The Weedle Line

Weedle
The Hairy Bug Pokémon
Type: Poison/Bug
Official Registration #: 13
Entry: Weedle uses its sensitive and prominent proboscis to locate and separate its favorite leaves to eat from its least favorite leaves. All weedle have very specific leaf preferences, as well as acute senses of smell in order to sort leaves on the forest floor based on these preferences. If anyone finds this at all strange or unusual, the writer would like to remind his audience that humanity’s own obsession with gardening has resulted in over 7500 different types of tomato, and if you use the wrong type for sauce, your sister who possesses far more culinary talents than you will ever have will ensure that you are painfully aware of what, precisely, each of those 7500 different varieties of tomato are for.

Kakuna
The Cocoon Pokémon
Type: Poison/Bug
Official Registration #: 14
Entry: The evolved form of weedle, by battle experience. In this stage of its evolutionary line, kakuna are strictly preparing for evolution and therefore remain nearly immobile. However, it is important to note that “nearly immobile” is not the same as “actually and completely immobile,” and should you accidentally stumble onto an entire tree covered with kakuna, said kakuna will extend their poison barbs through their shells in order to remind you of what that difference is.

Beedrill
The Poison Bee Pokémon
Type: Poison/Bug
Official Registration #: 15
Entry: The evolved form of kakuna, by battle experience. Quite obviously, training a weedle to its beedrill stage takes a lot of determination and audacity. This is not only because the kakuna stage is nearly immobile, therefore requiring a trainer to exert the patience needed to help their kakuna cultivate the experience required for evolution, but also because the resulting beedrill is a fiercely territorial and aggressive creature armed with three potently venomous stingers each measuring a foot long. Trainers who wish to keep beedrill are highly advised to keep healthy stocks of antidotes, pecha berries, and whatever they feel would be best to sedate a three-foot-tall bee that can fly at one’s face at violently high speeds.

Scyther and Scizor

Scyther
The Mantis Pokémon
Type: Bug/Flying
Official Registration #: 123
Entry: Contrary to popular belief, scyther are not inherently violent and easily enraged pokémon. They are, in actuality, extremely proud pokémon with a full range of emotions, including compassion. It just so happens that they have scythes for hands and the alien morality of an insectoid species, and these tend to get in the way of what human beings would define as “compassion.”

Scizor
The Pincer Pokémon
Type: Bug/Steel
Official Registration #: 212
Entry: The evolved form of scyther, via trading if the subject has had a metal coat applied to it. Upon evolution, scyther’s signature blades metamorphose into scizor’s pincers. One would think that an absence of a cutting edge along with the maturation induced by evolution would render scizor a safer pokémon to handle than its preevolved counterpart, but in actuality, it uses its pincers—now reinforced with a steel-like exoskeleton—to violently hammer anything into the ground, be it an enemy pokémon, a piece of machinery, or an innocently bystanding researcher who in no way provoked said scizor.

Psyduck and Golduck

Psyduck
The Duck Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 54
Entry: Whether or not psyduck may also be classified as a psychic-type has been a matter of intense debate for nearly twenty years. On the one hand, psyduck display virtually none of the classic defensive strengths and weaknesses of a psychic-type, thus defying the traditional requirements of the current classification system. On the other, psyduck also display extraordinary psychokinetic ability when under physical duress, and in any case, they don’t really display much in the way of defensive capabilities to begin with.

Golduck
The Duck Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 55
Entry: The evolved form of psyduck, by battle experience. Much like its previous form, golduck are capable of performing incredible feats of telekinesis, especially under physical stress. However, unlike psyduck, golduck are capable of remembering such feats and summoning their psychic abilities at will. One would think this would result in an end to the scientific debate concerning whether or not the psyduck line are dual psychics, but it seems that researchers in Kanto were far more content to point to golduck’s predilection for swimming as proof that it is simply a water-type. This should also explain why those same researchers described gyarados as being water/flying, even though gyarados do not, in fact, possess any flying or wind-bending abilities whatsoever.

Voltorb and Electrode

Voltorb
The Ball Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 100
Entry: Given its resemblance to poké balls and the fact that it was discovered in a poké-tech laboratory, it is said that an experiment on capture technology had gone wrong, resulting in a poké ball gaining sentience and becoming a voltorb. It is not known whether or not this is true, but thanks to voltorb’s tendency to explode at the drop of a hat, it’s a fun and educational way of teaching first-year mechanical engineering students the value of quality assurance.

Electrode
The Ball Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 101
Entry: The evolved form of voltorb, by battle experience. At four feet tall and almost 150 pounds, electrode is the larger, more explosive evolutionary relative to voltorb. It’s known for congregating near power plants and consuming electricity until it self-destructs, and its speed at that point as well as its sensitivity to literally any possible trigger make it extremely difficult to handle. It is also known for the fact that it is a larger, stronger voltorb, which makes it a fun and educational way of teaching senior mechanical engineering students the value of quality assurance.

Pikachu

Pichu
The Tiny Mouse Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 172
Entry: Trainers take caution—although cute and the first stage in a line of formidable battlers, pichu do not have a full mastery over their electrical powers until evolution. This is not to say that they aren’t that strong. On the contrary: they have the ability to generate voltages on par with their evolved forms. What they cannot do is avoid releasing said voltage when startled, happy, or simply standing in an empty room doing absolutely nothing, and suffice to say, this is why many of the reports of electrocution among Johtonians have to do with this very pokémon.

Pikachu
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 25
Entry: The evolved form of pichu, in response to closeness with its trainer. Due to its adorable appearance, its intelligence, and its penchant for doing tricks for treats, pikachu has become an extremely popular choice for a pet. However, should you wish to keep one, never forget that pikachu are still potentially dangerous electric rodents. This is not just a note concerning its ability to generate thousands of volts of electricity, nor is it simply a warning concerning its tendency to release electricity during thunderstorms or upon waking up each morning. It is also a note that this rodent can and will chew through wires if left unattended, and chargers compatible with Leppa-brand laptops run anywhere from ¥3500 to ¥9400 each.

Raichu
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 26
Entry: The evolved form of pikachu, by exposure to thunder stone. A raichu’s tail acts as its grounding wire. When a raichu stores too much electricity in its electrical sacs, it plants its tail and discharges electricity directly into the ground. This is vital to the well-being of an individual raichu, as not only do they gather electricity from their surroundings, but they also grow increasingly aggressive as their electrical stores grow. In that sense, a raichu is much like a drunken relative on Christmas, the sort who gets increasingly offensive the more alcohol he consumes until he needs to be escorted to a safe room to discharge a long and barely intelligible rant. …Not that this writer has seen his father do any of this at any point in his life.

The Zubat Line

Zubat
The Bat Pokémon
Type: Poison/Flying
Official Registration #: 41
Entry: A two-foot-tall eyeless, cave-dwelling bat known for detecting its prey using echolocation and, upon alighting on said prey, latching onto it with inch-long fangs and draining its very life force from its body. Also, given the prevalence of tunnels and caves in every region, at least half of the reason why this writer neither envies trainers nor desires to be one ever again.

Golbat
The Bat Pokémon
Type: Poison/Flying
Official Registration #: 42
Entry: The evolved form of zubat, by battle experience. Travel to deeper caves with larger zubat nests, and you may encounter its evolution, which is little more than a flying mouth full of void and fangs. Those of you who plan on traveling through the Kantonian league circuit should rest assured that golbat only feed on blood until absolutely full, and at that point, they become too lethargic to continue chasing down prey. Also, they are the third most common cave-dwelling pokémon in Kanto, right behind their pre-evolved forms and living boulders.

Crobat
The Bat Pokémon
Type: Poison/Flying
Official Registration #: 169
Entry: The evolved form of golbat, in response to closeness with its trainer. Arguably one of the easier evolutions-by-closeness to achieve, as zubat and golbat, when caught, are typically both astounded and thrilled to find themselves not simply electrocuted or buried under a pile of boulders on a cave floor. As such, despite the fact that it is not exactly famous for it, crobat are notably loyal and protective of their trainers. Which, really, is a good thing, as evolution gives them an extra pair of wings and a growth spurt that enable them to become one of the fastest, stealthiest, and largest flying predators in the pokémon kingdom, and its healthy diet of blood, naturally, never changes.

The Clefairy Line

Cleffa
The Star Shape Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 173
Entry: Because of its star shape and tendency to appear during meteor showers, it is said that cleffa and its evolved forms originated from either the moon or elsewhere in space. In order to determine if this claim has any grain of truth to it, tests have been proposed by numerous scientists throughout history to determine whether or not cleffa can withstand the extreme conditions of space. However, no test has ever gotten past the proposal stage for two reasons. First, cleffa are listed on the endangered wild pokémon list, making testing with them virtually impossible. Second, shooting a pokémon into the vacuum of space is generally frowned upon by ethics boards.

Clefairy
The Fairy Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 35
Entry: The evolved form of cleffa, via happiness. Little-known fact about clefairy—they secrete a sticky substance from the backs of their throats that hardens into a crystalline form upon exposure to air. Additionally, their tendency to dance under the light of the full moon is actually an irresistible drive, not simply a behavior some of them enjoy if given an appropriate amount of time and space. Both of these facts make life as a clefairy rather awkward, but on the positive side, their fur is about as soft as velvet, and the ability to hear even the most subtle sounds is a plus. …Not that the writer would know anything about either, of course.

Clefable
The Fairy Pokémon
Type: Fairy
Official Registration #: 36
Entry: The evolved form of clefairy, by exposure to moon stone. Although its pink fur, its rabbit-like ears, and its bouncing gait make it an adorable choice for a pet, this pokémon is not to be underestimated. In truth, clefable possess enough fairy magic to bring down a rampaging hydreigon, and this combined with its extremely acute hearing and its disarmingly soft and cute look make it a vicious predator of dragon-type pokémon. Entire hordes of clefable have been known to take down wandering dragons. Whether this is to feed their expansive clefairy colonies or simply because they enjoy hunting for sport is still a matter of debate.

Farfetch’d

Farfetch’d
The Wild Duck Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 83
Entry: A century ago, farfetch’d were hunted to near extinction due to the fact that their meat, combined with their heavily convenient leek, made for a rather tasty delicacy in most cultures. Nowadays, the practice of hunting farfetch’d is highly discouraged, partly for the sake of the pokémon and partly because farfetch’d have adapted keen fighting instincts and will literally challenge and use their leeks to beat into submission anyone who crosses their paths.