Thank you, anonymous. I’ve always seen myself as straight, but then again, I’ve never had much opportunity to experiment. And given the likelihood that Bill would ever put two and two together…
…is it too late to admit I figured it out on the delibirds and combees ask? —Bill
The fact that it took you even that long doesn’t actually help your case. —LH
Oh, I know. Believe me.
I don’t mind, though. It’s cute when he completely misses the point. After all, how can I say no to irrefutable proof that one of the greatest minds of our time is actually human?
I’m not sure how to take this entire ask. —Bill
If it wouldn’t make our professional lives complicated and if the developers didn’t have a strict no-dating-other-developers rule, then … maybe.
(I can’t speak for Steven, meanwhile.)
This too.
Hey! I have a lot of good qualities! —Bill
Yes. You’re funny, charming, sensitive, passionate, adorable, conscious of personal hygiene … and completely oblivious to your personal safety, social convention, and the embarrassingly obvious hints people drop that they’re interested in you. —LH
… Just adorable? —Bill
This is Bill we’re talking about, anonymous. If you don’t have a crush on him, you’re either:
A. A system admin who has already been through The Phase.
B. From Kanto or Johto but decidedly not attracted to men or the sort of people who are really into steampunk cosplay.
C. Related to Bill.
D. Not from Kanto or Johto and also not well-versed in news related to tech, science, or pokémon.
E. The girl who works at that one flower shop in North Goldenrod.
Oh, that last one hurts. —Bill
It’s a tie between tough and cute, actually! I’ve always loved watching cute contests, even now, as an adult. Who can say no to a parade of adorable pokémon, right? Every single cute contest is just a whole hoard of cute pokémon like skitty or clefairy doing their absolute best to show off through tricks and a lot of pink, and who can say no to any of that? Imagine a solid afternoon of nothing but cat videos, and you’ll have a cute contest.
As for tough contests, that comes more from my background as a coordinator. I have a lot of fond memories preparing for those because they’re not just a bunch of musclebound pokémon flexing for the judges, contrary to popular belief. No, there’s a certain level of creativity and skill to it: you need to know how to use the stage, your pokémon’s strength, and your entire arsenal of moves in the perfect combination to show off your pokémon’s physical abilities. What that means varies from pokémon to pokémon too. While some may excel in showing off fighting techniques and breaking entire slabs of concrete with precision strikes, others may be better suited to lifting boulders and tossing them across the stage with ease. You needed to incorporate everything into your contest strategy, and once you get on stage and face opponents who also have come armed with brilliant contest strategies … let’s just say it’s like being in a well-choreographed kung-fu movie. (Of course, kung-fu movies aren’t really my favorites, and I can’t say I enjoy watching a tough contest as much as I enjoy participating in one, but at least being in them was a lot of fun.)
In case anyone’s wondering, I can also answer what my least favorite contest is: smart. You may think that’s odd, given that I’m, well, of a certain subculture that enjoys things generally associated with intellectuals, but really, proving that your pokémon is smart is neither fun to do nor exciting to watch. What’s more, the participants in such contests can be … more than a little obnoxious, especially the male coordinators towards female competitors. I’m sorry, gentlemen, but I know what I’m talking about when it comes to pokémon. And anyway, I only have enough room in my life for one passionate and intelligent gentleman who won’t shut up if you paid him once you got him started, and I make an exception with him because he also respects me, treats me like an equal, and hits my soft spot for cute things by having the innocence and enthusiasm of an overexcited eevee.
Well, I hope to meet this gentleman someday. —Bill
Bill: How can I say no to letting her answer a question now and then? She’s been a wonderful host this weekend … even if she said a thing or few that was grossly exaggerated.
LH: Is this about your fursona?
Bill: Steven, actually, but now that we’re on the subject…
Sometimes, Bill can be a bit of a handful and needs some deescalation.
Don’t worry, readers. We do this mostly as a joke with each other. She bans me because it’s ironic, given my status as the administrator, and I fire off puns at her knowing full well no punishment she gives me would ever stick. In fact, technically, I’m back, but I do agree with some of you that she’s quite an enjoyable host. —Bill
No punishment would ever stick … except Binaclebob Trapezoidpants, I hope. —LH
Well, now that I’ve finished the entirety of that series… —Bill
Time to move on to My Little Ponyta? —LH
Blazes, Lanette! I thought we were friends! —Bill
On Grooming: Everything starts with a good diet. Feed your dragonair a healthy mix of vegetables and fresh seafood, and if recommended by your local Nurse Joy, consider supplements as well. This will help keep her color vivid and her scales glossy. Also, make sure her environment is moist and humid so her skin doesn’t dry out. There’s not much else you really need to do; your dragonair will keep herself clean and shed her skin once a month anyway. You only really need to keep a close watch on her whenever she sheds, and if she looks like she’s having trouble, give her something, such as a rock, to rub up against to help herself along.
On Everstones: This is always tricky for a serpentine pokémon, but luckily, dragonair have a nice space between their pearl and their cheekbones and horn that would be a perfect fit for a collar satchel. Bill might have mentioned this in an earlier ask, but collar satchels are special collars with a pouch on the front specially designed to hold items. Just fix one on between your dragonair’s head and pearl, insert the everstone, and close the pouch. The placement between her pearl and cheeks will keep it from sliding off, and the pouch will be close enough to her body for the everstone to work.
On Milotic: Have you tried neutering him?
Lanette … that’s a bit extreme for a first course of action, isn’t it? —Bill
On the contrary. Sometimes, it’s the only way to deal with men who can’t take no for an answer. —LH
…remind me to never make you angry. —Bill
[The following is the chat transcript between Bill and LH concerning the above two asks. Text has been edited only to correct typos. —Brigette]
Bill: ….
Bill: I suppose that’s one way of skipping the queue.
LH: As you always say, fortune favors the bold? I don’t think you can fault our audience for being creative. Or audacious.
Bill: True.
Bill: As much as I’d hate to admit it.
LH: In any case, should we answer this one together?
Bill: Together? As I recall, I’m still banned.
LH: Oh. Right.
LH: Well, okay. I can just have Brigette post this log.
Bill: Or you can lift my ban.
LH: First off, yes, it’s true that nidoking and rhydon can swim. Although you’d think they wouldn’t considering their typing and mass, they can actually withstand exposure to water for short periods of time. It’s not recommended that you have them swim entire oceans, of course, but they can at least hold their own in pools or slow rivers.
Bill: It’s really their hides that do it. Both nidoking and rhydon have thicker hides than a lot of rock- or ground-types, and they aren’t literal boulders like the geodude line or the roggenrola line. As such, water by and large stays out and can’t erode their inner plating, and the experience doesn’t sap their energy the way it would for a pokémon made of solid rock or earth. Well, that and they don’t simply sink to the bottom like stones.
LH: …was that a pun?
Bill: In any case, it’s not particularly well-known because it’s not a practice that’s encouraged. Even though they can swim, it’s still a risk for pokémon of their typing. Only particularly well-trained nidoking or rhydon can swim for long periods of time, and once they begin to sink, water can seep through their outer armor, reach the sensitive skin underneath, and consequently begin to react to their respective elements. Experienced trainers will only teach these pokémon Surf if and only if it becomes a focus of their routine, to the point where they dedicate a lot of training time to ensuring their pokémon can stay afloat; otherwise, most trainers will actively avoid these moves in favor of something that would better suit either species’ natural battle style.
LH: As for which pokémon are surprisingly good swimmers, there’s a long list, actually! On it are things like aggron, tyranitar, nidoqueen (of course), and even garchomp.
Bill: But arguably the most shocking is pikachu.
LH: Okay, that was definitely a pun.
Bill: …my ban is being extended, isn’t it?
LH: As we speak.
Bill: Worth it.
The Pokédex According to Bill 