Barboach and Whiscash

Barboach
The Whiskers Pokémon
Type: Water/Ground
Official Registration #: 339
Entry: A long, loach-like pokémon native to freshwater rivers. Although it’s not technically amphibious, it shares one important trait with truly amphibious part-ground pokémon such as members of the mudkip line and wooper line: the ability to excrete a slimy film that makes it difficult to grasp. Of course, given the acidity and toxicity of the aforementioned pokémon, combined with barboach’s awkward shape and penchant for spitting dirt and mud at threats, there is a popular sport in Alola dedicated to grabbing as many barboach as humanly possible within a certain time limit. (There is, also naturally, a similar sport in Hoenn called “grabbing barboach,” but the context is entirely different.)

Whiscash
The Whiskers Pokémon
Type: Water/Ground
Official Registration #: 340
Entry: The evolved form of barboach, by battle experience. Despite its friendly expression and the fact that it’s not well-regarded as a battler, these large, catfish-like pokémon are actually formidable pokémon. They claim entire swamps as their territories, and in order to repel intruders, they execute incredibly powerful ground-type moves, including Earthquake. For this reason, it’s also a popular sport in Alola to enter their territories and go fishing for them, an act which is called “whiscashing.” Incidentally, there is likewise a similarly named sport in Hoenn, but the context also has little to do with actual whiscash (and everything to do with certain whiscashing victims’ hope that the partners they come across enjoy grabbing barboach).

And congratulations, Bill. You’ve just earned yet another three hours in the shame corner. —LH

Nosepass and Probopass

Nosepass
The Compass Pokémon
Type: Rock
Official Registration #: 299
Entry: This statue-like pokémon possesses a highly magnetic nose that causes it to point towards the planet’s northern magnetic pole at all times … except when in close proximity to another nosepass. If placed in the vicinity of another nosepass, both subjects’ noses will force them to turn away from each other, meaning it’s entirely impossible for two nosepass to be face to face or to stand right next to one another. As expected, this can be rather awkward for several reasons, the most obvious of which would be breeding.

Probopass
The Compass Pokémon
Type: Rock/Steel
Official Registration #: 476
Entry: The evolved form of nosepass, by battle experience, if trained in areas rich with the mineral magnetite. This statue-like pokémon’s entire body is highly magnetic and modular. The bulbous projections on its sides are actually miniature statues known as “mini-noses,” which are capable of detaching and flying about for surveillance and incorporation into probopass’s various attacks. More impressively, the black substance beneath its nose is actually a bush of iron filings that form a “mustache.” This particular feature does not actually have a special name or purpose of its own; the author just feels that it’s majestic.

Wingull and Pelipper

Wingull
The Seagull Pokémon
Type: Water/Flying
Official Registration #: 278
Entry: A large, seagull-like pokémon native to coastal regions. Among researchers who do not make their homes in coastal areas, this pokémon is known for its elegant, gliding flight patterns. It nests in high cliffs along the sea, and from these spots, it leaps over the ocean waves and rides updrafts high into the air. As such, it is sometimes known as the “kite of the ocean.” However, to those who have ever lived on cities on the coast (such as the author), this pokémon is known for snatching valuables and french fries from the hands of humans as well as defecating strategically on beachgoers, and as such, it’s known as “flying rat” and other colorful phrases and names the author cannot repeat in mixed company.

Pelipper
The Water Bird Pokémon
Type: Water/Flying
Official Registration #: 279
Entry: The evolved form of wingull, by battle experience. Known for its unique beak, this pelican-like pokémon is sometimes used as a messenger. In the old days, this was done by placing items, letters, and small pokémon in its beak, telling it where to go, and letting it fly. However, in modern times, it’s given a small mail pouch instead. The reason why is because wild pelipper feed by scooping food into its beak, carrying it off until it reaches a cliff, and tilting its head back to swallow, so thanks to instinct, a tamed pelipper’s delivery route tended to end the moment it reached a seaside cliff … of which there are many in its native region of Hoenn.

Phanpy and Donphan

Phanpy
The Long Nose Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 231
Entry: Although this elephant-like pokémon is barely a foot and a half tall, never underestimate it. It’s still extremely strong and rather infamous for this. As a form of affection, it bumps others with its nose, including its human trainers. However, trainers who aren’t well-prepared for this may find themselves flung off their feet by an overzelaous phanpy. There is no punchline to this entry. That is literally what the official National Dex will tell you; the author just thought it would be appropriate after having broken one limb or another through this exact process no fewer than six times in his life. (It’s just so small and adorable.)

Donphan
The Armor Pokémon
Type: Ground
Official Registration #: 232
Entry: The evolved form of phanpy, by battle experience. Upon evolution, this elephant-like pokémon gains a hide of rugged, hard-as-steel armor. With the durability of this new armor and its sheer body weight and muscular body structure, a donphan’s favorite method of attack is by curling itself into a ball and rushing at an opponent like a rolling boulder. Incidentally, this is also its favorite way to show affection, so to the trainers who wish to add a donphan to their party … best of luck.

Slugma and Magcargo

Slugma
The Lava Pokémon
Type: Fire
Official Registration #: 218
Entry: The body of this small, slug-like pokémon is made entirely of lava, and as such, it must be constantly moving. If it stops even for a moment, its body will cool and harden to the point where its “flesh” becomes brittle and breaks off easily. Unlike with other pokémon, these separated chunks do not form their own beings and cannot be reintegrated with their mother slugma. Rather, they remain independent pebbles, and the slugma itself simply grows smaller until its entire mass shatters. As one can imagine, slugma is also incapable of falling asleep for long periods of time due to the risk of this exact process happening … which means many trainers who don’t entirely know better face an unfortunate bout of tragedy whenever their slugma are exposed to sleep-inducing moves.

Magcargo
The Lava Pokémon
Type: Fire/Rock
Official Registration #: 219
Entry: The evolved form of slugma, by battle experience. The shell on its back is actually a bubble of its lava-like flesh, solidified on the outside by its slightly cooler temperature compared to the rest of its body. The interior is actually hollow, and as such, it can shatter at the slightest touch. If anyone is curious as to why de-shelled magcargo are not common, it may have something to do with the fact that the average body temperature for this pokémon is over 18000 degrees Fahrenheit, making physical contact rather complicated.

Teddiursa and Ursaring

Teddiursa
The Little Bear Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 216
Entry: This small, teddy bear-like pokémon is known for hoarding its favored food, honey, for the winter months. It is also known for soaking its paws in its stores in the process, then licking its palms every so often to keep itself sustained as it works. Due to the fact that the properties of both teddiursa fur and saliva are as unique to each individual as fingerprints are to each human being, the exact taste of each sample of teddiursa honey varies from subject to subject. Incidentally, yes, this statement does in fact imply that there is a field of pokémon research dedicated to licking teddiursa paws (or at least collecting and sampling their honey), to which the author responds, “Well, somebody has to do it.”

Ursaring
The Hibernator Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 217
Entry: The evolved form of teddiursa, by battle experience. The species identifier for this pokémon refers to the fact that it hibernates for about half the year—or roughly 152 to 213 days, depending on the individual and whether or not that particular winter is mild or cold. For the rest of the year, ursaring are highly active, breeding, foraging, hunting, and mauling intruders to their territory with an incredible amount of energy.

Gligar and Gliscor

Gligar
The Fly Scorpion Pokémon
Type: Ground/Flying
Official Registration #: 207
Entry: Those traveling through mountainous East Johto should beware. In this half of the region, where gligar are native and abundant, gligar are known to hunt by leaping at prey, latching onto their faces, and stabbing them with their highly venomous stingers—a method that kills either through poisoning or suffocation, depending on how hard the gligar is clinging to its prey. However, in addition to this, visitors to East Johto should also be aware that this part of the region is the home of Gligarman, a franchise which also suffocates and jams itself into readers’ lives through the power of sheer merchandising.

Gliscor
The Fang Scorpion Pokémon
Type: Ground/Flying
Official Registration #: 472
Entry: The evolved form of gligar, by battle experience if holding a razor fang at night. Gliscor is an infamous sanguivore—it thrives by feeding on the blood over others. When it spots potential prey, it swoops down, snatches up its victim, and carries it off to its castle-like cavern homes, where it will bite down on its prey using its elongated fangs to draw out its blood. The whole act is considered to be one of the most elegant hunting methods in the pokémon world, with gliscor’s hypnotic, fluid-like movements. These movements are so elegant and hypnotic to some people that there are novels and folklore based on human-like gliscor, some of which add certain, bizzare abilities to the pokémon’s arsenal—such as the ability to sparkle in the sunlight.

Yanma and Yanmega

Yanma
The Clear Wing Pokémon
Type: Bug/Flying
Official Registration #: 193
Entry: A large, dragonfly-like pokémon first discovered in the Johto region. Yanma is notorious for its flying abilities. Not only is it capable of seeing a full 360 degrees around itself (allowing it to analyze all potential flight paths and navigate around obstacles all at once), but its unique wing design also allows it to fly at high speeds, maneuver around sharp turns, and stop and hover in mid air. The first and last of those abilities—that is, the impressive flying speed, in combination with its ability to stop at a moment’s notice—are unique in the pokémon world and give yanma an edge when chasing down prey, fleeing from predators, and stopping to turn and fire a Sonic Boom at researchers attempting to approach it from behind.

Yanmega
The Ogre Damer Pokémon
Type: Bug/Flying
Official Registration #: 469
Entry: The evolved form of yanma, by battle experience, if the subject knows Ancient Power. Every part of this gargantuan insect pokémon is powerful. Its mandibles are capable of snapping through femurs, its wings can generate gusts of wind potent enough to uproot trees, and its six spindly legs are strong enough to pick up and carry an adult man. Incidentally, should anyone wonder where the author was for a week shortly after his first visit to Unova’s Pinwheel Forest—one of the few places wild yanmega can be found—the answer is “the hospital,” and quite obviously, this is an entirely irrelevant note that has absolutely nothing to do whatsoever with any of these facts about yanmega or the above entry concerning yanma.

Heracross

Heracross
The Single Horn Pokémon
Type: Bug/Fighting
Official Registration #: 214
Entry: A massive, beetle-like pokémon first discovered in the Johto region. Known for its massive horn, heracross are capable of valiantly defending their territories and beloved honey trees by slipping said horn beneath an enemy and flinging them away. However, despite this habit, heracross are normally docile pokémon; it’s only when eating honey—its favored food—that a trainer should beware of being attacked. Interestingly enough, despite its absolute love for honey, it is not a good idea to offer it some in an attempt to establish a rapport with it. Rather, this is an excellent way to guarantee that the heracross you’re attempting to befriend will slam its horn into your stomach, lift you up, and throw you directly into a tree before taking the entire pot of honey for itself.

Aipom and Ambipom

Aipom
The Long Tail Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 190
Entry: A small, monkey-like pokémon first discovered in the Johto region. This mischievous pokémon lives primarily in the uppermost branches of the trees in its native forests. It’s a deft acrobat, capable of swinging itself from tree to tree without ever coming down, even at a young age. This skill is helped in part by the tip of its prehensile tail, which possesses a strong and highly dextrous hand. Of course, actually having hands would be a little more useful, but considering the fact that aipom has managed to survive this long without them, who is the author to say what would work best for this species?

Ambipom
The Long Tail Pokémon
Type: Normal
Official Registration #: 424
Entry: The evolved form of aipom, by battle experience, if the subject knows Double Hit. Just like its preevolved form, ambipom thrives primarily in the treetops. There, not only is its locomotion aided by its twin tails, but so is every other aspect of its life, from picking and shucking fruit to communicating with fellow ambipom. By this stage of life, it rarely does anything at all with its hands … which is understandable, considering the fact that it still doesn’t have any, Sinnoh.