Tag: Kanto

Drowzee and Hypno

Drowzee
The Hypnosis Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 96
Entry: This tapir-like pokémon is not only a master at inducing sleep, but it’s also a oneirovore—or creature that consumes dreams. It is said that if your nose feels itchy in the middle of the night, it means that drowzee is attempting to consume your dreams through your nostrils. This is, in fact, the only creature that should really be eating anything out of the nose, should any small children be reading this blog. (So you see, parents, this website is fantastically educational and fit for humans of all ages.)

Bill, a couple posts ago, you were talking about mating rituals, violence among pokémon, and things one should never Google. —LH

All of which are important lessons, my dear Lanette. —Bill

Hypno
The Hypnosis Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 97
Entry: The evolved form of drowzee, by battle experience. Using its pendulum, hypno is capable of inducing sleep in most thinking lifeforms within seconds. Much like its preevolved form, hypno is also an oneirovore, and thus, it uses its hypnotic abilities to prey on the dreams of humans and other pokémon. In the case of one little girl who had what were apparently particularly sweet dreams, a hypno snatched her away in order to continue feeding on her dreams specifically. This is the only recorded instance of a kidnapping by hypno on record, unlike the hundreds of other known instances of other pokémon preying on unaware trainers and children. So naturally, because of this, a number of vocal groups think the species as a whole is dangerous, and hypno has become the favored subject of those who wish to write sensationalist literature concerning the dangers of pokémon.

Pinsir

Pinsir
The Stag Beetle Pokémon
Type: Bug
Official Registration #: 127
Entry: A large, beetle-like pokémon native to the dark forests of Kanto and Kalos. Pinsir attacks by gripping their prey within their giant, thorny pincers and pulling until their victims are torn in half. While this is a terrifying tactic indeed, it should be rather interesting to note that pinsir lack the strength to open their pincers again, which means this pokémon may be easily defeated simply by holding its pincers shut. This is about as comical on the battlefield as one would think, especially when basic-level grass-types with Vine Whip are involved.

The Chansey Line

Happiny
The Playhouse Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 440
Entry: This small, egg-like pokémon carries around a smooth, round stone that it apparently mistakes for an egg. It is not recommend that one tells a happiny—even in jest—that the stone is not, in fact, an egg, as doing so will result in the happiny bursting into tears, which in turn will result in a very stern lecture from your research partner.

Chansey
The Egg Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 113
Entry: The evolved form of happiny, by battle experience, during the day, if the subject is holding an oval stone. A rare, motherly pokémon with incredible regenerative abilities, chansey are practical angels to trainers and those in the medical field. They possess the ability to lay eggs whose yolk have unique healing properties, and whenever these pokémon come across injured humans or pokémon, it will generously share these eggs with these parties. Of course, what is not often mentioned is how chansey will share these eggs—which is to say, never twist your ankle in a field where chansey are known to live, as this will very likely result in you being hit with Egg Bomb from every possible angle. Yolk will get everywhere. Even in places you didn’t think it would be possible for yolk to be.

Blissey
The Happiness Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 242
Entry: The evolved form of chansey, as a result of a heightened sense of happiness. The eggs it lays are composed of chemicals that induce euphoria in any human that consumes it. Additionally, blissey fur is highly sensitive and is, through means not yet understood, capable of detecting sadness. Using both abilities, blissey have a tendency to stop whatever they’re doing and rush towards any source of unhappiness in order to share their eggs with the unfortunate person. One would think, given the above, that blissey would be popular pokémon to have around hospitals and other sources of high stress levels, but this is only true for carefully trained blissey. There has been more than one incident of casually trained or wild blissey wreaking havoc on college campuses or in the wild due to their tendency to rush towards sources of unhappiness, and given the fact that “sharing” for a blissey means the same thing as “sharing” does for chansey, each of these instances ended, literally speaking, quite messily. Needless to say, one can expect to be cleaning yolk off themselves up to a week later.

Lickitung and Lickilicky

Lickitung
The Licking Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 108
Entry: This lizard-like pokémon is most famous for its six-foot-long tongue. Its tongue is both prehensile and covered with a sticky saliva, and because of this, lickitung will use this appendage far more than its actual hands. When extending this tongue, lickitung’s tail will quiver, which has led scientists to believe that either there is a neural connection between this pokémon’s tongue and tail or the pokémon simply gets excited when using the former. Either way, this combination of traits has led certain cultures to view lickitung as a euphemism—for what, the author cannot say but highly advises readers not to Google.

Lickilicky
The Licking Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 463
Entry: The evolved form of lickitung, if the subject knows Rollout. Much like its preevolved form, lickilicky relies on its highly prehensile tongue to manipulate objects around it, as opposed to its hands. However, it should be noted that lickilicky’s saliva gains anesthetic properties upon evolution, and as such, any human or smaller, non-poisonous pokémon that comes in contact with a lickilicky’s tongue will experience a sudden numbing sensation throughout their body. This is also taken as a euphemism by some cultures, and the author would like to issue an even stronger recommendation to avoid Googling why if at all possible.

Staryu and Starmie

Staryu
The Star Shape Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 120
Entry: A starfish pokémon native to warm seas. Known for being a resilient pokémon, staryu are capable of regenerating any part of its body that it loses in battle, so long as its jewel-like core remains intact. Moreover, the core functions as not only a staryu’s source of power besides the organs located at the tips of its arms but also its main form of communication, as the gem is capable of flashing in specific patterns understood only by other staryu and starmie. Thus, a staryu’s core is a fascinating organ with multiple extremely legitimate purposes and is not there “just to look pretty,” contrary to what some former gym leaders have been telling the schoolchildren of Cerulean City.

Starmie
The Mysterious Pokémon
Type: Water/Psychic
Official Registration #: 121
Entry: The evolved form of staryu, by exposure to water stone. In ancient times, the people of Kanto once believed that starmie were really staryu transformed by the reflection of the stars. While this has been found to be completely untrue, starmie do apparently have a connection with space. Specifically, at night, starmie have been known to lie on their backs and shoot radio signals from their jewel-like cores into the sky. While the scientific community is not in agreement with why exactly they do this, the prevailing theory is, of course, aliens.

Sandshrew and Sandslash

Sandshrew
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 27
Entry: A pangolin-like pokémon native to dry grasslands and deserts. This pokémon possesses a rough, sandy hide capable of soaking up moisture from the dirt around it as it digs its burrows. Because of the consistency of its hide—along with its unique, sponge-like ability—sandshrew don’t need to drink much water and, in fact, shy away from it in all its forms as much as possible. Except, of course, in Alola, where sandshrew have adapted to become ice and steel types for reasons that surely make sense in a region that hosts plenty of other habitats a sandshrew can congregate in.

Sandslash
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 28
Entry: The evolved form of sandshrew, by battle experience. This pokémon is covered in sharp spikes, which are actually hardened sections of its hide. These spikes serve a largely defensive purpose: when threatened, a sandshrew will curl into a ball, forcing its spikes to stand on end and discourage physical attacks. In rare cases, a sandslash may be able to spin and move while in this position, thus crashing into enemies and obstacles. Such sandslash have also been noted to be faster, slightly bluer, and somehow “cooler” than other members of its species.

Exeggcute and Exeggutor

Exeggcute
The Egg Pokémon
Type: Grass/Psychic
Official Registration #: 102
Entry: An egg-like pokémon gifted with incredible telekinetic and telepathic powers. When one egg is separated from the bunch, it can use these wondrous abilities to locate and rejoin its group. Of course, given the fact that this means each egg clearly demonstrates autonomy, one must ask why researchers never classify an individual exeggcute component as being its own pokémon. And the answer, dear reader, is pokémon is wonderful, aren’t they?

Exeggutor
The Coconut Pokémon
Type: Grass/Psychic
Official Registration #: 103
Entry: The evolved form of exeggcute, by exposure to leaf stone. This palm tree-like pokémon originated in the tropics, and much of its behavior reflects this. It perks up most during sunny weather, when it’s able to collect sunlight in its coconut heads and grow. Such growth tends to be steady everywhere but Alola, where the abundant sun causes the energy somehow mutates exeggutor into long-necked dragon-type creatures. One may be wondering how it gains the dragon-type of all possible elements, never mind why it mutates in the region of Alola only, but the answer to this, dear reader, is that pokémon are indeed wonderful, majestic beings.

Doduo and Dodrio

Author’s Note: Due to the editor deciding that “just because you answered a string of questions last night doesn’t mean you should end it with a sarcastic response” and that the author should “think of the readers and the poor woman I’ve hired as a PR consultant,” the author has been asked to do an entry that will, hopefully, better explain dodrio flight. And by “asked,” he actually means “ordered under threat of being shown a marathon of Binaclebob Trapezoidpants episodes.”

Doduo
The Twin Bird Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 84
Entry: Despite its designation as a partial flying-type, doduo lack developed wings and therefore cannot fly for extended periods of time. Instead, it runs using its powerful legs. These legs are so well-developed and powerful that they enable doduo to reach speeds of up to sixty miles per hour, which in turn make it one of the fastest non-evolved land pokémon in existence. At these speeds, its two heads are highly useful for, appropriately enough, two reasons. First, by bobbing its heads back and forth in an alternating motion, doduo is able to maintain its balance. Second, because each head is always looking out for the other and because both heads are connected telepathically, one head can easily tell the other, “You’re about to run us headlong into a boulder, you absolute tool.” [Note: This is, at the very least, an approximation of what a doduo might say, based on psychic scans of a doduo running headlong into a boulder.]

Dodrio
The Triple Bird Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 85
Entry: The evolved form of doduo, by battle experience. Upon evolution, doduo’s body reforms so that it possesses three of not only heads but several other organs, some of which the author cannot list in polite company. While this increases the resulting dodrio’s running endurance, it decreases its top speed. However, although dodrio is no longer capable of running as quickly as its predecessor, it makes up for it with an alternate means of transportation. Namely, while many people assume just by looking at a dodrio lacks wings, what few people realize is that the brown fluff surrounding its entire body are its wings, folded up. When unfurled, dodrio possesses a pair of wings so large and majestic that it dwarfs the wingspans of many of its fellow bird pokémon.

Bill, I explicitly told you not to give yet another sarcastic response to the question about how dodrio can fly. —LH

Actually, this one isn’t sarcastic. Their wings are actually more impressive than Ho-oh’s. —Bill

…okay, that’s it, you’re going to spend the rest of the evening with Binaclebob. —LH

Tentacool and Tentacruel

Tentacool
The Jellyfish Pokémon
Type: Water/Poison
Official Registration #: 72
Entry: A jellyfish pokémon endemic to the seas of practically every region. The tentacle-like stingers of this pokémon can reach lengths of up to 120 feet, depending on the specific subspecies of tentacool. However, each subspecies has its own average length, making determining the size of the average tentacool rather difficult. What is shared between all subspecies of tentacool, however, is what each of them use their stingers for: ensnaring literal prey … as well as ensnaring metaphorical prey in exactly the way the Sinnohan administrator thinks, for once. It is thus not recommended to bathe with your tame tentacool—which is strangely a warning that has been deemed necessary to share, thanks to certain incidents within the Pokémon Fan Club.

Tentacruel
The Jellyfish Pokémon
Type: Water/Poison
Official Registration #: 73
Entry: The evolved form of tentacool, by battle experience. Because it possesses over eighty tentacles, tentacruel pares down its limbs to avoid knotting, unlike its preevolved form. None of that prior sentence is a euphemism, oddly enough, but saying it enjoys whipping and ensnaring potential prey … can be. Do not bathe with this pokémon either.