Ditto

Ditto
The Transform Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 132
Entry: A blob-like pokémon capable of rearranging its entire cellular structure to become perfect mimics of other pokémon. Once transformed, a ditto is capable of not only looking and sounding like another pokémon but also battling like a perfect copy of its target. While this may sound like a godsend to most trainers—and, indeed, many breeders have found this level of mimicry incredibly useful in their lines of work—in actuality, it should be noted that a ditto in its natural state is actually quite vulnerable and can be beaten by anything faster than it, such as tyranitar, donphan, weedle, blissey…

Munchlax and Snorlax

Munchlax
The Big Eater Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 446
Entry: A cub pokémon known for its insatiable appetite. It is highly inadvisable to pick a munchlax up unless one is prepared, as despite the fact that its average height is only about two feet, its average weight is over 230 pounds. To be fair, most of this weight is not actually the munchlax itself but rather the vast quantities of food it stores within its shaggy fur throughout the hot and humid months. …Then again, considering the fact that these pokémon often forget about these stores of food for months on end, it may be more advisable to avoid coming into physical contact with a munchlax altogether.

Snorlax
The Sleeping Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 143
Entry: The evolved form of munchlax, via happiness. Snorlax is notoriously a difficult pokémon to train. This is a fact not so much because of its sheer strength or because of its unparalleled laziness but instead because of the fact that it eats over 880 pounds of food per day and begins sleeping immediately after each meal. Many snorlax follow a strict schedule when it comes to these meals, as the species also requires at least twelve to eighteen hours of sleep per day. Yet despite the fact that it is almost impossible to train due to the fact that most of its day is spent either sleeping or eating, its bulky body give it impressive defenses—which, combined with its arsenal of devastating attacks—make it a natural battler. In other words, despite spending most of its time doing anything productive, it excels without needing practice or training, much like that roommate everyone has at least once in college.

Kangaskhan

Well. Now that that bit of unpleasantness has been cleared up, let’s continue with a pokémon that this writer has recently been reminded of for reasons that have nothing to do with the last actual entry.

Kangaskhan
The Parent Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 115
Entry: A kangaroo-like pokémon consisting of a mother creature and a separate, smaller baby, known within the pokémonology field as a “joey.” Much of the mother pokémon’s life revolves around caring for and violently defending her young, which she always carries in her front pouch. Curiously, this changes upon mega evolution, at which point the joey leaps from its mother’s pouch to be used as a partner in equally vicious hand-to-hand combat, which indicates that despite the fact that the mother kangaskhan will do anything to protect her joey, said child is actually fully capable of fighting and defending itself. Additionally, unlike other pokémon that are capable of mega evolution, kangaskhan does not undergo any physical transformations beyond the fact that her joey leaves her pouch to add its own power to her attacks. Thus, it is said by experts in evolutionary stones that kangaskhanite is not a true mega stone at all but rather a stone capable of shining a bright light that signals to the joey when to enter the fight. Despite this, kangaskhanite on the collectors’ market can fetch obscenely high prices, indicating the absolute brilliance of either human con artists or kangaskhan that know all too well that their trainers are gullible.

Hello, I would like to request a report on the Pokemon Missingno. says with a straight face

Hmm. Missingno. That’s an unusual request.

Let me see. Surely I have a file on that.

Ah! Here we are!

Missingno.
The ̋?̂?̉?̄ ͒ Pokémon
Type: B̫i̤r͓d̳/Normal
Official Registration #: 0̷
Entry: A mysterious entity said to live off the coastlines of Cinnabar and Seafoam Islands. Not much is known about it, save for its unusual properties. Scientists in the area have noted that at a distance of Z̷ゥ̸4̶ meters from shore, instruments begin malfunctioning. It has been determined that this comes as a result of missingno., which gives off ゥ̴’̶B̷’̴d̴ ẉ̶̡͕̦̻̦̞̰͈͆̔̈́̈́͛͑̊͘͝ą̸̢͙̠̣̳̯͕̫̀́̇͊́̐̎̋͝

▼

9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999 9999999999

Spearow and Fearow

Spearow
The Tiny Bird Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 21
Entry: Much like many other bird pokémon, spearow travel in large flocks which hunt and defend sizable amounts of territory in unison. Also like other birds, it is known for its ability to fly at high speeds, which allows it and the rest of its flock to descend on its prey in seconds. However, unlike many other birds, spearow possess small wings that it must flap at high speeds in order to stay airborne, a fact which renders it inept at flying at high altitudes or over long distances. Thus, spearow is a creature that finds itself inadequate at the one thing most other creatures like itself excel at to the point of making that thing be a major component of their existence … which is why this writer and his unfortunate lack of battling aptitude in a world that relies on battling feels a sense of empathy for the spearow.

Fearow
The Beak Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 22
Entry: The evolved form of spearow, by battle experience. Unlike their pre-evolved forms, fearow possess broad wings and an incredible amount of stamina, which enable them to fly for long distances without needing a break. They are also adept at hunting, including swooping onto prey and ascending back to an appropriate altitude for flight in a matter of seconds. All of these skills are fantastic for the fearow and considerably more inconvenient for prey, such as you, if you happen to be trapped in the form of a rattata. …You know. Just as an off-hand example.

The Meowth Line

Meowth
The Scratch Cat Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 52
Entry: A small, nocturnal, cat-like pokémon with an affinity for shiny, round objects. Ancient civilizations within the Orange and Sevii Islands worshipped meowth as a deity due to its association with cat-like god of the home, harvest, and wealth. This may seem curious unless one does further digging to the actual origins of the cat deity to find that it had originally been a god of the hunt, judgment, and executions, which is more in line with meowth’s carnivorous diet and vicious hunting methods. While the reason behind the switch is still a mystery to scholars, there are two noteworthy theories. First, the god was also the symbol of the Orange and Seviian royal bloodlines, which may have sought the god’s blessing when it came to siring new and prosperous heirs. Second and more likely, it’s more profitable to run a temple dedicated to childbearing and all the things that come before it than executions, and the pokémon that can understand human speech and use Pay Day when it’s pleased with your temple generally agrees.

Persian
The Classy Cat Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 53
Entry: The evolved form of meowth, by battle experience. Evolution graces this pokémon with an immense amount of sophisticated beauty, including silken, golden fur, a sleek body, and the agility of a panther. Unfortunately, evolution has also granted the persian species a streak of fickle meanness, a set of sharp claws, and the expectation that it will continue to be worshipped like a god. In light of all this, it becomes rather understandable that the ancient peoples of the Orange and Sevii Islands originally conceived of a persian-like god of execution and the throne.

The Pidgey Line

Pidgey
The Tiny Bird Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 16
Entry: A small, normally docile pokémon that is extremely common to Kanto and Johto. As such, along with rattata, pidgey are typically among the first pokémon a beginning Kantonian trainer captures. This is made all the easier thanks to the fact that pidgey also prefer kicking up sand using low-powered gusts of wind at ground level before fleeing, rather than engaging in a proper battle, but its small wings and the amount of energy it expends in blinding its foe make it difficult to get away quickly. Still, as a pokémon not known for either its battle prowess or its defensive capabilities, it, too, tends to be permanently stored rather quickly, but as of late, it has enjoyed an upsurge in popularity, partly because of pidgeot’s newly discovered mega evolution and partly because, according to the internet, it is “an adorable birb” who “wears leaf for enhance its beauties.”

Pidgeotto
The ~~Birb~~ Bird Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 17
Entry: The evolved form of pidgey, by battle experience. Like many other pokémon, evolution grants pidgeotto more confidence and aggression. It goes from being a docile pokémon to a highly territorial one that tends to claim a large swath of land as its home. Additionally, it possesses keen eyesight and the ability to swoop down onto prey from great heights and snatch its target with deadly claws. However, what it has not outgrown from its days as a pidgey is its love for bread, so travelers hiking through Kanto should beware when carrying sandwiches.

Pidgeot
The Bird Pokémon
Type: Normal/Flying
Official Registration #: 18
Entry: The evolved form of pidgeotto, by battle experience. While pidgeotto’s aggression calms a bit upon evolution, its hunting behaviors otherwise remain the same. In fact, pidgeot’s sharpened eyesight, its ability to fly at Mach-2 speeds, and its capacity to generate hurricane-strength winds make pidgeot far more deadly than its much more hostile pre-evolution. Luckily, pidgeot only exist naturally in the mountains around Victory Road, so most trainers needn’t worry about the fate of their sandwiches. Strong trainers thinking of challenging the Elite Four, however, are a different matter, but by then, you might already be aware of the sizable list of pokémon that would also do unspeakable things to you for a sandwich and any fish-like meat inside it. In short, the deadliest object a trainer can carry with them throughout their journey is a tuna fish sandwich.

The Rattata Line

Rattata
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 19
Entry: As one of the most common pokémon in Kanto and Johto, rattata are typically among the first team members for many beginning trainers. Small, quick, cautious, hardy, and very fond of biting things with its large front teeth, rattata may be known for their survival skills in the wild, but its lack of elemental aptitude and its less-than-ideal defenses mean that rattata are among the most commonly “boxed” pokémon in existence. However, recently, rattata has gained popularity among younger trainers, not because of its cute appearance or its availability but instead because of the inexplicable trend among such trainers to obtain and raise the “top percentage rattata.”

Raticate
The Mouse Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 20
Entry: The evolved form of rattata, by battle experience. Raticate depend on its whiskers to maintain its balance, and while this pokémon may be quick and agile with its whiskers intact, cutting them off is a sure-fire way to slow and disorient a raticate. Incidentally, cutting off a raticate’s whiskers is also a sure-fire way to get mauled by a forty-pound rat with six-inch fangs.

Hello and good day, Bill! The reason I’m calling today is that I have been looking over your dex entries. And I couldn’t help but notice that you seem to be missing a particular Pokemon. A Pokemon that happens to be very important to me. I wonder if you could do me this favor? :)

Ah, yes. I believe I know exactly which pokémon you mean!

Bouffalant
The Bash Buffalo Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 626
Entry: A five-foot-tall buffalo pokémon known best for its luxurious mane of hair. The hair itself forms a perfect halo of soft curls that are capable of absorbing damage from almost any attack. Likewise, just as the beard of certain martial artists conceal a third fist with which they may deliver devastating punches, the hair of the bouffalant conceal a rock-hard, horn-like skull plate that adds an incredible amount of power to the species’ already deadly Head Charge attack. Indeed, the glistening, chestnut curls of this creature form the most beautiful hairstyle of any pokémon in existence. It is the hair that puts furfrou’s tamable fur coat to shame and makes milotic’s rainbow-colored scales look utterly dull by comparison. It is the mane of power, and no mere mortal is worthy to gaze upon its magnificence.

The Jigglypuff Line

Igglybuff
The Balloon Pokémon
Type: Normal/Fairy
Official Registration #: 174
Entry: Igglybuff are known for their soft, pliable bodies that have a tendency to bounce continuously if made to roll. At this point, the writer would like to note that the field of pokémonology is both a fascinating and strange place, and the experiments that are implied to have been undertaken in order to find this out about igglybuff should be evidence of that fact.

Jigglypuff
The Balloon Pokémon
Type: Normal/Fairy
Official Registration #: 39
Entry: The evolved form of igglybuff, as a result of a heightened sense of happiness. According to the latest update of the pokédex, a jigglypuff’s vocal cords allow it to adjust the wavelengths of its lullabies to generate the precise tunes that would make their opponents the drowsiest. This theory, of course, conveniently does not take into consideration the possibility of multiple targets. Although that seems like a minor issue for anyone who is not a researcher, this became a bit of a problem during the Hoennian Jigglypuff Population Explosion of 2014, wherein hundreds of trainers relying on the pokédex found themselves waking up in fields a day later with jigglypuff pictograms scrawled across their faces with whatever writing implements they happened to unfortunately be carrying at the time.

Wigglytuff
The Balloon Pokémon
Type: Normal/Fairy
Official Registration #: 40
Entry: The evolved form of jigglypuff, by exposure to moon stone. Wigglytuff is a three-foot-tall rabbit-like pokémon with pink, velvety fur; large, watery eyes; a rubbery body that it inflates when threatened; and a singing voice known for lulling even the most hardcore night owls to sleep. Interestingly enough, this list of traits has made wigglytuff a popular pokémon among at least twelve different subcultures on the internet. Not that this writer would know anything about those kinds of subcultures.