Tag: odd questions

i’m suing, bill

Oh, please do. For whatever reason, both the Pokémon Cutting-Edge Technology Research Center and the Pokémon Association have teams of lawyers they’ve hired to cover the things I do and say, so I might as well get their money’s worth.

Bill, they’re not your personal lawyers… —LH

Let’s be honest with each other, Lanette. There is literally no difference between my private and professional lives at this point, so close enough. —Bill

Dearest Bill, I have come into contact with a somewhat injured Pokemon, but I as of right now do not know what this Pokemon is. It was too hurt to move to the pokemon center, but I have managed to bring it to stable levels, and it is resting, as of now. Forgive me for being a little out of the loop, as I moved from Sinnoh, but, pray tell…. Do you know the proper methods for taking care of a pokemon known as “Thundurus?”

As a matter of fact, I do!

The first thing you should do when taking care of Thundurus is nurse him back to peak physical health. I would advise having a Nurse Joy perform a house call in order to get the best advice for this situation.

Then, when Thundurus has recovered enough to fly and hold his own in battle, release him back into the wild—honestly why are so many of you intent on seeing the catastrophic destruction of our world?!

Speaking of Conferences, have you heard of the one year at Sinnoh’s Lily of the Valley Conference where the winner was a rather gloomy looking young man who had a Darkrai and Latios on his Team? Did that seem Controversial to you, given your stance on leaving Legendaries and Mythicals alone?

Oh, are you referring to that time a trainer recklessly endangered the lives of an entire stadium full of spectators by exposing thousands of people to the powers of Darkrai, lord of nightmares?

I have no opinion.

More like he’s been asked not to share it anymore because no one else should be subjected to two and a half hours of Bill McKenzie’s righteous fury. —LH

You say that as if it’s not justified (for once)! —Bill

Bill, I’m in an interesting situation. My Espeon is a Pokemon a befriended the “old fashioned” way. She doesn’t have a pokeball, basically. I scheduled an appointment to have her spayed, and on the day of, she escaped! We located Her a few weeks later and immediately went for that appointment… only to find she has a litter on the way now! What do I do with a litter of eevees I wasn’t expecting?!

Well, anonymous, you can do what I always do and offload them onto your friends and trustworthy-looking trainers.

Edit: My editor has informed me that this is a terrible idea, but I respectfully counter with the fact that all of those eevee, as far as I’m aware, are still alive and happy with the people I’ve given them to.

Should any of us tell him we offloaded his eevee onto other trainers? —Bebe

No, let him live his life. Just add in a note about considering humane pokémon shelters or leaving them with pokémon centers in the tags or something. —LH

Bill , I genuinely want you to do a professor ‘dex’ because your opinion on them may be comedic GOLD. Especially when you get to professor kukui . Damn, I’m suprised That nobody’s uploaded his shenanigans up to YouTube yet

While I’ve been asked enough times to do this that Professors Juniper (understandable), Oak (to my utter horror), and Burnet (not Kukui but has said she would “print my entry out and frame it” if I wrote one for him) have given me their blessing to write such entries, I’m afraid I respect all of the professors too much to do so.

Also, Professor Rowan hasn’t exactly threatened me, but he has informed me that he’s aware of this blog and the questions about such a professor dex. In fact, he has informed me with all the warmth of a cryogonal eating a vanilluxe. In the dead of winter. In Arctic Siberia. Punctuated with a suspicious non-sequitur about how the gyarados he had caught for his studies is doing rather well, should I be curious to know.