bills-pokedex:

Aron
The Iron Armor Pokémon
Type: Steel/Rock
Official Registration #: 304
Entry: A small but hefty tank-like pokémon originally discovered in the cave systems of Hoenn. Although these small but docile pokémon typically live deep underground, they thrive on iron and will thus rise to the surface in search of it if underground deposits run dry. In the process, they quickly become destructive forces of nature, capable of destroying anything within their paths easily until they consume the iron they need. They have been known to devour anything containing iron, including railroad tracks, cars, heavy equipment, sensitive research equipment, and more … yet the editor of this blog still considers them to be “cute” and “not at all dangerous” for some reason.

Lairon
The Iron Armor Pokémon
Type: Steel/Rock
Official Registration #: 305
Entry: The evolved form of aron, by battle experience. Aron, a pokémon that typically lives in herds, will congregate into similar herd structures after evolution. These herds typically congregate near mineral-rich underground springs, where they often engage in vicious battles with one another by slamming into each other’s armor, all in preparation for fights against invading pokémon or humans. Unfortunately, because their spring-side habitats tend to be closer to the surface than their nests as aron, they are known to lay waste to even more human-built structures, including mines, tunnels, or mountainside villages. For whatever reason, the editor of this blog thinks lairon is cute too.

Aggron
The Iron Armor Pokémon
Type: Steel/Rock
Official Registration #: 306
Entry: The evolved form of lairon, by battle experience. Upon evolution, aggron will break away from its former herd and roam vast, mountainous territory by itself. A single aggron will claim an entire mountain as its personal territory, and as such, aggron are known to aggressively repel other aggron—even those from its former herd—with incredible feats of violence. Lone aggron are therefore much easier to capture and train, and in fact, aggron are among the strongest pokémon available in the Hoenn region. Their popularity is only helped by the fact that the Hoennian champion, Steven Stone, includes one among his signature team … which, actually, might explain the editor’s predilection towards them.

What are you implying?! —LH

Mega Aggron
The Iron Armor Pokémon
Type: Steel
Official Registration #: 306+
Entry: The advanced form of aggron, via aggronite. Upon mega evolution, aggron loses its affinity for the rock type but gains a considerable boost in defensive and physically offensive capabilities. Some believe that, in conjunction with its own territorial nature and the existence of mega tyranitar, mega aggron is itself proof that there is no higher power in the universe, as clearly, monsters with world-ending abilities and devastating tempers are allowed to exist and be placed in the hands of a species with notoriously questionable levels of judgment. Others believe that this is actually proof that there is a higher power out there and that this higher power is both a pokémon and extremely puzzled that humans have managed to survive for as long as we have.

The editor of this blog, meanwhile, simply believes that a 400-pound armored behemoth with spikes quite literally everywhere and a strong tendency to protect the pristine state of its territory through the most violent means possible is cute.

Edit: Really? Nothing, Lanette? —Bill

Why would I have a comeback? It’s cute, and to be fair, the world could use more sentient tanks to protect the environment. —LH

Sometimes I forget how terrifying you are… —Bill