The Pidove Line

Pidove
The Tiny Pigeon Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 519
Entry: A small, pigeon-like pokémon endemic to the urban areas of Unova and Kalos. Notorious for its forgetfulness, pidove have a tendency to wait for their next orders, even if a trainer had already issued one. They also have the tendency to forget that they can fly, that the window they had flown into three seconds earlier exists, that purrloin eat them, and practically anything at all if shown a small chunk of bread.

Tranquill
The Wild Pigeon Pokémon
Type: Normal/Psychic
Official Registration #: 520
Entry: The evolved form of pidove, by battle experience. Tranquill are known for being excellent messengers, largely because they possess the ability to return to their trainers, regardless of how far they have to fly in order to do so. Given the forgetfulness of tranquill’s previous evolution, this has naturally baffled behaviorists for centuries. Less baffling: the fact that tranquill don’t seem to take “it’s amazing that you can remember you have your trainer, given, you know, what you were like as a pidove” as a compliment.

Unfezant
The Proud Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 521
Entry: The evolved form of tranquill, by battle experience. The sexual dimorphism of this pokémon has been a point of interest to pokémonologists for years. Males possess elaborate, brightly colored plumage, which they show off during mating season by swinging their heads in a display designed to simultaneously attract females and threaten males away from mating candidates. The females, meanwhile, possess duller plumage but stronger wings, the latter of which grant them flying abilities that are practically unrivaled among bird pokémon, their male counterparts included. To be fair, though, it’s perfectly understandable. Whenever certain subsets of the human species display similar behaviors to male unfezant, their potential mating candidates, too, display impressive flight abilities for the sake of evacuating immediately, and the author, to be frank, can hardly blame them.

Patrat and Watchog

Patrat
The Scout Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 504
Entry: Normally a cautious pokémon, this short, meerkat-like creature prefers living in large colonies so that it and its fellow patrat can maintain a constant watch on each other. When taken away from its colony, a trained patrat has been known to forgo sleep in favor of watching its trainer. Always watching. With those large, glowing, hypnotic eyes. PATRAT IS ALWAYS WATCHING.

Watchog
The Lookout Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 505
Entry: The evolved form of patrat, by battle experience. It IS ALWAYS WATCHING. ALWAYS. WATCHING. ALL HAIL THE HYPNOTIC MEERKAT.

Bill, I’m not even sure you’re trying anymore. —LH

Audino

Audino
The Hearing Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 531
Entry: A rabbit-like pokémon native to the fields of Unova. Audino possess not only sensitive ears but also specialized feelers for detecting sound, which in combination gift it with the most sensitive hearing in the pokémon kingdom. As such, audino are typically timid pokémon, but they also make great healers, not only because they have the ability to detect aliments and heartbeats by sound but also because they have a natural inclination towards wanting to cure others. It is thus one of the gentlest pokémon in existence as well as one of the most useful to both trainers and civilians alike … yet most of Unova know it as “the best punching bag to use if you really want to get your pokémon some battle experience.”

Unova Legendaries, Part IV

Meloetta
The Melody Pokémon
Type: Normal/Psychic
Official Registration #: 648
Entry: A humanoid legendary pokémon said to be the muse of song and dance. According to Unovan lore, Meloetta possessed the ability to influence the moods of human beings with her song and dance. She was capable of quelling the rage of the most bloodthirsty conquerors, as well as inciting the most peaceful priests and farmers into violent uprisings, all through the power of her songs. Other strange and mystical beings capable of doing the same thing: Kesha.

Smeargle

Smeargle
The Painter Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 235
Entry: A rare hound pokémon found only in certain parts of Kalos and Johto. Special paint-like fluids leak from the bushy tip of this pokémon’s tail, which it then uses to (literally) mark whatever it claims as its territory. This technique is an effective form of territorial marking, as not only is the specific hue of this paint unique enough to each smeargle to allow one to identify a specimen just by the color of their paint, but also, this ink is highly difficult to remove from surfaces … including clothing and skin. Trainers and researchers—particularly the latter—should take caution when handling an excited or territorial smeargle.

Dunsparce

Dunsparce
The Land Snake Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 206
Entry: A large, serpentine pokémon native to the cave systems of Johto. The wings on its back are more of a safety measure, allowing dunsparce to control its fall, should it drill its way into the roof of an existing cavern or other steep drop. This is necessary, as its drill is located on its tail, and thus, it cannot watch where it’s going as it burrows deep into the ground (which, incidentally, explains why its nests are maze-like). Given the shape of this pokémon, it should be noted that, no, again, dunsparce is not a phallic object, and its burrowing habits are not a metaphor … regardless of any form of Johtonian slang involving this pokémon’s species name and certain parts of the male anatomy that may imply otherwise.

The Porygon Line

Porygon
The Virtual Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 137
Entry: A bird-like virtual pokémon that exists within a digital environment. It has the capability of entering and exiting said environment using very similar procedures as the digitization of poké balls in that it converts the code that comprises its body into a solid cross between plastic, a carbon-based polymer, and hard light (similar to that used in Reflect and Light Screen). As an extended note, this pokémon has been copyprotected by Silph Co., so no, you wouldn’t steal a pokémon, Motion Picture Association of Unova.

Porygon2
The Virtual Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 233
Entry: The evolved form of porygon, via trading if the subject has had an up-grade applied to it. In order to assist with actual rocket science involved with the Unovan space program, scientists have taken a porygon and reformatted it into a porygon2, thus refining it to work smarter and more efficiently than its previous form. Thus, it is said that porygon2 is a pokémon that was created with the power of science … which, as this writer is currently being told by his editor, is the first and only time he may use “with the power of science” in this blog, especially as a justification for the creation of life.

Porygon-Z
The Virtual Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 474
Entry: The evolved form of porygon2, via trading if the subject has had a dubious disc applied to it. In an attempt to create an even faster and more efficient form of the porygon line, scientists applied brand-new software onto a porygon2, resulting in a bug-filled, highly erratic and unpredictable virtual pokémon that would frequently refuse to operate as intended. And this, readers, is why you give your poor developers enough time to test the software you pay them to create.

It’s okay, Bill. The Pokémon Association can’t hurt you anymore. —LH

Arceus

In honor of the official registration of new legendaries, we at The Pokédex would like to present you with the following special entry. As always, Request … Week … ish … will resume as scheduled tomorrow. Please feel free to continue sending in asks and requests in the meantime. Thank you for reading! —LH

Arceus
The Alpha Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 493
Entry: According to the Sinnohan culture, in the beginning, Arceus sprang from an egg and created the Universe. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

Can you do the Lillipup line, please?

Ah, the lillipup line! Puppy-like lines are certainly some of the most fascinating, although I must say that lillipup isn’t quite as scientifically curious as eevee. Nonetheless…

Lillipup
The Puppy Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 506
Entry: According to the Unovan pokédex, this small, terrier-like pokémon is both brave and intelligent. When faced with an opponent of equal or lesser strength than itself, it will attack to defend its trainer from harm. However, when faced with an opponent of greater strength than itself, it will acknowledge its opponent’s strength and run away. Unfortunately, however, this is only what it does in theory. In practice, lillipup are small, tenacious pokémon that will bark and charge at anything, regardless of power. While this may sound adorable, the author should warn you that this means anything and that it would be extremely prudent to keep lillipup away from anything that may charge a trainer as well. Such as bouffalant.

Herdier
The Loyal Dog Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 507
Entry: The evolved form of lillipup, by battle experience. As herdier grows, the black, cape-like fur on its back hardens and thickens to form a cushion against any blow it may receive. Each hair is coarse, and the older a herdier gets, the coarser and more needle-like these hairs become. It should also be noted that while herdier normally do not shed excessively, the occasional hair loss is normal … which is to say, it may be prudent to get rid of any and all carpeting in your home.

Stoutland
The Big-Hearted Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 508
Entry: The evolved form of herdier, by battle experience. Although many people outside of the research community believe stoutland’s species name refers to its kindness and bravery (traits inferred from its tendency to seek out and rescue lost humans and pokémon in even the fiercest mountainous blizzards), in actuality, it stems from its literal abnormally large heart, which can weigh up to 1.2% of its body weight—possibly even more for those that exercise particularly vigorously. How a three-foot-tall dog can have a heart that large without telekinetic assistance or suffering the effects of abnormally high blood pressure or other coronary issues is still a matter of scientific debate and fascination.

Kecleon

Kecleon
The Color Swap Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 352
Entry: A large, chameleon-like pokémon native to the jungles of Hoenn. According to songs used far too often in the drunken karaoke bars of Sinnoh, kecleon “come and go, come and go.” Furthermore, “loving one would be easy if their colors were like my dream: red, gold, and green; red, gold, and green.”

Bill, first, I am certain we don’t have the rights to that song, not that most people would know it anyway. Second, stop. —LH