Trubbish and Garbodor

Trubbish
The Trash Bag Pokémon
Type: Poison
Official Registration #: 568
Entry:
(1): A small, trash-like pokémon native to Unova. The combination of garbage bags and industrial waste caused the chemical reaction that created this Pokémon. They have a tendency to follow those who litter, as the garbage thrown out by such humans may then be added to the trubbish’s body as sustenance.
(2): Synonym for an Unovan conservative.

Garbodor
The Trash Heap Pokémon
Type: Poison
Official Registration #: 569
Entry:
(1): The evolved form of trubbish, by battle experience. Consuming garbage makes new kinds of poison gases and liquids inside their bodies. They have the ability to shoot these gases and liquids from either their mouth or the pipes within their hands, and as a result, they will frequently attempt to pin a target to the ground with either their bodies or their other hands in order to deliver a devastating toxic blow from either orifice.
(2): Synonym for [NAME OF SPECIFIC UNOVAN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE DELETED—PLEASE STOP TRYING TO GET US SUED, BILL]

Tentacool and Tentacruel

Tentacool
The Jellyfish Pokémon
Type: Water/Poison
Official Registration #: 72
Entry: A jellyfish pokémon endemic to the seas of practically every region. The tentacle-like stingers of this pokémon can reach lengths of up to 120 feet, depending on the specific subspecies of tentacool. However, each subspecies has its own average length, making determining the size of the average tentacool rather difficult. What is shared between all subspecies of tentacool, however, is what each of them use their stingers for: ensnaring literal prey … as well as ensnaring metaphorical prey in exactly the way the Sinnohan administrator thinks, for once. It is thus not recommended to bathe with your tame tentacool—which is strangely a warning that has been deemed necessary to share, thanks to certain incidents within the Pokémon Fan Club.

Tentacruel
The Jellyfish Pokémon
Type: Water/Poison
Official Registration #: 73
Entry: The evolved form of tentacool, by battle experience. Because it possesses over eighty tentacles, tentacruel pares down its limbs to avoid knotting, unlike its preevolved form. None of that prior sentence is a euphemism, oddly enough, but saying it enjoys whipping and ensnaring potential prey … can be. Do not bathe with this pokémon either.

The Gastly Line

Gastly
The Gas Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Poison
Official Registration #: 92
Entry: A spectral pokémon most prevalent in graveyards and pokémon burial sites throughout Kanto, Johto, and Sinnoh. Contrary to popular belief, gastly are not the souls of deceased pokémon. Rather, they spawn naturally through either breeding or, in sites that host high volumes of cremation, a mixture of smoke, ash, the noxious gases of decomposition, and a pokémon’s final burst of auric energy. The gases that comprise a gastly’s body are, as mentioned a moment ago, highly noxious to a human and may induce a state of lightheadedness and euphoria shortly before suffocation. Some humans keep gastly who are trained to envelope a human but release them the moment they arrive at the edge of unconsciousness, all expressly for the high induced by this pokémon … not that the author would know anything about this, of course.

Haunter
The Gas Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Poison
Official Registration #: 93
Entry: The evolved form of gastly, by battle experience. Like its evolutionary predecessor, haunter’s body is comprised entirely of concentrated, noxious gases. However, these gases are compressed to the point where they hover just at the edge of their liquid state, enabling haunter to have a more tangible form than gastly. Additionally, as the inner materials of its form are compressed to the point where they begin to condense, haunter also has the ability to “touch,” as well as the ability to inflict the paralytic effects of its composition by touch. Thus, when the pokédex informs you that being touched by this pokémon’s hand causes a victim to experience unrelenting shuddering or that being licked by this pokémon’s gaseous tongue results in a full-body paralysis, rest assured that there is an entirely scientific explanation behind all of this which is rooted in equally comforting levels of chemistry.

Gengar
The Shadow Pokémon
Type: Ghost/Poison
Official Registration #: 94
Entry: The evolved form of haunter, via trading. This spectral pokémon possesses the ability to pass into the shadows of living beings, where it waits until nightfall to suck away their life energies and body heat. Not much else is known about gengar, unfortunately, except for one other note: should you ever attempt to study this with the two most capable researchers you know short of Professor Oak, never attempt to study it by inviting it to perform any of its other abilities unless you have not, within the past half an hour, consumed more whiskey than is reasonable for a professional. It apparently also has the ability to possess humans and the tendency to be creative in its interpretations of requests.

The Oddish Line

Oddish
The Weed Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 43
Entry: A short, raddish-like pokémon of the grass and poison types. Primarily nocturnal, oddish uproot themselves to wander at night and bury their heads in fertile soil during the day. Because oddish prefer well-watered, nutrient-rich soil to bury themselves in during the day, they sometimes wander into the gardens of humans, where they can sometimes be mistaken for weeds. However, it is very easy to tell the difference between a weed and an oddish if one observes carefully. For example, if the plant is shorter and does not move when you press your toe into the soil around it, then you have a weed. If, however, you pull it out and it screams with unholy shrieks not unlike those of demonic children, then you have found an oddish.

Gloom
The Weed Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 44
Entry: The evolved form of oddish, by battle experience. This flower-like pokémon is most known for its potent stench. Even a smaller, younger gloom can generate a smell capable of overwhelming a human up to two miles away. However, this smell is really a defense mechanism; gloom do not produce this stench if kept calm and in trusted company. If a gloom reaches this state, then the nectar within its bulbous flower may be gathered for a variety of purposes … most notably in the production of perfume, as the human cosmetic industry is very fond of irony, apparently.

Vileplume
The Flower Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 45
Entry: The evolved form of gloom, by exposure to leaf stone. Vileplume boast some of the largest and most beautiful flowers in the pokémon kingdom. However, these flowers bloom violently, with a boom and a cloud of extremely toxic pollen—the latter of which can cause severe allergic reactions in even humans who have had no prior history of pollen allergies. It should also be noted that this is the vileplume’s primary mode of reproduction and intercourse with fellow vileplume, so trainers should take caution, lest they wish to have possibly the least dignified methods of death possible for a trainer.

Bellossom
The Flower Pokémon
Type: Grass
Official Registration #: 182
Entry: The evolved form of gloom, by exposure to sun stone. When exposed to high amounts of sunlight, bellossom open their flowers and begin to dance, which causes their leaves to rub together and emit a pleasant ringing sound. Prior to the discovery of the sun stone, bellossom was thought to be a completely unrelated species to gloom—which, given the fact that it is, in actuality, smaller, vastly different in appearance, and not even a poison-type, is understandable. On that note, it is possibly best not to think too hard about why larger, smellier gloom produce smaller, more beautiful bellossom. This question has driven more than one researcher into ruin.

Stunky and Skuntank

Stunky
The Skunk Pokémon
Type: Poison/Dark
Official Registration #: 434
Entry: A small, woodland pokémon known for its powerful defense mechanism. When threatened, rather than attacking using traditional pokémon moves, stunky will turn its hindquarters to face its attacker, lift its tail, and spray a potent musk to confound and drive away the offending creature. As an important side note, Sinnohan folk remedies prescribe bathing in tomato juice in order to remove the smell. The writer fully encourages stunky victims to do this, not because of its effectiveness (it is, in fact, not even remotely effective) but instead because bathing in tomato juice is strangely good for the skin.

Skuntank
The Skunk Pokémon
Type: Poison/Dark
Official Registration #: 435
Entry: The evolved form of stunky, by battle experience. Skuntank is basically a larger, more dangerous stunky. What makes it so dangerous are a combination of factors, namely its hotter temper and the fact that the range of its spray can reach up to 160 feet. Word of advice, should you ever encounter a wild skuntank: one quart hydrogen peroxide, quarter cup baking soda, and two teaspoons of dish soap. Mix and use the way you would everyday body soap and shampoo. You are very welcome.

Skorupi and Drapion

Skorupi
The Scorpion Pokémon
Type: Poison/Bug
Official Registration #: 451
Entry: A scorpion pokémon endemic to deserts and arid mountains. As a primarily desert-dwelling pokémon, skorupi are hardy, capable of surviving for up to a year without food. Science has tested and proven this fact, but the scientists involved were less successful in avoiding the scandal and prison time involved with obvious pokémon abuse.

Drapion
The Ogre Scorpion Pokémon
Type: Poison/Dark
Official Registration #: 452
Entry: The evolved form of skorupi, by battle experience. Drapion body language may be difficult to understand at first, but the key is keeping in mind the fact that drapion arms are extremely strong and tipped with stingers that can secrete a powerful venom. Therefore, when a drapion is holding its arms slack and loose, this means that it’s allowing you to approach and give it affection. However, if your drapion’s arms are held up and extended to the sides, this is actually an aggressive stance, not an invitation for a hug. The writer must emphasize that the difference is extremely vital to trainers.

The Bellsprout Line

Bellsprout
The Flower Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 69
Entry: In Johto, this pitcher plant-like pokémon is a symbol of endurance and flexibility, as its thin, stalk-like body will bend hypnotically with every movement it makes, but it will never break. In fact, this concept is so well-known in Johto that one of its historic landmarks, Sprout Tower, is said to be built around a giant bellsprout whose body became the swaying central pillar the building is known for. These stories of giant bellsprout roaming the countryside—along with Johto’s various other odd notes of folklore—are to this day passed down from generation to generation, none of whom have ever taken these stories as evidence that the traditional beer of our ancestors was made with an herb other than hops and rice.

Weepinbell
The Flycatcher Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 70
Entry: The evolved form of bellsprout, by battle experience. Weepinbell use their hook-like stems to hang themselves on branches with their wide-open mouths pointing down. When prey comes close to it, it douses said prey with a poisonous powder and subsequently drops from its perch directly onto its target, sliding itself over its catch. Thereafter, it closes its mouth and allows the acid within its body to break its prey down into a liquid sludge. It should go without saying, then, that if your college friends offer you several thousand poké-dollars to stick your hand into a weepinbell’s mouth, the more sensible plan of action that avoids a rather awkward trip to a hospital is to not do that.

Victreebel
The Flycatcher Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 71
Entry: The evolved form of weepinbell, by exposure to leaf stone. It is said that victreebel live in massive colonies in the middle of jungles, where they help one another out by producing sweet-smelling sap that lures prey into their mouths in droves. How anyone could know this—given that no one has returned from trips to verify these claims which, incidentally, are generally made by young trainers under the employ of a certain researcher whose name shall not be given but rhymes with “Hickamore”—is, of course, a matter of pure curiosity within the pokémon research community.

Qwilfish

Qwilfish
The Balloon Pokémon
Type: Water/Poison
Official Registration #: 211
Entry: A pufferfish-like pokémon known for its signature defense mechanism—the ability to inflate itself with water until the spine-like scales all over its body protrude out in every direction. Although the quills themselves are painful to the touch, they don’t actually contain the venom qwilfish is also known for. Rather, they are more like hypodermic needles, fed by a venom bladder within the qwilfish’s body. If this bladder is carefully removed, the flesh of this fish-like pokémon is actually both edible and quite delectable. However, the challenge is in the fact that the bladder can easily be damaged and leak the aforementioned toxins into the edible flesh, and thus, qwilfish meat should only be consumed if prepared by a highly trained professional, if at all. Due to the risks involved, most regions have banned the consumption of qwilfish—otherwise known as hariisen when treated as a food item—except in Johto, where it is a regional delicacy in part because Johtonians themselves have a long-standing tradition of disregarding their own personal safeties.

So, Bill. Is there a Foongus Amoongus?

There may be!

Foongus
The Mushroom Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 590
Entry: A small, mushroom-like pokémon known for the fact that its cap strongly resembles a pokéball, especially when the rest of its body is concealed by tall grass. According to the official pokédex, the reason for this pattern is unknown. However, given that foongus are capable of learning Spore and Giga Drain, that their natural ability involves releasing toxic spores upon contact, and that their caps are the approximate size, shape, and coloring of an object human trainers would be most likely to pick up, this writer can say without a doubt that the reasoning behind this coloring is an absolute mystery that the scientific community may just never solve.

Amoonguss
The Mushroom Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 591
Entry: The evolved form of foongus, by battle experience. Upon evolution, amoonguss grow to be about two feet tall in height, and its cap expands proportionally. This makes its poké ball-like coloring less effective, even in the cover of tall grass, and as an added defiance of subtlety, it increases its own visibility by shaking its arms—both terminating in buds the size, shape, and color of its original head as a foongus—wildly in front of it. In theory, this is to attract attention to its arms and lure in prey with hypnotic motions. Also in theory, human beings have evolved a level of awareness and wisdom that would prevent such a tactic from working on us. In practice, however, this exact strategy is to blame for over 60% of all human hospitalizations in the vicinity of Unova’s Victory Road on an annual basis.

Kanto Starters I: Bulbasaur

@psychms: I just noticed you haven’t written about any of the regional starters! Can you tell us about your most memorable experience with a starter Pokémon (or its evolutions)?

Ah, keen observation! Starters are a bit special to a researcher, as we tend to associate them with new beginnings while maintaining our status as a ridiculously sentimental breed of people. In particular, I must say I’m closest to the Kantonian starters, in part because I consider one of my home regions to be Kanto and in part because, despite beginning my journey in Johto, my starter was a bulbasaur. While I could go on and on about the bulbasaur line, I hardly think it would be appropriate to only cover it and not the other two families. Thus, consider this to be part one of a three-part series.

Bulbasaur
The Seed Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 1
Entry: One of three pokémon traditionally offered to new trainers at the beginning of their journeys in Kanto. Many people believe that out of the three, bulbasaur is the easiest to raise, as bulbasaur are more docile than the other two, the species’ offensive and defensive traits are balanced, and a grass-type has more of an advantage against the earliest Kantonian gyms than a fire- or water-type. However, while all of this is true, such advice frequently forgets any word on what to do when you have a pokémon that learns Leech Seed, Stun Spore, Poison Powder, and Sleep Powder all basically at the same time. On that note, should you be a new trainer who finds himself with a rambunctious bulbasaur who enjoys showering you with “affection,” be sure to carry full heals. A lot of full heals. Do not buy anything but full heals until your bulbasaur evolves. You will thank me later.

Ivysaur
The Seed Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 2
Entry: The evolved form of bulbasaur, by battle experience. As it nears evolution into a venusaur, an ivysaur’s blossom grows larger and more fragrant to the point where it naturally emits a sweet, spicy fragrance strong enough to be detected from a distance. Thus, an ivysaur is the easiest among the three middle-evolution starters to evolve, not only because the weight of the bulb makes each ivysaur more eager to battle (in order to gain the strength needed to support its own flower) but also because the scent emitting from the blossom happens to be the exact kind of aroma that draws pokémon towards one in droves. That said, while ivysaur are still among the easiest pokémon to train, new and mediocre trainers should be warned that preventing an ivysaur from battling is nearly impossible and that many of your days may be spent being dragged through Viridian Forest by a charging ivysaur chased by a horde of beedrill.

Venusaur
The Seed Pokémon
Type: Grass/Poison
Official Registration #: 3
Entry: The evolved form of ivysaur, by battle experience. A venusaur’s evolution is among the most beautiful to occur within the pokémon world. When the time comes, an ivysaur will seek the sunniest clearing in a forest, crouch within beams of sunlight, and allow its flower to grow and bloom. Petal by petal will open, and its fragrance will become more intense and aromatic. The power of this sight and the soothing nature of its signature perfume will rejuvenate an observing trainer just as much as the venusaur experiencing it, which is worth it to note as a warning to both. While you may be tempted to run forward and embrace your long-time pokémon partner in a rush of mutual pride and elation, note that your venusaur has gone from being 29 pounds to over 220 and that it will use all 220 to affectionately tackle you before realizing that it is no longer the size and weight of a large dog.