It is indeed impossible for two reasons. First, volbeat and illumise are genetically incompatible with human beings, and thus, they can’t crossbreed (regardless of what early Sinnohan myth may say). Second, one would assume that “please do not engage in intercourse with wild pokémon in the hot spring” would be among your policies because of sanitation issues.
Tag: nsfw-ish
Lickitung and Lickilicky
Lickitung
The Licking Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 108
Entry: This lizard-like pokémon is most famous for its six-foot-long tongue. Its tongue is both prehensile and covered with a sticky saliva, and because of this, lickitung will use this appendage far more than its actual hands. When extending this tongue, lickitung’s tail will quiver, which has led scientists to believe that either there is a neural connection between this pokémon’s tongue and tail or the pokémon simply gets excited when using the former. Either way, this combination of traits has led certain cultures to view lickitung as a euphemism—for what, the author cannot say but highly advises readers not to Google.
Lickilicky
The Licking Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 463
Entry: The evolved form of lickitung, if the subject knows Rollout. Much like its preevolved form, lickilicky relies on its highly prehensile tongue to manipulate objects around it, as opposed to its hands. However, it should be noted that lickilicky’s saliva gains anesthetic properties upon evolution, and as such, any human or smaller, non-poisonous pokémon that comes in contact with a lickilicky’s tongue will experience a sudden numbing sensation throughout their body. This is also taken as a euphemism by some cultures, and the author would like to issue an even stronger recommendation to avoid Googling why if at all possible.
Mienfoo and Mienshao
Mienfoo
The Martial Arts Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 619
Entry: In terms of power, this small, ermine-like pokémon is far outclassed by practically every fighting-type in existence. However, it makes up for its lack of power by its speed and skill, both of which enable it to execute complex, devastating strategies faster than the average machop can throw a punch. This is, in short, one of those extremely rare times when “what it lacks in strength it makes up for with skill” when applied to a diminutive, adorable, mascot-like creature is both true and something to be taken seriously.
Mienshao
The Martial Arts Pokémon
Type: Fighting
Official Registration #: 620
Entry: The evolved form of mienfoo, by battle experience. While it retains many of the flowing, masterful techniques it knew as a mienfoo, mienshao also gains long, whip-like locks of fur on its arms, which it uses to whip opponents with quick, strong, devastating motions. Incidentally, contrary to what certain types of media and the Sinnohan administrator may lead you to believe, being whipped by soft fur is far less pleasant than it looks.
I left my Wailord and Dedenne in the daycare yesterday for about an hour while I was training my other pokemon and when i went to pick them up, the man at the daycare said they had an egg? How did this happen? The daycare man said he doesn’t know how it got there so I thought maybe you had an explanation or a theory. Is there something he isnt telling?
Well, anonymous, when a male pokémon and a female pokémon in the same “egg group”—or collection of species that can, for some reason as of yet fully understood by scientists, crossbreed—love each other very much, the male and female will mate. This is a multi-step process that differs from species to species, so I can’t entirely form a generalized statement as to how the first steps work. Some pokémon begin the mating process with a dance; others simply … get right into it.
However, once the initial stages of mating are complete, the mating cycle begins to undergo a rather uniform process. It begin with the female forming the interior of the egg in her ovary, then coating this egg with a calcium-based shell in her uterus. This entire leg of the journey may last only a couple of hours from the end of a successful mating ritual. During this time, the male (or, in some cases, both partners) will begin work on a nest using whatever materials are available at the time.
After the egg and nest are complete, then you have the copulation stage. In this stage, the male will mount the female and deposit sperm in her cloacal folds via what’s known to biologists as a “cloacal kiss.” In cases where the female is much smaller than the male (such as in the case of a wailord male and dedenne female), this is achieved by having the female carefully tuck herself under the male. The male will typically give the female enough room to breathe, but it still is a risk to the female’s life and not a process that scientists recommend for the well-being of the pokémon. Conversely, in the cases of a female that is much larger than her mate (such as in the case of a wailord female and dedenne male), the female simply rolls over and allows the male to access her cloaca from above.
Once fertilized, the female will proceed to lay the egg and incubate it until it’s retrieved.
As a note, although in the Kingdom Animalia, copulation among egg-laying creatures only needs to happen once, as females may retain sperm in their cloacal folds for multiple fertilization instances, in Kingdom Pokémonae, the sperm will typically be spent after one use, which means the act of breeding—including the practice of breeding for specimens ideal for battling (which tends to be a popular practice among trainers)—will require multiple copulation sessions in order to produce multiple fertilized eggs.
In short, your wailord and dedenne [CENSORED]
I got through an entire article about the copulation habits of pokémon, and you censor that? —Bill
Well, yes, up until your summary, your article was purely scientific. Now you’re just asking for angry letters from parents. —LH
The Pokédex According to Bill 