Would you be willing to do another “Leader Dex” entry? Perhaps on Kanto-Johto’s Elite Four?

Well, I haven’t yet been beaten into the ground by certain gym leaders’ pokémon, so certainly.

That is still a terrible reason for doing these. —LH


Lorelei
The Queen of Ice
Type: Ice
Position: Kanto—First Point
Entry: A highly skilled strategic mastermind originally from Four Island. Her demeanor on the battlefield is fearsome and focused, and her command of her water- and ice-types—most notably jynx, dewgong, and lapras—is virtually unrivaled. For these reasons, it is a remarkably terrible idea to threaten her idyllic home village … or to bring up her love for collecting soft pokémon dolls. Incidentally, this entry also describes the blog’s editor, which is why the author is occasionally terrified of her too.

Bruno
The Fist of Fury
Type: Fighting
Position: Kanto—Second Point; Johto—Third Point
Entry: A black belt in multiple branches of martial arts, this man is fully capable of breaking the average human being in half, never mind the capabilities of his highly trained elite force of fighting- and ground-type pokémon. Yet despite this, he is still less terrifying than Lorelei.

Agatha
The Gray Lady
Type: Ghost
Position: Kanto—Third Point
Entry: A veteran trainer and master of the ghost and poison types. Renowned for her toughness but also for her temper, she famously was once a rival to Professor Oak himself, shortly before his retirement from training. Evidently, this was decades ago, but the exact circumstances of his retirement have left Agatha so bitter that any mention of Oak—especially words of reverence—in her presence may provoke her volcanic anger. One would think the author would find her more fearsome than Lorelei and thus hesitate to write this entry (or refer to her as “the Gray Lady”), but luckily, Lorelei agrees with him, and Agatha herself is a technophobe and thus is unlikely to read this.

Lance
The Dragon Master
Type: Dragon
Position: Kanto—Fourth Point
Entry: Thankfully, the far more amicable cousin of Clair, and a far better conversationalist at that. He can still very likely break you with not one but two dragonite, but at the very least, he’s far less likely to do so.

Will
The Psychic Wonder
Type: Psychic
Position: Johto—First Point
Entry: The youngest inductee to the Elite Four and a master of psychic pokémon. From a young age, this formidable psychic-type specialist trained under the best minds of his field from all over the world until he became strong and skilled enough to develop his abilities into his own, unique battling style. As the youngest member of the Elite Four, Will has a habit of forgoing his own well-being in favor of training under the assumption that this is the only way he can maintain his lofty position, but at the same time, he’s well-known among his peer group for having a rather … odd sense of humor that relies heavily on puns, sarcasm, and morbidity. For all of these reasons, the editor of this blog has asked me to note that this individual reminds her of a certain other workaholic Johtonian prodigy with confidence issues, a terrible sense of humor, and a kadabra, but unfortunately, she never told the author who this could be. (What if I know them, Lanette?)

Koga
The Poisonous Ninja Master
Type: Poison
Position: Johto—Second Point
Entry: You are still not allowed to go anywhere near this man’s daughter. Also, you are not allowed to ask when he got promoted to the Elite Four. He just did.

Karen
The Mistress of Shadows
Type: Dark
Position: Johto—Fourth Point
Entry: A talented mistress of the dark type and lover of all pokémon. Also beautiful, intelligent, wise, fantastically powerful, passionate, elegant, determined, emotionally strong, and—for the numbers of you who have sent fanmail to both the Pokémon League HQ or, inexplicably, the Pokémon Association HQ—flattered but still aromantic and asexual.

Gym Leader Dex: Kanto

Brock
The Rock-Solid Pokémon Trainer
Type: Rock
Positon: First Badge—Boulder
Entry: A mature, responsible pokémon trainer, breeder, doctor, and expert of the rock-type. Vastly intelligent compared to the majority of the Kantonian gym leaders, Brock would make an ideal conversational partner for anyone interested in pokémon knowledge … assuming an attractive woman is not also present. If that’s the case, then Brock may still provide some level of entertainment if the attractive older woman happens to be your misanthropic, black-belt older sister.

Misty
The Tomboyish Mermaid
Type: Water
Positon: Second Badge—Cascade
Entry: This young woman will bring boys of questionable virtue to your front yard because she has decided it’s the most romantic spot in Kanto, and you’re going to let her because she has a starmie and a temper, and you don’t have a death wish.

Lt. Surge
The Lightning American
Type: Electric
Positon: Third Badge—Thunder
Entry: A former officer of the U.S. Army, a specialist in electrical attacks, and a bodybuilder who can benchpress a car and snap the average pokémonologist’s body in half. That having been said, the writer would like to emphasize that this man is an upstanding citizen and a saint, and there is absolutely nothing funny about him whatsoever.

Erika
The Nature-Loving Princess
Type: Grass
Positon: Fourth Badge—Rainbow
Entry: The daughter of a former kimono girl and an expert in grass-type pokémon, Erika is well-versed in Japanese traditions (including those of traditional flower dancing and flower arranging), wise, elegant, and the epitome of grace and politeness … all according to the writer’s mother, who frequently tells him that she finds it utterly fascinating that the children of everyone else in her former troupe has gotten married and had children except the ones who moved to Kanto.

Koga
The Poisonous Ninja Master
Type: Poison
Position: Fifth Badge—Soul
Entry: Koga’s ninjitsu skills, as well as mastery of poison-type pokémon, are unrivaled and come as a result of decades of intense ninja training. It is entirely possible to learn all about this upon waking up in the hospital three days after a casual conversation with his daughter, Janine.

Sabrina
The Mistress of Psychic Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Positon: Sixth Badge—Marsh
Entry: A young but powerful psychic, Sabrina is gifted with all manners of abilities, including telepathy, precognition, and telekinesis. Due to a combination of these gifts, she also possesses the ability to hold psychic conversations with psychic pokémon, an ability she relishes during League summits, when she holds lengthy conversations with your kadabra about what is apparently your death—a subject that she assures you is far in the future but nonetheless arouses fits of laughter from both parties for reasons you neither currently understand nor would probably never want to understand.

Blaine
The Hotheaded Quiz Master
Type: Fire
Positon: Seventh Badge—Volcano
Entry: A brilliant former geneticist and master of the fire type. In truth, despite the fact that the writer is more interested in holding a conversation with Blaine than with any other Kantonian gym leader, yours truly knows very little about this man. Why? Because evidently, the writer’s father owes Blaine a hefty amount of money over a very long story involving a bet about ditto and a pub quiz, and Blaine stresses the importance of this by summoning his magmar to use Fire Blast at the very mention of the writer’s last name.