Kalos Legendaries, Part I

Carbink
The Jewel Pokémon
Type: Rock/Fairy
Official Registration #: 703
Entry: A small, imp-like pokémon native to the caves of Kalos. Having slept underground for millions of years, the minerals in its body has been tempered by the pressures and temperatures of the earth itself into precious stones, most notably pure diamond. Interestingly enough, despite supposedly being related to a legendary pokémon, carbink are not considered to be legendaries themselves and are in fact fairly common in their native cave systems, which in turn means their diamonds are not particularly rare. In conclusion, for those of you who are interested in female-identifying people, the old saying “diamonds are a girl’s best friend” is terrible advice, but “chocolate is a girl’s best friend” is usually not. Just a friendly tip.

Diancie
The Jewel Pokémon
Type: Rock/Fairy
Official Registration #: 719
Entry: According to Kalosean myth, this small, princess-like pokémon is the legendary of jewels. As such, it has the power to create diamonds by compressing the carbon in the air around it. Additionally, it is not only said to be the sudden transformation of carbink (through a surge of magical fairy energy), but it is also capable of mega evolving into an even more regal and powerful form. And on that note, the author is sorely tempted to make a reference to magical girls here, but unfortunately, the internet has beaten him to literally every possible one conceivable.

Sinnoh Legendaries, Part VII

Giratina
The Renegade Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Dragon
Official Registration #: 487
Entry: A strange and mysterious legendary dragon whose power rivals that of Dialga and Palkia. It is said that Giratina was banished from this world eons ago for its violence, and now, it rules over a dimension on the reverse side of ours known as the Distortion World. Naturally, one might ask what violent act it may have committed to get itself banished completely from reality. The simple answer was that it was created to embody the nothingness and antimatter opposite to the creations of Dialga and Palkia, and thus, there must have been a war between Giratina and the two deities of space and time. But more than likely, knowing Sinnoh legends and given the fact that Giratina is known as the Renegade Pokémon, it’s probable that it was simply the loser of an epic rap battle among the ancient deities.

Bill, no. —LH

Sinnoh Legendaries, Part VI

Dialga
The Temporal Pokémon
Type: Steel/Dragon
Official Registration #: 483
Entry: One of the highest deities of Sinnohan lore, Dialga was created by Arceus to serve as the master of time. It is said that time began to flow the moment it was born and has continued to flow with every one of its heartbeats. Likewise, because of how integral time is to Dialga, it has the power to control its flow as well as travel backwards and forwards through it, and thus, its title of “master of time” is both literal and metaphorical. As such, you could even say it’s a time lord, except the editor of this blog has requested that the author does not refer to it as that because “honestly, Bill, there are about thirty reasons why you shouldn’t refer to one of the gods of the fabric of space and time with an already outdated pop culture joke, and you have a high enough IQ to figure out why.”

Palkia
The Spatial Pokémon
Type: Water/Dragon
Official Registration #: 484
Entry: One of the highest deities of Sinnohan lore, Palkia was created by Arceus to serve as the master of space. Supposedly, it has the ability to distort space and control the stabilization of dimensions, and with every breath it takes, space becomes more stable. It is also said that as the lord of all space, it’s a rather funny coincidence that its pink, thick-necked, large-shouldered appearance makes it resemble a certain body part shared by some people who think they have the capacity to control all space, but the editor has also requested that the author do not refer to one of the deities of the space-time continuum as a pokémon that resembles such an object. Even though many other people of Sinnohan origin or otherwise think it looks rather phallic too.

Sinnoh Legendaries, Part V

Regigigas
The Colossal Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 486
Entry: According to legend, Regigigas was the master and creator of the legendaries Regice, Regirock, and Registeel. It created these golems out of mountains of ice, rocks and clay, and magma, respectively, then—using their help and sturdy rope—towed entire continents across the surface of the planet to their present-day locations. If this sounds at all incredible to you, just keep in mind that Regigigas’s special, passive ability forces it to start slowly and gradually work its way towards being productive … much like how many of us are not at all morning people.

Sinnoh Legendaries, Part IV

Uxie
The Knowledge Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 480
Entry: According to Sinnohan lore, Uxie is the legendary guardian of Lake Acuity, the pixie of knowledge, and the being who gifted humanity with the ability to think. The latter is its main legacy; most stories regarding Uxie talk about how it flew across the land and how those humans it passed suddenly gained the ability to solve problems and improve their lives, independent of their pokémon companions. Of course, while it’s true that humanity as a whole has shown rich amounts of aptitude to do just this, whether or not Uxie had accidentally missed a few individuals here or there is still a matter of debate.

Mesprit
The Emotion Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 481
Entry: According to Sinnohan lore, Mesprit is the legendary guardian of Lake Verity, the pixie of emotion, and the being who gifted humanity with the ability to feel. As it flew across the region, it taught the humans it encountered how to feel hope, love, sadness, joy, pain, and sorrow—all the things that are necessary for understanding the gift of life. Humans, in turn, promptly used its newfound gifts to create schadenfreude, politics, and war. Because you just can’t give humanity nice, noble things, apparently.

Azelf
The Willpower Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 482
Entry: According to Sinnohan lore, Azelf is the legendary guardian of Lake Valor, the pixie of willpower, and the being who gifted humanity with the determination and strength to go through life. Some argue that Azelf was the most important pixie of all, as with knowledge and emotion but without determination, humanity would see no point in using their gifts of intelligence and compassion to make the world a better place. Just remember that, readers—it was not simply Uxie and Mesprit who came to us but Azelf as well, and as such, no matter what happens or what we think of ourselves or even what others think of us, we have Azelf’s gift of strength inside us all.

(And you thought the author was about to end this entry with something far more dismal, didn’t you?)

Sinnoh Legendaries: Part III

Manaphy
The Seafaring Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 490
Entry: According to Sinnoh lore, this small, sea angel-like pokémon is the legendary Prince of the Sea. Unlike other legendaries associated with the sea (specifically Kyogre and Lugia), it does not control the sea itself, nor does it control the storms above it or channels within it. Rather, its fantastic power—which it possesses at birth—allows it to bond with and communicate with all sea life, from the tiniest plankton to the massive, unfathomable creatures dwelling in the ocean’s darkest depths. Oftentimes, fans of legendary pokémon mock Manaphy and call it the most useless pokémon in a superhero fight, but let it be known that sea life includes both Kyogre and Lugia, so honestly, stop making fun of Waterman, comic book message boards on the internet.

Phione
The Sea Drifter Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 489
Entry: According to Sinnoh lore, this small, sea angel-like pokémon is born from a Manaphy when mated with a ditto. How we know this—considering the fact that Manaphy is a mythical pokémon only rumored to exist and considering the fact that ditto are not native to the sea, never mind the other thousands of questions we have about phione—the author can’t say.

Sinnoh Legendaries, Part II

Heatran
The Lava Dome Pokémon
Type: Fire/Steel
Official Registration #: 485
Entry: According to Sinnoh lore, this large, golem-like pokémon is the guardian of caves, of mountains, and of magma—or, more simply, it’s the guardian of volcanoes. Up until recently, given the fact that it’s a bulky-looking, quadruped pokémon whose very roar caused volcanoes to erupt, Johtonians were fully convinced that Heatran was nothing more than a corruption or even mockery of their own legendary of volcanoes, Entei. Then it was discovered that, no, really, Heatran actually existed, and for the first time ever in the history of Johto-Sinnoh relations, Johtonians may or may not have said words that might have given someone else the impression that they were wrong about something and that they apologize.

Sinnoh Legendaries: Part I

Shaymin
The Gratitude Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 492
Entry: According to Sinnoh lore, this small, hedgehog-like pokémon is the legendary of gratitude. Stories tell of its many abilities, most of which are in one way or another rewards for gracious humans. If it senses gratitude and love, it will dissolve the toxins in the air around it and cause entire fields to bloom with flowers and abundant greenery. If it’s given even a small offering of gracidea flowers, it will transform into a more powerful form capable of flight to become the defender of the people who worship it. And if it encounters gold rings, it will suddenly feel the need to paint itself blue, run really fast, and quip somewhat cheesy one-liners.

Hoenn Legendaries: Part V

Deoxys
The DNA Pokémon
Type: Psychic
Official Registration #: 386
Entry: This incredibly powerful pokémon originated from a free-floating virus in space that mutated as a result of exposure to cosmic rays. It has the ability to shoot lasers from the crystalline organ in its chest and shapeshift into one of three more powerful forms, in addition to potent psychokinetic abilities. This may sound like a concept fresh from a questionable science-fiction movie, but the author assures you this a thing that exists.

Hoenn Legendaries, Part IV

Kyogre
The Sea Basin Pokémon
Type: Water
Official Registration #: 382
Entry: The ancient god of the sea, according to Hoennian legend. According to ancient Hoennian texts, Kyogre shaped the oceans by controlling the very waves themselves and bringing down torrential downpours. Interestingly, unlike many other myths concerning the creation of a world, Kyogre had a motivation behind it: namely to establish the dominance of aquatic pokémon in their fight against Groudon and its land-based followers. This means that the ocean itself exists thanks to a petty quarrel that happened eons ago, and because of this, the author is not sure whether to be impressed or to assume this explains quite a bit about the human race if this is how they say the world was formed.

Groudon
The Continent Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 383
Entry: The ancient god of the land, according to Hoennian legend. According to ancient Hoennian texts, Groudon had the power to raise landmasses and control magma, which one would assume were the powers it used in its quarrel against Kyogre to create the land. But no. No, reader, the power it used in its fight against Kyogre, the almighty ability that cut continents through Kyogre’s very oceans, was the ability to dispel clouds and make it especially sunny.