through metal, and that, combined with the sheer size and strength of the rest of its body, meant that very little could stand up to tyrantrum’s power. As a result, tyrantrum spent millions of years dominating the landscape until its rule was finally challenged by the only opponent that could surpass its power: a meteor that brought on one of the most significant mass-extinctions in our planet’s history.

If I’m allowed another shot then. Amaura (&Aurorus)? I love the little ice-dino.

Ah, reader, you may request as many pokémon as you wish!

Amaura
The Tundra Pokémon
Type: Rock/Ice
Official Registration #: 698
Entry: This gentle pokémon lived in the northernmost regions of the planet roughly 100 million years ago. However, evidence shows that amaura actually originated from warmer climates and migrated northward due to encroaching tyrunt and tyrantrum over a period of millennia. The gradual movement of these pokémon allowed it to adapt to colder weather and develop both its affinity with the ice element and its ability to use officially normal-type moves as if they were of the ice type instead. And we know all of this partly due to the skills developed by paleontologists over the past couple of centuries and partly because certain inventors have taken to reviving amaura from fossils alongside its only predator as if there is absolutely nothing wrong with that idea.

Aurorus
The Tundra Pokémon
Type: Rock/Ice
Official Registration #: 699
Entry: The evolved form of amaura, at night and by battle experience. Aurorus has apparently gained every adaptation possible for defending itself from its tyrantrum predators. Not only has it become adept at using ice-type moves (including those it improvises as being ice-type), but it is also capable of forging a wall of unbreakable ice, breathing gusts of air that reach temperatures of -240 degrees Fahrenheit, and, if all else fails, bringing attention to itself by projecting auras into the sky. Why might that last adaptation be its last resort, you ask? Because aurorus have been known to travel in large herds, and every individual aurorus is on average 496 pounds. Factor in the fact that tyrantrum were not known for hunting in packs, and you have possibly the most effective predatory deterrent short of any water-type pokémon using wailord as a shield.

The Honedge Line

Honedge
The Sword Pokémon
Type: Steel/Ghost
Official Registration #: 679
Entry: Do not come into physical contact with this pokémon unless you would like to spend an evening having a conversation with medical specialists concerning the removal of either your arm or the honedge. But should the reader be curious, the sword strap is actually quite nice. Very soft leather, I think.

Doublade
The Sword Pokémon
Type: Steel/Ghost
Official Registration #: 680
Entry: The evolved form of honedge, by battle experience. Upon evolution, honedge splits into the two telepathically-linked swords that form doublade. On the positive side, at this point, the surge of evolutionary energy will temporarily stun the pokémon long enough for its victim to pull themselves free from its strap. On the negative side, the stunning lasts for roughly four seconds before doublade launches into a vicious double-bladed attack, and as both swords possess separate but perfectly synchronized minds that are capable of formulating a strategy between them, said double-bladed attack is typically extremely difficult for the average hospital staff to stop.

Aegislash
The Royal Sword Pokémon
Type: Steel/Ghost
Official Registration #: 681
Entry: The evolved form of honedge, by exposure to dusk stone. Aegislash possesses two forms: the sword form, in which it uses its bladed body to launch a vicious assault, and the shield form, in which it uses its iron shield to block practically any attack. Rising kings of medieval Europe were frequently given aegislash passed down from their fathers, partially because aegislash were effective guards for the crown and partly because aegislash are inherently attracted to those of royal blood. The latter is notable in that newly evolved aegislash, such as those that were accidentally exposed to a trainer’s dusk stone, will instantly calm and gravitate towards humans they perceive as being worthy of the crown, such as one very confused emergency room receptionist. Unfortunately, as aegislash also possess the innate tendency to protect the humans it claims as its charges, this is rather bad news for anyone it perceives as a threat, such as the completely innocent researcher who brought it there after what was already a very long Friday night.