Kangaskhan

bills-pokedex:

Well. Now that that bit of unpleasantness has been cleared up, let’s continue with a pokémon that this writer has recently been reminded of for reasons that have nothing to do with the last actual entry.

Kangaskhan
The Parent Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 115
Entry: A kangaroo-like pokémon consisting of a mother creature and a separate, smaller baby, known within the pokémonology field as a “joey.” Much of the mother pokémon’s life revolves around caring for and violently defending her young, which she always carries in her front pouch. Curiously, this changes upon mega evolution, at which point the joey leaps from its mother’s pouch to be used as a partner in equally vicious hand-to-hand combat, which indicates that despite the fact that the mother kangaskhan will do anything to protect her joey, said child is actually fully capable of fighting and defending itself. Additionally, unlike other pokémon that are capable of mega evolution, kangaskhan does not undergo any physical transformations beyond the fact that her joey leaves her pouch to add its own power to her attacks. Thus, it is said by experts in evolutionary stones that kangaskhanite is not a true mega stone at all but rather a stone capable of shining a bright light that signals to the joey when to enter the fight. Despite this, kangaskhanite on the collectors’ market can fetch obscenely high prices, indicating the absolute brilliance of either human con artists or kangaskhan that know all too well that their trainers are gullible.

Mega Kangaskhan
The Parent Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 115+
Entry: The advanced form of kangaskhan, via kangaskhanite. Upon mega evolution, a kangaskhan joey leaps from its mother’s pouch to be used as a partner in equally vicious hand-to-hand combat, which indicates that despite the fact that the mother kangaskhan will do anything to protect her joey, said child is actually fully capable of fighting and defending itself. Additionally, unlike other pokémon that are capable of mega evolution, kangaskhan does not undergo any physical transformations beyond the fact that her joey leaves her pouch to add its own power to her attacks. Thus, it is said by experts in evolutionary stones that kangaskhanite is not a true mega stone at all but rather a stone capable of shining a bright light that signals to the joey when to enter the fight. Despite this, kangaskhanite on the collectors’ market can fetch obscenely high prices, indicating the absolute brilliance of either human con artists or kangaskhan that know all too well that their trainers are gullible.

You had a year off from these, Bill. A year. —LH

I know! Isn’t it impressive how much one’s sense of humor can improve with rest? —Bill

No. No to all of this. —LH

What are the different religions in each region?

Well … this is a bit complicated, anonymous, because every region hosts a varied population, which means you’ll often see a wide variety of beliefs upheld among its people. While it’s true that many regions also have a regional religion tied to local legendaries, these are often only one of many possible, and in some cases, they’re not even the predominant religion of the region.

Take Kanto, for example. Contrary to popular belief, while it’s true that Kantonians generally believe that the legendary birds are actual embodiments of their respective elements, they don’t actually worship them. Rather, the legends tied to the birds are more or less folklore on the same level as local yokai. Instead, the predominant religion of Kanto is actually Shinto, with sizable percentages of the remaining population dedicated to Buddhism and Christianity. Only a small subset of people worship the legendaries themselves, and many of them place Mew at the center of their beliefs—hence the traditional name, Myuu-no-michi (Way of Mew). The beliefs upheld by the followers of Myuu-no-michi are often animistic in nature; that is, they essentially believe that peace can be found if a person becomes one with nature.

Johto, on the other hand, exists on the other end of the spectrum. While there are many followers of Shinto and Buddhism in Johto, it’s more common to find followers of Ho-oh, Lugia, or Celebi (or all three) there. This religion is commonly called Ubame-no-michi (Way of Ilex), although it’s also called Johtoism in Common. I could go into the finer details of what this religion means (I myself am a follower of the sect that worships all three legendaries and would be more than happy to elaborate on its teachings and traditions), but to simplify it as much as possible for the sake of this post, it borrows quite a bit from Shinto, including and especially the respect for kami (which are not necessarily just the legendaries but also the essences of nature in general). Johtonian belief states that all beings have their own essences, and thus, all beings have power and purpose, which in turn means that all living creatures should be respected. Of course, there are exceptions, but generally speaking, yes, Johtoism centers around respecting nature and doing as many good works as one can within their lifetime … or, essentially, it’s Shinto, except we also worship rainbow phoenixes, ocean birds, and/or woodland pixies. (We also believe that there are three beasts who will roam the world until humans are collectively ready as a species to receive Ho-oh again, and seeing as they’re still roaming, I feel completely at ease with referring to the major kami as “rainbow phoenixes, ocean birds, and/or woodland pixies.”)

Most other regional religions fall somewhere in between. Hoennians worship Kyogre, Groudon, and Rayquaza primarily, but their religion (Hoennism) follows the same basic tenets as Johtoism, just with the legends swapped out. (Contrary to popular belief, they do not worship the golems, the lati twins, or Jirachi; these are merely elements of their regional folklore.) By contrast, Unovans and Kaloseans, like Kantonians, don’t follow a regional religion. Rather, Christianity is the primary religion of Kalos (Catholicism, specifically), although I’ve been told more and more Kaloseans describe themselves as non-religious or Muslim. Judaism is also on the rise there as well. (And yes, a few also worship Xerneas, Yveltal, and Zygarde, but these people form a very small sliver of the population. Christians happened to be very charismatic people right around the Middle Ages, and in any case, the Kalosean religion somewhat lost favor thanks to the bit about a weapon devastating a large part of the pokémon population.) As for Unova, it’s more of a melting pot, so while a large number of Unovans describe themselves as Christian (Protestant, especially), practically every religion in the world is represented in some form or another there. However, there is no religion centering around its regional legendaries; this is merely folklore to the Unovans, not an actual faith.

Then, of course, you have the Alolans and the Sinnohans.

While Alola is just as much of a melting pot as Unova (although, as a place where many Johtonian and Kantonian immigrants have settled, it’s more common to see representations of Japanese religions there than western ones), there’s a hardy population of native islanders who worship the local Tapu. Like Johtoism, Alola is heavily focused on respecting nature, but for the Alolans, it has little to do with essences. Rather, nature itself is everything to them. It’s a powerful force in itself, yes, but it’s also a living entity that we humans are merely privileged to be a part of. As such, the local Alolan religion (it has no real name, as it’s tied heavily to Alolan culture) is steeped heavily in traditions, celebrations, and rituals that center around the respect and worship of nature, including its guardians, the Tapu.

Sinnohans, by contrast, follow a unique belief system that centers heavily on the worship of their entire pantheon. Every one of their legendaries is considered a deity to them, but this is especially true for Arceus (their main deity) as well as Palkia and Dialga (the gods of space and time, respectively). In a way, it can be thought of as a very western tradition in that the worship of the gods supersedes the worship of nature (whereas in religions like Johtoism, it’s the other way around), although that’s not to say that the Sinnohans disregard nature at all. It just means that a lot of their beliefs and traditions focus on acknowledging their gods as the creators of all existence and thus not merely a part of it but rather masters of it. (There are also followers of Shinto, Buddhism, and Christianity in the Sinnoh region, but honestly, they’re far fewer in number to the Sinnohans.)

Of course, this just describes the National Dex regions. There are many other regions out there with their own pantheons of legendaries (which themselves have varying degrees of importance to their people). Likewise, there are many other human-based religions out there, including Hinduism (one of the most worshipped religions in existence), Confucianism, Neopaganism, and so on and so forth. It all really goes to show how complex human existence really is. We each have our own ways of thinking and of living our lives, even within each individual region, and even if we share our world with such beings as Arceus, Palkia, and Giratina, we humans still have a lot of questions about who we are, where we came from, or what our purpose in this universe is—questions that we seek to answer through our vastly different faiths and belief systems. Or, well, through our inquisitive natures, of course.

What are the main advantages of living in each region?

Well, that’s an unusual question, anonymous. There are quite a lot of regions out there, and each one has its own unique benefits and drawbacks, depending on what you need and what your preferences are. Even Orre, which is a desert nearly completely devoid of wild pokémon, has fascinating spots of greenery, urban oases, and its own unique analog to the Pokémon League. Conversely, regions such as Kalos, which are highly regarded as popular tourist destinations, has an incredibly high cost of living, never mind how crowded many of its urban areas are. So, really, this is a bit complicated because it really depends on what you’re looking for, and in certain cases, a region that may be seen as paradise to some might be … well, less than ideal for others.

I suppose, though, you’re referring to each of the major regions included in the National Dex, as these tend to be where the highest concentration of trainers tend to go. If that’s the case, then:

Kanto: Kanto is a highly diverse region with plenty to see and do. It has peaceful rural landscapes, plus the modern, urban meccas that are Celadon and Saffron Cities. It’s also proud of its reputation as one of the most technologically advanced and ecologically aware regions in the world, largely thanks to a combination of the efforts of major Saffron-based tech giants such as Silph and the green programs put in place by the Japanese government to protect the nation’s environment. As a result, it’s often seen as the best place for trainers to begin their journeys, as they’re often equipped with the latest pokémon tech, and they have massive expanses of peaceful, pokémon-filled rural areas to explore. It helps, of course, that Professor Oak is the regional pokémon expert, so you quite literally can’t start anywhere better. If, however, you don’t have children who might consider leaving on journeys of their own, then the main advantage of living here would most definitely be its peace. It’s not that difficult to find completely safe neighborhoods full of friendly people who watch out for each other (if you prefer populated areas) or quiet, secluded areas far from civilization (if you’re like me and … don’t prefer populated areas). Additionally, although it’s true that Kanto is technically one of the main centers of Rocket activity, at the very least, our criminal organization hasn’t yet tried to destroy the world using legendary pokémon.

Johto: At the risk of sounding quite biased, Johto is home to a rich cultural history, and it’s quite proud of it too. Every city in Johto possesses its own unique identity, founded on hundreds if not thousands of years of tradition. This isn’t to say that the region is backwards or stuck in the past, either. In fact, it’s just as advanced as Kanto, and Goldenrod City, one of the region’s crowned jewels (okay, perhaps I’m a little biased), rivals the likes of Castelia, Lumiose, and its sister city Saffron in terms of cutting-edge technology. We simply make our history a part of our everyday lives, as Johtonian tradition emphasizes learning from the past in order to better our present. And to top it all off, Johtonians are extremely friendly, largely because they’re very eager to share their culture with outsiders. It’s very easy to feel welcome when moving to Johto, even if you’re by no means a native Johtonian yourself.

Hoenn: Next to Alola, Hoenn is quite possibly the most ecologically beautiful regions one can journey through. While it’s not necessarily as remote as Alola (it is a part of the Japanese archipelago, after all), it’s home to over 100 unique species of pokémon, all of which live in abundance within Hoenn’s equally unique habitats. If you’re hoping for a bit of a tropical vacation in addition to your journey, Hoenn is an excellent choice, as it hosts miles of pristine beaches, a lush rainforest, challenging mountains to climb (including one volcano to traverse), and even its very own desert. Moreover, Hoennians are just as friendly as Johtonians, and they’re often more than happy to share their love of the rural peacefulness of their region. It is, in other words, a place where one can go to get a breath of fresh air and feel one with nature (or with other people living in it).

Sinnoh: If you’re interested in the legendary pokémon, it’s practically imperative that you make at least one journey to (and through) Sinnoh. Sinnoh is a mysterious region, home to vast expanses of rough terrain to travel through, which makes it difficult for many trainers to traverse. However, it’s more than worth it for legendary enthusiasts, as Sinnoh’s cultural identity is thousands of years older than even Johto’s and sports strong ties to the legendaries said to have woven the fabric of the universe itself. As such, there are countless ancient sites dedicated to the legends or to ancient Sinnohans, which means there is a wealth of information for the budding archaeologist or pokémonologist to explore. Otherwise, it’s also a highly mysterious region in itself, home to a number of smaller villages and secluded mountain spots, so if you’re longing for peace and quiet, Sinnoh’s an excellent choice.

Unova: On the other hand, if modern conveniences are of more interest to you, Unova is a constantly growing, constantly developing metropolis. Think of it like every city in Johto and Kanto combined; whereas both Johto and Kanto have smaller, quieter spots, most cities in Unova are exciting and full of people. It’s also a melting pot of culture, with people from all over the world coming together to add their identities to each neighborhood. For example, Unova is one of the few places where you can get Kantonian sushi, take in a Kalosean movie (in the original Kalosean language), and buy authentic Alolan statuettes essentially in the same city block. In short, you will likely never be bored in Unova. (Just … keep an eye on your wallet if you travel through Castelia.)

Kalos: Kalos calls itself the home of high fashion and art, and quite frankly, it’s difficult to argue. The region itself is home to some of the most beautiful rural landscapes outside of Alola and Hoenn, coupled with cities hosting some of the most fascinating architecture one can find. Not only that, but also, the cultural attractions located in Lumiose and Camphrier are second to none when it comes to western art, and most fashion and food trends tend to start in Kalos, thanks to the high concentration of fashion designers based in Laverre and chefs based in the very heart of Lumiose. In short, if you want a dose of western culture on weekends (or if you’re looking for awe-inspiring landscapes), look no further than Kalos. Just … be aware that rent is by no means cheap here.

Alola: Although Alola is remote yet also home to a diverse population of pokémon (meaning the species there aren’t necessarily unique to the region), it’s also one of the most fascinating to travel through. At the moment, it boasts not a gym circuit but instead an island challenge, which is a journey stocked with not only traditional battles but also challenging trials. Additionally, each island hosts its own unique habitat, ranging from tropical paradises to lofty, snow-capped mountains, and each island hosts its own unique ecosystem with separate populations of pokémon. Finally and most importantly, the people of Alola are among the most laid-back one can find among the seven regions of the National Dex. They’re extremely friendly (far friendlier than even Johtonians and Hoennians), and they’re often eager to share their unique culture with others. It’s a fantastic choice for anyone wishing for something different. Just … be aware that rent is even worse here than in Kalos.

I’m shocked that you made it through an entire post about various regions without badmouthing Unova once. —LH

I’ve sworn not to do it anymore. Apparently, it makes Amanita feel bad. —Bill

Oh. Well, in that case, allow me to give you a belated you monster. —LH

I deserve every syllable of that. —Bill

What do you consider good outfit choices for a starting trainer in each region?

Are they aware of what your fashion sense is like? —LH

Excuse you. I have an impeccable fashion sense. Also, you’ve clearly been speaking to my older sister, and I would appreciate it if you’d stop. Or at least tell her to give me back my jacket. How am I supposed to exude the aura of a steampunk mad scientist without it? —Bill

Is that what you were doing? —LH

Always dress for practicality, anonymous. Remember that you’ll be spending much of your time hiking outdoors, so you’ll need outfits that fit the typical climate and terrain of the region.

For example, Kanto and Johto are similar in terms of terrain and climate in that both are temperate areas with four seasons and plenty of mountainous terrain. (Johto is, incidentally, slightly more mountainous than Kanto.) What outfit you’ll need depends on the season, then, but always have a decent pair of walking shoes or hiking boots to navigate the more mountainous routes. Pants—regardless of what certain younger trainers will tell you—tend to be better choices than shorts shirts due to the prevalence of tall grasses in Kanto and ground-dwelling poison-, grass-, and bug-types in the forests of Johto.

Hoenn is far warmer and more tropical (despite being not that far from Kanto and Johto), and it’s far, far wetter. Shorts and short-sleeved shirts are best here to help keep one cool, and sneakers or waterproof shoes will help a new trainer navigate the sandier and muddier terrains. Keep in mind also that part of your journey through Hoenn will take you past volcanic areas and through an actual desert, so be sure to wear sunscreen and hydrate yourself.

Sinnoh, by contrast, is a far cooler region. Some areas are perpetually covered with snow, and the southernmost parts of Sinnoh rarely reach temperatures above 70 degrees Fahrenheit. Jackets, long-sleeved shirts, and pants are highly recommended, and consider bringing a warm coat if you plan on fully exploring Mt. Coronet and other northerly points. Additionally, some parts of Sinnoh are wetter than others. While traversing these, keep in mind that denim retains moister far better than other materials, so jeans are ill-advised (as wearing wet jeans can cool your body temperature to dangerous degrees, especially as you sleep in the cooler Sinnohan wilderness).

Unova is similar to Kanto and Johto in that it also experiences four seasons, but it tends to be somewhat warmer and dryer (and dustier…) than the others. Part of this is due to the giant desert taking up a large portion of the region, and other parts are due to the fact that Castelia and Nimbasa have the very strange ability of leaving anyone who passes through them with the distinct feeling of being covered in film. Long sleeves, pants, and walking shoes that are suitable for a large amount of use on concrete are ideal. (Yes, even through the Unovan desert. There are sandstorms there, and as such, you will likely regret leaving any part of you unprotected. On that note, pack goggles if traveling to this part of the region.) Also, be aware that the outer edges of the region are swampier and full of more coastline than Central Unova, so bring an extra pair of socks.

Kalos likewise is a more temperate region, but it shares many similarities with Sinnoh. Parts of it (namely Snowbelle and the areas surrounding Dendemille) are perpetually covered with snow, but other than that, Kalos is full of coastline, marshland, and forests, while the average temperature may be comparable to a sunny autumn day. Long sleeves and pants are likewise advisable, and a coat is essential for the more wintry areas (especially Route 17).

Finally, Alola is a highly tropical region and famous for being such. Its key attractions for trainers include lush rainforests, volcanoes, seaside caves, and plenty of coastline, as well as the perpetually snowy Mount Lanakila. Additionally, while most days are sunny, it’s not unusual to be caught up in a heavy tropical downpour, especially during the monsoon season. Wear clothing that will keep you cool but always keep a poncho close at hand. A coat is advisable if scaling Mount Lanakila, but it’s better to keep this in storage until you absolutely need it, as the rest of the region tends to be blistering hot. (Well, if you’re used to Johtonian temperatures, anyway.)

Otherwise, be sure to do your research into the region you’re visiting. Many trainers keep travel blogs to help newer crowds decide things such as what to pack, so it may be worth it to run a search on the region you’re considering.

Best of luck, new trainers!

Bill, I’ve noticed that many Kanto region pokemon, such as the Nidoran lines, Rhydon, Kangaskhan and to a point Lapras all share marked similarities. Do they have a common evolutionary ancestor?

If you’re referring to the fact that many of them are a bit “pointy,” there are two possible reasons for this.

The first and more scientific reason has to do with Kanto’s terrain and climate. Kanto is a region largely free of natural hazards such as the mountains of Johto, the deserts and volcanoes of Hoenn, the extreme cold of Sinnoh, and the barren wasteland of Unova. (I will stop commenting on Unova when it stops being amusing. Or true.) Instead, Kanto has mild seasons, shorter mountains to the north, lush but not necessarily unnavigable forests, and plenty of fertile land. In short, Kanto’s biomes aren’t exactly extreme, and even though there is some variation (grasslands versus forest versus coast, namely), the transition between them isn’t as abrupt as it is in other regions. Thus, most pokémon adapt to very similar environments and very similar climates, which results in a certain uniformity to the specific adaptations they take on.

Additionally, as for why many of them have similar defense mechanisms (lapras, nidoran, rhyhorn, and so forth are all covered with horns and spikes), it’s essentially because the only real threat most Kantonian pokémon face are other Kantonian pokémon. That abundance of horns, thorns, and other things that discourage physical contact are really the best defense mechanisms against an entire region of pokémon who aim to battle one another, rather than against any specific environmental hazard. This is also why the vast majority of grass-types in the region are also highly poisonous, can exude poison, or are essentially walking balls of things that can choke a kangaskhan.

Alternatively, the second and less scientific explanation is that they’re all descended from Mew, so they’re all basically siblings.

It really depends on whom you ask: the religious sects of Kanto or Kantonian scientists.

Would you be willing to do another “Leader Dex” entry? Perhaps on Kanto-Johto’s Elite Four?

Well, I haven’t yet been beaten into the ground by certain gym leaders’ pokémon, so certainly.

That is still a terrible reason for doing these. —LH

Lorelei
The Queen of Ice
Type: Ice
Position: Kanto—First Point
Entry: A highly skilled strategic mastermind originally from Four Island. Her demeanor on the battlefield is fearsome and focused, and her command of her water- and ice-types—most notably jynx, dewgong, and lapras—is virtually unrivaled. For these reasons, it is a remarkably terrible idea to threaten her idyllic home village … or to bring up her love for collecting soft pokémon dolls. Incidentally, this entry also describes the blog’s editor, which is why the author is occasionally terrified of her too.

Bruno
The Fist of Fury
Type: Fighting
Position: Kanto—Second Point; Johto—Third Point
Entry: A black belt in multiple branches of martial arts, this man is fully capable of breaking the average human being in half, never mind the capabilities of his highly trained elite force of fighting- and ground-type pokémon. Yet despite this, he is still less terrifying than Lorelei.

Agatha
The Gray Lady
Type: Ghost
Position: Kanto—Third Point
Entry: A veteran trainer and master of the ghost and poison types. Renowned for her toughness but also for her temper, she famously was once a rival to Professor Oak himself, shortly before his retirement from training. Evidently, this was decades ago, but the exact circumstances of his retirement have left Agatha so bitter that any mention of Oak—especially words of reverence—in her presence may provoke her volcanic anger. One would think the author would find her more fearsome than Lorelei and thus hesitate to write this entry (or refer to her as “the Gray Lady”), but luckily, Lorelei agrees with him, and Agatha herself is a technophobe and thus is unlikely to read this.

Lance
The Dragon Master
Type: Dragon
Position: Kanto—Fourth Point
Entry: Thankfully, the far more amicable cousin of Clair, and a far better conversationalist at that. He can still very likely break you with not one but two dragonite, but at the very least, he’s far less likely to do so.

Will
The Psychic Wonder
Type: Psychic
Position: Johto—First Point
Entry: The youngest inductee to the Elite Four and a master of psychic pokémon. From a young age, this formidable psychic-type specialist trained under the best minds of his field from all over the world until he became strong and skilled enough to develop his abilities into his own, unique battling style. As the youngest member of the Elite Four, Will has a habit of forgoing his own well-being in favor of training under the assumption that this is the only way he can maintain his lofty position, but at the same time, he’s well-known among his peer group for having a rather … odd sense of humor that relies heavily on puns, sarcasm, and morbidity. For all of these reasons, the editor of this blog has asked me to note that this individual reminds her of a certain other workaholic Johtonian prodigy with confidence issues, a terrible sense of humor, and a kadabra, but unfortunately, she never told the author who this could be. (What if I know them, Lanette?)

Koga
The Poisonous Ninja Master
Type: Poison
Position: Johto—Second Point
Entry: You are still not allowed to go anywhere near this man’s daughter. Also, you are not allowed to ask when he got promoted to the Elite Four. He just did.

Karen
The Mistress of Shadows
Type: Dark
Position: Johto—Fourth Point
Entry: A talented mistress of the dark type and lover of all pokémon. Also beautiful, intelligent, wise, fantastically powerful, passionate, elegant, determined, emotionally strong, and—for the numbers of you who have sent fanmail to both the Pokémon League HQ or, inexplicably, the Pokémon Association HQ—flattered but still aromantic and asexual.

The Magby Line

Magby
The Live Coal Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 240
Entry: This baby pokémon has magma-like blood that circulates throughout its body. Because of the heat generated by this blood, the average magby’s body temperature can reach temperatures in excess of 1100 degrees Fahrenheit. Additionally, the fires it spits out are directly related to its body temperature and are therefore a clear indicator of both its health and moods. A depressed and/or sick magby is only capable of exhaling small puffs of black smoke, but a healthy and/or excited magby can spit out balls of flames or even full-on Flamethrowers. Thus, perhaps one could say magby is hot-blooded.

Puns? Seriously? Why would you do that? —LH

Magmar
The Spitfire Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 126
Entry: The evolved form of magby, by battle experience. Native to volcanic environments, magmar’s entire body is built to withstand—and exude—great amounts of heat. Its own body temperature is over 2200 degrees Fahrenheit, and its skin contains hundreds of vents through which both heat and fire can escape. Consequently, the air around it is constantly shimmering and wavering, which distorts an onlooker’s view of this pokémon and makes it difficult for researchers to get a clear image of it. This is unfortunate, largely because researchers aren’t quite sure what, precisely, magmar is meant to resemble. Is it a bird-like pokémon? An iguana-like one? Something that strongly resembles a figure from ancient Johtonian mythology? We just don’t know, but it’s been a popular debate among the scientific community for decades. You could say It’s a hot topic.

Oh my gods. —LH

Magmortar
The Blast Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 467
Entry: The evolved form of magmar, via trading if the subject has had a magmarizer applied to it. As the final stage in an evolution line known for intense body temperatures, magmortar is no different. This dangerous pokémon is native to volcanic craters, where it may be surrounded by volcanic vents and a rugged terrain that can either provide or withstand the incredible heat it needs to survive. Magmortar itself has a body temperature that has not yet been measured by researchers, partly because it has a tendency to melt equipment before recordings can be taken and partly because it shoots fireballs of over 3600 degrees Fahrenheit from the cannons at the ends of both of its arms. Needless to say, this pokémon certainly has a tendency to heat things up in the average researcher’s laboratory.

Bill. —LH

The Elekid Line

Elekid
The Electric Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 239
Entry: This baby, plug-like pokémon generates electricity by spinning its arms around quickly. The faster it spins its arms, the more electricity it generates, and the more electricity it generates, the more likely the area between its prong-shaped horns begins to glow blue. At that point, even the air around elekid may be super-charged with electricity, and given the fact that elekid struggles to store the electricity it generates, approaching this pokémon at this point may be a bad idea. However, the air between its prongs always carries some form of charge capable of shocking any unwary human who sticks their hand between them. Or, at least, that’s according to the pokédex. According to the author, if you’re a human who approaches a pokémon incapable of storing electricity to stick its hands directly between its horns, you have wandered far out of “unwary” territory and straight into “asking for it” territory.

Electabuzz
The Electric Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 125
Entry: The evolved form of elekid, by battle experience. This oni-like pokémon constantly consumes and discharges vast amounts of electricity. In fact, the quantity of energy that passes into and out of electabuzz’s body causes its skin to glow in darkness and the hair of anyone within five feet of it to stand on end. While research is still ongoing into harnessing this electricity for human use, among electabuzz colonies, individual electabuzz use their abilities for communication: when two electabuzz touch, they can pass currents between them in order to convey emotion. Needless to say, electabuzz trainers should be aware that not all electabuzz understand that humans are not odd-looking electabuzz.

Electivire
The Thunderbolt Pokémon
Type: Electric
Official Registration #: 466
Entry: The evolved form of electabuzz, via trading if the subject has had an electirizer applied to it. This beast-like pokémon is capable of unleashing over 20000 volts of electricity from the tips of its tails. Thus, it often pushes these tails into an opponent to deliver a devastating blow … or into their trainers because they’ve eaten nothing but kibble for three months straight.

Seel and Dewgong

Seel
The Sea Lion Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 86
Entry: A three-foot-tall seal-like pokémon native to colder waters. As with all adorable pokémon, seel is a dangerous predator, capable of hunting down prey in the arctic seas by ramming into them with its sturdy horn and then ripping into them with its fangs. This, of course, isn’t the part that shocks people the most about it. Rather, what shocks people the most is the fact that, contrary to its pokédex classification, it’s light blue, not white.

Dewgong
The Sea Lion Pokémon
Type: Water/Ice
Official Registration #: 87
Entry: The evolved form of seel, by battle experience. This pokémon has the tendency to find icebergs, drag its body onto it, and curl up for a nap. In ancient times, mariners would stumble across lounging dewgong and mistake them for mermaids. This either says a lot about dewgong’s beauty or a lot about the mariners’ understanding of what women look like—the author has never been quite sure which.

Goldeen and Seaking

Goldeen
The Goldfish Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 118
Entry: A large, goldfish-like pokémon that thrives in clean rivers. Goldeen’s fins billow elegantly as it swims, and its scales flash with a brilliant silver and gold shine, which is why it has become so appealing to humans. For centuries, goldeen were seen as symbols of high class and nobility, and breeders strove to rear the perfect goldeen. Consequently, humans tend to think that goldeen are easy to raise … which is why this rather ornery fish’s ability to jam its horn at alarmingly high speed into any passerby for no apparent reason frequently takes new goldeen trainers and small children by surprise.

Seaking
The Goldfish Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 119
Entry: The evolved form of goldeen, by battle experience. Although massive as an adult and just as elegant as its preevolved form, seaking is neither a pokémon that lives in the sea nor royalty. Researchers are not quite sure how it got the title, but it’s apparently officially recognized according to some government bodies. United Nations meetings tend to be rather odd as a result.

I almost want to hear the explanation behind this entry, but I’m afraid of what you would actually say. —LH