Hey Bill, who would win in a pillow fight between Elesa, Skyla, and Cynthia?

I could answer this scientifically, but I feel like my editor would not be pleased if I did.

Not because she’d be jealous, of course. Mostly because I would be spending paragraphs carefully analyzing the pillow-fighting capabilities of three women who each can and probably would destroy me in an instant.

My Gengar has taken quite an interest in you, Bill. Quite an interest, indeed….

Well, if you’d like, you can have your gengar speak to Celio about joining my official fan club ~~(that I’m ashamed to admit I know about)~~.

I have a very important question. I’ve been off the internet for a while but.. Have the Ribombee movie memes finally died? How about the memes of that one movie where a Garbodor living in a swamp and a Mudbray rescues a princess? What was the name of that movie again..?

I refuse to name that movie, as naming it will draw forth its curse (by which I mean countless upon countless of memes in the replies). As for your question about whether or not its memes or the ones concerning the Ribombee Movie have died … no. Unfortunately.

On the positive side, no one’s talking about Blizzard anymore. You could say we’ve [REDACTED]

Don’t you dare. —LH

Why do Hoenn musicians really, really, really, really like trumpets? Do they know other instruments exist?

That’s an odd question. Of course we know other instruments exist! —LH

Naturally. There’s the vuvuzela, the trombone, the [MESSAGE INTERRUPTED] —Bill

What exactly happened to the holes you tore in the space-time continuum? They aren’t still out there somewhere, right…?

Of course not! They simply closed themselves after I closed the time capsule gateway.

I think.

Look, if they hadn’t, Violet City would have completely disappeared from existence. It was a perfectly safe experiment.

It’s common knowledge you’ve messed with teleporters before, (with rather… interesting results) but have you tried making a ultra wormhole yet?

No, and apparently, I’m not allowed to.

Because you tore holes in the space-time continuum with the last dimensional experiments you tried. —LH

Those were time travel experiments, and the universe got better, didn’t it? —Bill

…I think. —Bill

Bill. Buddy. Isn’t the moonblast thing is illegal?

Technically, yes. Also technically, so is what the suitor in question tried to do.

That was pretty much the entire story. He was a terrible human being; I used Moonblast to politely ask him to keep his hands to himself, get off my property, and honor Misty’s wish to not be contacted again unless he would like me to track him down and throw him into the sea.

Fun fact: “Throw one into the sea” is Goldenrod slang for ruining a person’s future prospects.

And also literally throwing a person into the sea.

I meant both.

Hey bill, there’s rumors that your front yard is a famous date spot for local teens from cerulean city, some even say that gym leader misty was seen there with someone, have you noticed this or has it caused any problems for you?

I’ve noticed.

Much of the time, I really try to ignore the happy couples. Luckily, they tend to stay away from my home and garden, likely to avoid being watched, and those ones often quickly realize that the beach is full of krabby that are rather intolerant to any human who isn’t me. However, yes, there are a few instances now and then of bolder teens who seem to think I care about their exploits, and only then is it really a bother. (I’ve had to put a fence around said garden to safeguard my, er, collection of herbs. It and my venusaur have been highly effective of keeping trespassers off my property for the most part.)

Just about the only case I actually do look out for is Misty herself, partly to discourage her from advertising my front yard as a romantic getaway and partly because she has the absolute worst taste in men, and I frankly worry about her sometimes. (To make a very long story short, it’s made our friendship quite fascinating. We meet for coffee once a month to talk about men and complain about our respective sisters. All because I had my clefairy use Moonblast on a particularly terrible suitor.)